“Fuck.” He yelled, glaring up at me and squeezing his fingers into my legs. “This shouldn’t be so hard. I’ve seen it all before. Lived the things I wanted to do to you.”
“But it wasn’t me,” I said, softly. “Not really.”
Gaige raked his eyes down my body, moving from my face down to my pussy. “No, it wasn’t you.” He licked his lips and I moved my hips over, not comfortable with how close his face was to my pussy. The grip he had only grew tighter. With a swipe, his nails clawed at my leg, only to go back and hold onto it.
“What’s the matter, Elle? You seem nervous. Is it not as appealing for me to touch you now that you’re not all drugged up?” Even as he asked, he didn’t look at my face. His hands instead slid up until they almost reached my slit.
“Appealing isn’t what’s important here. What’s morally right is.”
Only then did his eyes break their stare. “Don’t fucking start with morals. There’s no room for that in my life any more. I do whatever the fuck I want. Right now, I think I might want you.”
“No, you don’t. Not really. Not like you think. You just assume it will hurt me so you’re grasping to the idea of it.”
His thumbs separated my folds, rubbing down the length, only to come back up to tease my clit. I held in the moan, turning my head at the aching deep inside my stomach. Fuck, I wanted more. Wanted him to touch me everywhere.
“You want me.” He leaned forward and a strangled sound came from my mouth as I tried to move away. It only caused him to let go and slap my pussy.
“No, I don’t. You have to stop,” I cried out.
“I’m the one who gives the orders, not you.” He reached down, unbuckling the cuffs around my ankles. As he stood, he pulled off his shirt, tossing it to the floor. My mouth instantly dried at the thick muscles that sculpted his chest and abs. A thick tribal design was tattooed from his shoulder down to his elbow. I couldn’t breathe as I took it all in. He was so wide across the shoulders, yet thin around his waist. So powerfully built that he had to have worked out nonstop.
Gaige reached into his pocket, reminding me that he’d placed something in there when he had grabbed the crop. A condom was pulled out and he held it up to me. “This is how it’ll end on all levels. Once I fuck you, I’m done.”
My eyes widened in shock and disgust. “Done with what? Being a savage? An asshole? I just want to make sure I understand.”
“With everything,” he roared. “After we finish, we’ll pretend this never happened.”
“Never happened?” I kicked at him, but he dodged my foot easily. “Fuck you. This is happening. I’m right here, Gaige. I’m not going to disappear unless you plan on offing me when you’re done healing yourself.”
He stepped closer and I kicked, again. His hand wrapped around the back of my calf, pulling me toward him and grabbing my other leg so he was wedged and fitted against my most intimate area. As I lay there suspended between him and the X, I thrashed, trying to break free. Fire flared over my ass repeatedly as he spanked, but I continued to try to get out of his hold. His arm wrapped around my waist and I screamed out as he pinched my nipple. It was followed by a gentle roll and then he was suddenly sucking the hard tip into his mouth.
My pussy ground into him and I jerked, trying to keep struggling. Sounds were beginning to break free while he moved to my other breast, giving it attention, too.
“That’s it. Feel what I can do to you, Elle. It doesn’t all have to be bad. I can bring you pleasure too.” His hand squeezed my sore ass, bringing me closer while he rubbed his thick length into me. The jeans were rough, but I felt no pain as I wiggled to try to stop.
“Pleasure I’m not supposed to remember.”
Teeth pulled at my nipple and I cried out, looking down. Gaige met my stare head on, all the anger vanishing before my very eyes. “Do you want to remember this?” There was a softness in his question. Almost like he wished I’d say yes.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his hand raise toward one of mine, but for the life of me I couldn’t break our connection. My mouth opened, but shut. Only to open again.
“Don’t answer that,” he whispered. “God, don’t answer that. I’m done. This is over.”
My hand dropped from the restraint and he set me down, reaching up and unbuckling the other one. He tossed the condom on the floor and turned his back on me. It only pissed me off. All of that…for what? Did it help either of us? Not me. I was hot. Ready for more. My brain scrambled on how I could provoke him and my mouth moved on its own accord before I even thought about the consequences my words would have.
“I want to leave. Call somebody and tell them to come get me. I’m not staying with you a moment longer.”
Like I’d opened the floodgates to some ferocious monster, I was grabbed and pinned to the bed by his weight. The kiss that was placed on my lips was rough. Forceful. I gripped his hair, pulling back with everything I had. Although I didn’t think it was because of me, he lifted.
“You’re not going anywhere. I won’t let you.”
“You can’t tell me what to do.” The words faded out as the drug tickled my insides. I breathed through the feeling, trying to push it away. I’d thought it was gone, but the tingling told me it was only building to start over again.
My hand was removed and he restrained it above me. “Oh yes I can. Let’s face the truth. We both know you don’t want to leave, and I’m nowhere near finished with you. You’re staying.”
I tried twisting my shoulders, but it didn’t budge him.
“I do want to leave. You’re not the person I remember. You’re nothing but a bully and I don’t like the new Gaige.”
The old friend I remembered was there. I could see him looking out from deep within the shadows. Although I knew he wanted to do this as some warped form of revenge, he also had a conscience and a sense of right and wrong. But I didn’t want to play the hero and pull it out of him; make him face the caring person he used to be. Gaige was going to have to man up and do that on his own.
“Well, you’re not leaving. Not until I hear the complete story. And you’re going to tell it to me right now.”
My pulse jumped, the tingling intensifying but the sexual cravings diminishing. Facing my past wasn’t something I looked forward to, but it had to be done. “Are you at least going to get off of me so I can breathe enough to talk?” Gaige lowered, rubbing the growth on his face against my neck. The kiss that was placed on my collarbone had my eyebrows drawing in, confused. So gentle; so different than what he’d shown me so far.
“Get dressed and come to the living room. I’ll make you some tea.” He stood and walked over, grabbing his shirt. He hesitated at the door, looking back almost like he wasn’t any more ready to hear the story than I was to tell it.
I reached to the end of the bed where my dress laid and pulled it on, watching him disappear. After I finished telling him what he wanted to know, I’d seriously have to look into going somewhere else. Preferably far enough away where Gaige and I would never run into each other again. The murder. What I’d said and how I’d acted in my drugged state. My eyes went to the big X. Embarrassment didn’t even cover the shame I felt. How could I have turned my back on Carson so quickly? I’d spent ten years keeping him as my sole purpose for survival. Maybe I’d known the truth all along.
By the time I walked into the living area, Gaige was sitting in the recliner and there was a steaming cup of tea waiting on the coffee table.
“Everything, Elle. Start at the beginning and don’t leave anything out.”
There was a hardness to his features again. I knew his walls were up. Hell, I was scared, too. I didn’t want to feel the heartbreak of losing Carson again. This time, for a fact. Before, I’d always ended my thoughts as in he’d somehow survived. Now I knew he hadn’t.
I sat on the couch and picked up the warm, white coffee mug. The memory of old books suddenly surrounded me and I could feel the panic as I’d waited through the line
to get checked out. “I met Marco when I was leaving the library. We crashed into each other right as I reached the front doors. He was in a rush and I wasn’t paying attention. I had expected him to keep going and leave me on the floor, but he didn’t. Once he helped me gather the books up, I barely even said thank you.”
My hands began to shake and I placed the mug down, deciding it wasn’t the smartest thing to be holding something hot while I went down this road. I could already feel the sun baking into my skin as I’d burst from the air conditioned building. “Carson was waiting for me. I told him I’d be there around four. It was already almost five. Even with the four big books, I managed to run the whole way.” Air was getting harder to take in. I’d been sprinting so fast, afraid that Carson would be worried about me. “Anyway,” I shook my head, trying to push back how clear it all seemed. “We’d spent the rest of the afternoon looking through the books I’d checked out on Texas. We made plans to get an apartment together and we were so excited about starting our lives once I got there.”
So clearly, I could see us lying down across the dark blue comforter on his bed, staring at the pictures of Austin, laughing, dreaming about the future. “It was the next day that I was taken. I...” Tears escaped and I closed my eyes. “Everything had been so perfect until that day.” My hand wiped away the tears. “We had our first big fight. It was so stupid. About sleeping accommodations of all things. Carson said he’d decided that we should have separate rooms because he wanted us to wait until marriage before we…” I wiped more tears away. They were escaping faster than I could get rid of them. “I got mad. Told him that I didn’t want to wait. God, if I would have respected his wishes and not have been so upset that he wanted to postpone the most special thing in the world. If I hadn’t rushed to leave.” The sob tore from me, the guilt eating me away like it always did when I faced the reality of what happened.
“You have every right for blaming me, Gaige.” His face was unreadable as I looked up. “I did this. If I hadn’t gotten upset and stormed from the house, Carson would have never of followed. He’d be alive right now.”
“Keep going. What happened when you left the house?” The anger had me continuing.
The visions came back. “Carson caught up with me at the end of the yard. I told him to go back, that I was going home and would talk to him later. He wouldn’t leave me. He insisted on walking me home. At the time, I was being stubborn. I stayed a few steps in front of him, but he wouldn’t have it.” I could almost feel his hand slide around my bicep and him turning me. Those big arms embracing me as he held me close. My head lowered while my heart crumbled into a million pieces.
“Elle.” Gaige’s voice was soft and I looked up. “Don’t stop. Please.”
I nodded, a sound escaping at what felt like physical force from the agony inside. “Carson was hugging me, telling me how much he loved me. It was the whole reason he wanted to wait. I was still upset and pulled away. I told him if he really loved me then he’d be with me in all ways and not make me wait so long. God, I was stupid.” My hands gripped the sofa at what I could see coming in my head.
“There was a van driving down the street that intersected ahead of us. I’d started walking again and was waiting for it to pass so I could cross. Carson was approaching when the van stopped and the side door flew open. Marco jumped out before I could even process what was happening. I stood there like an idiot just….frozen and confused. I should have run. Should have done something besides watch him race toward me. Before I knew what was happening, he was pulling me into the van. I think I screamed then. Carson wasn’t far behind us. He was reaching for me, but he was too far away,” I cried out.
“The next thing I knew, I was thrown into the empty back and hands were holding me down. There were no seats. Just an empty space. Another man was back there and I fought him with everything I had. But then the shot rang out and I just…stopped. Everything …stopped.”
Gaige’s head lowered, but I continued. “Marco was suddenly over me and I could feel the van take off really fast. I was screaming and he hit me, telling me to be quiet. I think my glasses might have fallen off at that point. All I know was when I looked back over, he was staring at me. Differently. I didn’t stop fighting, but he didn’t hit me again at that time. Just locked around me with his arms while I tried to hit and kick him.
“I was taken to a boat and brought to Mexico with a mix of both girls and boys. When we arrived, I was isolated. What had to have been days later, a man tried to rape me. Marco came up from behind and slit his throat, right over me. He took me away after that. Drove for hours until we reached a small little shack in the middle of nowhere. I tried to run when got there, but he easily caught me.”
Bile burned my throat and I clung to the sofa, tighter. “He spent the night raping me, all the while apologizing for hurting me. Promised I’d never have to worry about anything anymore. He was going to keep and take care of me. I hated him,” I said, clenching my jaw. “And he knew it. For three years I fought him, enduring the beatings that left me unable to move for days. But he didn’t stop. Didn’t let me go or kill me like I’d wanted him to. Nothing I did pushed him to go too far like I’d hoped.” I grew quiet, remembering the evening everything changed.
“Then, one day, I just…zombied out. I’d lay there, almost dead while he used my body however he wanted. He’d hit me, trying to bring me back to life, but I didn’t leave my safe place. I’m not sure how long I stayed like that. For a while. Eating was forced. So was drinking. I’d all but given up, but he didn’t let me. Somehow, I came out of my state and began living again. Believing that someday someone would come and I’d find Carson again. I held on to the hope, regardless of what Marco had told me.”
Gaige’s head lifted, his eyes so bright blue that I was momentarily speechless. “What did he say?”
I didn’t want to repeat the words. Not the way Marco had described the scene to me. I couldn’t put Gaige through that. “Just that he’d killed him,” I whispered.
“You’re lying.” His lips tightened and he moved to the end of the chair. “I told you I wanted to know everything. Don’t you dare think about holding back. You have one chance to tell me the truth. One. You better use it wisely.”
Fear surged and I shook my head. “Just details. None of which you need to know.”
Gaige’s hands locked on both sides of my head, keeping me immobile. “If you had to hear it, live it, at my brother’s expense, I’m going to too. Tell me what he said.”
I wanted to shake my head again, but it was impossible. “Nothing good will come of you knowing, and I doubt they’re even true.”
“Elle. Don’t do this to me. I have to know.”
“Let go of me,” I exploded. “You have no right to touch me unless I give you permission and I don’t remember doing that. Not now, and not when you stuck me on that big fucking X.”
For what felt like an eternity, he held on. Finally, his hands dropped and he waited. I glared, angry that I felt pressured. “Blood. That’s all he elaborated on and that’s all I’m going to say. He loved hurting me and describing how he took Carson away destroyed my psyche. He knew that and would use it when he saw fit.”
“So he elaborated on the blood.” Gaige went back to leaning forward, his head bowed. “Go on.”
My eyes cut over, watching as he stared at the floor. “After a few years, Marco started dealing with the men at our home. Not the one you came to, but the first one. We stayed there until he had the other built. They had meetings, always speaking in Spanish. They thought what they were saying was secret, they didn’t know I speak the language fluently.”
Gaige’s head rose and he looked back over, his eyes widening. “I wasn’t aware you could, either.”
“Oh yes,” I said, a smile pulling at my lips. I switched to Spanish, knowing he already spoke the language. “You see, to them I was nothing more than some broken little girl Marco had fallen for, but they never saw that I’d refused to
let him ruin me completely. I soaked it all in. Harboring their secrets of drugs, guns, and assassinations. Los Banditos Del Sur: Blood in, blood out, through the perils of poverty we rise, dominate, destroy…rule.”
Gaige’s back was as stiff as a board and his mouth parted.
“Marco is one of Lord Diaz’s lieutenants. That’s the man he was working for when he took me. I’m not sure how he managed to get to the top, but he did, and through the process I’ve learned almost everything they’ve done and what they plan to do. I’ve seen murders, beheadings. I haven’t been sheltered from their secret life. Since year four, I’ve been by Marco’s side and there wasn’t a single meeting he held that I didn’t attend. I’m a goldmine of information.”
Gaige rose, pulling his phone from his pocket but never taking his eyes off of me. So much fear radiated throughout him that for the first time, I started to get scared.
“A goldmine, yes, but a bigger target than you’ll ever know.” He walked off, his voice deep as he disappeared into his room.
“This is Sullivan. I have information crucial to the case at hand.” Banging had me rising from the sofa. As he continued to talk at a fast pace, I strained to hear what he was saying. “No, Diaz.” More sounds and then a door shutting. “Tomorrow. Okay.”
Gaige came around the corner holding two rifles and what looked to be a shotgun under his arm. The phone was tossed on the counter as he made his way back over to me.
“Don’t look so scared, Elle. The probability of anyone finding you is slim, but I want to be ready just in case.”
“What happens now?” I stepped around the coffee table, easing back toward my room.
“We eat and you continue on with your story.”
Chapter 9
Gaige Page 10
