by Janet Dailey
"I don't care if she's a girl in ten million. I'm sick and tired of hearing about her!" Maggie was nearly in tears as she struggled futilely to break out of Wade's hold. "I don't want to hear about her virtues — or the children you're going to have!"
"Jealous?"
Maggie hesitated for only an instant before abandoning all pretense to the contrary. "Yes! Yes, I am jealous. I didn't want to be, I told myself I wouldn't be. But I am jealous of her!"
"Why?" His dark gaze seemed to bore deep into her very soul. "We're divorced. Remember?"
"I know that. And I know I should want you to be happy, but … Why should both of us be alone and miserable?"
"Are you miserable, Maggie?" His hands tightened, drawing her a few inches closer.
Her fingers spread across his chest, slipping inside his jacket to cover the thinness of his shirt. She strained to keep him at a distance.
Conscious of the subtle change in the atmosphere, her pulse behaved erratically.
"Yes, I'm miserable," she admitted, and stared at the hairs curling near the hollow of his throat.
"Don't you like being alone?" Wade demanded.
"No."
"My independent, stubborn little Maggie doesn't like being alone?"
His faint skepticism made it a question. "That's a change. Six years ago that was the one thing you wanted above all else."
"I know."
"Maggie —" his large hand curved around her throat and under her chin, lifting it up "— did we give up too soon? Could we have made our marriage work?"
A tear collected on the tip of her eyelash. "I don't know."
"What do you know?"
There was a mocking lilt to his low voice that was oddly pleasing.
"I … I know that I'm sorry for spilling those peas all over Belinda. I never meant to do it, honestly."
An attempt at a smile trembled over her lips. "There, you have your apology from me. Now you can go back to Belinda and tell her how very contrite I am. In a few days you'll both be laughing about what a termagant your ex-wife is."
"I never laugh about you, Maggie. I never have."
His hard features were composed in a serious expression.
"When we were divorced, I immediately asked my company to transfer me to Alaska because I knew I would never be able to stay away from you unless thousands of miles separated us. Each month, each year, the separation became easier to bear until finally I met Belinda.
"Then I came back here." Wade took a deep breath and released it in a long sigh. "And I find I still can't stay away from you."
"It hasn't been easy to get you out of my system, either."
Maggie was moved by his words into admitting her own impossible position.
His hands relaxed on her shoulders and slid around to cross her back. It happened so gently and without force that she barely realized she was being enfolded in his arms.
Her head rested against his shoulder. She felt the feather-light brash of his mouth against her hair, but she didn't object.
"What are we going to do about us?" he mused.
"There isn't any us."
She slid her hands the rest of the way inside his jacket to wind her arms around his middle, unconsciously hugging closer,
"Isn't there, Maggie?"
He kissed the corner of her eye.
She lifted her head and his mouth found her lips.
It was a warm, drugging kiss, slow to passion, allowing Maggie to enjoy the sensation as she moved toward the heights.
Wade was content to make the climb at a leisurely pace.
"Legally we may not be bound to each other," he murmured against the sensitive cord along her neck. "But we haven't broken that one tie that keeps pulling us back together."
"Not Mike?"
"No, not Mike."
His hands roamed with indolent ease over her slim figure, slowly but surely molding her to his granite length.
"We're like two pieces of flint, Maggie. Every time we rub up against each other, we strike sparks. We keep forgetting to put the fire out."
"It's just physical."
Her lips began to intimately trace the outline of his jaw, so strong and firm.
"That's what I keep telling myself." Wade nibbled at the lobe of her ear. "That you just know how to please me."
"That was a long time ago."
Maggie felt her heart hammering in response to the rapid beat of his.
Her legs felt shaky and weak.
"Was it?" He moved back to nuzzle her lips. "Or was it only last night in my dreams?"
His fingers located the zipper latch in the front of her robe.
It slid slowly down to her waist, the hair-roughened back of his hand tickling her bare skin. She seemed to lose her breath as his hand slid inside.
"This is crazy, Wade. We argue all the time." But even as she made the protest, her lips were parting in anticipation of his kiss.
"We aren't having an argument now, unless you intend to start one." His mouth hovered close to hers, without taking it.
"I should." But Maggie hadn't the strength to resist, only to press her mouth to his and accept its hard possession.
Flames leaped and soared around them. Their desire melted them together.
His hands burned over her skin, arousing her flesh to the demands of his.
They were reaching the corner where there would be no turning back.
To her surprise, Maggie found herself breaking away from his kiss. She was trembling, weak with her hunger for him.
Yet she was resisting. It confused her.
"Maggie?"
His fingers sought her chin, trying to twist her head back to him.
"I can't," she answered his unspoken question.
"Why?" His bewildered demand echoed what she was feeling.
"I do want you to make love to me." Maggie looked at him at last, her heart in her eyes.
"But I can't let you. I don't understand it myself, so don't ask me to explain."
"Is it because of Belinda?"
His hand continued its caressing massage of her lower back, an unconscious motion that was sensually disturbing.
"Maybe," she conceded without knowing if it were true.
"It's just … that I don't want this to happen for old times' sake. I don't want tonight to be one last fling before you marry Belinda."
Although Wade didn't move, Maggie felt him withdrawing behind a wall of reserve. He was taking control of his emotions and his desires. She wasn't sure if she was glad about that or not.
"I understand," he murmured.
"Do you?" Maggie hoped he did. "We've always done things so impulsively, made decisions in the heat of the moment. Getting married, and getting divorced. Before we make another foolish decision, I —"
His forefinger pressed itself against her lips for silence. "Don't say any more." He smiled tightly. "I couldn't stand the shock of hearing practical, sensible statements coming from you."
With a reluctance that thrilled her, he withdrew his arms from around her and zipped the front of her robe shut all the way to her neck. Maggie stood there uncertainly, regretting that she had stopped him even though she knew she was right.
"I don't want you to go," she sighed.
His mouth crooked into a wry smile. "Don't ask me to stay and sleep on the couch."
"Okay, I won't."
She copied his smile. "You sleep in the bed and I'll take the couch."
She was joking and Wade knew it, but he answered seriously.
"I need to think, Maggie, and I can do a better job of it if I don't have the distraction of knowing you are in another room."
"You're leaving, then?"
Maggie said it almost as if she were repeating a verdict.
"Yes."
"Tomorrow …" she began.
Wade bent and kissed her lightly on the lips. "We'll see what tomorrow brings.
"By then we'll both have time to be sure our decision is right."
&n
bsp; Maggie could have told him that her decision was already made, but pride demanded that she remain silent.
A shiver of apprehension chilled her skin. What if she had missed her chance for happiness?
He walked to the door and paused, not looking back. "Good night, Maggie."
At least it hadn't been goodbye. Not yet, anyway. "Good night, Wade."
WHAT WAS SHE DOING, Maggie wondered as he opened the door and walked out into the night.
Was she sending him back into Belinda's waiting arms?
She hadn't told him that she loved him. Maybe it was better that way.
If his decision went against her, at least she could save face.
She had to accept the probability that Wade wouldn't choose her. He had to care a great deal for Belinda or he would never have asked her to marry him in the first place.
Maggie had no such choice to make. There was only Wade.
A car door slammed. Shortly afterward she heard the engine start and the car reversed out of the driveway. It was going to be a long night, the waiting turning it into an eternity.
She picked up her coffee cup and carried it to the kitchen.
She refilled it and sat down at the chrome table.
It was three in the morning before she turned off the lights and went to bed.
She lay there for a long time, staring at the pattern the moonlight made on the ceiling. At some point in the aching loneliness of time, Maggie drifted off to sleep.
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Chapter Fifteen
ABELL RANG. At first Maggie thought it was her alarm clock and swung her hand to the bedside table to shut it off.
But it wasn't the alarm clock. She fumbled for the telephone, but there was a dial tone on the other end. The bell sounded again as she was about to decide she had dreamed it.
"Mike! Answer the door!" she called, and tried to bury her head under the pillow.
At this hour of the morning any visitor had to be one of Mike's friends.
Then she realized that Mike wasn't home. He had spent the night with Denny next door. And there was only one possible person who might be coming at this hour to see her.
Maggie shot out of the bed like a loaded cannon. She pulled on her robe as she raced down the hall.
"I'm coming!" she called as the doorbell rang again.
Breathless, her face aglow with excitement and hope, she pulled back the bolt and unhooked the safety chain. She jerked the door open, beaming a smile of welcome. But it wasn't Wade standing outside.
It was Belinda Hale.
Maggie stared.
The blonde looked immaculate, not a hair out of place, a sparing but efficient use of makeup. In comparison Maggie felt tousled and sleep - worn, her eyes puffy, her hair a tangle of red silk, too pale without makeup.
"May I come in?" Belinda asked.
Too startled to do anything else, Maggie stepped to one side to admit her.
"I'm a mess, I'm afraid," she apologized for her appearance. "I've just got out of bed."
"That's all right, I understand. I'm never at my best until I've had my orange juice and a morning cup of coffee." Again, there was that smooth, understanding smile.
"About last night and your dress …" Maggie began.
"I think we would both feel better if we just forgot about last night and that little incident," Belinda suggested. "I'm convinced you didn't do it intentionally."
"I didn't," Maggie assured her.
"You must be dying for some juice and a cup of coffee. Why don't we go into the kitchen?
"I wouldn't mind another cup myself, if it isn't too much trouble." There was nothing pushy in her manner.
On the contrary, the young woman was being very thoughtful.
"The kitchen is through here."
Maggie led the way. Her mind raced to find a reason for Belinda's arrival here this morning, but she was hesitant to ask.
"This is nice." Belinda glanced around the kitchen in approval. "Very efficient. It must be a pleasure to cook here."
"It is, when I have the time."
Maggie quickly made a pot of coffee and plugged it in before walking to the refrigerator for the orange juice.
"Where's Mike this morning?"
Was that the reason for Belinda's visit? To renew her acquaintance with Mike? "He's next door at the neighbors'." It was logical since he hadn't yet returned home.
"That's good. It will give us a chance to have a private talk."
"Talk?"
Her hand halted in midair, the orange juice glass poised short of her mouth.
"Yes. I made sure Wade's car wasn't here before I stopped. I knew he wouldn't like me coming to talk to you."
Belinda smiled with faint conspiracy and sat down at the chrome table.
"Wade's car?" Maggie repeated.
"Please don't try to spare me. And please don't be embarrassed," the other girl insisted. "I know Wade spent the night with you last night. I'm not upset. In fact, I think it might be a good thing in the long run."
"You know Wade spent the night here with me?" Maggie repeated the statement to be certain she had heard it correctly.
"Yes. It was fairly obvious. When he took me home, I knew he was coming back here. He came back because he was upset and angry about what had happened to my dress. You're a strikingly beautiful woman, Maggie. When Wade didn't come home, I knew that whatever sparks had flown between you hadn't all been from anger," Belinda explained.
Maggie couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You know he made love to me and you don't mind?" She found that impossible.
"No, I don't mind." Belinda shook her blond head, her expression indulgently gentle. "You see, I think I understand what happened. When a man sees his ex - wife again, it's natural for him to wonder if that old feeling is still around."
"And last night Wade satisfied his curiosity?" Maggie was incredulous that Belinda could take the supposed defection of her fiancé so calmly.
"It's better than having him marry me and wonder about you," Belinda answered.
"Don't you think so?"
"Oh, yes, much better, I'm sure," Maggie agreed dryly, and walked to the cupboard to take out two clean mugs.
"Do you take cream or sugar?"
"Both, please."
"Have you talked to Wade this morning?" She took the sugar bowl out of the cupboard and walked to the refrigerator for the cream.
"No, he wasn't back yet when I left the house. Naturally I'm not going to tell him that I know all about last night. He may volunteer the information on his own, but I won't admit that I know. I think it's the wisest thing. I don't want him to think that I'm the possessive type and will check up on him all the time."
"You are definitely not the possessive type," Maggie agreed with the faintest trace of sarcasm.
"It's a waste of emotion. A man is either going to be faithful or he's not. A woman can do all the worrying in the world about where he is or who he's with, but it won't change anything. It can make your life miserable," Belinda declared. "And I'm not going to let my life become miserable."
"It's a commendable philosophy, but difficult to live by, I would think."
The coffeepot stopped perking and Maggie filled the cups.
"Not if you set your mind to it. It becomes amazingly easy."
There was an expressive lift to her shoulders. "It's a matter of not being distracted by harmful emotions."
"I see."
Maggie didn't see at all. By nature she was an emotional person. Belinda seemed the complete opposite. "What is it you wanted to talk to me about?" She carried the mugs to the table, set one in front of Belinda along with the cream and sugar, and carried the second to her chair.
"About Wade."
Mentally Maggie braced herself.
This was the part she understood, where Belinda would ask her to stay away from him, that he no longer belonged to her.
"What about Wade?" Maggie sipped the steaming coffee.
&n
bsp; "I want to know all about him — the things that irritate him, the things he likes. There are so many pitfalls in a marriage. I thought if I talked to you first, I could avoid some of the major ones."
Maggie set the cup down with a jerk, brown liquid slopping over the rim.
There would be no ultimatum for her to leave Wade alone, she realized.
"You can't be serious!"
She choked on her disbelief.
"Oh, but I am. Don't you see how sensible it is?" the other girl reasoned.
"Sensible? You just accused me of having slept with your fiancé last night. Don't you realize that?" Maggie asked incredulously. "Now you're asking me to tell you all the do's and don'ts so your marriage to him can survive. I could tell you all the wrong things, deliberately."
"But you wouldn't do that, Maggie." Belinda laughed away the suggestion.
"Wade has always said that one of your greatest faults was your honesty. If anything, you have proved that to me this minute."
"Did it ever occur to you that I might want Wade back?" Maggie argued.
"Of course it occurred to me. But if there'd been any chance of a reconciliation between you, it would have happened before now."
The woman's confidence was unshakable. Belinda's total lack of jealousy put Maggie at a loss. It was impossible to be angry, or even irritated, in the face of this insanely sensible girl.
That left bewilderment.
"What if I told you Wade and I discovered that old special feeling was still there? What would you say?" Maggie wanted to know.
"That it's a good thing Wade found out before he married me."
Belinda's tone indicated that that was the only logical reaction.
Logic had never ruled Maggie's heart. She leaned back in her chair, completely baffled.
"I give up," she sighed in helpless confusion. "You can't be real!"
Belinda laughed, that throaty, practiced sound.
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Chapter Sixteen
THE SIDE DOOR OPENED and Wade walked in.
He let the door close behind him as he stopped and a puzzling frown of disbelief spread across his male features.
His jacket and tie had been discarded, but otherwise he was wearing the same clothes he had had on last night.
There was a shadowy growth of beard on his cheeks to indicate that he hadn't shaved yet this morning. His black hair was rumpled as if he'd run his fingers through it many times.
