Then again, was this worth pursuing? Based on her tone, it sounded as if Hades had ruined any chance I might’ve stood with a girl like Valentina. But she was better than that, and I knew it. She wasn’t someone who could hold a grudge, her heart was simply too big and too full, to be that cold.
I shook my head to myself; this wasn’t helping matters. I needed to free her and keep her safe from the Titans, so that meant finding a way for her to figure out what’s happening here. For a moment, my eyes flicked to the bookshelf Persephone had been admiring, and wondered if there was a way I could pass on a message to her through that. Or maybe, there was something here, in the Underworld, which would be able to help her. She just needed to come into her power before she was brought back to Olympus. Maybe being free in the Underworld, itself, would awaken Persephone completely.
I sighed, feeling hopeless, and looked back up at her. She was staring at me and I stared back before realizing she had said something. I’d completely forgotten what.
“I am sorry.” I repeated, hoping to rest my case.
“I know you are,” she said with a soft sigh, looking away from me and distracting herself with the dog. I wished she would wrap her arms around me, let me be her comfort. I wanted to press my nose into her hair, inhale her, and feel her against me...
Enough. This wasn’t helpful. “Why did you come then?”
The million-pound question. I wanted to tell her, to warn her; but she was the kind of person who would just jump into action without thinking of the consequence of her own wellbeing. I wouldn’t allow that, but, I also would have no other time to free her.
“I wanted to check up on you,” I finally said, which was a fraction of the truth. A fraction, was better than lying to her.
“And not free me?” I flinched, as if she had punched me in the stomach. I shook my head and turned away, running a hand instinctively over my hair, but it was still tied back from the party. I dropped my hand and patted, instead, my back pocket, considering taking out another smoke.
“You don’t want to go back, Valentina,” I said earnestly, shaking my head, as I fished the pack out. I was only just bringing it around my body, when I felt a sharp pinch and Hades took control, tired of my skirting around the whole affair. He tucked the smokes away again, just as she spoke.
“You don’t know that; and even if you did, it’s not for you to decide.”
Hades laughed. Of course, we knew that. Of course, in his mind, it was for us to decide, because he didn’t want to see her get hurt; but she wouldn’t see that. Instead, she painted us with strokes of being maniacal control freaks that wanted nothing more than a caged bird. How wrong Persephone was. He loved the wildness of her, the fire that burned so bright, it was scalding to touch. But he was the child who burned his hand repeatedly, never learning his lesson.
He would never tell her this though. He would never give her a full understanding of his mind. It pleased him well, for her to think he was the bad guy here, so he happily played along, even with me groaning in the background.
“So you cling to this romantic belief that women deserve a freewill as well?”
“It’s not a romantic belief, and it has nothing to do with my gender. It would be the same for a man in my position as much as any woman. People in relationships should be free to come and go as they want, and not have their feelings dictated for them. You can keep me here forever, and the only feelings toward you, you’ll help manifest, are ones of hatred and resentment.”
He didn’t believe she could ever wholly hate him. In his mind, he believed that, like Valentina, Persephone possessed this uncanny ability to always see the good in someone, no matter their faults. He could push her and push her, but she would always, in the end, find something about their relationship to love. So he laughed at her again, egging her on. He wanted to draw Persephone out completely; he wanted to force a union with Valentina.
“You’re naïve, you’ll learn, child.” This seemed to do the trick as Valentina moved quicker than usual toward us, her spine pulled straight, her shoulders rolled back, and her chest surged forward like a Queen, as she brought herself to a stop in front of us. She tried to look like she hated us as she stood there, but even behind her glare, you could see the frustration that stemmed from her need for love, her silent plea that he gives her what she wanted; because to her, it was a test of his love.
When he didn’t do anything, she punched him and it only made him chuckle more, “oh, Percy,” he smirked down at her, chiding her; but he wanted to reach out and bring her lips to his. He wanted to swallow her taste and consume that hatred blazing within her, because it didn’t have a place there. He wanted to shelter her in the intensity of his own consuming love, but she would never see it like that. She always misconstrued his intentions.
“I did love you, Hades. With time, I did come to love you; and not because you held me captive in the Underworld for six months of the calendar. I loved you because during those six months, I saw the man you tried to hide from the rest of the world. That was the man I fell in love with, not the selfish, self-obsessed King that stands before me. I fell for the man who got off his throne to comfort the child whose horrors came true, when she realized she would never see her mother again, who united a man with his wife, and was angry at him when his impatience cost them their reunion.
“You have a heart inside of you, and you’re capable of love; you just refuse to allow yourself to be vulnerable. You told me once, that you would’ve never chosen a partner who wasn’t as strong as you because you covet strength over weakness, but you’re mistaken. Love—true love—is not a weakness. It’s the strength that makes you fight when there isn’t a hope left. But you’ve never understood that, because you have constantly feared loneliness, believing that what you have is love, when it is nothing more than pity. I pity you, Hades.”
It was a tidal wave of emotions, watching him watch her. When she confessed her love, it surged through him from his heart, flooding every inch of him, until the coldness that persisted underneath our skin was washed out entirely by the warmth of her love. All at once, it was gone, though. The fury he felt at the word pity was alarming, forcing me to fight suddenly for control. What if he did something irrational to Valentina?
“Woman, you are nothing more than a broken record— loneliness, pity, love, true love... Bah! You don’t understand—”
“NO! You don’t understand, husband, do you not hear what I am telling you? I love you, I have loved you; but I will love you no more if you continue to try and possess me as something that belongs to you and no one else. I belong to no one, not even a husband.”
She might’ve been saying she loved him, but he wasn’t hearing it, all he heard, repeatedly, was her pity. Her false love in the guise of sympathy, with no real attachments to it. He was a charity case; he was pathetic.
He saw himself through her eyes, in ways she had never given him cause to believe she saw him as. He misinterpreted everything that came out of her mouth, anger boiling and erupting with every syllable.
“You. Are. Mine,” he punctuated every word, his voice cold and void of any more emotion. Damned was the woman who got under his skin like this.
“I am not.”
“You are. Your father gave you to me.”
“Because you tricked him, as you have always tricked everyone. You are the trickster God; the one who cloaks himself in darkness and calls it mystery. I know it is not real, I know you wear weariness atop your cloak, longing for a time when someone might see under it. I have seen under it. But why should I help you, when you refuse to help me? Your brother, my father, for all his passing whims, understands love better than you.
“Even despite his tricks, he knows that people cannot be tricked unless there is something already there, planted underneath their surface that will allow the trick to grow to love. I would not have gone with you the first time, or Valentina this time, if there were not something there that allowed us to trust you. It is wh
at you do with that trust that discerns you from the rest, you suffocate and you smother the light of those that blindly trust you. There is nothing here for me to win—you love, you say, but what is your love worth, if my freedom is its cost?
“This time is different, husband, it is not just me you must win over, but this girl. I can assure you that so long as you smother the boy within you, and you destroy his soul with your need to be in complete control, you will lose her. She doesn’t care for you, she only worries for the boy you’re hurting. I have no doubt either that even now, if you were to search yourself and listen to his voice you would find he worries not for himself, but for her. That is love: putting someone else before your own desires. You need to let us all go to learn whether the die of love has been cast in your fortune.
“Think on it, but know that your time is limited. You cannot suppress Griffin’s soul as you have for this long, and not lose him. King of the Underworld, you know souls best, and you know when they’ve reached the point of hopelessness... Do not let that boy find himself lost and wandering.”
She couldn’t see it, she would never see that everything he did was for her. She would always see him the way the other Gods did. What use was there? She would never understand, she would never know how deep the rivers of his love ran. So he nodded, reluctantly, withdrawing after that, and returning control to me. His melancholy gripped me like a vice, aching through me as it begged for reprieve. We’d find it later at the bottom of a bottle or two.
“It will do you some good, Hades: focusing more inwardly, than exhausting your efforts on making me, and the others, love you. Love only comes once you learn how to love yourself, for without that knowledge, how can you expect someone to love you in the right way?”
I wanted to explain to her, to make her see, but it was stupid. However much I wanted to fix their relationship, and hopefully help my own with Valentina blossom, there were other things of importance right now. Maybe it would just be better to let her think I hated her for now, if only so it kept her away from Olympus a while longer. I pulled the door of the apartment open and left as quickly as I’d come.
In the hallway, the door was absorbed back into the rocky exterior and I stood there for a moment staring at the cave wall. We didn’t stand a chance at winning her back. After this, it would be too late, and this damage we’d done would be tagged irreversible.
I should’ve known better than to hope that one day I might find someone who would love me, someone who would know the man hidden deep inside, filled with insecurities and hopelessness. I should’ve known better than to wish to find someone who could heal the things I could no longer bear about myself. She could never reach inside of me and find the glimpses of the man I wanted to be and bring him to the forefront.
I just wanted alcohol now; she was the only mistress who understood me. I waved my hand in front of the wall, allowing the door to reappear. I didn’t have much time before she found it and followed it out, so I conjured another door to my left and stepped through, allowing it to bring me back to Olympus.
“Did you dispose of the bodies then, Griffin?” I stumbled short of running into Soren as I reentered the throne room and nodded. He looked at me like he suspected something other than what I’d said I was doing. I felt as guilty as he suspected; but despite the raging instinct to look down at my feet, I held my ground and stared back at him.
“Yes, Hades thanks you for your thoughtful donation to its bowels.” I cracked a grin, enjoying the double entendre of my statement, before sweeping past him to leave the room.
“We’re having a meeting tomorrow to discuss our next course of action. I expect, you’ll be there with more good ideas.”
I paused in step, turning slowly to face him, as I nodded, “of course. I’ll think it over before I sleep.” I tried to leave again, sidestepping away from the pool of drying blood before slipping toward the threshold that would take me back into the mountain.
“Griffin,” he spoke my name again, the hint of his mindfulness to my betrayal toning his voice. I didn’t turn, I was afraid that the truth might reveal itself on my features. I couldn’t risk him reading it so plainly on my face.
“Yes, my lord?” I guessed that he liked the acknowledgment of his new ascension. It was best if I played to his ego for now, it was the safest option for me.
“Your utmost loyalty will be expected in the coming days. I expect all of those who have sided with me to give themselves over to my reign altogether. Resistance will not be tolerated, and I will not hesitate to kill her.”
I felt the cold chill of ice run down my back, my mind spinning in horror. How did he know about Valentina?
How could he have possibly known? The Underworld was my domain; he wouldn’t have been able to enter it without my permission. Or was he bluffing? It was a chance I couldn’t risk, so I nodded, grabbing the handle of the door with my stiff fingers.
“I understand.”
Chapter 10
I wasn’t excited to wake up the next morning. My head throbbed with the echoes of last night’s binge drinking. After getting back from the excitement of the throne room, Hades and I had happily indulged ourselves to reach alcohol-poisoning levels. We had, thus far, been unsuccessful. Instead, we’d only managed to get the first God hangover known to the Olympians.
I groaned, barely managing to catch my forehead in my hands, as I leaned forward on the table. The drilling work that someone was completing on my skull, was entirely unnecessary at this time of the day. My eyes burned like someone had dropped acid into them, and I was thankful there wasn’t a single window in my apartment.
My father had taught me one thing; the best thing for a hangover, was more alcohol. It was better to get back to a state of intoxication, than it was to suffer this sort of torture. As my hand curled around the highball, I remembered with a jolt, that almost half a day ago I’d freed Valentina. That meant she might be on her way to
Olympus by now, or at least, arriving soon because inevitably, this would be the first place she would come. I couldn’t be drunk when she got here, I also couldn’t be this hung-over.
I growled involuntarily, feeling more beast than man, at the prospect of enduring the plague of post-alcoholism, before pushing the glass away from me as I stood up. I had to get myself together then for Val, and because I had to go to that damned planning meeting with the Titans. It seemed awfully military that Soren intended to hold a council meeting to discuss plans. I expected a dictatorship and not a democracy, but then again, I could be misinterpreting what was going to happen today.
I shuffled like an old man to the shower, turning it on as cold as it would go before reluctantly stepping under its blast of arctic water.
“Agh!” I grabbed the tile wall, bowing my head as my body recoiled from the stream and curled into itself protectively. It grew progressively harder to stand the temperature of the water with each passing second, as it began to feel more and more like shards of ice were pelting themselves against my raw skin. But I was awake now, and my headache had doubled back somewhat.
With shivering hands, I turned the dial forwards, switching the water from cold to hot. I stopped on the reddest of reds for the full effect. It didn’t take long for the temperature to shift, and even at a lukewarm temperature, the water felt like it was slathering me in hot lava.
I watched, through heavy-lidded eyes, as my skin turned from a sickly white to a bright angry red, the blood rushing through my body chaotically. My headache was gone though, and I felt a little less woozy than before, even if I was on fire. Scratching my fingers through my hair as I tilted my head back, letting the droplets of watery flames splash on my face.
I waited a few more minutes before turning the dial down again to a medium temperature, and began washing. My skin didn’t appreciate the contact, but doing something productive helped with nausea, and kept me focused on the bigger picture.
Whatever self-hatred I was feeling from the last twenty-four hours didn’t ma
tter today. In the name of self-preservation, I had to be completely in control of myself, and my magic, when I went to see Soren and the others. And again, when I saw Valentina. I needed to keep her safe, get her out of here as fast as I could, and send her to Aidan and Savannah. They would take care of her; and she, in turn, could help them get back control. Maybe she would have a better plan than mine, since mine was slowly disintegrating with each passing hour.
After drying off, I pulled on another pair of black jeans and a black vest, brushing my hair back out of my face with my fingers. As I was leaving the bedroom, I paused, staring at the dead bouquet of flowers on my bedside table with a frown. I could only hope when all of this was over, she would forgive me.
I didn’t know where the Titans were meeting when I left my apartment, so I used the mountain’s magic, drawing myself to them. They’d gathered in what looked like a war council room. On the furthest wall, a screen stretched its length; made up of a collection of screens. Each one was turned on and tracking the movements of the most important Gods that had been sent down to Earth. Savannah’s image on full display in the middle. My stomach knotted looking at her, curdling with shame and guilt. I looked away quickly; grabbing the back of the chair, I lowered myself into it.
It wasn’t a good thing if they were watching the Gods. That would make the incitation of a rebellion more difficult. They’d know their every move; they’d always be two steps ahead of them. I frowned, before quickly remembering myself. Give them no cause to believe I wasn’t on their side. I quickly surveyed the other Titans, watching their faces and hoping to read something from them; but like Soren, they all seemed to have poker faces on.
“Griffin, thanks for joining us.”
I nodded, “sorry, I had a late night.” Soren nodded with an air of disbelief before he smiled coldly at me, sending my insides into knots again. He knew, he knew. I just walked into my own funeral. I never told Valentina that I think I love her.
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