Broken Compass

by Jo Raven

  “How did you run away?” West wants to know. “How old were you? How did you survive?”

  I guess I wasn’t the only one with questions. And I guess West isn’t the only one averse to replying, because Kash curses softly, pushes back his chair and walks out of the kitchen.

  Well, shit.

  We find him on the balcony.

  He isn’t smoking, just standing there, leaning against the rail, looking at the street below. I let Nate and West go ahead and flank him, put their arms around him, and it touches me so much that he instantly straightens and does the same to them, so the three of them are sort of hugging.

  “Syd?” Kash’s voice is faint, and I hurry around them, inserting myself between them and the rail so I can hug him, too. “I’m sorry.”

  “Nothing to be sorry for.” I hold on to him as if he’ll vanish into smoke. “Didn’t mean to push like that.”

  “It’s hard… to think of those times.” His heart is pounding like a jackhammer under his ribs. I rub circles over his chest. “That journal… was supposed to help.”

  “I’ll shut up,” I whisper.

  “No, that’s not what I want.” He takes a deep breath. “I want to tell you guys everything. I said I wanna get better, be happy, and this is a start.”

  “Take it easy,” West says, shaking him a little. “Breathe, Kash. There’s nothing you have to do right now but let us hold you.”

  But he shakes his head. “Dad was killed when I was twelve. I left when I was fourteen. I grabbed…” His breaths are short and shallow. “I grabbed what I could and bolted the moment the housekeeper took her eyes off me for three seconds. I took…”

  “Enough,” Nate growls. “Enough already. Let’s go inside.”

  “I took a bus,” Kash goes on stubbornly. “Got a ticket to Detroit, and from there to Pittsburgh and then Philly, to get as far away as I could. It was… rough. I still looked too much like a kid. Late bloomer, I guess. Most people wouldn’t hire me. I was scared to sell the valuables I had with me in case my uncle tracked them, even though they belonged to me. My dad gave them to me, and just…”

  His voice cracks and we just wrap him up more tightly between us.

  West curses under his breath.

  Nate looks furious at the world. “I’m gonna find your uncle and fuck him up, I swear.”

  It earns him a crooked smile from Kash. “Anyway, I got by. I stayed there for a while, got a fake ID, found a job in a bakery, then in a fast food joint. Pay was shit. Then I moved away. Kept moving, so he couldn’t track me easily. Always paid cash. Always used prepaid cards for my phone. Never gave my real name. Never slipped up.”

  “Until you met us,” I whisper.

  “And you saved me,” he whispers back, kissing the top of my head. “Know what? Enough talking about the past. Nate’s right. Let’s go to our bed. There’s time to talk about sad times in the future.”

  We fall on the bed together, in a tangle of bodies, still dressed and with our shoes on, and we make no move to undress. There’s this pressure in the air between us, crackling and shifting, this need to make sure Kash is okay. He’s lying with his head on West’s chest, Nate beside him, and me half on top of him, because I couldn’t get close enough.

  I tug on his T-shirt, needing to feel the warm flesh underneath. It’s not sexual, not right now. I need to feel him, touch him, reassure myself he’s okay.

  We’re all slowly coming to terms with our pasts, our losses and traumas, the black holes in our minds that suck us sometimes down. We’ve all lost our own, our families. Even I’ve finally come to accept that my mom isn’t and won’t be a part of my life.

  But at least she didn’t murder the ones I love and didn’t chase me around the country trying to off me. Important detail, right?

  Nate turns on his side and throws a leg over Kash’s. “Move over. I’ll fall off.”

  “Whiner,” West mutters, brushing a hand over Nate’s hair.

  “Told you we need a bigger bed,” Kash breathes, a ghost of a smile on his face.

  I smile back. Yeah, we don’t fit.

  We don’t fit, all four of us in this bed, in this apartment, in this strange relationship. And yet we make it work. We make it fit.

  Love is a bitch. It burns you down to the ground and dances in the ashes. It tortures you and hurts you in the worst possible way. It eats you up alive and spits out your bones.

  But if you live through the pain, and fight for those you love, there’s no greater joy than finding them by your side at the end. When all’s said and done, surviving love isn’t possible. You need to give in, let it pull you under, let it change you.

  It has changed us. Brought us together with ties that run stronger than blood. It has made us into who we are today, has forged this little family that transcends the ordinary, the customary, and just is.

  It is a family because we want in this together. We can’t live without each other. We can’t do this apart. We get along like a house on fire.

  It’s as if fate wants us to be together. We are the four points of the compass—Nate for the North, Sydney for the South, Evgeni Kasimir for the East and West well… for the West. Together we form a whole.

  We form a world.

  This is us and this is our love story.

  Second Epilogue

  Nate

  A year later

  “Honey, I’m home!” I toss my keys into the bowl by the door and do a small victory dance when I hit my target dead center. “It will be a home run!” I yell. “Are you ready?”

  I hear low laughter, and seconds later Kash is leaning against the door leading into the living room, muscular arms folded over his chest, eyes hooded. “Look what the cat dragged in.”

  “Insolent brat.” I prowl toward him, and his eyes widen in alarm. “I’ll teach you some manners.”

  “That so?” He doesn’t move, but tension flows through his tall body, those strong shoulders. “Something happen today?”

  “I got the job.”

  “You had an interview today?” He blinks golden lashes, and I drag my hand up to his face. “I didn’t know.”

  “I had the interview last week. They called today.”

  “Oh fuck, right. Right. Congrats, man.” He rubs at his forehead.

  He has a lot going on. No wonder he forgot. We finished our GEDs, got better jobs. Bought a better car.

  And Kash got his inheritance, bought us a house with the small change and is trying to figure out what to do with the rest. The whole thing requires endless hours of meetings with lawyers and company CEOs and paperwork.

  On top of working. Yeah, he’s still working, but not at the restaurant. He’s studying history at college and taking it very seriously.

  “You’re tired.”

  “Ah-huh.”

  Dammit, I’m fucking worried he’ll get sick. He’s susceptible when he’s too stressed and sleeps too little. Kash thinks he’s superhuman, and he did pull a nearly superhuman feat by escaping his kidnappers and coming back to find us, feverish and confused as he was, but he’s all too human, like the rest of us.

  Someone has to be there, pull him back, help him find his feet. He needs people to look after him, he needs us, just like we need him.

  “You’re pushing yourself too hard again. But lucky for you, I know of a way to work the stress out of you.”

  “You do, huh?” His smile is happy. His cheeks flush.

  “Are the others in?”

  “Upstairs. Showering. Together.” His flush deepens.

  A chuckle rumbles up my chest. It’s so fucking cute how he gets all hot and bothered, as if he isn’t living and having regularly fuck-hot sex with two guys and a girl.

  “One day,” I tell him, and slap his ass.

  He grunts. “One day, what, Nathaniel?”

  “Oooh, my full name. Ouch!”

  “One day I’ll tap that ass.”

  “In your dreams.”

  I leer at him, and he sticks his to
ngue out, because sometimes we’re like two-year-olds with each other.

  Of course I wouldn’t push him. We’re exploring our sexuality, our fascination with each other, taking it slow, just fooling around, gathered around Sydney, our fiery center like planets pulled in by her gravity.

  And that’s plenty fine with me. No rush. No expectations other than staying together. Staying happy.

  “Come on.” I grab his arm and drag him to the sofa, “sit down. I’ll make you a smoothie.”

  “Nate…” He doesn’t let go of my hand, tugging until I sit down with him. “I’m fine. I had a smoothie this morning.”

  “You fucking love my smoothies.”

  He rolls his eyes.

  It’s my new hobby. West is the foodie among us, the chef, but I found my niche. Healthy smoothies. “You know you need the energy to keep up with us.”

  I swear if he rolls his eyes any harder, he’ll get a headache.

  “Take tomorrow off. Stay home.”

  He sighs. “I can’t. I shouldn’t miss more classes.”

  “Sure you can.”

  “You make it sound so easy.”

  “It is easy. Just do it. I’ll make you the mother of all smoothies.”

  “Nate…” He’s laughing. “Stop.”

  “Look, I’m spoiled. I’m a kept man. All I’m missing is an apron and a duster in my hand. That’s what you expected, isn’t it? When you bought this house?”

  “That depends,” he says. “Will you be wearing anything underneath that apron?”

  I eye him. “Nope.”

  His cheeks color, but he looks serious. Way too serious, when I’m trying to get him to relax. “Nate, buying a house for us doesn’t mean… Dammit, look, I have the money, and I wanted a place for all of us—”

  I silence him with my fingers over his mouth. “I’m fine with it.” His warm breath feathers over my skin, and arousal races through me like a wildfire. “Absolutely fine. Don’t you fucking dare think I’m complaining.”

  “You would’ve done the same if you had the money,” he whispers.

  “Probably. But I’d have bought a house with a pool so I could have you be my pool boy in tiny shorts and Sydney naked bringing me cocktails while West does lap dances for me.”

  Silent laughter shakes his shoulders. “I see. Your secret fantasy is to be an oversexed sheikh.”

  “Not a secret, dude. I’ve just told you all about it. However, we can still do all that without the pool. Without the house, even. I don’t fucking care about the house. I’d be happy anywhere with you guys.”

  “I know.”

  “Just put on those tiny shorts, bend over, and we’re good.”

  “Motherfucker.” He laughs. “I’m not putting on tiny shorts for you.”

  “But maybe for me?” Sydney asks, coming inside, wrapped in a white, fluffy towel, the scent of roses following her. My dick was already at half-mast from the talk about Kash in shorts, and now it’s rock hard in my pants.

  “That’s unfair, Syd,” Kash grumbles. “You know I can’t say no to you.”

  “It sure is unfair,” I say. “Favoritism ain’t pretty. Besides, I asked first.”

  “Asked what?” West asks, wandering in. He has a small towel wrapped around his hips, and damn, I’m ready to take this party upstairs to bed.

  “Nothing,” Kash says quickly.

  “For Kash to dress in tiny shorts,” Sydney says.

  An interested gleam enters those blue eyes. “How about we take a vote?” He lifts his hand solemnly. “I say yes.”

  “For sure,” Syd says.

  “You already know what I think,” I growl and slide an arm around Kash, crowding him, pushing him back against the sofa.

  “What are you doing?” He sounds breathless rather than outraged. His pupils are blown huge, swallowing the light gray of his eyes.

  “That destressing method we talked about.”

  “What about it?” He swallows hard.

  I lick a line up his neck, and he shivers. “Well, it requires undressing you.”

  He shifts on the sofa, the bulge between his legs drawing my gaze. “We were talking about shorts.”

  “You don’t own any. You’ll need to buy some, but until then, we’ll have to do without.”

  “…without?”

  “Show him, guys,” I sigh. “He’s too tired to think.”

  “What…?”

  “Destressing,” I tell him, “is a group effort.”

  At least in this house, in this family, it is.

  I pull Kash onto the huge bed dominating our master bedroom and push him down on the bed. He could have easily resisted. These days he’s strong, if not stronger, than West or me. He trains a lot, runs with us, spars with us. When I push up his T-shirt, baring his chest, I stop to admire the hard ridges and planes of his stomach.

  Damn… If two years ago you told me I’d be admiring a guy’s chest, I’d have kicked you in the nuts. Of course, I might have been checking out West long before that.

  Not that I’d ever admit it.

  Even with West climbing on the bed across from me, buck naked, that strong body rippling with muscles, blue eyes fixed on Kash.

  Yeah, not looking. Not getting excited about having these two guys in bed with me… okay, I am.

  And then Syd climbs beside me, and my mouth waters in appreciation just as my dick twitches. “You’ve taken things in your hands, huh?” Syd whispers, sliding her arm around me.

  “Yeah. Though, I know what I’ll be taking in my hands next,” I mutter, eyes on her tits. I’m looking down at them and have a great view on the soft mounds rising above the towel, and the dark valley between them.

  “So what are you waiting for?” Kash mutters, watching us from where he’s lying on the bed, eyes dark with lust. He’s propped himself up on one elbow, and he’s cupping his hard-on through his jeans with the other.

  Goddammit, another growl leaves my throat. These people drive me crazy with lust. “West, why don’t you jack him off while I take care of Syd here? I don’t want him to feel left out.”

  “Oh shut up, Nate, you—” Kash groans when West slides an arm around him, the other one landing in Kash’s lap. “Fuck…”

  “If you ask nicely,” West mutters, a wicked gleam in his blue eyes as he kneads Kash’s hard dick through the denim. He trails his mouth on Kash’s arched neck, and Sydney trembles against me, her bright eyes riveted to the two of them.

  “Whatcha want, girl?” I breathe in her ear, and finally put my hands on her soft tits. They fill my palms, her nipples diamond-hard, and her breath catches. She winds her arms around my neck and brushes her mouth over mine. “Who do you want?”

  “All of you,” she whispers back, and before her reply scared me and confused me, but now it makes me happy.

  Happy, and horny. Then again, that’s my usual state these days. Living with my favorite people, my favorite sexy people, does that to me, and I’m fine with it.

  And so hard. They make me so fucking hard, all the time.

  Sydney straddles me, moaning against my lips, grinding on top of my hard dick, and I haul her against me, tearing off her towel completely. Then I rip off my T-shirt, too, cuz I need to feel her warm skin against mine, her plush curves against my chest.

  She feels so good. Perfect. She smells of flowers and sugar and excited girl. I groan and rock up, my dick trying to push through the fabric and get inside her heat, but I keep getting distracted by Kash and West, because the fuckers are kissing, not waiting for my instructions.

  Syd notices, too, and moans, biting into my shoulder to muffle the sound. It vibrates through my body, down to my dick that weeps and swells more in my pants.

  “Shall we join them?” I pull her with regret off my dick and between Kash’s spread legs. She smiles at me and tugs Kash’s hand off his crotch to undo his zipper.

  But I’m still, fascinated by the kiss he’s sharing with my best friend.

  I mean… I love them al
l. They’re my family, and my lovers. But I’ve known West the longest, and the sight of that familiar handsome face, those familiar strong hands cupping Kash’s jaw as they kiss the hell out of each other, it’s just fucking hot.

  They both went through so much, they’re both so damn strong.

  As is my girl who’s kneeling all red curls and pale skin and her heart on her face. She believed in us long before any of us could even imagine being like this, here, with her. With one another.

  West grunts, his hand sliding up to tangle in Kash’s silvery hair, as Sydney manages to open his pants wide enough to free his cock.

  Kash makes a strangled noise as she bends down to take him in her mouth, and the sight of her pink lips wrapped around his flushed cock is too much. Quickly I push down my own pants to grab my dick and stroke furiously.

  Of course West’s gaze strays to me, then down to Syd and shudders. He breaks the kiss to grab my arm and haul me against him. “What are you waiting for?”

  “I’m enjoying this,” I inform him.

  Enjoying every fucking second of it. Taking my time. Watching Kash’s body tensing, one hand braced on the bed behind him, the other landing on Syd’s head, his eyes closing.

  Watching the hunger grow in West’s eyes like a bleeding red sunset.

  A flush is spreading over Syd’s cheeks, her neck and perfect tits. She has a hand on Kash’s hard stomach. The muscles in his thighs are all bunched up. He’s close.

  “Slow down.” I stroke my knuckles down Syd’s silky cheek and she pulls back, giving Kash’s cock one last long lick that has him squirming and panting. “We’ve only just started.”

  “Dammit, Nate.” Kash sprawls on his back, cock pointing up. He grabs it and strokes, his chest rising and falling fast. “Need to come.”

  “Not yet, Blondie. Your turn to watch.”

  “Fuck,” he pants, throwing an arm over his eyes. “I thought you said I was tired, and that you’d destress me.”

  “I’m about to. Watch me. Watch closely, Goldie.”

  “But…” He lifts his head to look, curiosity getting the better of him – and I take the opportunity to put my arms around both West and Syd. “Oh God,” he groans.