by Kiki Swinson
Now, I tried to defuse a couple of her confrontations, but after a while shit started getting redundant, so I figured what’s the use and carried my ass home to my empty house. And yeah, that’s right! It’d been two weeks now and Eric was still camping it around his parents’ house.
I’d made a couple of stops by there while he was there, but he refused to talk to me. He was still holding that letter he read about my positive drug screen over my head. And until I came clean about my drug use and got some help for it, then there was nothing for us to talk about. So, I had to make it clear to him that he could stay around his parents’ house as long as he wanted to, but Kimora will be returning home very shortly, so he’d better make some rational decisions before shit gets really ugly.
All the response I got out of him was a door slammed in my face. But, it was cool though, because I didn’t expect anything else but that type of behavior coming from him. That’s just how he had been from day one. So, silly of me to think that he would ever change.
You would think that after all the shit Teresa went through with Eugene’s death and all the shit I went through with my husband, that we would want to straighten out our lives. But, unfortunately, that just wasn’t the case because we were acting reckless and getting high like crazy. And I also began to lose sight of everything I deemed important in my life.
My bank account and my credit cards were almost maxed out, and I even lent out my brand new Jaguar to a couple of dealers in exchange for huge amounts of heroin and coke. Every time it came time for those assholes to bring my car back, a problem would always come into play.
Like the incident when I let this young guy named Papoose pay me $150 worth of coke and heroin to use my car for the whole day. But, the motherfucker didn’t bring it back until almost forty-eight hours later, and when I chewed his ass out about it, this bastard got in my face and threatened to smack the shit out of me if I didn’t shut up. So, naturally I backed off and went on my merry way because this nigga seemed like he was crazy. I was truly not in the mood to be getting my ass kicked behind disrespecting some ole young-ass punk. Besides, how in the hell was I going to explain to my husband how I got a black eye? Either way it came out, he wouldn’t understand. So, I did a good thing by walking away.
Speaking of which, Eric moved back into the house, but he made it his mission to make my stay there very uncomfortable, and I found myself hanging out at Teresa’s apartment more often than usual. I even spent the night over there a few times to avoid going home all fucked up. Today was no different. So, immediately after I took a couple of sniffs of the little bit of shit I had left, I looked over at Teresa, who was sitting in the love seat on the opposite side of the living room with the tip of the needle still injected into her arm and said, “Are you all right over there?”
“Oh, I’m straight,” she said, her words slurring. “I’m just enjoying this feeling I’m getting from this shit and trying to figure out how I’m gon’ get me some more of it.”
“Is that why you haven’t taken that needle out of your arm yet?”
“Boy, you learn fast,” she commented, scratching the left side of her face like the dope she had just shot into her veins was really taking effect.
So, instead of responding to her comment, I elected to lay my head back and close my eyelids because I had nothing else to say. But she did.
“I know one thing,” she began to say, her words still slurring, “I sho’ gotta get me a couple more pills of that penny candy, ’cause them young boys put their thing down with this shit today.”
“But, I thought you were on that Predator kick?”
“I was, until I got a taste of this shit here.”
“It is better, huh?”
“You motherfucking right! So, we gon’ have to make another trip down to Grandy Park before that shit runs out.”
“Now, how are we going to do that, when we don’t have a fucking penny to our name?”
“Don’t worry,” she told me. “I’ve got just the right thing for that,” she continued as she pulled the needle from her arm. She got up from the chair and headed down the hallway toward her bedroom. Two minutes later, she returned to the living room with a fairly new black woman’s leather jacket in her hands. “How much you think we can get for this?” she asked me.
“I’m not sure,” I replied with uncertainty.
“Well, let’s go find out,” she insisted.
Before I got up, I hesitated a bit and began to weigh the pros and the cons about what I was getting ready to get into. Now, I was high already from the shit I had just snorted. So, if I decided to run downtown with Teresa to cop some more of that penny candy she was talking about, then I was not going to be in any shape to go home. But, if I decided not to ride out with her, then I was gonna miss out on some good shit. And I wasn’t trying to do that, so what was a girl to do?
“What you stalling for?” she asked me.
“I’m not stalling,” I assured her.
“Well, let’s go then,” she continued.
Feeling the pressures of trying to stick by her side, I stood up from the sofa and followed her out the front door. And once we were outside, I elected to drive us to our destination because she was truly not in her right state of mind to drive us herself.
The Ice Cream Man
As expected, the main strip in Grandy Park was packed from corner to corner with junkies, dope fiends, the dealers, and a few hoes lurking on the sidelines, trying to put their bid in for a nightcap in exchange for some cash or a couple pills of dope. There was nothing unusual about this scene.
Once I got a parking spot, Teresa hopped out of the car with her leather jacket in hand and headed over toward this cute, young, fat guy who everybody called the Ice Cream Man. And from the looks of this cat, I guessed they called him the Ice Cream Man for either his weight problem or all the jewelry he wore which, in my opinion, made him look like he was trying to be superior to all of the low-income housing residents out there. Or, for a better phrase, made him look like he was The Man around there.
When Teresa walked up to him, she gave him a little bit of lip service and then she held up the jacket in front of him. But, for some reason, homeboy wasn’t interested at all, so she folded the jacket up, tucked it under her arm, and walked away. As she attempted to cross the street, I heard him say, ”Ay yo, Shorty, come back over here so I can holler at you for a minute.”
Like a dog adhering to her master’s command, Teresa turned back around and marched her ass right back over to where he was standing. Now, I couldn’t make out what either of them were saying this time around, but whatever it was drew their attention in my direction. So, I sat in my car with a bewildered expression and wondered to myself what the hell they could be talking about. And then, out of the blue, Teresa came running over toward me.
“You are not going to believe what that nigga just asked me to do,” she said the moment she approached me, sounding out of breath.
“You’re probably right. But, what did he say?”
“He wants me to ask you if you would trick with him.”
“Are you fucking crazy? I’m not a ho!” I said with utter disgust. “I mean, how could you even fix your mouth to ask me some shit like that?”
“Look, I already told him you wouldn’t go for no shit like that. But, he was like if I didn’t make it happen, then he wasn’t trying to make a trade.”
“Well, I don’t know what to tell you. Because I am not selling my pussy for a couple pills of his so-called penny candy!” I expressed with discontent.
“Oh, he was gon’ give you more than a couple pills,” she said with confidence. “As a matter of fact, he told me he’ll give you $200 worth of dope if you’ll be with him for one hour.”
“Well, it ain’t gon’ happen, so let’s go.”
“Come on now, Faith,” she began to beg me. “This is the only way we’re going to be able to get a hold to some of his shit.”
“Well, you fuck him, th
en.”
“But, he doesn’t want me.”
“Well, I’m sorry ’cause I’m not about to do it. Now, if you can’t get him to buy that jacket right there, get your silly ass in this car right now, ’cause I am going to leave you.”
Desperate to make the trade through any means necessary, Teresa said, “Hold up, wait a minute,” and then she dashed back off in the direction of the Ice Cream Man.
I couldn’t tell you what she had up her sleeve, but whatever it was, I knew I wasn’t going to allow myself to take no part in it. I didn’t give a damn if I used drugs or not; I refused to let a young-ass drug dealer treat me like I was some gutter trash prostitute for some fucking dope. I’d leave that department up to Teresa, since she seemed to enjoy it.
While she was working her magic on homeboy, a couple of his watch-out boys yelled out to alert him and everybody in the area doing something illegal, that a couple of undercover narcotics detectives were rolling through in civilian-like cars. So, naturally everyone panicked, including myself. It dawned on me whether I should pull off and leave Teresa’s dumb ass out there where she belonged, or just sit there and act cool.
As I was about to make my decision, I noticed how quickly that fat nigga handed her a tiny black package and walked away from her. As she began to walk back into the direction of the car, it became clearer by the second that the package she carried couldn’t be nothing else but that fat bastard’s drugs. It took everything within me not to drive the fuck off, being as though the police were watching everything moving. So, what were the odds of them fucking with her, much less questioning me after they saw her get into my car? And who knows, they could’ve even fucked around and violated my constitutional rights by conducting an unauthorized search on me, as well as my car, because of the environment we were in. I couldn’t have that, especially not now. So, whatever I decided to do, I knew I am going to have to play it very safe.
“Come on, let’s go,” Teresa instructed me the second she jumped into the passenger seat.
“Wait,” I said, trying to hold my composure. “Did he just hand you a little black bag?”
“Yeah, so come on before the police come over here and fuck with us,” she replied as if she was getting a little impatient.
Now, I was on the verge of blowing her ass clean out of the water for that dumb-ass move she made that could put us both in jail. But, I held my tongue to prevent making a scene, which of course would have opened a door for a major disaster, and then I got out of that place as quickly as possible.
On the way out, I saw two more police officers harassing a couple of guys at the end of the strip. And even though I felt a sense of relief that I was home free, I also knew that it only happened at the expense of those guys. As I approached highway I-264, Teresa reached down inside her pants and pulled out the black bag.
With the biggest smile she could muster up, she said, “I betcha can’t guess how much is in here?”
“Whatever it is, I sure hope it would’ve been worth you going to jail behind,” I commented in a hasty and no-tolerance manner.
“Girl, those police officers weren’t thinking about me,” she began to explain. “All they come out there for is them niggas they see out there every day, which is why Ice Cream gave me his shit and told me to hold it.”
“What do you mean, hold it?”
“Well, I’m supposed to be meeting him around the corner, so he can get this shit back. But, after the way he carried me, he can kiss my ass ’cause I ain’t about to give him shit!”
“Oh my God, Teresa! That man is going to kill you when he catches up with your ass!”
“Please, he ain’t gon’ do shit! ’Cause if wasn’t for me, the police would have been dead on his ass and locking him up as we speak. So, the nigga owes me.”
“That’s not how he’s going to look at it, once he figures out you’re not going to show up.”
“Who cares?” she replied as she opened up the bag. And then within seconds, her face lit up like a Christmas tree.
“Girl, we hit the motherfucking jackpot!” she continued.
“Yeah, so you think,” I commented with little or no interest at all.
But, it didn’t stop her from harping on how she planned to devour the entire package. “I am gonna have me a motherfucking ball with this shit here. And I ain’t gon’ come up for air until all of it is gone,” she commented with pure excitement.
Instead of responding to her ridiculous comments, I chose to leave well enough alone because I figured, what’s the use? She was a grown-ass woman who chose to live her life in the danger zone. So, if she wanted to keep getting her ass kicked behind taking people’s shit, then that’s exactly what was gonna continue to happen.
Later that night, I found out that the black bag Teresa walked away with contained forty-five caps of the Ice Cream Man’s dope. So, you know she thought she was in paradise. I, on the other hand, played it safe and only sniffed a small quantity of it, since I didn’t have any coke to mix it with. I must say that it wasn’t quite bad either. But, it did make a motherfucker nod off in the blink of an eye. That’s just how powerful the shit was.
If it Ain’t One Thing, it’s Another
You will not believe it when I tell you that it only took Teresa and I three days to blow up all forty-five caps of that penny candy. So, you know we had not had one ounce of sleep for those entire three days. My body was tired and it was urgent that I take a bath immediately because my ass was kicking.
I mean, I’d never gone this long without washing my ass. This was not like me at all. I’d noticed that when you’re getting high, staying on top of your hygiene isn’t really that important. But, what was important was how you were going to cop your next high. And the way we studied our options was like how scientists studied the law of gravity. Now, I know that sounds really crazy, but believe you me, this shit was serious.
It was a Wednesday morning and I’d finally gotten up the nerve to go home and face my husband’s wrath after being gone for almost a week. I knew it wasn’t gonna to be pleasant, since he’d been trying to contact me the entire time. I suited up and was going to be prepared for whatever he threw my way.
As I approached the house, my heart started beating out of control. When I stuck my keys in the front door and couldn’t turn the lock after trying two times, my heart fell straight to the pit of my stomach.
“Wait a minute. What’s going on here?” I said aloud with a puzzled look on my face.
As I was about to knock on the door, it opened and Eric was standing there with the most evil expression he could muster up. As I was about to say something in reference to him changing the locks, he beat me to the punch.
“Thought you were gonna be coming in, huh?”
“Of course, I did. I do live here,” I replied sarcastically.
“Not anymore,” he struck back.
“So, what, you put me out?”
“No, I didn’t. You left.”
“And how in the hell did you come up with that conclusion?”
“After you decided that you wanted to stay out for almost a week. And when I’ve tried to contact you, you failed to take any of my calls, better yet even come home. So, what in the hell was I supposed to think?”
“Look, I don’t want to discuss this mess out here for all the neighbors to be in my business.” I moved forward to cross over the threshold of my front door.
“I’m sorry, but you can’t come in here,” he told me in a cold-hearted manner as he stood directly in the path in which I was trying to travel.
“I beg your pardon!” I snapped, throwing my hands over my hips.
“Listen, Faith, please don’t try to cause a scene,” he warned.
“Eric, I’m not trying to cause a scene. You are,” I lashed back.
“Okay, listen. I’ve gotta go,” he said, taking a couple of step backwards, making room to close the front door.
“Oh, so you’re just gonna close the door in my face?”
“That’s the idea.”
“You know what, Eric? You’re acting really childish right now. So, you need to snap out of it and talk to me like an adult, because these games you’re playing aren’t funny anymore.”
“Oh, so you think this is a game, huh?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Well, let me be the first to tell you that my decision to change the locks and file for a legal separation is not a game,” he started off. “I am sick of all your bullshit and everything you stand for. I mean, look at you.”
“What’s wrong with me?” I interjected.
“Have you looked in a mirror lately? Because, if you haven’t, then let me be the first to say that you look like shit! And you smell like you haven’t bathed in a whole week.”
“Oh, bullshit! That’s a fucking lie! You don’t smell me and you know it.”
“Trust me, Faith, I do. And believe it or not, it really hurts me to see you like this. But, what’s so ugly about the whole thing is that you refuse to be honest with yourself and admit that you have a drug problem.”
“That’ s because I don’t.”
“Come on now, Faith, who are you kidding here? I mean, tell me, what person stays out for five or six days and doesn’t come or call home? And when they do show up, they look like roadkill.”
“You got all the answers. So, you tell me.”
“Nah, I don’t have to tell you, because you already know.”
“Yeah, whatever Eric, because I’m really not in the mood to hear all of that.”
“Well, are you in the mood to hear about how much your daughter misses you? And is always asking me why you won’t return our calls?”
