by JA Low
Table of Contents
Prologue
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty-One
Twenty-Two
Twenty-Three
Twenty-Four
Twenty-Five
Twenty-Six
Twenty-Seven
Twenty-Eight
Twenty-Nine
Thirty
Thirty-One
Thirty-Two
Thirty-Three
Thirty-Four
Thirty-Five
Thirty-Six
Thirty-Seven
Thirty-Eight
Thirty-Nine
Forty
Big Thanks to
About the Author
The Dirty Texas Series
PREVIEW: Suddenly Dirty
Suddenly Together
Copyright @ 2016 JA Low
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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Max Henry is in no way affiliated with any brands, songs, musicians, or artists mentioned in this book.
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Dedication
To my husband, my one and only.
The clock strikes midnight and a new year begins. All of Sienna and Evan’s wedding guests are watching the spectacular fireworks display over the valley and out toward the ocean. The surrounding beaches are having their own colorful celebrations lighting up the entire coastline. Christian’s strong arms wrap around me and I snuggle into his embrace.
“Vanessa, I love you,” he whispers into my ear, his prickly chin resting on my shoulder.
“I love you too.”
He pulls his arms tighter around me. It’s not uncommon for us, as best friends, to share this sentiment with each other. Christian let’s out a heavy sigh, his breath tickles my skin. Slowly his large hands turn me in his arms so that we are face to face. Golden, hazel eyes stare into mine. There is an intensity shining from them which is most unusual and it’s a little unnerving. His handsome face normally has a bright smile across it, except for now.
“No, V…I love you.”
Yeah, I heard him the first time.
Rough hands move from my waist to my face, his calloused thumb gently rubs the apple of my cheek.
“Not as the ‘best friends forever’ kind of love, more like…” He pauses, mulling over his next words. I watch as a frown falls across his brow. “I love you as in you are ‘the one’ kind of way.”
I let out a nervous laugh thinking he is joking. But he is standing there so still, staring at me. Maybe he’s drunk. The bar has been open and free flowing all night and he’s been enjoying it. Or maybe he just got caught up in the atmosphere of the night and that has given him an overwhelming sense of love for me, when in reality he is just horny. I’m sure it is just a bad case of lust or maybe heartburn.
“Ness?”
“What?” Pretending I didn’t hear what he just said, I’m hoping to forget this little confession happened at all.
“You don’t have anything to say?” He sounds annoyed with me.
Shaking my head, nope there was nothing for me to say because I was trying hard to forget the bombshell my best friend had just dropped on me. I’m dreaming, right? I have to be because this cannot possibly be happening to me right now. I reach out and pinch Christian.
“Ouch,” he groans, rubbing his arm.
Shit, I’m not. We both agreed to have fun with each other. He’s my best friend for God’s sake, my anchor, the one and only man I can depend on. Christian has never developed feelings for a woman before. Why now? Why me? He is the world’s biggest player; he has actual trophies from various award shows calling him ‘World’s Biggest Player’ proudly displayed in his bar at home. We live together, we work together, we party together. We have been in each other’s lives twenty-four hours a day for the past five years. I’ve seen it all, even the groupies doing their walk of shame out of our home. The same way he’s seen my random hook-ups traipse the same path. I share everything with him, he knows all my deepest and darkest secrets. But love, it complicates things. It complicates what is good between us.
“Chris… no!” Pulling myself from his arms, I needed some distance to think clearly. My body reacts automatically when it is around him and I need my head clear to deal with all this. I didn’t think us hooking up again would lead to a declaration of love. Shit, how naive am I? I thought I had stumbled upon nirvana when Christian agreed to pursue a friends with benefit relationship with me. I thought being older and wiser we could handle such a relationship, that sex was just sex.
It’s not like we have even been exclusive with each other since we agreed to this arrangement. Christian loves going to the Paradise Club, an exclusive celebrity only sex club, and I don’t mind sampling the delights on a night out. But love, as in forever and ever? My heart starts to race; my chest starts tightening up. I think I’m having a heart attack. I am too young to have heart palpitations. Is he trying to kill me? Is that his plan, to off me by declaring his love for me?
“V, look at me,” Christian commands.
I can’t. I just can’t, because I am actually scared at what I might see in his eyes. I stare at my feet instead. Wow, my toes look super cute, I really like the color Sienna chose for them.
“Ness, stop freaking out and look at me.” He knows me so well and this time he sounds more authoritative with his command.
My eyes slowly lift from my pedicure to where his hazel ones are staring back at me. He takes my hand in his, his thumb rubbing over the top of my palm, soothing me.
“No one can compare to you, Ness.”
My traitorous heart just skipped a beat at his words. I shake my head at him, I don’t want to hear it. I can’t hear it because once those words are out, they are out. You can’t stuff them back into Pandora’s box, once that bitch is open, that’s it nothing can damn well close it again.
“I tired, I tried so much to get over you but you are so far under my skin.”
I can see the emotion written all over his gorgeous face and any woman would kill to have Christian Taylor utter these words to them. Honestly deep down inside of me, hidden under a million layers of crap, there is that girl bouncing up and down with joy but…
“But…we live together.” Such a pathetic excuse, even hearing those words come
out of my mouth makes me cringe.
“And yet that doesn’t stop you from crawling into my bed most nights.” He arches his brow at me.
I shake my head again. “Don’t,” I whisper.
“Doesn’t stop you straddling my dick on the couch during a movie or…” I cover his mouth with my hand, muffling the rest of that answer.
“I never hear you say no,” I hiss at him, dropping my hand from his lips.
“Why the hell would I, Ness? You are fucking hot and I love you.” His hand lightly runs down my arm, sending shivers across my clammy skin. I hate how my body reacts to his touch. I hate how my body yearns for him. I hate that I want him so much.
“But…you’re my best friend.” God, why do I sound like a whiney bitch?
“Don’t you think that’s a great foundation to start a relationship?” Those hazel eyes challenge me to disagree.
Shaking my head, I reply, “Chris, you weren’t supposed to fall for me.”
“How could I not, Ness? You’re beautiful, sexy, you look after me, that accent of yours does things to my dick. I trust you and there aren’t many people I trust. You also swear like a biker, drink like a sailor and fuck like a pro.”
Pushing hard on his chest, he takes a step back from me, his eyes searching mine looking confused by my reaction.
“Wow, what a glowing reference.” Anger boils to the surface, I don’t know why I am pissed off, I shouldn’t be. A hot, tatted up rock star is declaring his love for me and I am pissing all over it. “Why the hell would you want to be with someone like that?” I can’t make this verbal diarrhea stop. “I don’t sound like a woman you want to bring home to your family.”
Christian’s eyes narrow. “My family loves you, Ness, and you know it.”
It’s the truth. I love his mom; we always hang out together when she is in town. But that’s not the point. “It would ruin everything we have worked so hard to build, you can’t go and change the goal posts now,” I mumble, wrapping my arms around myself.
“What?” Christian raises his voice at me. “Haven’t you liked being in my bed all these months?” He tilts his head to the side, daring me to deny it.
“Fucking you is different to being with you.” Shit. I cover my mouth with my hands surprised I said it, I didn’t mean it. I watch as my words make him flinch. Moments pass as we stare at each other in silence.
“Okay, I get it. I’m good enough to fuck but not good enough to date. I’ll only ever be one of your many fuck toys you play with.”
He sounds really angry and when he puts it like that it sounds kind of horrible.
“I never thought you were like that, Ness. I never thought you saw me like that.” He crosses his strong arms over his chest. The same ones I have spent night after night curled up against. Now I feel like a bitch, because he means more to me than just being my fuck buddy, but that’s the thing, I had Christian in a nice little box and now he’s decided to jump out of it and turn it into a big heart shaped box instead.
“Christian, you’re more than that to me and you know it,” I say on a whisper, trying desperately to say the right words, but not being able to find them.
“Really, are you sure about that, Ness?” The sarcastic tone filters through the night air.
“I thought it was always going to be you and me, having fun, messing around. I never thought there would ever be…more.” I’m lying here, of course I thought about it. Every man I date I compare to him, but I would never tell anyone that, that secret is locked away in the vault, right next door to my heart.
“You thought for the rest of our lives we would just fool around?”
Silence stretches out between us as his question hangs in the air.
“I’m sorry that I finally had the balls to say how I feel, Ness. What you and I have between us…it’s once in a lifetime stuff. We’re meant to be together and you know it.” His arms unfold from his chest as he pulls me to him. “I want happily ever after with you and I’m sorry if that makes you feel uncomfortable. These feelings I have for you scare the absolute shit out of me but I am willing to give this a try.” He smiles, that goddamn smile that melts my stone cold heart. “Someone needed to be honest with their feelings here. Five years we’ve been in and out of each other’s beds and yet we haven’t become sick of each other. That must mean something.”
Pulling myself out of his arms I put distance between us. “I’m sorry, Chris, but I can’t. I can’t love you like that. I don’t think I can love anyone like that.”
“Nothing? You feel nothing for me?” he asks, thumping his chest.
Tears surprise me as one falls down my cheek. “I can’t give you what you want, Christian. I’m sorry.”
“You’re a fucking liar, Ness. Don’t forget I know you. I can tell when you’re lying to me, lying to my face. Have you forgotten what it feels like between us?” Grabbing my face, pulling me closer to him, he presses soft and desperate kisses against my lips, showing me the chemistry that sizzles between us. He sets my whole body on fire. My hands automatically grab hold of his hard body, pulling him closer to me feeling his warmth against my chest as those luscious lips claim mine. This is probably going to be the last kiss between us, we can’t continue a physical relationship anymore, we have strayed into uncharted territory and extreme feelings have become involved. I don’t want to hurt Christian, but I can’t be the woman he wants me to be. I’m too broken and he may not see that because it’s a side I keep hidden from everyone, even from myself. I am not worthy of his love, Christian deserves a woman that is whole, not this shell of a woman, who struggles every day with the scars deep down inside of her. He doesn’t realize it yet, but this is goodbye.
Resting his forehead against mine, our lips are swollen from the intensity of the kiss. “I felt exactly how much you love me in that kiss, Ness.”
“I can’t. Why is that so hard for you to understand? I have my job, we live together, our friendship. I’m sorry, I’m not risking all that for some fantasy life you think we can have together.”
Christian looks stunned by my words.
“I’m not capable of loving you the way you want me to.” But I do, I fucking love him so much. What he doesn’t know is one of the reasons I crawl into his bed most nights are because he stops the nightmares, the scars that seek me out in the darkness. I start to walk away. I can’t be here anymore looking at his devastated face, knowing I have hurt the one person I promised myself I would never hurt. I can see his big heart break into a million pieces as I toss his confession in his face. “I’m sorry, Chris, it’s not worth the risk.”
He stares at me for a long moment and then something passes over him. He pulls his shoulders back and straightens to his full height. “Okay, Ness, I hear you loud and clear. I’m not worth the risk. All I am to you is a convenient cock.” I can hear the hurt in his voice, he takes a couple of steps toward me. “I would have made you happy, if only you had the balls to take a chance. Don’t worry, V, I won’t make that mistake again. Like I said, I hear you loud and clear.” And with that he turns away from me, and I watch as he disappears back into the wedding where all our family and friends are happily enjoying their night.
I think I have just changed the course of my life forever and I don’t think it’s for the better.
5 Years Ago
“I can’t believe you are really here!” Camryn squeals, opening the door.
“I know, I’ve missed you so much, it’s been too long.” I pull her into a tight hug on the front door step of her Venice Beach home. I can’t believe I am now living in LA. The sun is shining, the sky’s blue, I can hear the waves crashing in the distance, it reminds me so much of my home in Australia. The last couple of years I have been working in dreary old London, where it rains regularly and the weather is usually miserable most days. It’s finally great to be back in a place filled with permeant sunshine again.
“I know you just arrived but I hope you’re in the mood to party because tonight we’v
e been invited to some swanky party in the Hills.” Her blue eyes shimmer with excitement.
I’ll probably be suffering from jet lag so why not spend the night awake at a Hollywood party instead of staring blankly at the ceiling in my bedroom. “Just like the old days.” I smile, giving her a high five.
I met Camryn a couple of years ago when she was the event assistant organizing an album launch for some B-list pop star I was working with. We clicked over our mutual hatred for our bosses and our dreams of one day running our own businesses. Last year Camryn decided to move to Los Angeles from London and try her luck working here in events. Within a week of arriving she was working for one of the most exclusive event companies in Hollywood. It was through one of her many contacts that she set up an interview with Montgomery Records while I was visiting her on holidays a couple months ago. And now here I am in LA about to start my new job as the record label’s public relations executive. I am so excited and can’t wait to start my new life. I need it after the drama I left behind in London.
***
Hours later we are pulling up to a large mansion in the Hills where we are greeted at the gates by a huge security guard. Once our names are checked, we are allowed inside the extravagant home which is filled with beautiful people.
“Welcome to La-La Land, Ness,” Camryn laughs as she pulls me toward the backyard. A large bar is set up beside the pool, a clear Perspex dance floor has been built over the top of the pool—people are dirty dancing to the DJ’s music on top of it. Not five minutes after ordering our drinks we are being hit on by two older men, they are kind of gross and aggressive. They are old enough to be our dads. I’m not accustomed to this level of American enthusiasm; they are creeping me out. Camryn rolls her eyes at what they are saying as she expertly rebuffs the men’s advances, pulling me away and back into the safety of the party.
“You will find men like them at most Hollywood parties. They are used to getting what they want,” Camryn remarks.
“Cammie!” A large, tall, blond man yells, sweeping her up into his arms, twirling her around as she giggles.
