by Hazel Mills
Chapter 13
Ahmad
The next year of my life was going to be organized chaos. I knew I couldn’t do what I needed to do for Corrie and stay on the Georgetown basketball roster. The rigorous practice and game schedule wouldn’t allow enough time for work and class. Something had to go. I made the agonizing decision to quit the basketball team. It was necessary. I needed to work as many hours as I could. Corrie continued to live with my mom in New York. I sent money home every two weeks to help with whatever she needed. It wasn’t much but it was something. After I paid my rent and bought minimal groceries and gas for my car, every cent that was left over went to my daughter. I wanted to do more but for the time being, that was the best that I could do. I started thinking a lot about my future and my options after graduation. I could take my pre-law degree, hit the job market like every other college graduate in the country, and hope to get lucky. Getting a job was going to be a crapshoot and I really couldn’t risk going on interview after interview and potentially risking being without a job for months. I thought about working fulltime at Wal-Mart but that didn’t excite me either. But I would do it in a heartbeat if that’s what it took to put clothes on the back of my child. I started entertaining the option of going to law school while continuing to work part-time. I realized that I still would be making shit money for a while but in the long run, if I worked my ass off, I’d be in a better position to provide a descent future for Corrie. My first hurdle was to apply, take the LSAT, and get into law school. I was sure that my grades were not going to be an issue. I’d managed to maintain a strong 3.5 G.P.A. even while playing basketball.
How am I going to pay for three more years of school?
Another hard choice was going to be deciding on whether or not to stay here at Georgetown, where I already have a part-time job and an apartment with fairly decent rent or go back to New York and attend NYU or Columbia Law. I could live with my mom, which would be rent-free for a minute, and get to be with Corrie every day but I’d have to search like hell for a job in the city.
Here I go again with a bunch of decisions that need to be made in a short period of time.
I needed to get my ass in gear and find out everything I could about law school, deadlines, scholarships, and grants.
One thing in my hectic life that was going right was that Nikki and I had become a lot closer. We were spending a lot of time together since that night at the mall and I was really getting into her. After the news of me leaving the team circulated throughout the campus, the amount of interested females decreased significantly. But that was to be expected. I could spot a wallet ho’ from ten miles away and I was cool with it as long as I got what I wanted in return. But those days were gone. Now, I was just another regular broke-ass college student waiting to graduate.
7
Nikki didn’t care whether I played ball. She seemed genuinely concerned about my sudden decision to quit the team. She didn’t question my choice or, like everyone else, blast me for making what was felt to be a stupid ass decision. I assured her that I was cool with it. Just some things were more important to me now than dribbling a ball for the rest of my life.
I didn’t tell Nikki about Corrie at first because, well, I didn’t think that it was any of her business. I needed to see whether she cared about me as much as she said she did before I introduced the subject of my daughter. I’d had more than enough of my share of girls who talked out of both sides of their mouths, saying one thing and meaning another. I soon learned that Nikki wasn’t like that at all. She was the type of woman that I could see myself being with for a long time. I knew that our friendship had grown into something much more. I decided that if I was going to continue to see her, I had to be totally honest and tell her the whole truth about my situation and I needed to tell her soon. We couldn’t truly get serious until I did.
What if the idea of a kid is too much for Nikki? This could be the end for the two of us.
Nikki and I had planned to spend next Friday together at the Smithsonian. I thought about waiting until then to talk to her about it but I decided that I didn’t want to put this off any longer plus I didn’t know if I had the balls to look into her hazel brown eyes and tell her about this in person. I picked up the phone and called her, realizing that her reaction to my news could be the end of our relationship if she decided that she didn’t want to be involved with a guy who had a child.
“Hey, you,” she said pleasantly when she heard my voice.
“Hey, Nikki. What’s up?”
“Nothing really. What’s up with you?”
“Umm, well, I need to talk to you,” I began, nervously.
“Okay. Sounds serious.”
“It is. Do you have a minute?”
“For you? Of course. Do you want to come over?”
“No. I can say what I have to say over the telephone. It may actually be better that way.”
“Okay, I’m listening,” she said with a suspiciously confused tone in her usually melodic voice.
“Nikki, I need you to know that I care a lot about you and I need to know that I can trust you.”
“You can trust me, Ahmad.”
“Nikki, I have a daughter.”
“A what?”
“A daughter. Her name is Corrie and she is eight years old.” Complete silence loomed over the phone line like a dark cloud in the sky. “Nikki, are you there?”
“Yes, I’m here.”
“Why are you so quiet?”
“Because you are the one with the story. You were saying.”
“Corrie is eight and she lives in New York with my mom.” “What about Corrie’s mom? Where’s she?
“Dead.”
“Dead?”
“Yeah. She was murdered last year. My mom has been raising my daughter since then.”
“What made you decide to tell me about this now?”
“Well, when it first happened, we weren’t really seeing each other. Actually, we’d just met. When we finally got together that night at the mall, I wasn’t sure if we were going to continue to go out. I’d hoped we would but I couldn’t be sure. Now, I feel as if we are getting closer. Like I said, I’m really feeling you and I believe that you feel the same way about me. I needed to lay all of my cards out on the table before we go any further.”
My throat was dry as the Mojave Desert and my heart pounded like a drum as I explained all of this to Nikki. It was hard to tell from the tone of her voice exactly how she felt about what I was saying.
“Is that why you left the basketball team, Ahmad? Is this the family emergency you spoke of?”
“Yeah. That is exactly why. I needed to focus all of my energy on school and working to support Corrie. Her world was turned upside down when her mom was killed. She needs to know that she can depend on her father to do whatever it takes to be there for her. Her mom and I were young and acted irresponsibly when we made her. She doesn’t need to suffer the consequences when none of what has happened was her fault.” I was overcome with emotion as I talked.
Don’t cry.
“Were the two of you in love?”
I was surprised by this question. It never occurred to me that Nikki would go there.
“No. We hooked up one time. That’s it. We never even went out again after that. I cared about her because she was the mother of my child but I was not in love with her.”
“Wow,” Nikki sighed, “that’s deep.”
“Yeah. I know that it is a lot to digest all at once but I had to tell you.”
“I’m glad you did. It explains a lot.”
Even though Nikki spoke, she wasn’t saying a lot. She wasn’t saying what I was waiting to hear.
“So, what now?” I asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Does this change anything?”
“It doesn’t change the way I feel about you, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“That is what I’m asking.”
“Ahmad, I adm
it that you having a child is a big deal. I mean, you’re a father and there is absolutely nothing I can do to change that. When I first met you, I thought you were a wonderful guy. Now, sitting here listening to the way you talk about your daughter, and the responsibility you have taken for her in the face of this tragedy, confirms for me that you are a wonderful man.”
I’ve seen women like you on television but I never knew they existed for real.
Nikki was truly rare. I was glad we were talking on the phone so she couldn’t see the tear that fell from my eye. At the moment, my heart was filled with love for her. I couldn’t speak.
Stop crying.
“Ahmad?”
“Yeah,” I answered as I cleared my throat and pretended to cough.
“When do I get to meet this amazing little girl?”
“Now, how do you know that Corrie is amazing?”
“She’s your daughter. How could she be anything other than amazing?”
