He walked upstairs, opened the door to the boys’ room, and found them huddled together on Preston’s bed, whispering. He watched as Preston patted Sheldon on the back, seemingly comforting him. Rufus closed the door softly, went back to his office, and phoned Naomi. Sheldon didn’t need punishment; it was Naomi who needed it. He greeted her, skipped the preliminaries, and told her he knew about Sheldon’s call and what he had just witnessed.
“Give me a ring when you find a solution to this.” He told her goodbye and hung up. By now she was hurting, and he was sorry, but he had to play the hand that had been dealt him. He loved her. He wanted her. But if he played by the rules, he’d never get her.
Naomi’s hand rested on the phone long after she’d hung up. She’d thought when she’d established contact with Aaron that she’d begun to straighten out her life. But had she? Instead, she’d precipitated new relationships and situations that had taken on a life and momentum of their own, that were all tied up together, and that would someday have to be straightened out. “I’ll cry tomorrow,” she quoted, as she put on a jazz album to change her mood.
At nine the following evening, Naomi conceded defeat, locked the door of her little cubicle at OLC, and headed for her car. Her steps echoed thought the empty building, accentuating her aloneness. Tutoring was usually suspended during the holiday school recess, but Linda had agreed to meet her with a report on the retreat. She couldn’t imagine why the girl hadn’t come, had kept her waiting there on a blustery cold night in a barely heated building. She’d have thought Linda would be anxious to share with her what she’d learned about art and painting at the retreat.
She telephoned Linda the next day at the drugstore where the girl worked part-time and asked for an explanation. She didn’t mind that Linda was unapologetic, but her indifference hurt. She explained carelessly that her mother had kept her at home and, as if she had become distrustful of Naomi, asked, “Why are you so interested, anyway?”
You couldn’t beat teenagers for bluntness, Naomi thought, remembering her conversation with Aaron the day before, nor for cruelty. “Linda, I see in you myself as I was at your age, and I understand you. I know where you’re headed and why, and I just want to be sure that you don’t get there. I’m going to speak with your mother.”
She called the woman immediately and was sorry she hadn’t done it earlier. Linda’s mother seemed to appreciate the call and promised to encourage and support her daughter. They agreed that Linda would help her mother after work, that Naomi would tutor the girl at her apartment on Saturday mornings, and that they would stay in touch. If only her other problems could be solved so easily.
She dressed and went to buy a present for Judd’s ninety-fifth birthday and one for Rufus’s thirty-fifth. Aaron hadn’t called her, and she decided not to pressure him. Her eyes widened and she couldn’t utter a sound when he opened Judd’s door just as she reached for the knob.
“Well, what a surprise. I guess you weren’t joking when you said you could find your way to Alexandria.” She heard the hurt in her voice and didn’t try to conceal it. Something akin to embarrassment flickered in his brown eyes, but he didn’t give quarter.
“Today’s Grandpa’s birthday. I thought I’d come out and let him beat me at chess. You coming in, or are you planning to stay out there in the cold?” Before she could react to that series of questions, he released another at bullet speed. “You want to let me carry that for you, or do you want to just give me, er, the devil for getting smart at you when I left your place?” She succumbed to his charm, fully aware that he’d turned it on to ease things for himself.
“You said you’d see me in a couple of days. What happened?” she chided.
“I’ve been sorting things out,” he told her casually. She supposed her uneasiness showed, because he explained, “I decided to talk to Grandpa and I feel a little better about it. Have you been to see Sheldon and his brother yet?” Looking up at him, she shook her head and could have sworn that he’d grown a few inches in the last three days.
His mouth curved almost cynically. “You have to get your act together, Noomie. Talk to the guy. You won’t have any less than you’ve got now.” As if to soften the blows of his words, he stroked her cheek with the backs of his fingers, and she had to fight back the tears. Rufus often did that, usually when he was leaving.
To complicate things, Rufus called to wish Judd a happy birthday, and the boys also talked with him, filling the old man’s day with happiness and giving her a feeling of aloneness. She marveled at Aaron’s silence as she drove him home. Like her, he didn’t feel compelled to talk unless he had something to say. But as she swung off Georgia Avenue onto his street, he turned to her.
“You’d feel better if you talked to them. Happy New Year, Noomie.” He bounced out of the car and up the steps, turned, and waved.
She usually spent New Year’s Eve alone, so she didn’t mind it. But she made some double fudge brownies in case she got into a blue funk. The sinfully delicious treats would cure most any ailment, or at least take your mind off it. She ate her dinner and had just settled down to watch the holiday festivities on television when the doorbell rang.
Her heart leaped in her chest when she opened the door and saw Rufus and his boys. She knelt and gathered the children into her arms, showering them with kisses, barely aware of the happy tears that streaked her cheeks. The boys hugged and kissed her, dancing excitedly, lavishing her with love. At last, she stood and looked into Rufus’s eyes. If only he’d take her in his arms, if only he’d hold her and kiss her, as the boys had done. She dropped her gaze, unwilling to let him see what was in her heart.
Rufus looked down at Naomi, at the sweetness of her expression and the warmth in her smiling, tear sparkled eyes that nearly took his breath away. “We came to wish you a happy New Year.”
When she glanced around, he figured she was looking for the boys. He knew they’d followed their noses and had gone looking for brownies, the fragrance of which enveloped the apartment.
“Come in. I always forget to ask you in.” He stepped inside, noticing that she didn’t step back to make it possible and guessed that she wanted him closer. He wasn’t ready to accommodate her. Preston and Sheldon had wanted to see her and had tormented him until he’d brought them. He had wanted to see her, too, but unlike four-year-olds, he regulated his desires; they didn’t regulate him. She looked up at him, seeming to beseech him, but he wasn’t about to spend the rest of the night—and probably a lot longer—aching for her.
“I’m so glad you came and that you brought the boys. I don’t think anything could make me happier.”
His lips tightened with disdain. “Nothing? Why don’t I believe you? Oh, I know you think you’re telling the truth, but if nothing would make you happier, sweetheart, you’d find yourself with us more often. Maybe constantly.” He grinned. “Right?”
She took his hand. “Come, let’s see what the boys are into. I don’t want them to open the oven.” They found the boys on their knees, peering at the glass oven door. When she would have rushed toward them, he restrained her. “They won’t get closer, and they wouldn’t touch it even if it were cold.” She put the brownies on the balcony to cool and made hot chocolate.
Rufus sat at the table, holding his empty coffee cup and looking over at Sheldon, who stood beside Naomi with an arm around her and his head resting in her lap. Then he looked down at Preston who, in an unusual gesture, had taken the same position with him. He had to do something. Couldn’t she see that they all belonged together?
He stood abruptly. “They’re getting sleepy, so we’d better be going.” At the door, he gazed at her, letting her see everything he felt; love, loneliness, need. Her quick intake of breath told him that she’d seen what he’d wanted her to see. She lowered her head, and he swiftly pulled her to him, teased her lips apart, and thrust his tongue between them, taki
ng from her what he needed and making sure that her night would be as lonely as his. He wanted to hold her to him forever, but she stepped away, clearly shaken, gasping. He winked at her, lifted the boys into his arms and left.
The new year is only two days old, Naomi thought, and my life is in a bigger mess than ever. How had she gotten herself into such a predicament? Linda was coming for her Saturday morning tutoring session, and Aaron had decided he wanted to visit. Moreover, he refused to accept her reasons for asking him to come in the afternoon and chose instead to take it as a rejection. When she explained that Linda was a fifteen-year-old teenager who needed her help, he had curtly informed her that if she’d rather help Linda, it was fine with him; and if she didn’t want her friends to meet him, he didn’t care to meet them. It hadn’t occurred to her that he’d see it that way.
Her wait that afternoon for Aaron was fruitless, and she realized belatedly that he hadn’t promised her he’d come. Dispirited, she called Marva in hopes that a good chat with her friend would lift her mood. They talked about everything but what bothered her, and she hung up feeling worse than before she’d called. She couldn’t settle into her work, and when she found herself pacing the floor, she followed her heart and telephoned Rufus.
Rufus allowed their conversation to stall after an exchange of pleasantries. He wasn’t going to engage in small talk with Naomi when there were so many important things they needed to discuss. Besides, he hated small talk. “Why did you call me, Naomi? You couldn’t be interested in my views on the weather. I’m a journalist, not a meteorologist.”
“I just wanted to talk, Rufus. Haven’t you ever just needed to talk?”
“Give me some credit, Naomi, and level with me. I know you didn’t call me at ten-thirty at night to talk about nothing. I thought that when we were in New Orleans, we progressed to the point where you could admit needing me. And later, we got to the point where you lay in my arms with me deep inside you and told me you love me.” Softness colored his voice, and he had to clear his throat when it clogged with emotion. “What happened since then, Naomi? You promised me you would tell me what this is all about as soon as you knew. I have a feeling that you know, and that you’ve made up your mind that I’m expendable. But for one, your heart refuses to follow your mind, and you’re in trouble.” She offered no comment when he paused. “How am I doing so far?” he asked with pretended jocularity.
“I—I think I’d better hang up, Rufus. This isn’t helping. Kiss the boys for me. Good night.”
His hand automatically replaced the receiver, but he still heard the quiet tears in her voice when she’d asked him to kiss the boys for her.
As soon as she hung up, Naomi jumped up. How could she have forgotten that it was Rufus’s thirty-fifth birthday? She hadn’t even arranged to give his birthday present. She removed the receiver and punched in his telephone number. She’d given her relationship with Aaron the highest priority and had removed everything and everyone else from her central thoughts. But even the slightest problem, no matter how inconsequential, turned her mind to Rufus and her need of him. She got a busy signal, hung up, and dialed again. Maybe it was the feeling she had in his arms, after he made love to her, that bound her irrevocably to him. When he folded her to him and held her, she soared, secure in the knowledge that he’d keep her safe no matter what, even in the eye of a hurricane. She heard his magnificent voice and sighed. “Happy birthday, Rufus.”
Naomi rubbed furiously at the finish on her Shaker rocking chair, one of the few things of her mother’s that she’d kept. She sat on the floor in front of the chair, looking at it, but seeing her life. Shiny in places, paint bare in some, and coming apart in others. The doorbell rang, and she looked at her watch, wondering which of four or five people she’d find there at ten o’clock in the morning. Aaron.
Wide-eyed with amazement, she took the bird of paradise he handed her and opened her arms to him, trying without success to control the trembling of her body as he hugged her back. He was trying to make up for yesterday, she knew, though there’d been no need for that. But they’d just passed a milestone. Maybe it was a good omen.
“I was out of line, yesterday, Noomie. I don’t know what got into me. I mean, just because this girl—uh, Linda—is a kid doesn’t mean you like her better than me. Does it?” Her heart raced in her chest at his admission that he wanted to be important to her. She held his hand as they walked down the hallway to the kitchen.
“No. And in your heart, you know that. Thanks for the flower; when it dries, I’m going to press it in the back of the family Bible.” She gave him a half dozen brownies and a mug of coffee.
A sheepish grin softened his face as he bit off a piece of brownie. “You are, huh? I’d better go. My mom’s got me painting my bathroom. Say, this is terrific. I’ll take the rest of this with me.” He looked down at the rocking chair. “That thing needs a lot of work. Leave it till the next time I come over. I refinished a couple of things for my mom. She liked what I did. Look, I gotta split.” She walked with him to the door, rested her hand on the knob, and waited. It was his move. His kiss on her cheek washed away a lot of the pain she’d felt the night before.
“Oh, Noomie. My school is having its annual parents’ day program tomorrow night. The boys sit with their fathers and the girls with their mothers. They’re having some big shot guest speak, but I didn’t get his name. Grandpa agreed to sit with me. My mom said you could go along with her if you want to. She said be at our house by seven o’clock. You coming?” She nodded, too full to speak. She managed to grin at his familiar thumbs-up sign, closed the door, and went to finish her coffee.
Naomi leaned against the door, speechless. She knew that her grandfather was taken with Aaron, but she found it hard to believe that he’d go so far as to publicly acknowledge him. She went into the living room, picked up the portable phone, and dialed.
“Grandpa, did you tell Aaron that you’re going to sit with him at his school’s program tomorrow night? Won’t that be the same as announcing that he’s my son?” The old man cleared his throat. His reticence made her wary; she had never known him to be reluctant to express his views.
“Naomi, gal, we have to face this now. We’ve turned a corner, and there’s no going back. Aaron wanted to go to church with me last Sunday, and I had to postpone it. I’m a minister of the gospel, gal, and I have to do what’s right. I’ve thought about it, worried about it, and prayed about it, and I have to do this. I’ve been kept here for a purpose, to support my great-grandchild, maybe. I don’t know. You took a stand and did what you felt you had to do. I admired your for it, even though I opposed it, and I’m glad you did it. Now, I have to do what I know is right. We’ll face whatever comes together, Naomi gal. Just take my advice and do what I’ve been telling you. Talk to Rufus before it’s too late.” She’d barely hung up when the doorbell rang. She put the flower in a bud vase and placed it on the table in the foyer as she went to open the door.
Rufus felt a tightening in his stomach as the doorknob turned. He didn’t know what he’d hoped to accomplish with this spur of the moment visit, but he couldn’t stay away. He had to see her. She had been hurting when she’d called him last night, and it was a deep hurt. The startled look on her face when she’d opened the door and seen him standing there had quickly changed to welcoming warmth, and he knew she was glad to see him. She opened the door wider and stood back to let him in. He stopped before her. Close. Reading her eyes and the slight quiver of her lips. Oh, God, he needed this woman so badly.
“Ah, Naomi, come here to me, sweetheart.” Miraculously, she stood wrapped in his arms, sobbing his name against his lips. A shudder ricocheted through him as her soft, warm body and roaming lips inflamed him. He picked her up and set her bodily away from him; he’d warned himself before leaving home that making love with her wouldn’t solve their problems, would only exacerbate them. She tried to move back into his arms, but he
restrained her gently.
“Hold on, sweetheart, we need to talk. How about some coffee?” They walked back to the kitchen, and she gave him a mug of coffee.
“Why did you call me last night, Naomi?” He waited until she sat down and deliberately faced her across the table. He had to see her eyes and the movements of her mouth: Naomi had spent so much time covering up her feelings that you needed a microscope to figure out what was going on with her.
“Are you going to tell me why you called me? Naomi, if I start making love to you, I can get you to tell me anything, but that’s not what I want for us. Beside, it’s a form of blackmail. You’re so articulate, witty, and wicked when it suits you, why won’t you talk to me? Are you willing to drop this? If you are, tell me. It won’t kill me.”
Naomi had been sipping her coffee, seeming to weigh his every word. She remembered Judd’s advice of minutes earlier, but she couldn’t banish her fear that if she told him everything, he would scorn her. “Rufus, why do you think I had a hidden motive for calling you?”
“I didn’t come here for that, Naomi.” How could she look so calm, knowing that she was skirting the truth?
She straightened up and looked directly into his eyes. Maybe she was going to level with him at last. She spoke softly, seeming to measure her words carefully.
“There’s noting else I can tell you now, Rufus. I’m glad you came over here this morning, more than you could guess. And knowing that you’d have been there for me last night if I’d had a problem makes me happy.”
He placed his cup on the table and stood. “That’s it.” Bitterness laced his voice. “That’s all you’ve prepared to say to me?” She nodded. His hand touched his forehead in a mocking military salute.
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