“Do you care?” Julie asked.
I didn’t know exactly how to answer. It seemed like Julie was trying to ascertain if I had feelings for Donna. “No, I don’t.”
“What’s the most she could do?” Brian asked.
“Well, for starters, she could land my ass behind bars,” I said.
“Without incriminating herself?” Brian asked.
I thought about it, but the answer wasn’t forthcoming. “I don’t know.”
Julie straightened herself up in her chair. “Donald, you said you didn’t touch the gloves or the knife she gave you?”
“I don’t know why I didn’t; I guess my body works faster than my mind sometimes.”
“So that means Donna’s fingerprints are on the knife and the gloves,” Julie added.
I saw where Julie was going. “Dropping the gloves and knife at the scene won’t accomplish anything.”
Julie shook her head. “No, I’m not telling you to drop the gloves and the knife.”
“What then?” I asked.
Julie smiled as if an idea for the Nobel Peace Prize had entered her head. “You can kill two birds with one stone.”
“How?” Brian asked as we both stared at Julie.
“Listen to this. The only fingerprints on the knife and gloves are Donna’s. Now Kathleen is going to take the knife and stab her husband, then give it back to you. Once she does that, the fingerprints on the knife will belong to Donna and Kathleen. You’re supposed to give the gloves and knife back to Kathleen, but you won’t do that. The gloves and knife will become your insurance policy against Kathleen in case she becomes righteous and…”
I interrupted Julie. “And I will use the same gloves and knife to blackmail Donna.”
Brian reached out and squeezed Julie’s hand. “Baby, you’re a genius.”
“How does that sound to you, Donald?” Julie asked.
“It’s fucked up, but I guess we could get away with it,” I said.
“I still think that we should give Donna something,” Brian said.
“Why?” Julie asked, yanking her hand away from his.
“I don’t know; maybe it’s simply the right thing to do. In life, what we do to others seems to follow us wherever we go. Anyone care for some more lemonade?” Brian asked, getting up from the table.
Brian had obviously become very comfortable in Julie’s house. He went and opened the refrigerator and took out the jug of lemonade.
“I agree with Brian. We should give Donna something,” I said as I took the lemonade jug from Brian. “We should give her a million dollars so she could hang out on Flatbush.”
“Donald, do you think giving Donna a million dollars would make her any less pissed off? There’s a big difference between one and ten and when you start adding all those zeros; it only makes matters worse. I don’t know what you’re going to do, but I say don’t give her anything.”
“I think we can discuss that some more another time.” Brian sat back at the table. “Now, let’s go over my role.”
“I don’t think Brian should be anywhere close to this,” Julie said.
“What?” I looked at Julie like she had lost her fucking mind.
“Imagine the two of you, who work for the same company, both being seen in the neighborhood when someone from that company gets robbed. Donald, you’re going to be disguised as a white man. There isn’t much disguise for Brian.”
Julie had a point, but that point also created a question. “So, should I tell Donna to talk to her man about this?”
“Hell no! I don’t trust that woman. Any woman who fucks and sucks is twisted.” Julie’s vocabulary had changed considerably.
“Damn, Julie, I’ve never heard you talk like this.” I stared at Julie in awe.
Brian smiled. “At first, I thought that you and Julie had gotten together but you just confirmed that you all didn’t. Julie has an entirely different vocabulary when she’s doing her thing.”
“Brian!” Julie shouted. “You’re going home tonight.”
At that point, I had made my mind up. I was going to fuck Julie. I already had strong feelings for her but seeing that other side of her sent my thoughts into overdrive. “Before we go off on a tangent here, let’s get back to the lookout.”
“Don’t worry about that, Donald; I’ll take care of it. I’ll arrange to have someone as a lookout and that same person will pick you up after the robbery.” There was a lot of confidence in Julie’s voice. She had everything worked out.
“So, we agree on giving Donna one million,” I said.
“It’s your call, Donald. If you say a mil, then it’s a mil. You know how Brian and I feel about it,” Julie said.
“Whatever you say, Boss,” Brian said.
I heard them but I didn’t hear them. I wasn’t the “boss” in this deal; even though I was the main person carrying it out. Sometimes people try to make you feel that you are more than you are. This was such a case. I rose from the chair. “Thanks for your kind hospitality,” I said to Julie.
She snickered. “Donald, get out of my house.”
Brian leaned back in the chair. “Later, Donald.”
Julie looked at him and signaled for him to get up. “I said you were leaving also.”
Brian appeared surprised. “I thought you were joking.”
“Do I look like I’m joking?”
Brian started to plead. “But I didn’t even drive.”
“New York has one of the best public transportation systems and, if you hurry, I’m sure your friend Donald will give you a ride.” Julie pointed at me opening the door.
Brian went over to kiss Julie. As he tried to kiss her on the lips, she turned her face so that he could only kiss her cheek.
“Bye.”
“I will call you later,” Brian said and joined me at the door.
“You are a little freak, aren’t you, Julie?” I asked, smiling.
Julie came over and slammed the door in our faces.
When we were on the Belt Parkway heading to Brooklyn, Brian and I spoke for the first time since leaving Julie’s house.
“Julie really doesn’t want to give Donna any of the money. Do you think that’s fair?” I asked Brian.
“Julie’s a good woman. She’s the best woman I’ve met since I’ve been in New York. Is it fair to cut Donna out completely? No, I don’t think it is.” Brian hesitated before continuing. He looked out the window, as if remembering something specific. “Will she be happy with anything but what you guys agreed upon? I don’t think so. Hence the dilemma. If she won’t be happy with anything but the full thing, giving her some or a little bit will have the same effect. And, to be honest, everything comes back to you, Donald. Donna doesn’t know about Julie and me. You have to ask yourself what you could live with. It’s not about Donna’s feelings anymore. It’s about yours.”
I heard Brian loud and clear. Since the incident with my father, I had cared less and less about people and their feelings. The world was full of the plighted and seeing that heaven and hell were not certainties, one’s actions became meaningless. The mere fact that I was planning a robbery that would involve hurting another spoke volumes about my moral decline. I had rolled the dice; now I had to deal with the numbers. “I really don’t have any feelings for Donna. She was a good piece of ass, but I won’t lose sleep over her being angry at me.”
Brian glanced over at me. “Then there isn’t anything more to discuss about this matter.”
The rest of the ride to Brooklyn was spent in silence. Brian was immersed in his own thoughts and I was immersed in mine. I was contemplating how I was going to approach Julie and, even though this last meeting had taken her off the pedestal, she was still my friend. I also knew that I couldn’t just fuck Julie and keep it moving. I needed someone else to talk to about that so I dropped Brian off at his apartment and headed over to someone whom I could trust.
It seemed like every time I went over to my grandmother’s house, I had to drink a c
up of tea. Grandma sat on the couch opposite from mine; the hot cup of tea in her right hand. I placed mine down on a saucer on the center table that was covered in a white tablecloth.
“I always thought that you should’ve gotten married to Julie. Julie’s a good girl. She came by to see me last week,” Grandma said. “We had tea and a very good talk.”
Julie had taken a liking to my grandmother the first time they had met and she had continued to visit her. My grandmother welcomed her visits and, of course, she got to serve tea.
“Grandma, I’m interested in Julie as more than a friend,” I said a bit nervously. The only other woman I had spoken to my grandmother about was Lauren and she had told me not to marry her.
“You finally came to your senses. What about Lauren?” she asked.
“Well, with the exception of Emerald, Lauren and I live totally different lives. I hope she will come to her senses soon so we can go our separate ways.” I finally drank some of the tea. “We’ve been talking about getting a divorce.”
“You’re not going to leave Emerald with those people, are you?”
“Not if I can help it.”
Grandma never said “lesbians” or “gays.” She always referred to them as “those people” almost like they were aliens. The other day, she had informed me that “those people” were demonstrating again.
“I’d love to see you with the right woman. You’ve been through so much. I’ve tried my best to raise you the way your mother would have wanted. You’ve done a lot of things I didn’t like but, for the most part, you’ve been the star in my eyes. I don’t know how much longer I have on this earth, but I’d like to leave it knowing that you’re happy.”
“Grandma, you’re not going anywhere.”
She was making me sad. Besides Emerald, Grandma was my only family. She was an only child so there were no cousins or other relatives.
“Donald, I know you don’t want me to go but my time is coming. I’ve lived a long life and when God says it’s over, I’ll be gone. You have Emerald and he’s your responsibility. If you have to fight for him, you do that. If you have to cry for him, you do that. I know you’ve been telling him about his grandmother. That’s very good. He’s going to be great one day.” She picked up the teacup again.
Grandma had given me a small album with pictures of my grandfather and my mother. She had told me the stories behind the pictures. I had shown Emerald the pictures of his family and explained each one of them to him the way my grandmother had done to me.
“Emerald and you are all I have,” I said to my grandmother.
“For now, my son; only for now. Soon you and Julie will give Emerald a sister to play with and maybe another brother. I hope to be around to see that.”
“Grandma, Julie’s seeing someone else.”
“Then what made you believe that she’s interested in you?”
“It’s a feeling. I’m not really concerned about whether Julie’s interested in me or not. The man she’s seeing is a friend of mine; I introduced them.”
“Boy, you are confused.” Grandma shook her head. “For all the years you’ve known Julie, you weren’t interested in her. Now that she’s with someone else, you suddenly want her. Are you jealous?” Grandma asked.
I had thought about that. I had met a few of Julie’s previous boyfriends and I was never jealous. In reality, I was hoping she would meet someone and get married and have kids. She was my friend and I wished only the best for her. The feelings and the sensations I was having around Julie were new to me. I had never thought about going there with Julie. “No, Grandma, my soul might be troubled, but I’m not jealous.”
“Son, let me tell you a story.” Grandma put down her empty cup. “When I was growing up, there were these two sisters. Their mother had an old dress and decided to give it to whichever one wanted it. It was an old and ugly dress so the older sister refused the dress and the younger sister did the same. Now when the mother was about to throw the dress away, the younger sister decided she wanted it, so the mother gave it to her. The younger sister took the dress and made some adjustments.”
I sat back in my chair. This was going to be a long one.
My grandmother continued, rolling her eyes at me. “Once the older sister saw the dress, she wanted it. The younger sister refused to give the dress to the older sister because, after all, it was her dress. The younger sister was waiting to wear the dress to her high school prom. But the sisters were a year apart and the older sister’s prom came first. Of course, she wore it to the prom. Everyone at the prom saw the dress and the younger sister found out what the older sister had done. When the big sister came home, the younger sister was waiting with a knife. The younger sister took the knife and stabbed the older sister to death. Now the dress that no one wanted went from being a prom dress to a funeral dress. You want to know the moral of the story?”
“Yes, Grandma, I’m waiting,” I said.
“The moral of the story is: don’t take what you don’t want because someone else wants it. You might end up destroying yourself for something you never really wanted in the first place. Leave Julie alone with that man if she is happy with him. You had your chance and you didn’t take it.”
“Grandma…” I started to say something to her.
“Don’t say anything. Your actions will prove your words.” She paused. “I’m tired now, so I’m going to sleep.”
“Goodnight, Grandma,” I said as she kissed me on the forehead.
Grandma was right and I should have listened to her and left Brian and Julie alone, but I couldn’t. Julie had ignited a fire within me; somehow it needed to be extinguished. Only Julie had the capability to put out that fire. We were all trying to obtain the same thing: happiness. Happiness for some of us would be a smooth, downhill road. For others, like myself, there would be many bumps and bruises. I had endured my share of bumps and bruises; now I was ready for my reward. Julie was going to be mine.
Chapter 13
8TH DAY
I woke up at 5:00 a.m. with a brilliant plan to get out of my hell. At first, I thought by having millions of dollars, I would be able to fight my father-in-law. I would fight him in court, or on the streets; it didn’t matter. Money could buy justice or muscle. It was the American way. But my thinking was wrong. My father-in-law would have eaten me alive because my money would be new and new money always attracted attention. The way I was about to obtain the money would make attention a noose around my neck. The more attention I received; the tighter the noose. It wouldn’t be long before someone would be dragging my body out of the inlet by Paerdegat Squadron Yacht Club.
I called Malcolm after I dropped Emerald off at school. He seemed elated that I had come to my senses. I asked him to meet me by the running track at Seaview Park within the hour. That would be the first of two meetings. As I drove, I thought about my life and the direction in which it was headed. Was I shaping my destiny or was my destiny shaping me?
I was no longer lost within the comfortable confines of a woman’s vagina. I had ventured out as we all do in our lives. I was learning to survive as I went along, with ordinary people like myself being the teachers. There I was about to pull off one of the biggest heists in New York and planning my departure with blood on my hands. Over the past few weeks I had become much stronger. Whether it was a good or bad thing, only time would tell.
I parked my car on Seaview Avenue and walked into the park with my sweats on. The neighborhood had undergone drastic changes since the early nineties, like most of the neighborhoods in Brooklyn. With the infusion of the West Indian homeowners, the Whites had scattered. People have said that if you wanted to find a misplaced stone on a street, ask a West Indian because they are the nosiest fucking people around. Whenever I would kid around with Rashaun about that, he would always laugh. “We’re good for terrorism,” he would tell me.
As expected, Malcolm was already in the park when I arrived. He didn’t want to draw attention to himself, so he had on blue
and white sweats. In the five years I had known Malcolm, this was only the second time I had seen him without a business suit on. I was positive he had his licensed gun on him, even though, according to him, I posed no physical threat.
“I always knew that you were a smart boy,” Malcolm said as I approached.
I walked up to him and looked him directly in the eyes. “You won.”
He stepped back a bit before he spoke. “What do you want?”
I looked away from him. “I’ve thought about it and I’m not the best thing for my son. He’d be much better off if he belonged to you. I have nothing to give him. My lifestyle isn’t conducive to being a father. Women are my comfort and I need a lot of them. One day I’m certain a woman will be the main reason for my demise.” I spoke, not certain that Malcolm even cared about my issues, but I continued anyway. “To pursue my passion, I need money; lots of money. I only ask two things of you.”
“What two things?” he asked.
“I want three million dollars and I want Annette out of the house.”
I watched his reaction.
He looked away from me, toward the soccer field. “I expected the money but Annette’s removal will be difficult.”
I wasn’t taking “no” for an answer. “Make it happen.”
“I’ve never forgiven my daughter for becoming a lesbian; whether it’s nature calling or by her own design. I’m sure she told you about the horrors of growing up, once I found out. I make no apologies for my actions and, if I had to do it again, I’d do the same. My daughter was my lifeline and when it was being taken away from me, I had to fight.” He spoke in a hushed tone, as if afraid that the grass would somehow record his conversation. “Think of Emerald, your only son, coming home with a man.”
“I’d rather not,” I said.
“Then you understand.”
“I’m not here to take your confession,” I said. It was my way of dealing with my son’s future; a future I had no control over. “I don’t care what you have to do, but get her out.”
“My daughter might do that by herself because Annette is totally against her having another child for you.”
Tears on a Sunday Afternoon Page 12
