It was Friday, and our vacation was more than halfway over. We would leave on Monday—all of us except Logan who had to get up to NY on Sunday for some press about his upcoming movie premier. He would be on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon Monday night, which was surreal, since I'd seen him do things like burp in his little sister's face and play hide and seek with Ryan. He was actually doing one of those silly but endearing things at the moment.
All of the grandsons along with David and Dan had an arm wrestling tournament on the deck after lunch. I tried not to watch or care about the results, but I couldn't stop myself—especially since Cody wound up being the victor. Everyone complained that he had an unfair advantage since he carried stones all day, but he told them there was nothing unfair about it—that he couldn't help it if he was the strongest. They joked around about it after the "tournament" was over, and I did my best to act like I wasn't really paying attention.
Ryan asked me to braid her hair again when the boys got done with their little test of strength. I think she liked me doing it because she got compliments on it every time. I was happy to do it for her. I enjoyed spending time with her and would miss our braiding sessions once the vacation was over. Indeed, I would miss the whole family.
I sighed, thinking about whether or not I'd be invited next year. I had to believe it was likely that I wouldn't—especially since I had failed my mission to win Evan's heart.
I was sitting on the deck talking to Mia and Logan when Cody came out of the house holding Ryan's hand. She was stoked about her fresh braids, and all of us whistled as she sashayed onto the deck.
"We're headed to the beach if anybody wants to come," Cody said.
Mia shot me a facial expression like she assumed I'd volunteer.
I shot her one that said why do you assume I'd want to go? And she shrugged and gave me one that said I just assumed you would.
All this transpired without words while Cody stood there wondering what we were doing.
"Okay, so we'll be out there if anyone wants to come," he said before taking off down the stairs.
"What was that?" I asked when they were out of earshot.
She shrugged again. "I just thought you'd go since you two are inseparable."
"We are not," I said.
"You sort of are," Logan agreed even though he was looking away like he wasn't paying attention.
"I hang out with him the same as I do everybody else," I said.
She shrugged again before closing her eyes to let the sun hit her face.
"I was about to go to the beach anyway," I said, standing up.
Mia and Logan both started laughing at me.
"You don't know what you're talking about," I said. "I spend the same amount of time with them as I do anyone else."
"Whatever you say," she said smiling and shaking her head as she let the sun hit her face again.
"Y'all are crazy," I said as I went inside to get my swimsuit on.
They laughed at me as I closed the door.
Within minutes, I was on my way to the beach. Cody and Ryan were in the water, and there were others on the shore including Dan, Christie, and Evan. I stashed my clothes next to the family, and went to the spot where Cody and Ryan were standing. He was up to his knees, and she was a few feet away where it was a little shallower. She held up her arms for me to pick her up, and I did so without hesitation.
"It's nice out," I said, smiling at Cody.
"I know."
Now that I was holding Ryan, he ventured a few feet deeper. I followed him until I came to stand where the water was right above my knees.
"I guess you think you're a big, tough guy, huh?"
He smiled and shrugged. "I was taking it easy on them."
I laughed, and just like that, he dove into the water, swimming underneath the surface. I could see his silhouette as he swam. I watched as he surfaced and stood up, wiping the water off of his face and shaking his hair.
"Andy and Willow got some firewood for tonight," he said.
"Yeah, and I'm gonna make smores," Ryan said. I was looking at Cody and she grabbed me by the face and made me look at her to make sure I was paying attention. "I'm gonna make smores, you want some?"
"I'd love some," I said.
"You're not going to that party?" Cody asked.
Mia, Charlotte and I did have plans to go by there, but all this time I'd been assuming the boys would come along. "Aren't you going?" I asked.
He shook his head.
"What about Evan and Logan?" I asked.
He shrugged. "Evan will probably go. Logan can't really do stuff like that—especially when the house is so close. He'd have people following him back here."
"What party?" Ryan asked. "Can I go?"
"It's just grown-ups," Cody said.
"Ryannn!" we heard Christy call from the shore. It was obvious by the way she said it that it wasn't anything urgent, but all three of us looked at her to find that she was waving her hand to tell Ryan to come over there.
Ryan wiggled a little bit, which was her signal for me to let her down. I took a few steps toward the shore before setting her in the water. It was thigh-deep on her, so I watched to make sure she made it onto beach just fine before turning to Cody again.
"Her hair looks good," Cody said. "Thanks for doing that all the time."
"I'm happy to do it," I said.
"You need to teach my mom how to do it so we can replicate your work once we get back home."
"Sure," I said, smiling even though I felt nauseated at the thought of someone replacing me as Ryan's hair-braider.
We were waist-deep in the water, and the gentle waves knocked at us in their slow rhythm. I glanced at his perfect, shirtless chest before staring down into the water.
"I'm sorry about the other night," I said.
It was a stupid thing to say, but I was desperate to bring it up. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to know why he kissed me and then proceeded to act like we were just friends for the next two days.
He regarded me with a sad smile. He glanced toward his family on the shore and then back at me. "I'm the one who should be sorry," he said. "I should have never done that. I just got ahead of myself."
The feeling of nausea grew worse with every word that came out of his mouth. I must've been making a disappointed expression, because he said, "It's not like that."
"What's it like?" I asked, looking straight at him with what I hoped was an unreadable expression.
"I know we like each other, Paige. It's obvious that there's something between us, but I can't go around having flings… not anymore. I have Ryan to think about."
"A fling," I said sardonically as I nodded. I was really glad to know how he classified his feelings for me. Actually, I wasn't glad about it. But in my own sarcastic thoughts, I was.
"It's not just about me anymore," he said. "I have Ryan to think about. I'm not trying to just date random girls and let her see me do that. If she sees me with someone, she's gonna think that's who I'm staying with."
It felt like a knife went through my heart when he referred to me as a random girl. I visibly flinched.
"If it was just about my wants and desires, I'd be kissing you all the time. I'd be kissing you right now. I'd be doing it in front of Mom, and Ryan, and God and everybody. But I can't. I can't let her see me do that. She'd get the wrong idea."
"Oh, God forbid she thinks you like me enough to have more than a fling with me," I said, not looking at him.
My voice sounded funny coming out of my mouth. It was at least a couple of octaves too deep. I could barely get the words out. My eyes burned, and my jaw and throat ached with the pain of unshed tears. I was so mad at him.
"Don't act like you're prepared to be a mom to a three-year-old, Paige, because you're not. It's too much for you to jump into." He leaned over in an attempt to get me to look at him, but I wouldn’t. "I want to touch you, Paige. It's been almost impossible for me to keep my hands off you these last few days
. But I can't let my daughter see that. I want her to know that when she sees me with someone, that person's going to be around forever. I want her to know she's not getting left again."
I had that funny feeling in the back of my throat like I was about to burst out crying. I hated everything he was saying, it sounded so final. But deep down I knew he was right. It wasn't fair to Ryan for us to be affectionate with each other. She would get the wrong idea. And maybe he was right about me not being ready to be a mom, too.
I officially hated this conversation. My heart was breaking into a thousand pieces, and it was going to be impossible for me to hold back the tears.
"All right then," I said. I had to get away from him before I lost it.
"Paige," he said as I was sloshing out of the water.
I shook my head. "It's fine," I said, without turning around.
"Then why are you walking away?" he asked.
"Because I just am," I said, unable to think of anything else to say.
"I hate it," he said.
"Yeah, me too," I said, still walking away.
Cody followed me out of the water. I did my best to smile and act like I was just casually walking toward his family to get my clothes instead of running away from him, which I clearly was.
"Somebody's got a horse, Ryan!" I heard Dan say when I leaned over to grab my clothes. I turned to find that he was right. From a ways off, I could see someone riding toward us. I was glad for the distraction. I continued to smile as if unruffled while I slid on my shorts and T-shirt.
I could tell, as the figure got closer, that it was a huge white horse. It was quite a majestical site to see coming toward us on the beach. "I know that guy," I said as he drew even closer.
"You do?" both Evan and Cody asked at the same time.
Cody was standing close by, looking at me as if he couldn't understand why I had walked away from him. I just scowled at him before shifting my attention back to the horseman. It was Jackson from the café… the one I thought was the sidekick. He slowed when he approached our group.
"Horsee, horsee!" Ryan yelled, excitedly. Jackson could see her excitement, and he smiled at her as he brought the horse to a stop several feet from our group.
"I was hoping I might run into you," he said, looking directly at me. "I wanted to make sure you guys remembered about the party tonight."
"Yep," I said. I motioned to the mystical creature. "But that's a pretty fancy reminder service you have."
Jackson laughed and patted the horse's neck. "He's my only one who likes the beach," he said. "So the others have to stay up in Asheville when I come down."
Ryan began making short, grunting noises to get my attention, and I looked down to find her arms held high, wanting me to pick her up.
"Can she pet it?" I asked.
"Sure," Jackson said.
I picked Ryan up and walked cautiously toward the horse. Cody was standing there watching us, and I looked at him and mouth the words, "Is this okay?" making sure he was okay with me holding his daughter. We wouldn't want her to get the wrong idea, after all. He smiled sarcastically at me, knowing I already knew the answer to that. I brought her so she could pet the horse's face and neck.
"His name's Snowball," Jackson said, causing Ryan to giggle.
Evan couldn’t resist petting the horse, so he joined Ryan and me. "You're throwing that party tonight?" he asked Jackson.
"Yeah, I was coming to remind the girls. They said they lived close, and I took a chance one of them would be out here." Jackson looked down at me. "Is that your little girl?"
"No, she's his," I said gesturing to Cody. I glanced at him to find that he raised his hand to confirm what I was saying. He wore an itty-bitty smile, but it was not at all genuine.
"I was gonna ask if you wanted to take a ride with me, but if I'm stepping on any toes…" Jackson hesitated.
"Me?" I asked.
He smiled at my surprise. "Yeah you."
"On the horse?"
He shrugged and nodded.
"Right now?"
"Unless I'm interrupting something."
It was his way of making sure I wasn't spoken for—it was obvious by the way he looked back and forth between me, Cody, and Evan.
"Not at all," I said. "These are just my friends." I paused before picking up the hem of my T-shirt and adding, "Can I go in this?"
"It's perfect," he said.
"I might get you wet," I said. "I just came out of the water."
He smiled. "I think I'll manage."
I looked at Ryan. "Ms. Paige has never been on a horse," I said. "I'm gonna go take a ride with Jackson, okay?"
She smiled and nodded, and I set her down, briefly kissing her cheek in the process. I smiled at Evan before I climbed up there, but I didn't even look at Cody. I couldn’t. If I did, I would have never gotten on the horse.
Chapter 16
Charlotte North Carolina was a nice town with lots of options for entertainment, but I might as well have been in a tiny bubble my entire life with all the new things I had been exposed to since I'd been in Myrtle Beach.
There could have been no greater distractions from the heart-shattering words Cody said to me in the ocean than a ride on a gigantic, magical white horse. I held on tightly as Jackson ran the horse through the shallow water, laughing at the thrill of feeling like I might fall off any second.
I was terrified at first, but Jackson seemed like he knew what he was doing, so after a while I relaxed. We went past Travis's house and he stopped to show me the path we'd need to walk later that evening. He showed me the huge pile of wood on the beach that would later turn into a bonfire.
I thought about Andy and Willow's bonfire at the other house, and imagined how much cozier I'd be at that one, but there was no way I was skipping the party. I was too mad at Cody for that.
Jackson and I rode for about an hour before he brought me back to Diane's house. I was somewhat surprised to find that there was no one at the beach. I thought for sure someone would be there, but our stretch of the beach was totally deserted.
Jackson made it obvious that he was interested in getting to know me, and I did my best to seem a little interested without leading him on. He didn't try to kiss me or anything, but he touched my thigh several times with a familiarity I didn't think we were quite ready for.
Most of the family was on the deck when I got back. Some of them were doing a beanbag toss game, and a few were just sitting around, soaking in the sun. Ryan was drawing on the deck floor with sidewalk chalk, but Cody was nowhere in sight.
"I heard you got to go horseback riding," Charlotte said when I crossed the deck, headed for the sliding glass door.
I smiled and nodded at her.
"Was it fun?"
"So fun," I said. "I thought I would know what it felt like to ride a horse just from imagining it, but it felt nothing like I anticipated. It was scary bouncing around on something so high off the ground. I was pretty petrified at first, but I got used to it by the end."
"Is there gonna be pony rides at the party tonight?" Evan asked, overhearing us.
"He said Snowball's going in his trailer during the party so nobody messes with him." I glanced at Charlotte. "I think there's gonna be like two hundred people there."
"I figured it'd be big," she said. "Have you seen that house?"
I nodded.
She closed her eyes as she faced the sun. "I hope I get to meet my Australian."
I chuckled as I opened the door.
"We'll head out after sunset," she said, still basking in the sun.
"I told Jackson we'd be there about nine," I said.
She smiled. "Perfect."
Cody was nowhere to be found in the house. I spoke with Diane and a few others who were on the first floor before heading to my room. I ran into Cody on the stairway between the second and third floors. We were both moving quickly and nearly collided. I made eye contact with him, but quickly broke it when I saw his serious expression.
"You need something?"
"No, I was just wondering where you were. I didn't see you downstairs."
"That's because I was up here," he said dryly.
I smiled at him, and he returned it, but both of our expressions seemed forced. Every nerve of my body was on edge. I felt like I wanted to cry and throw myself into his arms. I was heartbroken, and so mad at him for it. He turned to walk away without saying another word. I watched him disappear before turning to head upstairs. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. I never knew heartbreak could cause such anger.
No one was upstairs with me, so I decided to shower and then pretend I was taking a nap. There was no way I would be able to fall asleep, but I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I washed my hair for the first time since I got it cut. I decided I would style it curly that evening, so I put some product in it and let it dry naturally while I sat on the couch and wallowed in my own self-pity.
I tried to remind myself that I was so very fortunate and should be thankful for all my many blessings, but heartbreak has a way of overruling any rational thoughts. I sat on that couch, listening to the sounds of other people in the house and feeling nothing but anger, hurt, and resentment.
Heartache sucks.
I cried like a baby.
It felt good to let tears freely fall. I sunk my face into my hands and let the floodgates open, thinking about the conversation I had with Cody, and remembering choice miserable tidbits of it like "random fling" and "Ryan will get the wrong idea".
Part of me felt like his words were justified, and the other part of me thought he was dead wrong and making a huge mistake. I didn't know which part of me was right, but I knew it wasn't really my choice since he had already called things off.
After I had a good, long cry, I stretched out onto the couch with my face buried in the back of it and fell asleep.
Meet Me in Myrtle Beach (Hunt Family Book 1) Page 11
