Broken Compass

by Jo Raven

  Oh God. I can’t reply, I can’t think, my dick tightening to the point of pain. Then it’s jerking, that insane pressure breaking, and I come and come in her mouth, my cum dripping down her chin. I almost crash on top of her, a deafening buzz in my ears, but Nate rescues me, hauling me back against him, against his hard cock.

  “Fucking hell,” West hisses, and comes, rocking and moaning and coming completely undone. “Fuck.”

  “You too, West.” Nate laughs breathlessly in my ear. “Now finish Sydney off. I know you want to.”

  Sydney whimpers as West grins and sprawls on his belly to lick at her pussy. She’s full of his cum, and Nate’s, but he doesn’t seem to mind.

  The thought for some reason makes my dick jump.

  It hurts, my dick’s so sore, but the need is still there, coiled inside me like a chain of lead. Will it ever fade? I doubt it.

  I try to recover, lying down and propping my cheek on my hand, as Nate moves behind West and rubs his cock on his ass. My dick gets a little more interested, perking up. I give it a squeeze.

  This is whacked.

  Then Nate grabs the lube from the nightstand, squirts some on his fingers, and pushes them into West’s ass.

  A strangled cry leaves his lips and he lifts his head, eyes unfocused. “Nate.”

  “You will take my dick.” Nate strokes and probes, and West’s body arches and bows. I’m watching, my hand moving on my dick, my mouth dry, my own ass clenching. “We close the circle today. I need it, West. I need you all.” His fingers push deeper. “Please.”

  “Goddammit!” West is rocking back against those fingers buried deep inside him, face flushed. “Let’s do this.”

  Syd sits up, her tits spilling from the cups of her bra, her eyes dark. “Nate, are you sure?”

  “We need this, princess.” His eyes soften. “This is our beginning.”

  “A ritual,” West breathes, and something in his face relaxes. Guy likes his rituals.

  “A ceremony that binds us together.”

  I frown at them, my brain sluggish. “What are we gonna do?”

  “On your back, Kash.” Nate pulls away from West and shoves me with a hand on my chest until I’m lying down, my dick jutting up, hard and flushed. “Sydney, on top of him.”

  West helps her, because her legs are trembling, lowers her on top of me—on top of my dick, and she moans as I sink inside her pussy that’s tight and hot and swollen from her need to come.

  She’s gazing down at me, the green of her eyes swallowed by black, her cheeks red, and tits heavy, her nipples tight. My dick gives a jump of joy and she smiles.

  Then she bends over me, placing her hands on either side of my head, and I manage to suck the tip of one breast into my mouth. Her mouth opens but nothing comes out. Her eyes widen.

  West is pushing back into her, his broad shoulders golden behind her pale form. He buries his face in her neck and groans out loud, and that’s when I see Nate looming behind him, his face twisted with pleasure.

  He’s fucking West, who’s fucking Sydney, who’s impaled on my cock, and now I understand what he meant by full circle. We’re all connected, moving together in one tangle of limbs and holes and cocks and pleasure.

  Nate thrusts, rocking all of us, moans and groans filling the air. I release Syd’s nipple from my mouth so I can grab both her tits and stroke them in clumsy, uncoordinated motions. My brain’s fuzzy, the pleasure rolling through my body wiping out all thought. I don’t even know who is moving, who is thrusting—if I’m fucking Syd’s pussy or if her pussy is fucking my dick, if West’s cock is fucking my cock, if Nate’s fucking us all.

  He probably is. Cocky bastard. And I can’t… can’t take it much longer. I shouldn’t be so ready to come again so soon, but every shift, every thrust, every moan is a power shot to my balls.

  Fuck. I let go of Syd’s tits to grab her hips and buck up into her, my teeth gritting, my jaw clenching as it starts again, the sweet, sharp uncoiling of my release. Everything in me goes tight and bright, and I explode inside her, long moans scraping up my throat.

  “Kash…” Sydney rides me harder, turning my moans into cries when her pussy clenches and squeezes my still jerking dick. “God, Kash…”

  I grab her face and pull her down for a harsh kiss as her pussy works on sucking my balls dry, but we both shatter once more when Nate curses and shoves against us all as he comes, and West releases, too. His hard dick lurches inside Syd’s ass, pressing against the inner walls of her pussy, where I’m still trapped.

  Oh fuck, oh fuck…

  My balls ache, my dick burns, and still aftershocks tear through my entire body. I have my arms full of Syd, and the weight of West and Nate are on top of us.

  And I don’t wanna move. Like, ever again, and I’m not only talking about my body. I’m talking about all of me, about my fucking heart. I don’t know what it is with sex that opens me up so completely, that takes away all hiding places and lets me admit things I normally wouldn’t.

  I’m not leaving. I can’t ever leave. I belong here, with these two guys and this amazing girl, in this huge bed, with all the possibilities and all the emotions between us.

  And as we tumble onto the bed, laughing and rearranging ourselves in another formation, with Syd between us, West behind me, and Nate on her other side, I think again that the pain connecting us, our pain, is not everything, not anymore. There’s so much more between us now.

  There’s lust and concern, affection and so much love, it fucking slays me. I soak it in every day, and it’s never enough, never too much. This give and take, this push and pull, this trust and understanding.

  This full, perfect circle.

  For the first time, everything feels right. I feel happy. I’m where I’m meant to be, and I’ll fight for this family of mine with all I have.

  Epilogue

  Sydney

  A month later

  “That your boyfriend out there?” My colleague Rita whistles between her teeth. “Mamacita, he’s hot.”

  Sure enough, glancing out of the campus office, I see Kash, his blond hair cropped short, silver glinting at his ears and on his face. His faded gray T-shirt molds to his strong frame and shoulders like second skin, and his jeans hung low on his narrow hips.

  He’s one of my boyfriends, I want to correct her, but she’ll find out soon enough. The boys take turns picking me up from work, depending on their schedules, and today it’s West’s first appointment with a psychologist. Nate said he’d go with him for support.

  “What’s his name?” Rita breathes as Kash flicks his cigarette to the ground and folds his arms over his chest, tipping his head to the side, glancing at our window. He grins as if he knows we’re watching, one pale brow arching.

  Not a big stretch of the imagination. Girls almost break their necks turning to stare at him as he walks down the street.

  “Kash,” I whisper, and I throb hard between my legs when he lifts and runs a hand over his short hair, biceps bulging.

  Christ, Rita’s right. Boy’s hot as hell.

  All my boys are.

  This should feel weird, right? Having three men in a relationship with me. Sleeping with me in the same bed every night. Taking turns to pick me up, or even sometimes showing up together.

  Loving each other, too.

  But it doesn’t, not anymore. I’ve never been happier in my life, and I can’t believe it’s been years since I first met Nate and West. Years since that night I saw Kash standing at Nate’s doorstep. Since the thousand days and nights and the million little things that tore us apart and then brought us together.

  “Just… go.” Rita tears her gaze off Kash to mock-glare at me. “What are you waiting for? Can’t leave such a hunk waiting.”

  Smiling, I type the last two words on the form I’ve been preparing and hit save. “I’m going.”

  Has it only been this morning when I last saw him? I’ve missed him already. Then again, he’s only been back home for a couple of we
eks. After mourning him and dying inside, thinking he was gone forever, then finding him again, you can’t blame me for finding it so hard to leave his side these days.

  “Give him a kiss from me,” Rita says as I gather my stuff and turn to go. “Ask him if he has a brother.”

  “He doesn’t.” I know that for a fact. “Besides, your husband would get mad if he found out.”

  “Don’t tell him. Hey, a hunk is a hunk!” Her laughter follows me out.

  Well, she got that right.

  My blond hunk is lost in thought as I approach, his cocky grin gone, his gaze distant. I slow my steps to take him in, from the silvery tips of his hair down his strong chest, long legs and combat boots. He’s still lanky, but not as gaunt as he was when he came back to us. He’s always been strong, but I never imagined how much.

  Even if I catch a whiff of sweetness from him as I step closer, the scent of weed. “Bad day?”

  He looks up with a barely-there smile and reaches for my hand. “Hey, Red. All’s good.”

  But his smile can’t fool me. “What did I miss? Did something happen?” I tug on his hand when he starts walking. “Kash.”

  “Nothing.” His turn to tug, and I gasp as I crash against his body. He puts his arms around me. “Just a bad night.”

  My boys have plenty of bad nights. With all the demons that haunt them, there’s no escape. If we don’t notice, if they don’t struggle and wake us up, one or the other will slip out of bed before dawn and go smoke, or clean the kitchen, or make coffee, or deal with it in his own way.

  “How bad on a scale from one to ten?” I bury my nose in his hard pecs, against the soft fabric of his worn T-shirt, and inhale his unique scent of tobacco and spicy male sweat.

  He just tightens his arms around me.

  “You should also talk to a therapist, Kash.” God knows he has a lot to work through—with his family getting shot before his eyes, his uncle sending men to kidnap him and kill him. “It’s helped Nate, you saw it. West agreed to go. Why not you?”

  He snorts. “I dunno. Maybe they do package deals for three?”

  “I’m serious.”

  He’s quiet. We’re almost at the car—the old second-hand car West bought—when he says, “I may.”

  “If it’s the cost—”

  “It’s not.”

  Of course it isn’t, I think dazedly. I keep forgetting he’s the heir to a fortune. He hasn’t signed the papers yet, but he will. And then…

  But then he says, “The therapists I was taken to after my family was gone couldn’t help me, and the journal didn’t really help, but… maybe now I’m ready to try again. Because I want to be fine, Syd. To be with you and the guys.”

  I draw back to look up into his handsome face. He’s so serious when he says this, so earnest.

  God, I love this boy so much.

  I love all my boys. They keep breaking and mending my heart. I guess love is like that Japanese tradition where you repair broken pottery by filling the cracks with gold. Love is that gold filling our cracks, keeping us together.

  “But when you claim your inheritance…” I hesitate. I don’t know how to say this right. “Will you stay?”

  “If you want me to.” Again with that serious expression, as if he hasn’t said the stupidest thing in the world.

  “Kash!” I hit my fist on his solid chest. “Are you shitting me? After everything we went through.”

  He puts his hand over my fist, pressing it into his chest. Vulnerability peeks through his gray eyes. “Then why do you ask me?”

  Touché. “I guess I’m insecure,” I admit, ducking my head. “We’re not rich, and now you’re gonna swim in money. Won’t it be weird?”

  “Not if we don’t make it weird. Syd…” He pulls away my fist, unfolds my fingers, presses my hand to his cheek. “I don’t care about money. All I want is right here, with you and the guys. As for the casinos, when I receive my inheritance, then I’ll appoint someone to manage everything. Won’t it be good, not to worry about money for a change? To have enough to pay for a bigger place to live?” He smiles at me. “A bigger bed?”

  “See? Greedy already. Doesn’t ours fit your expectations?”

  He chuckles, a deep, warm sound. “We’re three grown men. We take up lots of space. Sometimes I’m afraid I’ll squish you.”

  “Squish me? I’m not a bug. I’m a woman.”

  “I’m well aware of that, trust me.” And his eyes turn that darker shade of gray that says he’s thinking of getting me naked on that bed and get inside me. He’s growing hard where he’s pressed against me, and I moan at the feel of his thickening cock pressed to my stomach. His pulse is racing, the vein in his neck pulsing fast. “Syd… Can we please go home?”

  “Always,” I whisper back.

  I’m fire, and I burn with everything I feel, good and bad. I grieve, and I love, but I’m not the destroyer I thought I was. I’ve found the elements that contain me, and protect me, the people who accept me as I am and love me.

  My boys aren’t scared to be burned. They love the flames. And I love them right back.

  He kisses me as we enter the apartment, pressing me to the wall, lifting my hands over my head and pinning my wrists together. His strength excites me, just as much as the feel of his body, the taste of his mouth, the raggedness of his breathing.

  The hot length of his cock pressed to my hip, urgent and demanding. His lips are soft, his stubble like fine sandpaper on my chin, his tongue rough, forcing its way into my mouth. He licks and tastes, the roof of my mouth, over my teeth, slides against my tongue, and I’m dangerously close to coming just from that. I whimper, grinding my hips against his body, seeking relief.

  He bucks against me, just as desperate, moaning against my lips, shoving me harder against the wall. I’ll have bruises on my back tomorrow, and I don’t care. I need him. I missed him. I want to feel his naked skin on mine, to feel his cock inside me.

  But a voice breaks through the haze of agonizing lust.

  “Well, well.” Nate leans against the kitchen door, arms folded over his chest, a wolfish smile on his face, that dimple in his cheek winking at us. “Don’t mind me. You know I like to watch. Go on.”

  Kash groans and presses his forehead to mine. “Asshole.”

  “Your asshole. Wait, that came out wrong.”

  Kash grins.

  Nate chuckles. “Come and eat or West will have fucking kittens. We can play later.”

  Play.

  There’s a dark promise in Nate’s words, in his voice, and both Kash and I shudder in response to it.

  Then my stomach growls and Kash snickers. “Come on, let’s get you fed. You’ll need energy for the games Nate has in mind.”

  And then he snickers again when another shudder goes through me. He takes my hand, shoots me a sweet smile, and leads me into the kitchen that smells like heaven and an Italian chef had a love baby. Like cream and cheese and meat sauce.

  “Lasagna, right?” I squeal in delight.

  “My girl’s favorite.” West grabs me around the waist and lifts me off my feet, forcing Kash to let go of my hand. “Missed you,” he says against my neck and I hug him tight.

  “How was the therapist?”

  “Well, it was a sexy young thing who wanted to have wild sex with me,” he whispers dramatically, “but I let her down gently.”

  “Actually it’s a middle-aged man with a wife and three kids,” Nate cuts in drily. “Sorry to destroy your fantasy, dude.”

  “But did it go okay?” I press as West puts me down on my feet. “Did he say anything helpful?”

  “He recommended I drink myself stupid every night and… okay, okay.” West steps back and lifts his hands protectively when Nate tries to punch him in the side. “Maybe? I dunno. He asked me loads of questions, got no answers…”

  “West!” I poke my hand into his hard stomach. “You’re supposed to answer the questions. That man is trying to help you.”

  He sighs and rubs
at the back of his neck. “Yeah…”

  “Give the guy a break,” Kash mutters, sitting down at the table and pulling the pot toward him. “Some questions aren’t easy to answer.”

  I study his face as we sit down and dig into the food, study the shadows that his pale lashes cast under his eyes. Or are those dark circles from not sleeping enough?

  There are questions I’ve meant to ask him, too, and they won’t be easy to answer, either. About his past. About his tattoos.

  The dragons inked on his arms shift as he lifts the fork to his mouth and I blurt it out, before I have a chance to think too hard about it:

  “We talked to Zane Madden. The guy who inked you?”

  “You did?” Kash blinks owlishly at me. “When?”

  “When we were looking for you.”

  His face softens, cheeks flushing. “Right.”

  Oh, he’s so cute when he gets happy and embarrassed like that. He’s happy we never gave up on him, even if we didn’t manage to rescue him. He did that all by himself.

  Sourness fills my mouth when I think of what would have happened had he not freed himself and walked back to us. He’d have died in that basement, or his kidnappers would have shot him.

  “What’s wrong?” He whispers. “You’re thinking about the what ifs, aren’t you?”

  I nod.

  “You shouldn’t. We’re here now. We’re okay.”

  “That’s right.” Nate reaches up and ruffles Kash’s short hair, though the brightness of his eyes betrays his light tone. “You’re back with us. Where you belong.”

  But I’m not done fretting. “Zane said… he said your uncle was abusive. You never said anything about that, to me, or in your journal.”

  Silence descends on the table. The guys are looking at Kash now, their faces solemn.

  He puts down his fork, wipes his palms on his pants. “He didn’t beat me, if that’s what you mean. He locked me up a lot. Left me on my own or with the housekeeper. And it fucking hurt to have my family’s murderer be my guardian. It was fucked up.”