“Because of Hades?” I asked softly, frowning a touch.
“Yes, and what he does.” There was no use hiding my confusion on my face, which only served to confuse Griffin as well. “Did Savannah not tell you then? I assumed she would’ve... You girls looked friendly.”
I shrugged, encouraging him to go on at this point out of curiosity but also because his vagueness left me no idea what he might mean.
“A few days ago, there was a party at the club, Hades...he sort’ve... took over. He attacked Savannah, he tried to-” His voice got tense and I stopped walking, turning to look at him. Griffin couldn’t even look at me, staring instead at the pale tiles beneath our feet like they were the cause of existence.
“Why are you telling me this?” I finally asked, the question making him look me in the eye. The world paused for a moment as I read his eyes, seeing the pain and fear sitting there. Thanks to tonight’s events, with Lincoln and Cronos, he was worried Hades was going to do the same. He needed someone to help him like I’d helped before.
Taking a deep breath, I held it in my lungs as I stepped forward and tentatively hugged him. Griffin stood there; arms limp at his sides, as I held him tightly between my own. Ever slowly he began to relax, his posture changing as he moved his hands enough to set them in the curve between my hips and ribs. I finally stepped back and smiled slightly at him, hoping the gesture was one of comfort.
“I don’t know what it’s like to battle for control with your God, I can’t give you advice about that... But Griffin, you and Hades exist in the same body for a reason. You wouldn’t have been picked if you weren’t the right human for Hades. I’m not saying deep down inside you’re a rapist, I’m saying deep down inside of Hades there is a part of him that is struggling with those feelings you’re feeling right now. If you’re capable of feeling that remorse then is he. He needs you to be strong and fight for that person before both of you lose yourself. If anything of what I’ve read about him is true, then he was as misunderstood as maybe Hera was, or Hephaestus or any of the other Gods who have less than likable histories.”
“You’re not an evil person for losing control to him; even someone like Aidan or Savannah has lost control to his or her God one time or another. It will probably happen again, as it will to everyone here. None of us know what to expect or what to do you can’t grieve over something you had no control over. It wasn’t your fault, what you are at fault for is not trying to make things better now that you have a grip on your faculties. Find Savannah and apologize, or if you can’t do that then find a way to show her you’re sorry. Do something for her and Aidan to make up for it...
Don’t succumb to more self-hatred, that’s only fueling Hades’ fire.”
I took a deep breath as I finished, dragging my teeth over my lip before trying to smile again. Griffin, however, said nothing as he stared at me unflinching. In fact, nothing happened for quite some time. We both stood there, almost in a stalemate as – I hoped – Griffin mulled over my words.
Then finally, when I thought that he wasn’t going to say anything else, he spoke, “you’re right Val, I do hate myself. I hated myself long before I even knew Hades was inside of me. Then coming here, meeting these people who were much better off than me, people who everyone loved instantly and who were fast to cast me aside because I’m not perky or popular like them... It didn’t make it better. It made it worse. It festered and grew, following me like a shadow while I tried to get on with this, ignoring everyone and him. But that didn’t work; he sensed my hatred and fed on it.”
“He used those thoughts against me, he agrees with them. It’s one thing to have that voice in your head that spews negativity at you, but it’s entirely another for there to be a second voice that agrees with the first. Maybe they’re right; maybe they’re both right. I’m worthless, I’m a piece of shit who doesn’t deserve to live...”
“Griffin,” my voice was higher pitched, startled by the sudden turn of conversation.
“No, it’s true. It’s all true. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you couldn’t fix me, that you can’t fix me. I’m sorry I’m not something you can stitch up and leave to heal... I’m sorry that I pushed you away when what I needed was your friendship. It wasn’t fair to you, making you think it was something you did. It’s all me, it’s always been me. You want me to try and make it better, but I don’t think I can.”
“You can Griffin!” I cut him off suddenly, desperate to make him see my point, “you can. I’ll help you, please let me help you.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly, pulling him back to me before he let himself drown entirely in his wallowing self-pity.
He blinked and stared at me for a long time before he nodded, “I knew, I knew about Lincoln. He asked me about Savannah, fishing for details. I think it was from me that he got the idea to use Savannah against Aidan. I didn’t mean to, it sounds lame, but I thought he was trying to be my friend.”
“I get it.” I squeezed his hand again and nodded, “it’s not your fault.”
“When I saw that he was gone, that she was gone and then you left with Aidan, I knew... I was worried he might do something to you too.”
“I’m all right.”
“I know, but if he had...” He stared at me, one hand half lifted upwards like he was intended to stretch it out to my face before thinking better of it. He stepped back, pulling both hands away from me, letting them flop back to his side. “I’m sorry. Can I make it up to you?”
I felt uneasy with the sudden change but smiled nonetheless and nodded, “of course. I’d like that.” Griffin nodded, mostly to himself, and seemed lost for a moment in his own thoughts.
“Okay... okay.” He repeated wistfully, not even looking at me anymore. “I’ll find you then, later, and make it up to you. To everyone.”
I nodded my head and smiled, “Sounds wonderful.” I tried to keep my tone upbeat while I worried about him. There was something strange about that sad and curious boy. I wanted to help him, but how much of that baggage could I help carry before it burdened me too?
“Later then.” He said absently, turning in thought and walking away.
My eyebrows had lifted into my hairline for a moment before I nodded vaguely, “later then...” I mumbled only to myself before turning and wandering back to my apartment in confusion.
Chapter 10
Sleep came quickly to me that night, with my new dog curled up on the bottom of my bed. I still had to come up with a name for him or several names perhaps, but before I could do that, the next morning, someone knocked on my door. Not bothering to abandon my toothbrush mid-wash I walked to the door, pulling it open and blinked in surprise to find Griffin standing there expectantly.
“Morning.” I tried to say, but mostly it sounded like gibberish making Griffin grin as he entered the apartment.
“I figured out what we could do together.” Oh right, ‘making it up to me’ for whatever he felt he needed to repent for.
“Shoot.” Again, it was nothing but gibberish. I held up one finger asking for a moment before hurrying back to my bathroom and spitting out the toothpaste. In the time, that it took me to go back and clear my mouth out, the three-headed dog had ventured out of the bedroom and wandered into the main room to see who was there. From experience, I knew he wasn’t good with other people but I was surprised to find Griffin standing there petting – or trying to – his heads.
“Cute... dog?” He said, looking up at me with a grin as I came up beside both.
“Fruits of my labor yesterday, I couldn’t stomach the idea of someone else using him as a monster when he is pretty much a gentle giant. Right, buddy?” The dog woofed in response, nudging his head against my leg happily and I ran my fingers into his scruff gently before nodding to the bedroom. Obediently he left us and I turned back to Griffin. “I definitely had you pinned as a sleep until four in the afternoon kind of guy.”
“Turning a new page.” He said with a shrug before taking in my pink flannel paj
amas, “are you going to wear that on our date?”
“It’s a date?” I said, more embarrassed at that idea than him seeing me with pink kitties all over my clothes.
“Well, if a date implies two friends go somewhere alone to do something together and ignore everyone else? Yup, it’s a date.”
“Okay...” I said, eyeing him with curiosity. He was still acting strange, different from all the different ‘Griffins’ I had met. “Let me go and get changed.”
“Stay comfy,” he suggested as I started away. “Well, I don’t plan on going in my pajamas.”
“No,” he laughed, “but something like workout clothes would be okay.”
I hadn’t worked out a day in my life. What did that mean? Track pants? Gosh no. I tried to imagine what Savannah would wear and failing to think of something, I quickly wasted two precious minutes searching on my computer for something suitable. Something called yoga pants seemed to be acceptable; girls wore them mostly when they weren’t working out. Worked for me.
Thinking about the outfit I had found online as hard as I could I opened the closet and grinned as I pulled out the exact items that were flashing on the screen to my left. Pulling them on quickly I tugged my hair into a braided ponytail on the back of my head as I left my bedroom and rejoined Griffin.
“Okay.”
“Okay.” He said with a nod, boldly taking my hand. My stomach coiled with heat and flutters as I let him, instantly forgetting how strange this behavior was. He must like me: holding my hand, calling it a date and telling me he would’ve been hurt if I had been harmed last night... I bit down on my lip to keep from smiling too much as I glanced up at him and carried on.
“Do I get to know where we’re going?”
“We’re going to figure out your Goddess together.” I arched an eyebrow at him in disbelief. I didn’t mean to, but I had tried everything I could think of to figure her out myself and he thought he could do it in a solitary afternoon? The thought made me scoff.
“Okay,” I said, hoping my tone didn’t betray my thoughts as we walked. Griffin, if he noticed, simply grinned down at me and led me through a door that took me into a room set up with padding everywhere.
“Are you going to beat me up now?” I asked innocently, turning to look up at him.
“It’s a gym. We’re going to work on your powers.”
“Powers,” I said incredulously. Sure, I had finally managed to wrap my mind around the fact that Gods, being a plural word, existed and it wasn’t one singular Almighty Lord like I had been taught by my parents. But power was a whole new realm of disbelief. Especially because I had never done anything to indicate I could use magic unless you counted the mountain itself.
“Yeah, Atlas took the Olympians aside a few days ago and taught us how to use our powers. I thought maybe I’d do the same with you.” All I could do was nod; I was still trying to figure out how this was going to help my Goddess manifest herself.
“Okay, stand there.” Griffin took his hand out of mine and set it instead on my shoulders and squaring me in the middle of the room. I watched with curiosity as he moved around the room, finding a chair from against the wall and brought it in front of me. “I want you to concentrate on the chair and think about moving it.”
I stared at him incredulously before looking down at the chair and then back up to him. “Why don’t you do it first?” I knew if I stood there squinting at a chair I was going to do nothing but look like an idiot, maybe watching him would give me an idea of what I needed to do.
“Okay.” He turned himself slightly to the chair, rolled his shoulders back and I had to suppress a grin as his brow furrowed. For a long time, we both stood there, Griffin hoping for the chair to move and me doubtful that it would. Then, it shuddered.
“Whoa!” I stepped back in surprise, eyes widening. It wasn’t much, but we had both seen it convulse, and then, it flew across the room. “Oh my gosh!” I jumped back further and turned to Griffin with a shocked look on my face. “Easy.” He said with a shrug, moving to the chair to grab it again.
“Says you: who knows who his God is. I won’t be able to do that.”
He shrugged again, “try it.”
Reluctant to agree, but not wanting to disappoint, I stepped forward again and rolled my shoulders back as he had before I started to concentrate. It was a hard thing to do without letting my mind wander – which it frequently did – and the room seemed to get hotter the longer I stood in place staring at this chair that did nothing. Beads of perspiration painted my brow the harder I concentrated but still nothing happened.
I didn’t know how long it had been before I sighed, overly dramatic, and turned to look at Griffin, holding my hands up as if to say, ‘what did you expect?’.
“Well, it was worth a shot.” He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket, dumped one of the sticks out into his hand and stuffed the container away again.
“That’s it?” I said with bemusement, watching him light the cigarette before shrugging at me.
“It was an excuse.”
“An excuse for what?”
“To hang out with you.” I couldn’t stop the small grin that took over my face then before trying to straighten my features out again.
“You wanted to hang out with me?”
“Yeah, I spent all night thinking about what you’d said to me and you’re right. I need to try a little harder, here I am.” He finished speaking by blowing a steady stream of smoke out, making me dodge it slightly as my nose turned up at the smell. I smiled though because I couldn’t think of another person who had listened to my advice let alone gone for it. It made me feel special.
“Well, I appreciate it. But I don’t see why I’m the one you chose to receive all this new attention. Didn’t I say you had to extend the apology to Savannah and Aidan?” I asked with an arched brow.
Griffin took another slow drag, enjoying the nicotine for a moment before blowing it out with a nod. “Yeah, well, I owe you an apology too. And I’ve already extended my white flag to their royal majesties.”
“Oh?” I tried not to show my interest, it was after all none of my business, but Griffin saw right through my calm exterior.
“Yeah… I offered the club up for another party, lights on this time, as a celebration of the happy couple.” He finished the cigarette and before my eyes it disappeared.
“Why do you smoke those?” I asked finally, looking back up from his fingertips to his face.
He shrugged, “habit I guess. Doesn’t matter, does it? I’m immortal it’s not like my lungs are going to rot out of my body.”
“I guess that’s true,” I said softly before changing the subject back, “well, the offer was kind of you. When’s the party?”
“Tonight, naturally. We’re immortal but why wait? They love a good excuse to get drunk and lose their inhibitions.” No doubt he was right about that. “Would you like to come with me?”
I looked up at him in surprise, unable to stop the grin from appearing on my face, “sure. I’d like that.”
He nodded and stuffed his hands into his jeans pockets again, “cool. That’s good, I mean. Thanks.”
I took a deep breath, steeling myself for the next question I was going to ask. It was bold, but I was feeling brave after last night’s adventure.
“Is that a real date or another thing that we’re calling a date?” My teeth ran over the flesh of my bottom lip nervously as he looked back over at me thoughtfully.
For a moment, we were caught with nervousness crackling around us when he finally spoke again, “a real date.”
My stomach flipped with butterflies and I nodded, “cool.” I said, trying to sound cool when I was anything but.
“Would you like to try moving the chair again?” He nodded at the chair and I glanced at it before shrugging my shoulders.
“I doubt it’ll do anything. Atlas said my Goddess doesn’t want to be awakened I doubt she would give me anything to make the process easy.”<
br />
“A Goddess who doesn’t want to come out and play...” He grabbed the back of the chair and returned it to the wall once more. “I wonder why, it’s much fun.” His tone was sarcastic and I knew now he was probably thinking about how he wished Hades had kept to himself too.
“This isn’t easy either,” I said, “I sometimes feel like I don’t belong because I don’t have a Goddess. Everyone else knows his or hers; and then there’s me. It’s almost embarrassing.” I looked up at him, feeling sorry instantly that I was laying all my worries on him. I smiled, changing the course of the conversation. “, if you figure out why she’s hiding could you let me know?” I teased as Griffin smiled back at me, coming over.
“Sure thing.” He seemed nervous again as he stood there in front of me, floundering for a conversation topic of some kind. “, Val, Valentina...” I smiled slightly, “would you like, would it be okay if...” He chuckled with embarrassment and rubbed the back of his neck, “can I make dinner for you tonight?”
“Are you going to cook or are you going to conjure it up from imagination?” I teased, trying to ease his anxiety.
He laughed, and it worked as he grew more comfortable again, “chef ’s secret.” He winked and then waited for my response. But I was spinning, caught in a whirlwind of emotions.
He did like me, or at least liked me enough to want to take me on a proper date. I had never been on one of those; I was excited. Immediately I wanted to go see Savannah and ask for her help, but then I remembered how she had treated Griffin last night when we had been talking. Perhaps it hadn’t been long enough since he had waved the white flag to ask for her help.
Things changed quickly here, but I doubted they changed that quickly. Whether Griffin had overseen his faculties when Hades had tried to force himself on her didn’t matter. She hated him, for now, and it made Griffin feel like he was virtually unforgivable. Nevertheless, he was still trying, for me.
Grace of Gods Boxset: Reincarnated Greek Gods YA/NA Series Page 34
