Soul Protector

by Amanda Leigh Cowley

  “Michelle, stop. I don’t want to hear all the sordid details. You should have ignored it. You knew how I felt about him.”

  “I know,” she said quietly. “I’m so sorry, Gracie. All I want is for us to get back to normal.”

  She looked so vulnerable, I had to look away to keep my resolve.

  “I can’t bear not seeing you,” she carried on. “Mum lets me know when you’re at hers so I can turn up, but as soon as I get there, you just leave. Gracie, please, you have to forgive me.”

  I took a deep breath. “I can’t yet. It’s too raw. You have to give me time to get over it.”

  “And then you’ll forgive me?”

  I sighed. “Just let me have some space, Michelle.”

  ~~~

  CHAPTER 11

  .

  Dan

  .

  I got in the lift, and pushed the buttons with my elbows, trying to avoid the usual shock of static that zapped me most mornings. Then I slumped against the wall while I waited to be deposited on the second floor. It was only a short ride, but the lift was so old and cranky, I always felt like I should be on the top floor of The Empire State Building by the time I got out.

  After Michelle had visited at the weekend, I’d nearly gone into meltdown. It was too much to deal with on top of everything else. I waited for the familiar grinding and creaking to come to an end while I reflected back over the last few days. I still couldn’t comprehend it all. I’d discovered I could switch – twice, then been kidnapped, nearly died, fallen hard for a guy and now realised it was with a person who didn’t really exist, well not as a whole person anyway. Was it only a few days previous I felt my life was going nowhere? Now it was going off in all directions and I felt worse than ever.

  I came out of the lift and passed Arthur at the coffee machine. He gave me a smile so wide, I could count all the teeth he was missing at the back.

  “Hello, love. Can I get you a hot drink?” he said, pushing the well-worn button to dispense his hot chocolate.

  “I’d love one, Arthur. But can I have an extra shot of espresso in it?”

  He stopped what he was doing for a minute, and frowned at me.

  “You sure? You normally moan it’s too dark.”

  “I just need it strong today. Don’t ask.”

  He shrugged his shoulders and carried on while I made my way over to our desks.

  I had to make the right decision. I knew I owed Dan the courtesy of seeing him again. He’d been so good to me. But I’d kind of laid my cards on the table with the attempted kiss, and I really wanted to avoid the awkward moment when he realised I didn’t feel the same way about the real him.

  I didn’t know what to do for the best. I thought maybe I should put off the awkward conversation and just tell him I was ill or something. But that would be procrastinating, and I was trying to give that up. I deliberated whether to just call him and cancel, that way I would never have to see him again. But I had felt so drawn to him, whatever he looked like, there was a good possibility I would still fancy him.

  I decided to wait until I saw him in his own skin before I made any rash decisions. I tried to bury the fact that I was falling hard and fast for the Dan I had met, and couldn’t see how any other version could compete.

  It felt like I was going on a blind date. I cringed as I said the word in my head. I wasn’t a fan of the blind date scenario. Kerry had set me up on one of those in the past, before I’d met Mike, and it had been a monumental disaster. Not only were we not attracted to each other, we had nothing in common either. I’d spent the whole night thinking of excuses to leave early without offending my date.

  At least I knew Dan and I got on well. Still, no matter how nice someone was, in my experience you either fancied them, or you didn’t. And out of any twenty random guys, how many did I actually fancy? Probably none. I don’t think it’s because I’m especially fussy, it’s just that while I enjoy the company of most guys, I don’t want to swap spit with them all.

  I started to imagine what Dan might look like. I realised he could look like any of the men right in my office. I leant back in my chair and swivelled round to have a good look at the cross-section at my disposal. The first guy I clocked was Arthur depositing my extra strong coffee on the desk.

  “Thank you,” I said looking up at him, and he winked at me. Arthur was a great guy, and I loved him dearly, but not in that way. He was far too old for me. I felt a twinge of anxiety as I remembered the old guy from the Office, who was switched into the much younger body. It hit me that Dan could actually be really old. It didn’t bear thinking about.

  The only thing I could rely on was that he was male. Apart from that, he could be anything. He might be short like Fraser, our trainee. I almost giggled out loud as I imagined us both having to ask for help in Tesco’s because our favourite brand of cereal was on the highest shelf.

  Hoping for reassurance, I turned round and looked behind me. Sean, one of the freelancers looked up and smiled. Sean was great fun, but he was way too scrawny to be anything other than a friend. I was old-fashioned and liked my men to be strong and able to take care of me in a crisis, not the other way round. Or what if he had really bad eyesight like Bruce, the guy who did all our legal stuff? Poor Bruce had to wear those glasses that made your eyes look really, really small. There was a rumour going round that if he looked at the sun too long, he would probably blow the back of his head off.

  I turned back round to face my computer screen. I needed to stop stressing about the evening ahead, so to give me something else to focus on, I decided to tackle the task I’d been putting off. I still hadn’t rung Lydia and apologised for shutting the door in her face after the second switch.

  I dialled her number, and felt the butterflies stirring in my stomach. I hated falling out with anyone, and it was going to be hard finding the right words to appease her. What gripped me was that I knew I was going to have to lie.

  The phone clicked and I braced myself for a hostile reception, aware she would have seen my name pop up on her display.

  “This is Lydia,” she said bluntly.

  I tried my best to sound upbeat and jolly. “Hi, Lydia, it’s me, Gracie.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Um, are you okay?” I gritted my teeth while she left a pause.

  “I’m fine.”

  “Great. Look… why I’m ringing… what it is, is… I wanted to apologise for not being able to see you when you came over the other day.”

  “You mean when you shut the door in my face? Hey, don’t worry about it.”

  “I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it, Lyd.”

  “No, I suppose you couldn’t help leaving me stranded outside yours without a car, either. Bloody hell, Gracie, all I wanted was to come inside and wait for a taxi, but that was obviously too much hassle for you.”

  Oh God. I’d forgotten her would still have been at the garage.

  “I didn’t realise. It’s just… I wasn’t myself that day… I was feeling ill. I don’t know what else to say, except I really am sorry.”

  “Yeah, you already said.”

  Damn. I wished I could just tell her the truth. Knowing Lydia, I could apologise all day and it wouldn’t make any difference. There was no way round it. I was going to have to let time work its magic and wait until she was ready to forgive me.

  “Lydia I’m at work so I’m going to have to go, but let me know when a good time is and I’ll come round and see you.”

  “Yeah whatever, Gracie.”

  “Okay, you take care. Bye then,” I said, in the cheeriest tone I could muster.

  “Bye.” Click.

  Well that went well.

  ~

  Pause Gracie, take some deep breaths. The moment I‘d been dreading had arrived. Punctual this time, the real Dan Sullivan was standing outside my front door. I’d released the switch and had been stood waiting for him to make it up the stairs and my heart was thumping out of control yet again. I opened the door and remem
bered to fix my face to conceal any trace of disappointment.

  My eyes opened wide when I saw Dan standing in front of me in exactly the same body he’d been switched into before. He was wearing jeans with a checked shirt rolled up at the sleeves. His chiselled features were as gorgeous as ever, and he was smiling at me.

  Delighted as I was to see him in this body, I knew it was pointless.

  “Dan, what’s going on?”

  “Nothing,” he said pulling a puzzled frown, but the mischief in his eyes gave him away.

  “But you’re not. I mean... how... you haven’t changed?”

  His smile widened, but I had no idea what the joke was. When I first met him, he’d been switched. He’d told me himself, and anyway he’d had that yellow aura thing.

  Dan looked to his left and gave a small nod. I heard a cough, and then another head popped round the doorframe, causing me to do a double-take. My jaw dropped and I had to snap it closed again as I looked from this person to Dan and back.

  “Allow me to introduce Tom, my twin.”

  My hand flew up to my mouth and I couldn’t speak for a few seconds.

  “Your twin!” I shrieked, louder than was necessary. “You’ve got a twin...” I felt my grin stretching from ear to ear. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because he loves watching people’s reactions when they realise they’ve been duped. Shame really, he’s never grown out of the whole twin double identity thing,” said Tom.

  “Hi Tom, it’s really good to meet you.” I said, relief still flooding through my system. I stuck out my hand to shake his.

  “The pleasure, Gracie,” he replied, grabbing my fingers and kissing the top of my hand, “is all mine.” He dropped my hand gently. “You know why he stayed in my body each time he met you, it’s ‘cause he knows I’m slightly better looking than him.”

  Dan rolled his eyes and I giggled.

  “Just one thing Danny boy, you didn’t let on just how beautiful Gracie is.”

  “Alright Romeo, calm down.” Dan said, looking from Tom to me. “You’ll have to make allowances for him. He’s fancies himself as a bit of a charmer.”

  “Hey, I’m only....”

  The ringtone of a mobile cut through Tom’s retaliation, and he rifled in his pocket to retrieve it. “Yep,” he said, his face falling into a frown. He listened for a couple of seconds, before speaking again. “I’m on my way in anyway, but don’t wait for me. Take him through and start the interrogation.”

  Dan’s head twisted to look at his brother. I guessed the news must relate to the gang Dan had told me about, and for a second I wondered if I was going to be cast aside while they ran off to deal with the situation. I was relieved to see Tom raise his palm towards Dan, and shake his head, as if to indicate it was nothing too important. I felt Dan instantly relax again at my side. Tom flicked his hand up to wave goodbye, and with a wink, he walked off chatting into his handset.

  ~

  The restaurant had all kinds of 40s and 50s memorabilia hanging off the rustic bricks. Beneath a string of chilli pepper lights was a huge open kitchen and you could see sweaty chefs, red-faced behind the charcoal grills as they created mouth-watering aromas.

  There were only a couple of lights turned on along the brick walls. The main illumination was coming from chubby candles placed on every table. Our one was well-used. Thick rivers of wax pooled into the dish, leaving the top uneven and wavy.

  I found it hard to relax. My main worry before had been whether I’d still be attracted to Dan, but after that situation sorted itself out, I’d flipped back into wondering how on earth he could like me. I’d somehow managed to wing it so far, but I no longer had anything to hide behind; no dramatic switch back, no Office, no set of crazy circumstances to distract from just plain, old me.

  I know it sounds shallow but I couldn’t help thinking he should have aimed higher; someone on Lydia’s level. Obviously something had temporarily messed with the laws of attraction in his brain. I wondered how long my luck would hold.

  The candle flame flickered and cast dancing shadows across his face and I hoped it meant he couldn’t see me properly either. It didn’t stop me from feeling self-conscious though. I was over-thinking everything I did; how I sipped my drink, where I put my knife and fork between mouthfuls, and how often I made eye-contact with him.

  I’d ordered a prawn salad because I thought it would be light and easy to digest. I soon realised that had been a mistake. Every now and then I struggled with the lettuce, half a leaf would be hanging out of my mouth at inopportune moments. Dan, on the other hand, didn’t seem uncomfortable at all, and was tucking into a large juicy steak.

  He asked me questions about my childhood, so I gave him the censored version, a nicer version, highlighting the fun times Mum, Michelle and I had once we’d moved away from Dad. Before long, I deliberately steered the conversation away from me. I didn’t want to bore him. I swallowed my mouthful, and took a sip of my drink before launching into my own inquisition.

  “I’ve been thinking. Where do Soul Protectors come from? I mean, how did they come to exist?”

  Dan finished his mouthful. “Well there’s an age-old question. Why are we here? Where did we come from?” He raised his eyebrows. “Sorry, Gracie, I can’t tell you any more about the meaning of Soul Protectors than I can about normal human beings.”

  I sagged. I’d been hoping for some miraculous story.

  Dan must have noticed my disappointment because he leant closer. “You know, some of the older SPs think we’re living, breathing angels…”

  I tried not to react as lemonade backfired up my nose causing my eyes to water.

  “… Sent down from heaven to protect the vulnerable.”

  “And what about you? Do you believe that?” I asked, running a fingertip under my lashes.

  Dan shook his head and laughed. “It sounds good, but I think we’d know for sure if we were proper angels.”

  “Yeah, I guess so.”

  He picked up his water and had a long sip, then banged the glass down on the table. “I’ll tell you what I do think. I think we’re nature’s answer to stress and anxiety. You know how when you get stung by a stinging nettle, there’s usually a dock leaf nearby. Well that’s kind of like us when you think about it. Someone needs help, and there we are, ready to be applied.”

  I smiled at his analogy. It didn’t change my mind about wanting to be a PSP though.

  Dan picked up his knife and fork, and began cutting another chunk of steak. “You know, you have to suffer first in order to have real empathy. And the more you’ve suffered, the better you are at healing...”

  I thought of what Dad had puts us through as kids, and wondered if that meant I would be any good.

  “…and it’s usually during an intense low period that you manage your first switch. Does that sound like your experience?”

  I nodded, but decided against going into the details.

  Dan carried on. “I resisted being an SP for years. Tom didn’t. He was straight in there, absolutely loved it. I think he didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life anyway, and this all came to light at exactly the right moment. But not me, I rebelled and went to Uni.” He laughed, and I giggled with him. “Not much of a rebellion in the grand scheme of things.”

  “So what made you give in and do it professionally?”

  Dan looked away from me, staring into the middle distance. “I was so sure I wanted nothing to do with it all. In fact, I went out of my way to avoid being a Soul Protector. But then one of my Uni mates, Mitch...” His voice broke off, and he frowned. He closed his eyes for a moment and ran his fingers through his hair. When he returned my gaze, his smile was back in place.

  “What am I doing? I bring you out for a meal, and all I do is bore you with details of my life history.”

  “No, you’re not boring me at all. It was interesting. Please carry on.”

  He shook his head, smiling. “Uh uh. You know what? I think it’s
time to order dessert. He picked up the menu, opened it to the right page, and plonked it down next to my half-eaten salad.

  ~

  On the drive home, Dan took a slight detour before bringing the car to a stop.

  “Come on,” he said, turning the engine off, “it’s an amazing evening. Do you fancy a stroll around the lake?”

  “That sounds lovely,” I said, grateful the night wasn’t over. I wasn’t sure if he was prolonging it because he liked my company, or he was about to let me down gently.

  We jumped out of the car, and I was mesmerised by the serenity of the lake. The air was still with an icy nip and it felt good to breathe it in. The full moon illuminated the path and silver flashes were reflected in the water.

  I fell in step with Dan so we were walking side-by-side. I had a strong urge to hold his hand, but still wary from the rejected kiss fiasco, I thought better of it.

  He chatted away comfortably. I learned that he did have a life outside of being a monitor. In fact, he had quite a few hobbies, but as you’d expect, they weren’t along the lines of stamp-collecting or train-spotting. He told me about climbing mountains in various places around the world and diving off wrecks in the Caribbean. He also mentioned he’d started helicopter flying lessons.

  “Thing is, since the CSP group came to light, I haven’t had a chance to do much else apart from chase them. It’s just work and sleep these days.”

  He stopped as something on the ground caught his eye. I watched him bend down and pick up a smooth, flat stone. After rolling it around in his fingers a couple of times he turned and flicked it in the direction of the lake. It was hard to follow the stone in the dim light, but we heard several splashes as it bounced across the surface of the water.

  When there was silence, I turned towards Dan.

  “Is there anything you’re not good at?”

  He grinned at me. “Yeah, lots.”

  The memory of Dan singing popped into my head, and I giggled.