by Geri Watson
Tristan turned his face away from Zack's pained gaze and looked out of the window at the walls speeding by them. "She didn't want you to know that," he said as softly as he could for the other to hear him.
"That's what I was afraid of." They were silent again for a minute and then Zack leaned forward. "Are you sure she can survive being with you?"
"Honestly, I don't know, and I have a hard time dealing with that," he admitted, shocking himself that he'd fessed up to it out loud to someone.
"Why don't you stay away from her then?" Zack asked somewhat harshly.
"I wish I could, Zack." Tristan looked him dead in the eye, cerulean meeting crystal blue. "I just can't."
CHAPTER 29
June 10, 1957
Susan Covington had everything a girl of 17 could want. She was popular, the head cheerleader at school, and got stellar grades. None of that mattered to her though. What mattered the most was the one person she was repeatedly told to stay away from. Johnny Hartley. He was 20, rode a motorcycle, and everyone thought he was bad news. His family was poor, and he put off vibes to keep everyone away. Susan knew him better than that though. He'd come up to her in the diner one night when he'd seen her alone and writing in a notebook, out after curfew.
"Don't girls like you usually travel in groups?" he asked with a smirk.
Susan set her chin in her hand and looked up at him through her eyelashes. "Do I look like I need to be chaperoned?"
Johnny's amused expression at her comment had caught her off guard, but then again, so had his appearance. He was about 6'3 and well built, had high cheekbones, a chiseled jaw, straight nose, wavy raven hair that he slicked back and blue eyes that could pierce right through your soul. All of that combined with his leather jacket, tight jeans and white t-shirt and she was a goner the second she looked at him. He looked like a fallen angel, but she wasn't about to let him know that.
He slid in across from her and eyed her untouched coffee. "I'm John." his smile was dazzling. "And who you might be?"
"Susan," she replied softly.
"Well Susie Q, may I join you for coffee?"
She smiled up at him. "If you'd like."
That was the beginning. She'd stayed out all night with him. Promptly afterward when her parents found out who she had been with, she was grounded. It didn't stop her from climbing through her bedroom window and down the trellis to meet him every night. She'd lie and tell her parents she was with friends after school, but in reality, she was always with Johnny. It made her angry that her parents judged him because of where he lived. He was sweet and sensitive and romantic. It may have bothered her that people thought he was a rebel and trouble, but he didn't seem to care. They often talked about running away together.
This morning he'd asked her to meet him at the diner before school. Graduation was less than a week away, and the two of them had been together for almost a year. Johnny's face lit up as Susan entered the diner and he stood up as she slid into the booth. He grabbed her hands and held them at the center of the table and leaned in to kiss her sweetly once she was seated. She smiled into the kiss.
"Morning."
"Good Morning," he smiled back broadly. "I have a graduation present for you."
Susan shook her head and laughed. "Graduation isn't today."
"I know, but I don't want to wait anymore," Johnny answered. She could tell he was excited about whatever it was.
"Alright, I guess you can give it to me early if you really want to," she caved.
"Good. Close your eyes," he ordered.
Susan obeyed and a second later felt a band slid down her left ring finger. Her eyes flew open, and she looked down at the solitaire princess cut diamond now on her hand. Her mouth popped open, and she threw her arms around his neck, pulling him across the booth toward her. She didn't know how Johnny had managed to afford it. Him asking her to marry him meant that he'd figured out a way for them to get out of town together to start their own lives away from judging eyes and whispers.
"Yes!" she hugged him tightly. "A thousand times yes!"
Johnny kissed her again, and this time it was in a way that was immoral in public, but she didn't care. Johnny was going to be hers forever. As she pulled away, Susan saw the clock above the door and panicked.
"Oh! I'm going to be late! I have to go!" she moved out of the booth quickly and headed for the door. As she got to the street, she heard Johnny from the doorway of the diner.
"I love you!"
She turned around and backed up into the street, smiling at him. "I love you!"
"Susan!" he shouted.
Suddenly he was running toward her and slammed into her hard. He knocked her down, and she hit the unforgiving pavement roughly, her skirt ripping in the process. With her eyes closed from the impact, she heard screeching tires, breaking glass and a sickening thud. When she opened her eyes, Susan saw him lying in front of her in an awkward position. Horrified, she crawled toward him.
"Johnny!"
His eyes closed and he was wincing in obvious pain. She heard the driver call for someone to alert the paramedics, but everything was getting blurry before her. Johnny opened his eyes and reached out for Susan, and she went to him. She cradled his head in her lap and looked over his injuries. They were pretty severe. She guessed the car had hit him enough that he'd slammed into the windshield and off it again. Her tears started to spill onto his cheeks. He reached up to wipe them away.
"Live fast and die young," he took a strangled breath. "Right, Susie Q?"
She kissed his palm at her face. "Don't talk like that Johnny; help is coming."
He swallowed. "You should be more aware of your surroundings."
A short laugh escaped her mouth. "Only you would make jokes at a time like this."
Johnny took a pained deep breath. "You're so beautiful, Susan," he smiled and cringed. "You always were my angel." His hand dropped from her face. He was losing a lot of blood. Where is that ambulance?
"Don't leave me," she begged.
His breathing was getting more ragged, and she could tell he was getting weaker. He was crying, but she couldn't decipher if it was due to the pain or if he was afraid he was dying. Susan leaned down and kissed him. He returned it the best he could, and she felt like she was trying to kiss life back into him. Then Johnny went limp in her arms.
She screamed.
Star shot up holding her chest, feeling her heart race and the tears running down her cheeks, utterly unaware of her surroundings. Her whole body shuddered when a pair of arms snaked around her waist, and she found herself pulled into a tight embrace.
Tristan kissed the top of her head as he smoothed her hair and made soothing noises in an attempt to comfort her. Wrapping her arms around him, Star dug her nails into his back and breathed into his shoulder, needing him as close as possible. Her heartbeat slowed as he held her and she eventually stopped shaking. He didn't ask what was wrong anymore.
Since Christmas, she'd had the flashback every night. Every morning she woke up screaming and because of that Tristan had stayed with her permanently. When they'd been at her parents’ house, Zack had told him that she'd been screaming in her sleep.
Tristan had found a way to convince Star's parents to let him be in the same room as her when they slept and had endured sleeping on the floor next to her bed to be there for her. Star felt horrible that her screams were the beginning of every day for Tristan, but it wasn't like she could make it stop.
They'd gotten back to Seattle two days ago. Yesterday had been their first day of classes and they hadn't been able to find the time to talk to Dr. Walker. Today he had office hours that the both of them could fit into their schedules. Feeling like she'd collected herself, Star pulled away from Tristan's hold on her. His worried gaze met her eyes.
"I'm okay," she murmured.
To reassure him she gave him a small kiss. Tristan ran his fingers lightly through her hair and kissed her in return, but she could feel his uneasiness in it. Tristan ma
y not have asked her what was wrong anymore, but he knew she'd had the same flashback every night.
His flashbacks had subsided since the one they'd had together of Lenud's Ferry. Star knew that worried Tristan as much as her reoccurring nightmare of a flashback did. He'd been severely worked up over the fact that they couldn't talk to Dr. Walker yesterday.
Planting another kiss on his forehead, Star got out of bed and went around the room collecting what she needed for a shower. Tristan sighed and fell back against the pillows.
"You still have time to go running before class," she commented.
His eyes darted over to the clock radio. "Yeah."
Star winced hearing his voice sounding so devoid of energy as she passed him on the way to the bathroom. Tristan got up and changed into the sweats he'd brought over the night before, touching Star's arm before she closed the bathroom door. She turned to look at him and noticed the dark circles forming underneath his eyes. The blue seemed dimmer in them. She bit her lip at the sight before her, feeling guilty. He pulled her in and hugged her firmly.
"Today will be better," he whispered into her hair. "I'll be back before you have to go to class." Then he released her and walked out of the bedroom.
There was a bark a minute later as Scout found him. Since he'd brought Scout over with him, she'd been sleeping with Zack, which had concerned Tristan at first. Zack had told him that all females loved him and he guessed that included dogs and Tristan had relinquished worrying about it after that.
Tristan didn't seem to want to go home, even though his parents were still there. The only time he'd gone over there was when she was in class yesterday, and he'd come back with a duffel bag full of clothing and his books for his classes. When Star had asked him about it, Tristan had shrugged it off without answering her. She took a shower and got dressed, then padded into the kitchen to eat.
"Your boy looks like the walking dead," Zack said once he saw her.
She sat down with her cereal sighing heavily. "I know, don't remind me."
"I sincerely hope Dr. Walker gives you guys some hope today," Zack continued. "Not knowing what's going on is killing Tristan. You not telling him what's in that flashback isn't helping matters either." he looked at her pointedly.
"Don't lecture me right now, Zack." Star stabbed her cereal with her spoon. "I feel bad enough already."
"He has a right to know, Star," he said softly, looking back down at the textbook in front of him.
As she chewed a few mouthfuls, Zack's words sunk in. She'd told Zack what was in the flashback after he'd harassed her relentlessly between classes yesterday. When Zack had retaliated with "At least you didn't die this time." she'd been mad Tristan had told him about his flashbacks. He'd defended Tristan, saying he'd figured it out on his own, but Star was still miffed about it. Tristan wasn't the only one that was moody and ragged around here; she felt drained too.
"He'll find out soon anyway," she mumbled.
"You don't think it would be better if it came from you instead of Dr. Walker?" he asked, turning a page and not looking up. "He already knows that he dies."
"I don't want to talk about this," Star said, getting up and putting her bowl in the sink after rinsing it off. She passed him, walking back toward her room to get her books.
"You're avoiding the inevitable!" Zack called out behind her. "Don't be such a coward!"
Star knew he was right, Tristan was going to hear what was in her flashback once she told Dr. Walker about it. She liked to convince herself this wasn't happening. It was easy for her to walk around thinking that Tristan was always trying to protect her in every life. It made sense that they'd continued returning until they got it right. This new flashback put that whole idea in a void, and she hated it. It debunked her well-put-together theory, and now she had no explanation for why they had returned to find one another again. She heard the front door bang shut and Tristan walked in not long afterward. He walked past her and dug into his bag for his clothes for the day.
"How was your run?" Star asked as she pet Scout, who had wandered in behind him.
"It was fine," he answered absently. "I'm going to take a shower. Did you eat?" he looked over.
"Yes," she answered meekly.
He nodded. "I'll walk with you to class when I'm done." Before she could respond, he'd closed the bathroom door behind him.
She sat down at the foot of her bed and scratched behind Scout's ears. What had gotten into Tristan anyway? He was like a walking zombie since they'd gotten home.
When they'd gone back to D.C. for New Year’s Eve he hadn't seemed this off. The three of them had a good time together barhopping until they'd arrived at their final destination near the Kennedy Center to see the fireworks display overhead. They'd gotten as close as they could to hear the music and watched as the sky filled with dazzling colors and streaks of fire. He'd held her tightly from behind, his chin on her shoulder. Tristan's hands had felt warm against her waist, and his body heat had kept her warm throughout the display.
Zack wandered off a few times to hit on some women nearby. He'd gotten himself reasonably drunk and was even more friendly and confident than usual, which was entertaining to watch for both her and Tristan.
Star kissed Scout's snout and ruffled her fur, then loaded up the last of her books into a bag for her classes. She and Tristan only had three today. Interestingly enough their Tuesday and Thursday classes were at the same times, whereas their Monday, Wednesday, and Friday schedules were more hectic and spread out. She had a Cognitive and Social Psychology class today; he had Medical Virology and some Organic Chemistry class; then they'd managed to pick the same Statistics class.
Zack knocked on her door, and Scout made her way over to him and sat at his feet, begging to be pet. He obliged and nodded to Star. "Well?"
"I didn't say anything." Her lips pursed into a straight line. "But he's walking me to class; we have the same one this morning."
He shook his head. "If you haven't told him by the time I meet up with you for Cognitive Psych, I swear..." his threat cut off as Tristan walked back into the room.
"Tell me what?" he looked between them.
Zack shrugged, so Tristan looked back at Star again and raised an eyebrow before he pulled his long-sleeved shirt over his head. When she didn't say anything, he hitched his bag over his shoulder. "Let's go then."
"Alright." Star grabbed her bag and followed him down the hall.
She turned to look back at Zack, who was lounging in her doorway. He mouthed "tell him" very clearly, and Star rolled her eyes at him and turned back around only to stop short of slamming into Tristan's back. He heard her short intake of breath and turned around.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Why'd you stop?"
Tristan seemed to think about it for a minute then shrugged. "I thought I forgot something, but it's fine."
He started walking again and opened the front door for her. Star walked out and went down the stairs and made her way across the street to the walkway leading to campus. He walked silently beside her, seemingly deep in thought. It felt like he had been doing that more often lately. She walked up ahead of him and turned around to face him walking backward.
"I want to tell you something," she said slowly.
"What?" he looked at her puzzled.
"It's about the flashback." Her head tilted as she said it, ready to gauge his reaction.
He stopped walking and blinked. "What about it?"
She chewed her bottom lip nervously and ran her hand over the strap of her bag. "It's in the 50's."
Tristan's face crumpled into pure confusion. "The 50's?"
Star nodded. "Your name was Johnny Hartley; my name was Susan Covington." She'd hoped that the names would trigger some memory for him, but she could tell by his more baffled expression that none of this was familiar. Her heart sank a little in her chest.
"I-that's a whole lifetime I don't know," he stammered.
"I realize that." She tuck
ed a fallen strand of hair behind her ear.
"Well, what happened to us?" Tristan asked curiously.
"The reason I didn't want to say anything...the reason it doesn't make sense..." she shook her head and looked down at the sidewalk. "I don't know how to say it." His hands moved to her shoulders, and he tilted her chin up to face him.
"Just tell me." His eyes begged her for the truth.
"It was more than you dying Tristan...Johnny saved my life," she said breathlessly. Saying it out loud finally made her feel like everything had been sucked out of her.
"You mean Susan didn't die?" he asked, confused.
