by JA Low
I sink further into guilt over the way I have been acting. I nod in agreement with Axel, he is right. Everyone’s been pulled into my mess. I’ve made them feel like they need to pick sides. I have been an absolute brat about the whole situation and treated her unfairly all because she didn’t feel the same way I did. Taking a deep breath my attention turns back to the ceremony, I watch as Charlotte and Jake light a candle handing it to Derrick and Vanessa who then place it on the altar, all of Ryder’s godparents working together in the name of love. When Vanessa takes her place beside Derrick, I chance a look at her again. Looking back at me are those jade green eyes, I take a chance and give her a smile, my heart thumps when it is returned, maybe there is hope. I swear baby Jesus has come down and anointed me, my body feels like it’s glowing just from receiving one of her smiles. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen that smile and I’ve missed it.
***
“I’m the godfather.” Derrick turns and looks at Jake. “And I am going to make you an offer you can’t refuse.” Derrick wiggles his eyebrows at Jake. Jake just laughs and pulls him into a man hug.
“Congrats you guys,” I say, catching Evan and Sienna as they wander around the backyard of their Hollywood Hills home, Ryder happily gurgling away in Evan’s arms.
“Thanks for coming, man.” Evan smiles at me.
“How are things?” Sienna asks, her eyes flicking behind me where I know Vanessa is standing.
“It’s okay…weird.”
She smiles at me, “It will all work out. Just talk to her, she might surprise you. You both have a long history together and you can’t erase all of that so easily, no matter how much you try.”
Maybe Sienna is right. Turning, I look at Vanessa who is chatting with Derrick, Jake and Charlotte. “I guess there’s no time like the present than to fix the shit storm I have created.” Evan and Sienna give me words of encouragement as I make my way toward the group. “Hi guys,” I say as I join them, my eyes not leaving Vanessa’s.
“Hey, Jake, where’s Mom and Dad?” Charlotte asks quickly.
“Not sure, let’s go find them,” Jake agrees, not so subtly.
“Oh look at all the hot guys over there,” Derrick adds as the trio quickly leave me alone with Vanessa.
We both stand there awkwardly for a couple of moments, not knowing what to say to each other. Which is weird because this woman has been a part of my life for so long. Why does she feel like such a stranger now? “So…um, did you want to go for a walk and talk?” I ask.
“Sure,” Vanessa agrees. We head toward the back of the garden away from the rest of the party. I can see the guys watching us as we disappear over the edge of the garden and toward the chairs that look out over the sprawling view.
“How’s your mom?” I start the conversation off on something neutral.
“She’s good, really good. I am happy that she is all better. She is one tough old lady. Thanks for sending all those flowers, she loved them so much.”
I watch Vanessa’s silhouette as she talks, noticing that she can’t look at me and it guts me that she doesn’t feel comfortable anymore around me. But I did this, I am the one that pushed her so far away. I don’t know if I will be able to ever get her back again. Moving my hand to hers, it stiffens under my touch but she doesn’t move it. “I’m sorry.” The words stick in my throat.
Vanessa slowly moves her hand away from mine. “I know.”
Turning and looking at her, her face is expressionless, there is nothing there, I have really fucked up. I turn my whole body so I am facing her. “No, Ness. I am so fucking sorry for everything. For the way I treated you, for throwing those groupies in your face, for hurting you.” My heart feels like someone has it in a vice grip as I plead with her to understand how truly sorry I am for everything.
Those jade green eyes meet mine, a single tear falls down her cheek and I want so badly to wipe it away but I am frozen by her stare. “I’m sorry I hurt you too, Christian.”
I’m shocked, why is she apologizing to me for? Grabbing her hands in mine I shake my head. “No, you were just being honest, but my damn ego got in the way instead.”
She gives me a small smile. “Yeah, you do have a pretty big ego.”
This makes me laugh, her making jokes is a good thing, I think. “It’s not all that big.” I wiggle my eyebrows at her. Fuck, shit, what was I thinking, flirting with her like that. But she surprises me and laughs.
“You haven’t changed.” She smiles.
“I’m sorry, Ness, so fucking sorry.” I try to hold back the emotions that are raging inside of me but I can’t, and I too release a couple of tears.
Vanessa moves forward with concern in her eyes. “Shit,” she says, holding my face within her palms. “Chris, please, don’t…”
“I miss you, V, I miss you so fucking much. It’s like a part of me is missing. I’m kind of lost without you.” There it is. I’ve laid it out on the table for her. My damn tears fall again.
Her hands fall from my face as she wraps them around my body, pulling me into a hug. “I’ve missed you so much too, Chris. The one person I needed when Mum was having surgery wasn’t there. I have never felt more alone than I did then.” She starts crying as I wrap myself around her, comforting her.
“I’m sorry, Ness, so fucking sorry. I wish I was there for you. I fucked up so much. I don’t understand what came over me, I wasn’t myself.” We hold each other in a comfortable embrace for a long time, just absorbing each other.
“It’s going to take a while to get back to where we were, Chris,” she says, moving out of my arms.
My heart sinks again. “I know, I’m just happy that you are back in my life, I don’t care in what capacity it is.”
Vanessa smiles. “I am going to continue living with Derrick for a while, I think it’s for the best.”
I nod in agreement. It sucks but I’m happy with baby steps.
“And just so you know I may have forgiven you but I haven’t forgotten, just give me…us, time and we can get back to where we once were.”
My heart bursts into a thousand pieces hearing that she is willing to give me a second chance. Time, it’s just going to take time.
“Come on we better get back to the party; you know they are all waiting nervously for our return.” She stands up and takes my hand, linking her fingers with mine, it feels so good, it feels right and I never ever want to lose her again.
“Oh my God, you need to come with me. I’ve been accepted as the newest member of the Paradise Club. I can’t go alone.” Derrick jumps up and down excitedly.
“No way. No way in hell am I going there, D.” That place makes me feel sick.
“Ness, I know the history it has with you in regards to Kane.” Hearing his name makes me stiffen. “But maybe it might give you some sort of closure going there.”
I glare at Derrick; he can’t be serious. Closure, I got that when the fucking bastard was sent to jail.
“Look, Stacey and Isla are coming as well. You won’t be alone. Girls’ night!”
Derrick is giving me puppy dog eyes. How the fuck can you say no to Derrick when he is looking at you like that? “Stop it, stop being so fucking cute.”
Derrick pulls me into his arms. “Look if you want me to play with you tonight I will, if it makes you feel better.”
I am lost for words, like totally lost the ability to speak. “D, you don’t like vaginas.”
He makes a face at the word vagina.
“No, they are gross, but I am willing to take one for the team if it means you come with me.
I burst out laughing at him. “Wow, you must be really desperate to check this place out if you’re willing to play with my vagina.”
“Yeah I kind of do. I want to try all those naughty things Christian has told me about that goes on there. It would be like my fifty shades fantasy coming to life.”
I let out a groan on hearing Christian’s name. “Please tell me he isn’t going to be there?”
Derrick just shrugs. “And so what if he is? You guys have made up.”
I roll my eyes at him. Yes, we may have technically made up at Ryder’s christening but we are still not one hundred percent there on the friend’s front and we are most certainly not there on the sex front. “Yeah, but don’t you think it will be awkward if he’s there? Don’t you think I have seen him having sex with enough people to last a life time?”
Derrick shakes his head. “Um, maybe awkward for him having to watch all the hot guys drooling all over you or watching you suck some hot guys cock.” He gives me a sly smile.
Maybe he has a point. “Fine, I’m in.”
“Shit yeah! Now come on let’s get you dressed, tonight we are finding Vanessa’s inner sex goddess.”
***
“Welcome Mr. Jones,” the tuxedo dressed doorman greets us at the door. He is standing behind a leather studded reception desk with two suited up bouncers on either side of him.
“Congratulations on becoming the newest member of the Paradise Club, here is your card.” He hands over what looks like a gold credit card. “Swipe this when you want to move through the different floors. Each level has a security door and you will need this to get to the next level. Miss Roberts, Miss Williams, Miss Eriksen, here are your temporary cards. It has the same access as Mr. Jones’ but only for one night.”
The doorman hands us all a white version of Derrick’s card, it is kind of exciting, like we are about to step into a new world.
“And here are your bands,” he advises, handing us multicolored bands. “Each color represents what you are in to. Pink if you are into exploring with women, blue if you are into exploring with men, white is no sexual intercourse but all other play is okay, red is if you are happy to explore sexual intercourse in the club, yellow is looking to explore with just one person, green is looking to explore experiences with more than one person, purple is okay with playing in public, orange if you would prefer to play behind closed doors. People will be able to work out your interests by looking at these bands, it makes everything that more open and honest when you are chatting with other people. Also there is a black band as well which means no play at all and a lot of the staff members will have one on but you will also see some staff members with colored bands. You will be able to ask them to play at any time and they will.”
Wow, playing with the staff as well. The bands make sense I suppose. He hands them over to each of us, curiously we all look at each other. I decide to go with all the bands bar the white one, the others are pretty much in the same boat. Oh my God, my friends are a bunch of kinky fuckers.
“Drinks and appetizers are complimentary but the club is very strict on drunkenness. You can be ejected and your membership revoked if you play up,” the doorman tells us then launches into all the rules in regards to the club. We all nod in agreement. The golden doors open and a beautiful woman dressed in an emerald evening dress walks toward us.
“This is Lucy, she will walk you through the club showing you where everything is.” Lucy gives us a blinding smile.
“Welcome Mr. Jones and party, please follow me.” And we do, we follow her through the golden doors and into the club.
Wow, this place was not at all what I was thinking it would be. In my mind I thought it was some dark, scary den of debauchery but in actual fact it feels like we have stepped onto the set of The Gatsby and Leonardo DiCaprio could appear at any moment around a corner—which could happen because I bet he is a member. We are standing in a large room where there are many people milling around, all still fully clothed as if this was just another exclusive nightclub in Hollywood. Black leather booths line the walls of the room, large ornate gold chandeliers hang from the ceilings, walls painted black with gold art deco designs swirling across it and soft jazz music playing through the stereo system. It’s like stepping through time to a 1920s old Hollywood jazz bar, I loved it. Lucy guides us toward the studded leather bar; I notice curious eyes following us as we walk. The stunning bar staff hand over a couple of glasses of champagne to us.
“This level is the safe room, there is no nudity allowed in this area. Later in the evening a DJ will play and the dance floor fills up. It doesn’t take long for people to move onto other areas of the club.” She gives us a flirty wink. We follow our sexy guide to the back of the safe room where there is a grand staircase leading to the next level, as well as two lifts with bouncers guarding the area. “There are five levels of play, the further you ascend the harder the levels get.”
All four of us are quiet, not a single peep out of any of us as we take it all in. Derrick squeezes my hand, my heart is thumping, I’m not sure what is going to happen tonight and how far I am willing to go but I also feel kind of excited by that prospect as well. We slowly take the stairs up to the next level.
“This level is for voyeur’s and exhibitionists.” Lucy points to a large glass cube room. Peering inside Derrick and I are shocked to discover a threesome happening, two women and a male. He is lying on his back with one girl riding his cock and the other riding his face as they kiss. I am mesmerized. Isla, Stacey and Derrick are equally mesmerized. A light flutter tickles my belly; shit I am getting turned on.
“I will be leaving you on this level, you have your map. Please know that at any time you can use the club’s safe word, paradise. When it is used everything stops, if it doesn’t then one of the bouncers will make sure it does.” Lucy points to the many men dressed in black strangely hidden in plain sight. Then she leaves us.
“Okay, I am trying to not freak out, but we just watched people have sex,” Isla giggles nervously.
“I know, it’s kind of hot,” Stacey confesses and we all burst out laughing at the craziness that we have stepped into.
“Maybe we should go back down to the safe room, have some drinks and then work up the courage to continue our journey,” Derrick suggests. We follow his lead and head back downstairs and straight toward the bar. “Tequila shots, kind sir,” Derrick flirtatiously asks the handsome barman.
“Coming right up, sir,” he flirts back at him.
“Not yet, but maybe later I will be,” Derrick fires right back.
“Sounds like something I would like to be a part of,” the barman states, showing off his multicolored bands on his wrist. Derrick’s in luck as I spy blue.
Our tequila shots arrive and we all slam them down quickly, nerves getting the better of us. “Is it going to be weird if…you know; we see each other doing something?” Isla asks.
“Maybe, I don’t know, just as long as you don’t ask to join me, we should be fine,” Stacey says, making us laugh.
“Well, I wouldn’t mind watching Derrick and the hot barman later on,” I confess, elbowing D in the ribs.
“I know you want all up on this, Miss V. But check the bands girl, no pink on this wrist.” He shakes his bands in front of my face.
“Ew, I don’t want to join in, but I wouldn’t mind watching,” I giggle, confessing to one of my closest friends that I wouldn’t mind watching him have sex. What the hell was in that tequila shot? I mean I’m probably not the only one thinking it. Derrick is fucking hot and his body is amazing, like a damn cover model, and the barman is equally hot, plus I love gay porn and this would be live, two hot men making out, hands roaming, tight bodies, two dicks. Win-win.
“You’re only human.” He grins. “Fine, I can handle that.” Putting his arm around my shoulder he pulls me closer beside him. He leans down and whispers in my ear, “If you hook up with Christian tonight, let me watch please. I have been trying to see him naked for ages, just once I want a little peek, pinky promise.”
“What?” I gasp out loud, making the others look at me. I wave them off and turn my attention back to Derrick. “Seriously?”
He nods. “You know I have the biggest crush on him and this is probably the only chance I will get to, one; see him naked, and two; feel what it’s like to fuck him.”
I am honestly shocked. “Honestly,
D, if Christian does turn up I highly doubt we will be having sex, we are still on rocky ground.”
“Yeah, you’re right. Would you mind if I watched him with someone else then?”
My stomach sinks. Shit, if Christian turns up did that mean I would have to watch him have sex with someone else? Why did I not think of this before? Breathe, Ness, breathe. It is going to be okay.
“I take it from the constipated look you have on your face you are not so happy with that idea?” I roll my eyes at him. “Fine, out of loyalty to you I won’t watch, fuck who am I kidding. I will take a peek, just a tiny one then I will huff away in disgust, how does that sound?” Derrick makes me laugh, taking my mind off the prospect of running into Christian.
“Welcome back Mr. Taylor, Mr. Connolly, Mr. Eriksen and Mr. Taylor,” Jerome, the doorman, greets us. “Here are your bands and have a good night.”
“We always do.” Finn smiles as we walk in through the golden doors into the safe room.
“Come on, let’s grab a couple of drinks before we all go our separate ways,” Axel says, leading us to the bar.
“No fucking way,” Oscar growls as he walks off from us.
I look to see what has caught his attention and I see Isla. What the hell is she doing here? Then my eyes bounce to where Stacey, Derrick and Vanessa are standing, all laughing and chatting away at the bar.
Axel grabs my arm. “Relax. Don’t freak out, okay?” We head over toward the group.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Oscar asks his sister.
“I’m here having fun.” Isla stands up as tall as she can but she is no match to her Viking brother.
“I don’t want you here,” he tells her.
“Too fucking bad. Derrick invited me and I am determined to have fun, so you can fuck off.” She crosses her long arms over her chest.
“Sorry, Ragnar,” Derrick interrupts, using his nickname for Oscar. “Little sis is here to have fun. You need to let the leash go, or maybe not, depends on if we make it to the BDSM level.” Derrick bursts out laughing at his joke, which Oscar doesn’t find funny at all and glares at him.
