‘And what?’ Nikki said gently. ‘Luke, you accused me of shutting the world out. Aren’t you doing the same thing?’
‘Leave it, Nikki,’ he said roughly.
‘No.’ Nikki shook her head, her red-gold hair tossing from side to side. ‘You’ve hauled me from my splendid isolation and now…now you’re telling me I’m really alone after all.’
‘You’re not alone. You have your daughter… Beattie…this town…’
‘Oh, yes. That’s not what you said a week ago.’
‘Nikki, it doesn’t matter.’ Luke’s eyes hardened. ‘Whatever I said, whatever I’ve done doesn’t alter the fact that I want no one. I should never have made love to you, because, of course, you want more…’
Nikki’s green eyes flashed. She took a deep breath. ‘You arrogant toad!’ she spat.
‘I meant…’ He rubbed his hand wearily through his hair. ‘Nikki, I didn’t mean that to sound…I just mean that lovemaking implies emotional commitment and I can’t give that. Not now. Not ever.’
‘Not ever’. The phrase echoed harshly around them. Nikki took a ragged breath and leaned against the door. At least he was honest. Last night…Last night she had thought it would be enough. Now…Now she hated his damned honesty.
She hated him. He was avoiding the issue. Running. Just like her father. Just like Scott…
So what was left? Their professional relationship. She could tell him to get out of her house now-or somehow she could act professional. One doctor to another…
‘How was Mrs Birchip?’ she asked suddenly.
‘Mrs Birchip?’ Luke looked blank.
‘The lady you spent the night with.’
‘I beg your pardon?’
‘You did a house call to Verity Birchip,’ Nikki said coldly, striving desperately for a return to normality. ‘And it kept you all night.’
‘Oh.’ Luke’s blank look suddenly faded and he managed a smile. ‘Mrs Birchip thinks she has heredity.’
‘Heredity?’ It was Nikki’s turn to sound blank.
‘She read somewhere that heredity can cause all sorts of problems, so she thinks she’s got it. I suspected a bad cold, but she’s sure it’s heredity.’
‘You know, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprise if she’s right,’ Nikki said slowly. ‘It would explain a lot.’
And Luke managed to grin. ‘Yeah…’
So this was all there was. Over. A fine romance, Nikki thought bitterly. Gone the way of all the loves in her life. Walking away from her.
Nikki drew in her breath. ‘I guess…I guess I’d better go to bed, then.’
‘I think you should,’ Luke said gently. His smile faded. ‘Nikki, I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t.’ It was practically a cry. She bit her lip and then gestured to the pile of papers on his desk. ‘I’m…I’m sorry I interrupted you. What…what were you doing?’
‘I’m writing a newspaper column.’
Nikki’s eyes widened. ‘A news…What sort of newspaper column?’
‘“Who Cares?”’
‘“Who Cares?”’ Nikki stared in amazement. In disbelief she crossed to the desk and stared down. There were loose sheaves of handwritten pleas for help, and attached to each was a neatly written paragraph. Nikki picked up and read the first note.
Dear Doctor,
My fifteen-year-old daughter has one breast bigger than the other and I can’t get her to agree to visit our family doctor. I know she’s scared stiff she’ll be like this forever…
Then there was the response, carefully worded under the major heading ‘Who Cares?’.
And Nikki didn’t have to read the response. She had read ‘Who Cares?’ every week for the past eighteen months with a growing sense of admiration for the measured, careful and caring responses given by the anonymous answering doctor. She knew just what the reply would be-a careful reassurance, amusing anecdotes of ‘lopsided adolescents I have known’ as well as a plea to back up the reassurance by a visit to the girl’s own doctor.
Nikki let the sheaf of papers fall to the table. ‘You’re the doctor behind “Who Cares?”,’ she whispered. She stared. This was making less and less sense. The column must pay well. Why then was he doing locums?
‘Yes.’ He came abruptly forward and pushed the papers into a folder. ‘I started doing it while I was ill.’
‘For the money?’
He laughed without humour. ‘You guessed it. And besides…’
‘It’s a job you can do without people.’
‘Nikki, I’m not trying to avoid people.’
‘Only involvement.’
‘Look who’s talking.’
‘You still think I’m trying to avoid involvement?’ Nikki demanded. She put her hand wearily to her eyes. ‘I think…I think I’m cured.’
He looked hard at her then, his eyes narrowing. ‘Nikki, I-’
‘You don’t want to hear,’ Nikki finished for him. ‘Well, you’re going to. You came up here for God knows what reason, but whatever your motive you decided on a nice, Boy Scout objective. Get Dr Russell out of herself. Involve her with the human race again. Teach her to love.’
‘Nikki, I didn’t mean-’
‘I don’t care what you meant.’ Tears welled up in Nikki’s eyes and she turned away. ‘And I don’t care what you were trying to do. All I know is that I love you…’
There. The words were said. She could do no more. This man was all she wanted in life and she had laid her heart on a plate for him to take. If he wanted it…
It seemed he didn’t. He stood motionless for a long moment and then came to turn her gently towards him. ‘Nikki, don’t,’ he said gently.
‘Cry? Why the hell not? Isn’t falling in love with yet another man who doesn’t want me something to cry about?’ She wrenched back away from him, her fingers searching for the doorknob while she watched his face. It was bleak and hard. Whatever she said would make no difference.
‘Nikki, I’m sorry,’ he said softly. Implacably. There was no love for her in the words.
‘I’ll bet you are,’ Nikki whispered. She shrugged. ‘And so am I.’
Her fingers found the knob and twisted. Nikki turned and walked out of the room. Regardless of sleeping children and housekeeper, she slammed the door. Hard.
She hadn’t stalked more than three feet from the door when the front doorbell rang.
Nikki stopped dead. Now what?
Her hand flew up to her tear-stained face. Great. If she was needed now…
Luke’s bedroom door opened again as he too heard the bell. ‘I’ll go,’ he said roughly. ‘You’d better wash your face and pull yourself together.’
Great. Professional caring and sympathy. And to make it worse he was right. Nikki watched him stride along the passage and if she’d had something in her hand she would have thrown it. Something hard and big, she thought savagely. Something that would break into a million fragments and release some of the awful tension within her.
Instead of which she went meekly back into her bedroom to repair some of the ravages of the last few minutes.
She had hardly started before Luke was back. His knock on her door showed as little respect as Nikki had for the still sleeping occupants of the house.
‘Nikki, I need you.’
Like hell you do, Nikki thought bitterly. You don’t need anyone, Luke Marriott. She didn’t say it, though. Instead she let her robe slip to the floor, hauled on the dress she’d been wearing that afternoon and opened the door. ‘What’s wrong?’
He narrowed his eyes. ‘Are you fit to operate?’
‘Of course.’ Nikki’s hands were fumbling to fasten the front buttons on her dress, and once again she cursed fate at having sent Luke to stay in this house. She was forced to be intimate in such surroundings.
‘We’ve a nasty tear and fracture to repair A fisherman got his hand caught in a cray-pot rope. It’s darn near torn off his thumb.’
Nikki nodded. It happened. The fishermen worked fast
and often didn’t stop the motor when they dropped the pots. Occasionally one fouled on a propeller. There had been a couple of nasty accidents since Nikki had started practising.
‘I usually send them down to Cairns,’ she said quietly, trying to make her voice sound professional and detached. ‘I can’t…I don’t have the skills…’
‘I do.’ He was striding away. ‘Ring the hospital and tell them to prepare Theatre. Then come. I’ll drive him down.’
‘He’s here?’ Nikki’s eyes widened.
‘He’s currently making a mess of Beattie’s hall,’ Luke said grimly. ‘His mates were set on a night prawning and wouldn’t interrupt to take him to the hospital. They dropped him at the wharf and he walked up here because Whispering Palms is closer than the hospital.’
‘Good grief.’ Nikki frowned in disbelief.
‘Hurry, Luke told her, turning away. ‘The kid’s lost a lot of blood and the thumb’s hanging by a thread. The faster we get it sewn back, the more chance he has of keeping it.’
‘The kid…’
‘He’s not much more than a teenager…’
It was a fiddly, delicate operation. Once more Eurong was in luck having Luke as acting locum, Nikki thought reflectively, knowing that if the boy had been sent to Cairns his thumb would have been well and truly dead by the time they got him there.
As it was he had a good chance of keeping it. Luke meticulously cleaned the shattered bone, inserted a tiny metal pin which would hold the bones together and then slowly stitched the mass of torn muscle and flesh back into the shape of a thumb. He used skills Nikki could only wonder at.
It took hours. The first trace of dawn was showing through the big south window of the operating theatre as Luke finally raised his head.
That’s it,’ he said wearily. ‘The best we can do.’ He moved to adjust the intravenous line. It was feeding antibiotics through, which hopefully would keep the wound free of infection. Infection now would mean all their work was wasted.
It was considerate of Luke to include Nikki in his assessment of what had been done, but the work had been Luke’s. Nikki’s job as anaesthetist had been relatively easy, keeping a fit and healthy nineteenyear-old asleep for the time it had taken.
‘Well done,’ she said softly to Luke, signalling one of the nurses to assist him with his gown. He looked exhausted, and Nikki suddenly remembered that the man had been ill himself. Was he completely recovered?
‘Is Mr Payne here yet?’ she asked the charge sister. Jim Payne had given permission for himself to be operated on-at nineteen he was able to do so-and in response to their enquiries he had replied that his dad didn’t give a stuff anyway. Beneath her hands the boy stirred as he took over his own breathing.
‘Not as far as I know,’ Andrea told Nikki. ‘We telephoned home but no one answered. I guess his dad will still be at sea.’
Luke frowned down at the boy. ‘Does he have any other family?’ He had been scrubbing while Nikki had questioned the boy earlier.
‘Only his father here,’ Nikki said grimly. ‘His father owns the boat Jim works on. He would have been the one to put Jim off last night.’
‘With instructions to walk to hospital.’ Luke stared down at their still sleeping patient. The boy was pale beneath his weathered complexion. At nineteen he still looked very young-and very vulnerable. ‘Some people don’t deserve to have children,’ he said softly.
‘No.’ Nikki shook her head. ‘There are some cases where parents can’t seem to help mistreating their children-like Sandra Mears. It’s just the build-up of hardship that proves too much for them. But Bert Payne’s different…He’s always been rough and uncaring. Jim’s mum took off when Bert’s roughness finally got too much for her, and since then Jim’s had to cope with it alone.’
Luke’s mouth twisted into a grimace, ‘Poor bloody kid,’ he said softly. ‘I’ve given him back his thumb, but what sort of chance does he have?’
‘He’ll survive,’ the nurse told them. ‘The Paynes are tough.’
‘Yeah. And toughness breeds toughness. Next generation…’
‘Well, maybe he’ll marry a nice girl who gives him all the cuddles he’s missed out on,’ Nikki said roundly.
‘Ah, yes. The happy ending.’ There was no mistaking the derision behind Luke’s words and Nikki flushed.
‘I’ll finish up here,’ she said tightly. ‘You’re tired.’
‘Feeling sorry for me, Dr Russell?’
Nikki’s eyes flew up to his and flashed fire.
‘No,’ she said between her teeth. ‘I just want to get rid of you.’
CHAPTER NINE
THE days that followed were endless. Somehow Nikki managed to study but afterwards she never knew how. It was a defence mechanism, she thought dully. Immersed in her texts, telling herself they were important, somehow she could block out Luke’s presence in the house.
Not that he was there often. He worked longer hours than he needed to, and Nikki suspected that many house calls were simply an excuse to be away from Whispering Palms. Away from her…
‘I don’t know what’s eating the man,’ Beattie puzzled one day as they ate yet another dinner without him. ‘He was so darned cheerful when he came-like a breath of fresh air through the place-and now…’
‘He’s like a bear with a sore head,’ Amy announced. ‘Isn’t he, Karen?’
Karen nodded solemnly and then carefully replaced her knife and fork on the plate. ‘Mummy says she’d like me to come home on Saturday,’ she announced. ‘She says…she says the house is ready. She says it’s really pretty and we’ve got a nice garden I can help look after and…’
‘What else will she let you help with?’ Beattie said darkly and Karen flushed, hearing the implied criticism.
‘I like gardening,’ she said in a small voice. ‘I want to grow carrots. And…and flowers. And Mummy says I can…’
‘I’ll drop in tomorrow and see your new house,’ Nikki intervened, sending her housekeeper a dark look. ‘And if your mum’s really ready, then I don’t see any reason why you can’t go home.’
* * *
It was yet another way of blocking her thoughts from Luke-and no way was entirely successful. After lunch the next day Nikki walked around the river to Sandra’s new home. It was quite a distance and by the time she arrived Nikki was regretting her impulse to leave the car at home. Especially as she rounded the corner and saw her own second vehicle parked outside. Luke…
Oh, no! She stood irresolute in the sun as she tried to decide what to do. The last thing she wanted was to walk in on Luke…
Then the door opened and Sandra saw her. Before she could move, Sandra lifted an arm and waved. ‘Dr Russell. Hi! Come and see.’
So there was nothing for it but to cross the road and enter the sparkling clean home. Luke had obviously just been leaving. He was standing in the hall as Nikki entered.
‘Two doctors,’ Sandra said, smiling nervously. ‘Do I get charged for two house calls?’
‘Of course not.’ Nikki tried desperately to ignore Luke as she smiled reassuringly at Sandra. ‘I just thought I’d drop in for a look.’
‘Let me show you-’ Sandra started eagerly, but
Luke interrupted.
‘I have to be getting back for afternoon surgery,’ he told them. He didn’t look at Nikki. ‘I’ll leave you two alone.’
Sandra nodded. She looked up at him and then suddenly stretched out her hands to take his. ‘I don’t know how to thank you,’ she told him. She turned to Nikki. ‘Did you know Dr Luke has located my husband?’ She whirled suddenly into the kitchen and returned carrying a slip of paper. ‘And look! I don’t know how he did it but it’s a cheque. For child maintenance. And they say…they say there’ll be more coming.’
‘It wasn’t me that found him,’ Luke told her. ‘It was the Department of Social Security.’
‘I’ve been to them before,’ Sandra said darkly. ‘And nothing’s happened. And then you two move in and…’
‘And your husband gets to shoulder his responsibilities,’ Nikki said warmly. ‘I’m so glad.’
Sandra smiled. For the first time in years she seemed young. ‘This will mean-oh, everything. We’ll have enough to eat for a change, and there’ll be money left over. I’ll be able to buy them new clothes, and take them to the pictures sometimes.’ She giggled. ‘And my husband…he’s not going to have all that great a time with his new girlfriend now,’ she chuckled. ‘Not with his wages being garnished for maintenance for the kids. Plus,’ she ended triumphantly, ‘all the stuff he bought on credit cards and I’ve been paying off. Some of it he’s still got and the rest he’s sold. His girlfriend was there when the social welfare people came around and she told them without thinking, “Oh, yeah, he bought that…That old stereo,” she said, “he sold it,” and things like that. And they told the credit people and the credit people transferred the debt. I don’t get to use the credit cards any more but I never did anyway. So now…so now he’s got to pay for the lot and I don’t have a single debt. I feel…I feel fantastic.’
‘Ready for Karen?’ Nikki said quietly.
Sandra’s smile faded. She met Nikki’s look without flinching. ‘I’m ready for Karen,’ she said. ‘I think…I think I’ve come to terms with what I’ve been doing with her. I just felt so darned useless…And Karen’s so like me. So when I felt like punishing myself I took everything out on her.’ She took a deep breath. ‘But it won’t happen any more, I promise you that. Karen… well, Karen’s going to be a little girl again. And I’m going to be a proper mother.’
‘You know there won’t be any more chances,’ Luke said heavily. ‘You know that, don’t you, Sandra?’
Sandra nodded. ‘I know you two have given me a second chance,’ she agreed. ‘I know that and I’ll be grateful forever. And I won’t mess it up.’
‘Karen can come back to Whispering Palms at any time,’ Nikki promised. ‘Use us as a safety-valve. If you feel the tension’s mounting then send her to us.’
‘To us’…Because she was standing beside Luke it sounded as if the invitation was from both of them and Sandra took it as such. She smiled at both of them in turn.
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