He eyed her with open concern. “Are you feeling ill?”
“No. It’s nothing like that,” she quickly dismissed his question. “I’m just tired. It’s been a long day and I don’t have to tell you that I have a lot to think about.”
She could see something like disappointment wash across his face, but he didn’t press her to stay and finish the meal. Instead, he said, “Of course. I’ll get the waiter to bring the check.”
Five minutes later they were back in Liam’s truck, traveling down the freeway to the hotel where she would be living during the Hollywood meet.
As he maneuvered through the heavy traffic, they didn’t speak, and as the silence between them stretched into awkward tension, Kitty felt even worse than she had at the restaurant.
“I’m sorry, Liam,” she said finally. “I’ve ruined your dinner.”
“You didn’t ruin anything. I had plenty to eat.”
“I wasn’t exactly thinking about your stomach.”
The grunt he made had her glancing over at him and she was relieved to see a groove of amusement creasing his cheek. At least he wasn’t thinking she needed to be taken directly to a psychiatrist’s couch for her mood swings.
“Lately I’ve had brothers and sisters having babies right and left. Pregnancy isn’t easy for you ladies or us men.”
He should know, Kitty thought. He’d already dealt with a pregnant wife. Only he didn’t have either wife or child now, she thought sadly. And suddenly she was wondering how far along his wife had been in her pregnancy when she’d been killed. As far as Kitty was now?
The question caused her hand to slip to the growing mound of her stomach. She loved this baby so much. So much.
“That stuff you were saying about our baby needing both parents—I know you’re right. I’m sure I would be a much better person if I’d had a mother around to balance my life.”
He kept his gaze on the traffic. “There’s nothing wrong with the person you are now.”
She sighed as she smoothed the fabric of her dress over her crossed knees. “I would have been different if my mother had stayed in the family. I seriously doubt I would be a racehorse trainer, spending my every waking hour at the barn or track. I’d probably be working at some office job and have a nice, neat boyfriend who wore chinos and loafers and played golf on the weekends.”
“That doesn’t sound like you at all.”
“I’d be screaming with boredom,” she admitted, then darted a glance at him. “When I was fourteen my father offered to let me go to Atlanta to live with my mother. He figured by then I was old enough to decide if I wanted something different in my life.”
“Did you go?”
“Only for short visits,” she admitted. “By then the bond with my mother was gone, ruined by the distance between us, I suppose. And horses already ran deep in my blood. I knew that when I grew up I wanted to be a successful trainer just like my father.”
A grin lifted one corner of his mouth. “And you are. You’re just much prettier than he was.”
Sad emptiness swept through her and she desperately fought to push it aside. She had to put the past behind her. She had to think ahead. Always ahead to the monumental tasks she was now facing.
“I have yet to prove how successful I am. As a daughter, well, I tried with my mother. But the two of us just never fit together. By the time I was eighteen we’d drifted apart completely.”
“What about now?”
“I rarely ever hear from her. She married a man who had two sons. They’re grown now and she and her husband travel most of the time. Whenever I do talk to her it’s like I’m visiting with a stranger. You know what I mean? Like when a distant relative suddenly calls or shows up and you don’t know them from Adam. But just because they’re located somewhere on your family tree you feel like there should be a connection and then you feel guilty when there’s not one.”
“Yeah. I’ve been there,” he said. “And I don’t want that to happen with our child. She or he is going to know the both of us. When it thinks of its parents, it’s going to think of us as a couple—a united family unit.”
If that could only be true in every sense of the word, Kitty thought. But theirs was hardly a normal relationship built on love and devotion. And it never would be. How could they ever hope to be a united family unit?
“You’re painting a nice, tidy picture, Liam. But you’ve not had time to think this all through. Whenever you do you’ll realize you can’t force something like that.”
He shot her a wry look. “Kitty, I have no intention of forcing you to marry me. You’ll either agree to become my wife or you won’t. It’s that simple.”
Neat and practical with everything black and white. Every particle in Kitty’s heart cringed from the very idea. But this wasn’t about her or her wants anymore, she told herself. There were three people involved in this. The most important being the baby presently growing in her womb.
He turned into the hotel parking lot, but rather than pull up to the front entrance, he found a parking space and cut the engine.
“I’ll walk you to your room,” he said.
She wanted to tell him that she didn’t need an escort. She wanted to remind him of what had happened the last time he’d walked her to her hotel room. But she kept all of that to herself as he skirted around the front of the truck and helped her to the ground.
The night had cooled considerably since they left the training barn. A breeze ruffled the fringe of hair on her forehead and she welcomed it. Being with Liam, having his hand on her arm had heated her whole body. As the doorman opened the glass partition and ushered them inside, she figured her cheeks were flushed a bright pink.
Once they stepped on the elevator, she gave him the floor number. After he punched it and they began to move upward, he stepped closer and studied her face. Beneath the dim glow overhead, his strong features were slightly shadowed and oh, so sexy.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
Her gaze landed squarely on his lips and the urge to kiss him clawed at her, forcing her to swallow before she could speak. “Yes. Why do you ask?”
To her surprise his hand lifted and his fingers gently trailed across her forehead. The soft touch caused her breath to pause and she wondered how he would react if she closed the few inches of space between them and pressed her lips to his.
He said, “You look drained.”
She told herself to breathe and relax, but his nearness was making her crazy. She’d always wanted this man. And once she’d learned just how thrilling it was to be in his arms, she couldn’t forget. She wanted more of him. More than he clearly wanted to give.
“A woman doesn’t exactly get a marriage proposal every day.” Especially from a man of his stature, she could have added. A man who turned female heads as soon as he walked into a room.
A smile flickered ever so briefly on his face. “I didn’t stop to think that the thought of having me for a husband was that disturbing. Maybe I should have told you that I don’t snore, I pick up my own socks and I don’t need to control the TV remote.”
Rolling her eyes, she tried to match his teasing mood. Not for anything did she want him to learn that her heart had been invested in him for a long time now. It would only make him feel more obligated, more trapped.
“As if you watch TV,” she scoffed. “I suspect the only time you ever sit down is when you watch the replay of a race or a workout.”
The dimple at the side of his mouth deepened. “See, that’s why you’d never have to worry about having control of the remote.”
It wasn’t the remote that Kitty was concerned about; it was her heart and what this man might do to it if she gave him the chance.
The elevator came to a stomach-lurching stop and she unconsciously reached for Liam’s arm to steady herself. Quickly, he curled an arm around the back of her waist and as they stepped off the elevator she realized that his bracing touch, though unsettling, was a security that she needed.
>
For weeks now she’d been surrounded by family and friends, yet she’d felt lost and alone. With Liam near, part of that emptiness went away. And though she wouldn’t be loved by him, she’d definitely be taken care of. But was that enough for her? Would it ever be enough?
The question plagued her as they walked down the wide corridor until they reached the very end where her suite was located. Once Kitty pulled the entry card from her handbag, she turned to him.
“Thank you for dinner, Liam. I only wish it…had been under different circumstances.”
“Under different circumstances we might not have had dinner.”
Sadly, he was right. Without her father acting as a magnet between them and without the baby, he probably wouldn’t have used up his evening with her.
She bit back a sigh. “Well, I’m very tired. If you don’t mind I’ll say good-night here at the door.”
Bending his head, he placed a platonic kiss on her forehead. “You will think about everything I said?”
Even though his voice was gentle, he sounded more like a man trying to pitch a business deal rather than woo a woman into matrimony. But what did she expect? This wasn’t about love or romance or anything to do with happily-ever-after. This was all about responsibility and practicality.
Unable to hold his gaze, she looked away from him and toward a plate-glass window where the lights of the city stretched endlessly before her. “I’ll consider everything you said,” she murmured. “And I promise I won’t keep you dangling about this.”
His hand suddenly cupped the side of her face and she was compelled to turn her gaze back to his. Her heart thudded rapidly as she waited for his response.
“Good night, Kitty.”
She tried to smile but the effort was worse than weak. For one split second she’d thought and hoped he was going to pull her into his arms and tell her that he needed her, wanted her. Dear God, she was becoming delusional.
“Good night,” she said in a strained voice, then turned and hurried through the door.
*
Liam had leased a house in another part of town during his stay in California, but he was too keyed up to confine himself to the quiet rooms tonight. Instead, he drove straight back to the track.
Since it was only Tuesday and live racing wasn’t scheduled until Thursday afternoon, the track was inactive. Except for a few security lights, the grandstand and the oval circling the infield of lakes and flowers was dark and silent. However, there were plenty of lights and activities going on around the training barns.
The familiar sights were a soothing balm to Liam. This was his life and this was the place he felt most comfortable. It didn’t matter which track he was at, or even what state he was in. The “backside,” as it was called by those in the industry, was his home; even more of a home than the Diamond D, where his family resided in the Hondo Valley of New Mexico.
The reality of his feelings often filled Liam with guilt. His parents and siblings were special people. They all loved and supported him and encouraged him in all his endeavors. If he had to say something bad about any of them, he wouldn’t be able to come up with even one critical remark.
But he wasn’t like them. For the past three or four years that fact had become even more apparent as he’d watched his sisters and brothers all marry the loves of their lives and start families of their own. And with each marriage, each arrival of a new baby, he’d begun to feel more and more out of the family circle.
It didn’t matter that they all wanted him to forget the past and begin again with someone new. Liam figured a man had one shot at having true love in his life and his had already come and gone. Getting away and traveling with his horses was the outlet that allowed him to forget that Felicia and the baby had been his one chance at happiness.
He and Felicia had practically grown up together and though she’d not been a gorgeous woman, she’d been pretty in a sweet sort of way. Quiet, easygoing and understanding, that had been his wife’s nature. And their marriage had been like warm milk, smooth and comforting. She’d been the very heart of his hopes and dreams. But all of that had ended when she and her mother had decided to go on a shopping trip early one foggy morning and she’d missed a curve on the mountain highway. All three had died instantly when the car had plummeted into a deep ravine.
Now fate, in the form of a baby, was forcing him to face a different future and making him wonder if he’d been wrong about things all along. Maybe there was a second chance for him to have a family, he thought. If only he could find the courage to grab it.
At the entrance of the barn, he flashed his identification at the security guard then headed to the section of the building where his horses were stalled. By the time he’d looked over the first three animals and started through the waist-high gate of the next stall, he stopped in his tracks.
“Andy, what are you doing here? Is something wrong with Kate’s Kitten?”
The three-year-old filly was named after his grandmother and was one of the very best in the Donovan barn this season. He was aiming her for the Vanity Handicap in June with a prep race before that. If anything was wrong with KK, as they affectionately called her, he didn’t know if he could take it. Not along with everything that Kitty had thrown on his plate today.
The tall, young man with scruffy auburn hair and a sunburned face smiled broadly at Liam. “Not a thing. She’s perfect, Liam. I think she likes it better here than any barn we’ve had her in before. Must be something about the warmer climate.” The groom stroked the dark brown filly’s neck. “I just came to talk to her a little. You know, tell her how beautiful she is and how much I love her.”
Stepping up to the filly, Liam scratched her between the ears, then bent down and ran his hands up and down her front legs. It was a routine inspection that trainers preformed over and over during the day, often times just to reassure themselves that their precious prodigies were sound and ready to perform.
Liam grunted with amusement. “You’re supposed to be talking that stuff to a pretty girl.”
“KK is a pretty girl.”
“I’m talking about the human female,” Liam told him.
The groom walked over to the wall of the stall and, folding his arms against his chest, rested his back against the gray cinderblocks. “Hah. You won’t find me messing myself up with one of those. Women are bad news, Liam. They’re all about themselves. Me. Me. Me. That’s all they talk about, or think about or care about.”
Satisfied to find there were no lumps or bumps, swelling or fever, Liam rose to his full height and looked over to his groom. Andy had worked for the Donovan barn for seven or eight years now and during that time, he’d watched a gangly teenager grow into an earnest, hardworking young man.
“How old are you, Andy?”
“Twenty-six. I’m old enough to know all about women and smart enough to stay away from them.”
“You’re awfully young to sound so jaded,” Liam muttered.
Andy shot him a defensive look. “Well, you don’t have a wife or girlfriend. So you must think like me.”
Felicia and the baby had died seven years ago, not long before Andy had come to work for the Donovans and from the young man’s comment, no one had ever told him that Liam had once been married. But that shouldn’t surprise him. His family and friends, even the longtime Diamond D employees were careful not to bring up the matter of his marriage and subsequent loss. And suddenly, for the first time ever, Liam wondered if keeping everything wrapped and hidden away had been a mistake. Maybe if he and his family had talked about the tragedy more, he could have done a better job of putting it all behind him.
Turning his gaze back to the filly, Liam wondered why Kitty kept pushing her way into his mind, confusing all the visions and plans he’d once had for the future. She wasn’t that special, he mentally argued. She was just a woman he’d happened to have sex with and now she was carrying his unborn child. If she ultimately refused to marry him, the world wouldn’t come to an
end. It would just feel like it, he thought.
Dear God, what was happening to him? He’d sworn to never take another wife. To think of exposing his heart to that much pain again had always been terrifying. But tonight, when Kitty had told him about the baby, something had clicked in him. He’d felt like a stallion needing and wanting to fight for his brood.
“No. I don’t think like you, Andy. I don’t consider all women bad and self-centered.” He did think of them as potential heartaches, though, but that was something Andy didn’t need to know. He gave the filly one last pat on the neck then turned to leave the stall. “Did she eat up her supper?”
“Every grain.”
“What about her water?”
“Most of it.”
“Good.” He asked the groom several questions about the other horses in his charge and after Andy had satisfied him that all was okay, Liam started out of the stall. “If you need me, I’ll be staying in my office tonight,” he tossed over his shoulder.
“You’re not going to your place tonight? How come? Me and Clint will see to things here,” Andy tried to assure him as he followed Liam out of the stall.
“You don’t have to tell me that. I know you will,” Liam said. “I just feel like staying here tonight.”
Before Andy could say more, Liam strode down the shed row until he reached his office.
Inside, he sat at his desk and pulled out his cell phone. Since he’d gone to dinner with Kitty, eleven voice mail messages had come in along with three text messages. Liam went through them methodically, answering the most urgent ones and leaving reminders to himself to deal with the others tomorrow.
When that was finished, he turned on the computer and went through the schedule that Viveca, the Diamond D racing manager, had put together for him. About a year ago, Liam had finally reached the point where he and his secretary couldn’t keep up with all the entries and paperwork involved. Plus, with the number of horses in his stable expanding more and more, he’d needed help in making the best decisions about placing each individual horse in the right race at the right time, which was one of the main missions of a good manager.
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