by Geri Watson
"I want you to stay with me once we get there," she voiced evenly.
"You can't have both worlds, Star," he answered tensely.
Star stepped forward and interlaced her fingers with his. "I know. But for today, I want you."
CHAPTER 14
Infuriating. Frustrating. Impossible. Any of those terms would have worked to describe how Tristan felt about Star at the moment. He couldn't believe that he'd heard her make plans with her boyfriend for tomorrow and then asked him to stay with her the rest of the day today. What was he to her, some consolation prize? It didn't work that way.
As much as he sat there and wrestled with these thoughts in his head as he drove her home, Tristan knew he'd cave in the end. He couldn't say no to her. Although, being treated like this was getting old...fast. Either Star wanted to be with him, or she didn't. Shouldn't it be as simple as that? Why did women have to be so damn complicated anyway?
And another thing, why did she have to go and tell him that she wanted him? If she had said anything else, he might have been able to say no. Something about the way she said those words made it impossible for Tristan to deny her. He gripped the steering wheel tighter, thankful that he'd turned the radio on when they'd gotten in the car to eliminate small talk. He needed to regroup before he said anything more to Star. It was hard to ignore that she was looking over at him every few minutes though. Once he parked across from the apartments and got out of the car, he paused. Star turned around and looked at him with doubt in her eyes.
"Aren't you coming in?"
Tristan averted his eyes so she couldn't distract him. "I don't know if that's a good idea."
Star walked over and stood in front of him, and Tristan closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to look at her. A moment later he felt her heartbeat underneath his hand that matched his own. God, she plays dirty. Opening his eyes, Tristan looked down and saw that her warm eyes were glassy. Real dirty. Giving up, he sighed. "Fine. Let's go in."
They walked up to the apartment and once they were inside Star was greeted by Zack with a kiss on the cheek. He looked over at Tristan with a scowl on his face and went back to making some protein shake in the blender. I guess that means he saw my car parked in the same spot this morning when he left for work. Tristan mused to himself.
Star abandoned Tristan in the living room and walked into the kitchen to talk with Zack. Tristan sat down on the couch and buried his face in his hands. Why am I doing this again? What is a soulmate anyway? How accurate were all of these visions that they'd been having? In each life, they'd lost each other. They'd been ripped apart by death and hadn't been able to save one another. Most of the time it was because he hadn't been able to rescue her. He'd watched her die in his arms. Tristan honestly hoped that when Star's visions had been more vivid, she hadn't seen the same things he had. Quit doubting yourself, Tristan. She's worth it. History doesn't have to repeat itself.
When he looked up, Star was standing in the doorway. Tristan let his eyes roam over her and felt his heart ache. The connection between them was undeniable; he was hers. She's worth it, he repeated to himself. Star walked over and sat next to him on the couch. Tristan realized he still didn't know what to say to her. She leaned her head against his shoulder and took his hand. As tense as he was, he felt himself soften at her touch. This was so unfair. He rested his head on top of hers and squeezed her hand. The two of them sat silently for a few minutes until Zack walked out of the kitchen with his shake and looked at them oddly, then turned and went into the sunroom. It was hard to tell what Zack thought about the pair of them.
"He thinks you're taking advantage of me," Star broke the silence.
Tristan moved his head and looked down at her. "He what?"
"Zack. He knows you spent the night last night." She raised her head and looked at him with a glint in her eyes. "He thinks you're using me."
"Hm. Well, I guess that is what it looks like," Tristan pondered.
"I told him you're not, but I don't think he believes me. He said I have clouded judgment," Star continued.
"Well," Tristan rubbed his chin with his free hand. "In a way it is."
She shrugged and looked over toward the sunroom.
Tristan took a deep breath. "Star, can I ask you something?"
"Sure," she voiced absentmindedly, her face still looking the other direction.
"Are you going to change? Or are you not even going to bother trying to break up with Alex and keep me waiting in the wings?"
As soon as the words were out of Tristan's mouth, he wished he could've taken them back. In fact, he was pretty sure that he'd flinched when she'd turned back toward him. The stunned look on her face made him feel worse, but he still wanted the answer.
He needed to know what he was up against. All of the memories of the past weren't worth anything if Star wasn't going to let him be part of her life in the present. A day with her here and there wasn't going to be enough, and he knew it. He also wasn't comfortable being with her if she was still with Alex. It went against his morals.
"I can't believe you just asked me that question." Star shook her head.
"That's not an answer." Tristan frowned.
He felt her hand leave his as she stood up and faced him, wrapping her arms around her waist. Star looked into the sunroom and back at Tristan, then lowered her voice. "How can you ask me that?"
"I think it's completely relevant considering the circumstances." Tristan stood up and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Especially taking into account that you told me you tried to break up with Alex the other day and then today you made plans with him."
"I'm not talking about this with Zack in the next room," Star warned in a hushed tone.
Tristan grabbed Star's hand and pulled her down the hallway into her bedroom, then closed the door behind them before letting go. "Alright, now he's not in the next room."
Star sighed. "Tristan..."
"What?" he knotted his eyebrows together. "If that was the only reason you didn't want to talk about this, then talk now. It's just us in here."
"I knew this wouldn't last." she closed her eyes and shook her head, then sat down heavily on the end of her bed.
"And what is that supposed to mean?" Tristan asked irritated.
"It means we were happy. From the minute I saw you last night until 5 minutes ago, I was happy. But now you're messing things up with semantics."
"Semantics?" Tristan repeated angrily. "You think this is about labels?"
"Well isn't that what your problem is?" Star asked, raising her voice.
"No," he groaned. "Of course you think it's as simple as that...God, you're infuriating!"
"I'm infuriating? Don't you think we have enough things to worry about without you getting jealous on top of it?" She stood up and met his eyes fiercely.
"I am not jealous." He ran his hands through his hair frustrated.
"You sure are acting like it." Her eyes narrowed.
Their eyes met, both of them breathing heavily from the level of tension.
There was a knock. "Everything alright in there?" Zack's voice came through the door.
"We're fine," Star said through her teeth, loud enough that Zack could hear, without breaking eye contact.
Jealous? That's what she thought? The whole reason he had asked was that it felt wrong being with her when it was a well-known fact that she had a boyfriend. It was important enough that her best friend had said something to him about it, so apparently, there was enough of a relationship between her and Alex to contend with. How was that acting jealous? Tristan clenched his hands into fists at his side and released them, feeling his body start to shake. "You so sure about that?" The side of his mouth twitched unconsciously.
Star glared at him for another minute then let out a fast rush of air and shook her head. "I'm not doing this with you."
"Doing what?" he tilted his head. "Not answering my 'yes or no' question?"
"And you say I'm trying to make things simple," she r
esponded.
"Well, it's not that hard of a question, Star. Are you breaking up with him or aren't you?" Tristan crossed his arms in front of his chest.
"I don't know!" she yelled and threw her arms in the air. "Alright? Are you happy now? Is that what you wanted to hear?" she continued, her voice higher.
His mouth popped open and his eyebrows raised as he blinked, stunned at her answer. "That...tells me a lot." he turned away from her and put his hand on the doorknob.
"Tristan..." her voice was softer and broke on his name.
He shook his head and stayed facing the door. "What are you going to say, Star?" he murmured. "Don't go? Stay? It doesn't matter what you say now." He pulled open the door and walked down the hallway. "Have a good time tomorrow. Call me when you've had enough time, and you're ready."
Star didn't run after him or say anything more. Tristan nodded toward Zack as he left, who had been in the hallway. He had more than likely been listening to their conversation through the door. It may have only been a 10-minute drive home, but to Tristan, it felt like time was standing still.
Maybe he'd pushed too hard. Star had said that she needed more time and he hadn't given it to her. Now he got to go home and tell his parents all about her when they called, thanks to Art. What a way to add insult to injury. He parked his car in the garage and walked into the house, trying not to slam the door behind him.
Art looked up quickly when Tristan sat down on the couch next to him. "What's with you?"
"Women," he huffed.
"I warned you." his brother reminded him.
"You were right, too." Tristan reached down and grabbed some chips from a bowl on the table. "Totally irrational."
"What are you two fighting about?" Art asked, leaning back.
"She said I was jealous, can you believe that crap?" He let out a short laugh. "Unbelievable. What the hell would I have to be jealous about?"
Art shook his head. "You guys will work it out. Give her time to calm down."
"Time. Right," he nodded. It seemed everything was about time. Tristan guessed he was going to have to work on his patience. "Didn't miss the call again, did I?"
His brother looked over at the grandfather clock in the corner. "No, should be any time now though."
Tristan lifted himself off the couch. "Alright then. I'll pick up from my room when they call," he said sullenly.
Art slapped him in the back as he got up. "Cheer up bro; women don't bother fighting with you unless they care. Trust me on this one."
Tristan grabbed another handful of chips and walked upstairs to his room where he found Scout curled up on his pillow. He ate a few chips and gave her the rest after collapsing on his bed. She gave him a few kisses and curled back up on the spot she was before he had walked in.
Closing his eyes, Tristan thought about how fast everything had just happened. It was enough to make anyone’s head spin. Why was he always rushing into things without thinking them through? He'd pushed her away without meaning to. So much for not wanting to be the nerd, Tristan. You just proved you don't know the first thing about relationships and communicating. He cringed. Definitely something he needed to work on.
About a half an hour later his parents called. Tristan talked to them for a little over an hour. His dad asked him if he had submitted his application into the Doctoral program, his mom asked how his classes were going. Finally, his dad asked him the question he'd been dreading. "So Art tells me you've found yourself quite the lady." Tristan told them as much about Star as he could bear, considering the way the night had ended between them. After telling his mom about how he and Star had gotten into a fight over her saying he was jealous, she suggested that he wait until tomorrow and go try to talk to her again. Something about women being emotional creatures, whatever that was supposed to mean. He told his mother he would follow her advice and said goodnight to them both. After hanging up, he rolled over and fluffed the pillow under his head.
All this talk about Star was making his head start to hurt again. Hoping it wasn't another start to a blackout, Tristan closed his eyes and tried to sleep. Instead of peaceful sleep, his dreams turned into nightmares. It seemed his mind was showing him what his lives would have been like without her there. In one he hadn't chased after her. Instead, he'd lived out his life alone, his heart vacant of the feelings he'd had stir within him the past few days. He bolted up in a cold sweat and put his head in his hands. Now, what am I supposed to do?
CHAPTER 15
Star had a rough night as well. Zack had come into her room wanting to know what had happened between her and Tristan. She hadn't given him any details, and he wasn't too happy with her. Star accused Zack of being glad that she and Tristan were arguing and he'd told her that he was, then she had gotten mad at him. Dinner had been quiet, and she'd spent the better part of the night out in the sunroom watching the rain leaving trails down the window panes. Star wasn't sure what to do about Tristan. The longer she sat curled up with her chin on her knees, the harder it was not to start crying at the whole situation. Zack came out into the sunroom and sat next to her.
"I think this is the longest you've gone without talking since I met you. Are you going to stay mad at me all night?"
"No." She rested her cheek on her knee to face him and hugged her legs closer. "I'm tired of being mad."
"You've been out here a long time." Zack looked out the windows and back at her. "Doing some heavy thinking?"
"Yeah."
"Are you going to call him?" He raised an eyebrow.
"No." Star looked down and rested her forehead on her knees. "I don't know what to say to him now any more than I did before."
"Aren't you spending tomorrow with Alex?" Zack asked. "That should get your mind off it, right?"
"I guess so," she mumbled without looking back up.
"I wish you'd tell me what's going on. I can't help if you won't let me, you know," Zack reasoned, leaning back against the couch.
"I don't want to talk about it," she told him.
That was a lie. There she went lying again. This was becoming a real habit. Star chewed her lip. If everything that had happened made a little more sense, then this would be so much easier. How did her life go from being somewhat simple to so disorienting in four days? Wow, had it only been four days? It seemed like a lifetime.
"Suit yourself. You know I'm here when you need me." Zack got up and ruffled her hair before he walked off. "Night!"
"Night."
Star decided to get up and go to bed. Maybe tomorrow she would figure out some answers. Right now she was exhausted, and her head was starting to throb. The last thing she wanted right now was to black out again in front of Zack. She padded down the hallway and went into her room. Not bothering to change, she grabbed a pillow and hugged it underneath her head. A mixture of Tristan's cologne and shampoo invaded her senses and made her squeeze her eyes shut. She hadn't counted on his smell being so present in her bed. Forcing her eyes to stay closed, she lulled herself to sleep as her headache continued to worsen. In her dreams, Tristan kept walking away from her, and she never caught up to him.
-
After jolting awake for the fifth time around 7 am, Star decided to get up. She took a longer shower than usual and tried to not think about Tristan, but instead of the day she had planned with Alex. Zack met up with her in the kitchen, making breakfast for himself. They sat down together, and he tried to cheer her up by telling her stories about the less intelligent customers from the bookstore. By nine she was in a much better mood than she had been and cheerfully opened the door for Alex when he arrived.
"Hey beautiful!" he welcomed her with a kiss. "All set?"
"Ready and willing." Star pecked him back on the lips.
"Mornin' Zack!" he shouted around her into the apartment.
"Morning Alex!" came a shout back. "Take care of her today!"
"Always!" he called. "Shall we?" Alex held out his arm to her.
Star took it and closed the do
or behind them. They had breakfast at a small coffee house around the corner from the museum. Alex had found them a cozy spot near the back of the building to sit where there weren't as many people. He seemed happier than usual. She didn't even think that was possible.
"How did the project go?" he asked, sipping his coffee.
"Project? Oh yeah...the Psych project. It was fine. We had some problems near the end..." She picked at her blueberry muffin.
He set his elbows on the table and held his coffee in between his hands. "I'm sorry to hear that."
