by Geri Watson
"Yeah, I found it at the bookstore last week," she answered. "I never knew my professor wrote a book, but there it was in my hands, so I bought it."
"And it's fascinating," Zack added his two cents without looking up.
Tristan's jaw dropped in shock. Did she just say her professor wrote that book? He looked down at Zack and wondered how he was going to word what he wanted to say to Star with Zack in the room. As he'd read that book about a thousand questions had come up that he'd wished he could talk to Dr. Walker about. Now it was possible for him to do that. Astonished didn't even begin to explain how he felt at the moment. Star picked up on his uneasiness and looked at him strangely.
"Why?"
"Um..." Tristan started off and ran his hand over his chin. “I’d like to talk to your professor about the Lisa and Chris case," he emphasized the names, hoping she'd catch on that he was talking about the couple that followed their scenario exactly.
Upon hearing the names, Star's face flickered recognition, and she glanced down at Zack and back up at him. "Yeah, that was an interesting one."
Tristan nodded. "I think they would have made it if they'd accepted their pasts and moved forward with each other," he stated steadily. "I felt for them."
"Me too," Star stated with a twinge of guilt on her face. "I can see why they ended up the way they did though."
"How can you not feel for them, man. Chris was afraid that if he stayed with Lisa, she'd die.... intense." Zack looked up at them confused at the guilt-ridden look on Star's face. "Did I miss something?"
"No," Tristan answered quickly. "Hey, do you have any aspirin? My head is killing me."
Tristan watched as Star motioned with her head for Zack to get up and fetch the aspirin. In response, Zack groaned in protest and walked out of the room grumbling to himself about her being lazy.
"Do you have a headache?" she asked with concern showing in her eyes.
"A little, but it's okay. I don't think it's that type of headache. I want to talk to Dr. Walker when we get back to campus." He squeezed her hand. "He may be able to help us."
"I was thinking the same thing." Star nodded. "Are you still blacking out?"
"Mostly when I'm researching or thinking about you." He brushed his hand over her cheek. "You?"
"Only when I allowed myself to think about you." She looked up at him. "Most of my nights ended with blackouts."
He nodded in understanding. "Mine too."
Zack walked back in the room and tossed the bottle of aspirin at Tristan, who caught it easily. "Thanks."
"You're welcome," he huffed and settled back down in front of the fire.
They didn't say any more to each other. Star snuggled up against Tristan, and he wrapped his arm around her. He looked down a few minutes later to see that she had closed her eyes and wondered if she was going to fall asleep like that. His eyes drifted to the fireplace, and he watched as the logs settled and hissed as the heat expanded before him.
In his mind, he compiled a list of things that he wanted to ask Dr. Walker. Zack continued reading, comfortable with the two of them being as they were with him at the foot of the couch. Star's breathing slowed, and Tristan realized that she had, in fact, drifted off to sleep, almost in his lap. He absently ran his fingers through her hair and relaxed, sinking back against the couch and closing his eyes as well. The warmth of the fire was making him tired, and as he had already admitted, he did have a slight headache.
May 6, 1780
"What the heck kind of name is Lenud's Ferry anyway?" Ben whined toward him, sitting under the tree nearby.
"How should I know?" Elijah answered back gruffly, settling onto the ground next to Ben and closing his eyes.
He was tired and hungry. Colonel Buford had told them that they were meeting up with another Colonel and some cavalry and that they were to stay put until then. All he wanted to do was sleep. They didn't have uniforms anymore. He and Ben along with the rest of the unit had been reassigned and reorganized what felt like a dozen times since they'd signed up.
They'd been at this war for over four years now. If Elijah had known being a Revolutionary was going to be this much of a pain, maybe he would have talked Ben out of the crazy idea. The only good thing that had come out of all of this was that they had been able to see General Washington.
Ben's voice interrupted his thought pattern. "Something doesn't feel right."
Elijah opened one of his eyes and looked over at Ben. "What?"
"I feel sick...like I do before something bad happens." Ben leaned over him.
"Oh come on, Ben! We're fine. There's no British around for miles. You worry too much." Elijah sat up and rested his hand on his best friend’s shoulder. "You're probably feeling sick 'cause you're hungry."
"No!" Ben was adamant. "Something bad's gonna happen, Elijah!"
"Well, then I'll save your skin like I always do." Elijah smiled weakly. "Alright?"
"Yeah, alright." Ben quieted down but still looked uncomfortable.
Elijah collapsed back on the ground and closed his eyes again. He heard the other men setting up camp and could smell them cooking. If he wasn't so tired, he would have gotten up and snatched something for him and Ben. He was always taking care of Ben. It had been like that since they were kids.
To Elijah, Ben was not only his best friend; he was his brother and the only person in the world that he trusted. It didn't matter that they weren't related. He may have had to always bail him out of trouble and think when Ben was a moron about things, but Elijah still loved the guy. He didn't want to let Ben know that his announcement of a foreboding feeling made him nervous. Ben wasn't usually wrong when it came to those things.
"Elijah, wake up. I got us some food." He felt his arm get tapped with Ben's boot.
"Oh, thanks." Realizing he must have dozed off, Elijah sat up and stretched, then yawned and took the scraps of food that Ben handed him.
He chewed slowly and looked over the river. Apparently, the other Colonel had shown up and was waiting to cross. Good, at least they'd be out of here soon then. It wasn't that hot out at least, and thank God it wasn't raining. Elijah hated having to trudge through the mud while they were traveling. He saw a flash of red across the river, and his heartbeat raced. Not wanting to alert Ben to anything if he'd seen wrong, he kept watching over the river waiting to see if he saw the flash again. A few minutes went by, and then a tremendous commotion started across the river.
"BEN! MOVE!" Elijah shouted, stumbling to stand and pushing his friend away from the river’s edge.
"What? What's wrong?" Ben looked at him confused as he shoved him away.
"The British...they're across the river. We're all unprepared. This is going to be bad. Grab your musket and let's warn the Colonel."
They ran across to the Colonel and Elijah alerted him to the goings on across the river. He saw the fear in Colonel Buford's eyes. It was all bedlam after that. There were shots, and people were jumping into the river, trying to swim away. The horses on the other side were captured as their riders were knocked off. Everyone scattered. The British had caught them off-guard, and that was very, very bad.
Elijah had to think fast. This river was deep, but it seemed like that was the best way to escape. Men were being captured left and right, and others were being shot at close range. He didn't want Ben and him to be caught. They might be tortured then, and Elijah couldn't stand the thought of having to see Ben in any pain like that. But Ben couldn't swim. Elijah swallowed and pulled Ben's shoulder after he'd shot his musket.
"We have to jump," he said, looking Ben in the eyes.
"Nuh uh! I can't swim Elijah; you know that! I'll drown!" Ben looked at him like he was crazy.
"It's the only way out, Ben! I've thought of everything else. This is the only way I think we can survive this mess," Elijah argued back, heading further down the riverbank.
There were British on their side of the riverbank now, and they had to speed up to get away. Elijah pulled Ben in fron
t of him so he could block any incoming shots and keep an eye on him at the same time. He was going to have to try to swim with Ben on his back or something. It was going to be rough, but keeping Ben alive would make it worth it, right? Why, oh, why hadn't he taught the boy how to swim by now? Elijah blamed himself for that. No more time to stall, they had to get moving. He jumped into the river and waved his hands for Ben to jump in after him. "Come on. Ben! Jump!"
Elijah watched as Ben looked to the sky and saw his mouth reciting a prayer, and then Ben followed him into the river. For a panicked second, Ben didn't resurface and Elijah held his breath. Suddenly Ben appeared not too far from where Elijah was. He grabbed onto him, trying to hold Ben's head above water and at the same time keep himself afloat. Elijah tried to calm Ben by distracting him.
"Hey, Ben? Remember Elizabeth Jones?"
Ben choked as water invaded his lungs. "Yeah, what about her?"
"You think she's still waiting for you?" Elijah puffed.
"It would be nice to go home to a woman like that." Ben coughed again.
This was too hard. It was taking too much energy to keep them both afloat like this. At this rate, if the British followed them they would both be goners soon. Elijah decided to stop talking and instead focused on the task at hand. Not sure how far they'd gone, about ten minutes later Elijah pulled them both ashore. He was exhausted and started coughing, out of breath from the exertion.
Ben looked horrible...Ben...wasn't...awake.
"Ben?" Elijah shook him. No response.
He held his hand under his friend’s nose. Nothing.
"No!" Elijah shook him more roughly than before.
"Ben...wake up! Please!" Still no reaction from his childhood friend.
Elijah pulled him up into his arms. A sob escaped his chest as he held Ben tighter, knowing he hadn't saved his hide this time.
"Hey guys, wake up. Dinner's ready." Zack shook Tristan, resulting in stirring Star along with him.
Tristan looked down at Star, who looked up at him with tears in her eyes.
Zack walked out of the room, satisfied he'd woken them properly.
"Lenud's Ferry?" he whispered.
She nodded. "Lenud's Ferry."
Guilt ran through Tristan, and he hugged her. "I'm so sorry."
Star returned the hug and rested her head on his shoulder. "You tried."
CHAPTER 23
After dinner, Star's parents said their good-nights and disappeared upstairs again. She knew they were exchanging their gifts in private to one another like they did every Christmas night. Zack had flopped himself across the couch after stoking the fire and adding another log to it. He picked up the book again and quickly returned to his dog-eared page. Tristan was standing by their second Christmas tree in the other corner of the family room, looking over the ornaments she'd made as a child. Every once in a while, she saw him turn over an ornament to see what the date was on the back.
During dinner, they had sat next to each other, but Tristan had seemed lost in his thoughts and hadn't said much unless asked a direct question. She was willing to bet his quietness had something to do with their shared blackout. Looking over at Zack and seeing him engrossed within the confines of the pages in front of him, she made her way over to Tristan and wrapped her arms around him from behind.
"You were a very artistic little thing growing up," he chuckled, running his hand over the tops of hers at his waistline.
"Yeah, I was." She rested her forehead against his back. He toyed with her right ring finger, twisting the emerald ring she wore there. Then he was quiet again.
"Wanna talk?" she asked quietly. His eyes moved toward the top of the tree, and his fingers stopped moving.
"Alone?" Star specified as an afterthought.
Tristan turned, and she saw him glance over at Zack on the couch before he looked back at her. "Yeah."
Curling her fingers around his hand, she pulled him down the hall. Thinking that Zack would probably interrupt them if she went into the spare room, she tugged him upstairs. Tristan threw her a puzzled look as they passed the spare room and once they were in her bedroom and she shut the door, he raised an eyebrow in her direction. She flipped the lock, and he cleared his throat.
"I thought you said we were going to talk..."
"We are."
She pushed him over to her bed, and he sat down on the mattress, then looked up into her eyes. She could easily go about the rest of her life with him looking at her like that. Tristan's cerulean eyes seemed to smile up at her, and he pulled her forward until she straddled his lap. In response, she draped her arms over his shoulders and rested her forehead against his. Then she took a deep breath.
"So are we gonna talk about what happened before dinner? I know that's why you're quiet."
Tristan raised his head and brushed the hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear. It tickled a little, but the gesture made her feel warm all over. His eyes searched hers for a minute, and he swallowed. Then they darkened with an emotion that she couldn't quite read. He licked his lips in anticipation of what he was going to say and then it came out with a sigh.
"I never seem to be able to save you."
Star shook her head. "You save me over and over again."
"That's not what I've seen," he stated dryly.
"You're only focusing on the way it always ends," she explained softly.
"Isn't that when it's the most important?" Tristan argued.
"You can't accept the fact that you'd ever fail at anything." She raised her eyes to meet his gaze straight on. He opened his mouth and then closed it again.
Smirking a little, he shrugged. "You're probably right about that."
"What stays with me isn't the fact that I die. It's that you're always there protecting me, trying to keep me out of harm’s way...and loving me."
Star started to feel herself shiver over what they were discussing and clenched her hands into fists then released them behind his head, trying to steady her nerves without him noticing. Although she was pretty sure he could feel her legs shaking against his, Tristan didn't make it known. The idea of dying from being with him scared her badly, but the idea of being without him again made her heart feel like it was a twisting corkscrew in her chest. Star didn't want to think of being with Tristan as her choosing certain death over life, but she got the feeling that was the way he saw it.
"Loving you isn't enough." Tristan shook his head, leaned back and rested his palms behind him, taking Star slightly forward with him in the process. "What good is being your protector if I always fail?"
"Tristan..."
"No, Star. I'm serious. Why does this keep happening to us? Is there anything I can do to make sure it doesn't happen again? If I stay away from you, will it keep you safe?" he rattled on.
"Don't talk like that," she interrupted him before he could continue his rant. "You know you couldn't do it. Just like I wouldn't be able to."
It angered her that he would even suggest such a thing. After everything that they'd just gone through to be together, he doubted them again because of the stupid blackout? It wasn't like it was anything new. Sure the blackout was more vivid, and they had it at the same time, but that shouldn't have changed his perspective on things. She wasn't about to let Tristan play the martyr and walk away from her again. If he thought she'd let him go, he had another thing coming to him.
He tilted his head slightly with a defeated expression. "Well, what do you want me to do?"
"Stay with me," Star whispered.
Tristan groaned. "That's telling me what you think I want to hear."
She sat back against his lap and gave him an indignant look. "No, I was telling you what I wanted."
Tristan's face took on an expression of pain like he was trying to hold something back. "It's selfish of me to want you when it's your life on the line!" he blurted out.
So she was right after all. Sometimes Star hated knowing him so well. Frustrated, she knocked his closest hand to the
side, making him fall backward. Then she got up and glared down at him.
"Knock it off, Tristan. This is as much your choice as it is mine. History doesn't have to repeat itself. We didn't have Dr. Walker to help us in our other lives. Did it ever occur to you that the reason we keep finding each other is so that you can try again?"
She started pacing.
"We can't think of this as a death wish because we're together. If we start thinking like that, then we're going to be miserable. I can't do that to us."
Shaking her head, she continued. "I don't know why you're acting all pessimistic anyway. When you found me, wasn't it you that was acting like we were meant to be together and nothing was going to tear us apart? What happened to that guy? What the hell did walking away from me do to you, Tristan?"
