by Rachel Lee
On the other hand, it didn’t explain much.
He sighed, rubbing his temples as his head began to ache. He had expected to have to make adjustments to his plan, but this one stumped him.
Before or after?
Worded differently?
Damn, he wished he could have a beer, but it was too early.
One last note, his pièce de résistance. He needed to plan this very carefully.
Of one thing he was absolutely certain, though. Corey’s remaining days were few.
* * *
The evening quilting circle had been canceled because one of the women needed to go to Casper for the birth of a new grandchild, and another was stuck at home with two children who had colds.
Since she had very little traffic in the evenings while the sewing groups met, Corey decided she should close up early. Maureen had left at four because she needed to babysit.
So even if Corey hadn’t come in at all, the shop would have closed early. She made the decision easily. There were too many other things going on in her life right now to hang around here for another few hours to help possibly no one. She quickly cleaned, Maureen had already taken out the trash, and after only fifteen minutes she was locking the front door and heading home.
She didn’t know if Austin was around somewhere as he had promised, and she wasn’t especially worried about it. It was still really early, there were plenty of people on the streets.
One thing she knew for certain, she absolutely wanted to get home to Austin.
This was a totally new experience for her, and she found herself smiling, even though she really had little to smile about. She’d seen many of her friends fall in love, or at least develop crushes, but she’d never had the experience herself.
For the first time she understood why they became so preoccupied and let so much else slip. All day long her thoughts had been filled with Austin. She wanted to see him. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted...Austin.
A definite preoccupation going on here. Maybe not for the good, but better than thinking all day about that shard of memory that had returned to her last night.
She was also feeling relieved because she hadn’t recovered any more of her memory. Maybe that would be it. She didn’t think she ever wanted to remember exactly what that guy had done to her mother. Hearing the details had been bad enough.
Then another thought struck her and dropped a weight on her shoulders. Was she hiding behind thoughts of Austin? Turning him into another security blanket? She had certainly developed enough of those protections over the years, and she didn’t want to think she was now using him as another barrier.
How could she even be sure? Looking back over her life, she had a full appreciation of the games her mind could play, the defenses it could build. It was a master strategist at preventing her from dealing with the intolerable.
Here she’d been so determined this morning to face this down, whatever it turned out to be, whatever the risks involved, and now she was running home in hopes of seeing a man?
A man who had promised her nothing, who would be leaving in a couple of months. Certainly before the next semester, Gage had said. Three months, he had said.
So what the hell was she thinking? Was she thinking at all or just reacting?
Then, almost bitterly, she remembered that she could be dead in a few days. How could she know? She was taking a huge risk here, a risk she needed to take, but what if she couldn’t deal with this guy? What if Austin didn’t get there quickly enough? It was possible. She might be on her own just long enough to get her throat slashed.
Damn, she hated the direction her thoughts were taking. She couldn’t seem to straighten them out for more than a few minutes at a time. Determination one minute, absolute certainty, and then massive confusion all over again.
Like it or not, she had to face the fact that she’d spent most of her life reacting. Just reacting. The only things she really thought through had to do with her business. Everything else was based in emotional traumas.
She was a mess.
When she got home, Austin was already there. He smelled as if he’d just stepped in, radiating fresh air.
“Hi,” he said, and smiled. “I visited the grocer again.”
“What are we doing this time?”
“It’s all ready. He showed me how to make galumpki. Galopki? Danged if I remember. He also called it something else. Anyway, they’re basically stuffed cabbage rolls. He was already making it, and I rolled a few myself for practice and guess what he sent home with me? Dinner. It’s simmering on the stove right now.”
She sniffed and finally picked up the scent of tomatoes. “You must have just started it.”
“Yeah. I wasn’t expecting you so early.” He stepped toward her. “Did something happen? You don’t look so good.”
“I’m not. I’m a mess. But nothing happened. I’m going to change.”
At least he didn’t press her or follow her as she headed to her bedroom. She changed into her favorite jeans, a cotton sweater and slippers. He was going to want to know why she was a mess, but how could she explain to him what she couldn’t explain to herself?
She was feeling a little cranky by the time she returned to the kitchen. A fresh cup of coffee was waiting for her, along with a slice of Danish.
“My family believes that food always helps,” he remarked. “Dig in.”
Well, at least he didn’t ask. She drank half the coffee and finished the Danish before she realized she was feeling better. “Your family’s right.”
He laughed. “Not always.” He checked the pot simmering on the stove, then joined her.
She spoke before he could question her. “Did you learn anything from reading the files?”
“No, sorry to say. I’ll give them credit for leaving no stone unturned, but they didn’t find a thing to give them direction. No one saw anything, no one heard anything. No forensic evidence other than that the killer had to be right-handed and that he used a common hunting knife. No way to track it.”
She shuddered, and for an instant she glimpsed blood in her mind. A memory? Or simply an image conjured by what he said? She couldn’t tell.
“Corey?” All of a sudden Austin was squatting beside her, looking at her with concern. “You just paled. What’s wrong?”
“Mental imagery,” she answered. “I don’t know if it was a flashback or just something I created when you talked about the stabbing.”
He swore quietly and reached up to run his fingertips along her cheek. “I’d like to kill this man with my bare hands.”
“Join the club.” Then she turned her head and looked straight at him. “Have you killed anyone before?”
“Never had to. Thank God. But I’m beginning to change my view.”
“Me, too,” she mumbled.
He brushed her cheek again. “You didn’t look very good when you got home, either. What’s going on, Corey?”
“Self-examination,” she admitted. How far did she want to go with this? Explaining the train of her thoughts to him would leave her utterly exposed. No secrets, no safe little emotional hidey-hole. Did she trust him enough to express her doubts about herself?
But as she looked into his dark eyes, she realized that she did. They had shared a deep intimacy already, but sharing her thoughts and feelings was an even bigger intimacy, one that seriously frightened her.
He waited, showing a patience that was truly amazing, leaving it to her to decide whether she wanted to explain. Finally, she took her courage in both hands and decided to tell him. He was always truthful with her, and would be truthful about this. Maybe a little honesty would settle the mess inside her.
“I closed up early. The quilting circle was canceled and there didn’t seem to be any reason to hang around. I might not even
have one customer at this time of day.”
He nodded.
“But it wasn’t just that. I wanted to get back to you. I’ve been thinking about you all day.”
“Same here,” he said.
Her heart skipped, then began a rapid tattoo. She liked that he was thinking about her, but that didn’t necessarily mean a thing. He could have been having thoughts very far from hers.
“Anyway, it suddenly struck me that I’d spent all day thinking about you and not about the murderer.”
“That should be a good thing, right?”
“Maybe. But that’s when I started to feel messed up. Austin, if there’s any example on this planet of the tricks and games the mind can play, I’m it. So I started to wonder if I was feeling all those things because I was turning you into a security blanket.”
“Ah.”
Much to her dismay, he rose and turned away. He checked the pot again, then shook his head. “It’s never going to simmer if I don’t leave it alone.”
At last he pulled a chair around so that he could sit catty-corner from her. “Okay. I have to admit I’ve wondered about the same thing. You’ve got a lot of stuff to sort out, and I know you will. I don’t want to hinder that in any way. Not even a little bit. But it’s important to me that you know your own mind and heart.”
“You’re leaving,” she pointed out.
“I do have to go back to Washington. For how long is a decision I don’t need to make right now. And you know what?”
“What?”
“You don’t have to make a decision right now, either. In fact, there’s no real decision to make yet. So stop worrying about it and let’s just enjoy what we have, why ever we have it. Plenty of time later to get smart. Right now we have something big on our plates.”
It wasn’t exactly what she wanted to hear, but it didn’t crush her, either. He was acknowledging her right to be confused about them and reminding her they had a killer to deal with first.
Gazing at him, an ache of longing blossomed in her so intense that it hurt. “I want you,” she said bluntly.
“I want you, too. I’m on fire for you.”
“Can the cabbage rolls wait an hour or so?”
The smile returned to his eyes. “I’m betting they’ll cook a whole lot better if I don’t hover.”
* * *
Between them, there was no more uncertainty. After the past two nights, they came together with confidence and the comfort of familiarity. But sureness didn’t dim the flare of passion in the least. If anything, from Corey’s perspective, it heightened it. She didn’t have to wonder, to become anxious, to question her own skills. No, Austin made it perfectly clear how much he enjoyed her explorations.
Emboldened, she became a tigress, wanting to give him everything she could, seeking new ways to make him captive to desire. It absolutely delighted her to make him writhe and groan. It made her feel powerful for the first time in her life. Holding him totally in thrall was matched by absolutely no other experience she had known.
But just as she thought he was about to climax, he reared up and rolled her onto her back. “Your turn,” he whispered.
If she had any modesty left, she lost it as he dragged his mouth and tongue over her body, even urging her onto her stomach to teach her about places she never would have imagined being part of lovemaking. But there was no mistaking the thrill she felt as he spread her cheeks and touched her gently.
Passion caused her to quiver, as if she was shivering violently, and made her call his name, pleading with him not to wait.
But he made her wait a while longer, driving her ever higher up the mountain until she thought she couldn’t take any more. Only then did he pull her toward him and plunge into her warm, moist depths. It was as if that part of her had been aching forever to be stretched and filled.
With her back to him, he held her hips as he pumped into her womanly center. Then, just as she was peaking, he leaned forward on her and clasped her breasts, pinching her nipples.
She shot over the top as if fired from a gun, so fast and so hard it approached pain and left her dizzy with satisfaction. Dimly she felt him shudder and follow her to completion.
It was a long time before she returned to the moment. He lay on her, both of them breathing like runners, damp from the exertion.
And it felt so damn good.
* * *
“You’re amazing,” he murmured later as they lay in a limp tangle face-to-face. He sprinkled kisses on her forehead as she nuzzled his shoulder.
“Bet you say that to all the girls,” she tried to joke.
“I’m not joking, and I’ve never said that before.”
She tilted her head up, trying to see him in the dimly lit room. His expression had grown stern.
“Don’t say things like that,” he said quietly. “Don’t put yourself down. I won’t have it. You’re an amazing lover. Period. Now say thank-you.”
“Thank you.” She had a crazy urge to giggle but swallowed it.
“Now, believe it,” he continued. “Because it’s true.”
“But—”
He stirred and laid a finger over her lips. “You give yourself totally to the experience. Every bit of you is involved. You try to find every way possible to please me, and you accept everything I offer you. So not only are you gorgeous, but you’re amazing.”
Warmth settled into her heart and she smiled. Something in her life that she hadn’t messed up. That felt pretty darn good.
Suddenly he lifted his head and sniffed. “Um...I hope I’m not burning that galopki or whatever it is. Does the air smell scorched?”
“I can’t smell it. All I can smell is us.”
“Keep saying things like that and dinner will burn.” Grinning now, he pushed her back. “I better check it. I hope you’re getting hungry.”
She watched him climb from the bed and pull on his jeans. The house felt a little chilly, but he didn’t bother with shoes or a shirt.
He was magnificent. She could get used to this, she thought. All too easily.
She pulled back from that precipice, reminding herself that he’d be leaving soon, and hit the bathroom for a quick shower. Well, he might go, but he’d leave a whole lot of good memories behind him.
When she emerged from the bathroom, toweling her hair, he was sitting on the edge of the bed, pulling his boots on.
“Something wrong?” she asked. She didn’t even notice anymore that she was standing there naked in front of him. It seemed natural and right.
He smiled, running his eyes over her, drinking her in. “Only that we’d better eat soon or dinner will be ruined. And if you stand there like Temptation personified, that’s a distinct possibility.”
Then he rose, grabbed her for a swift kiss and headed for the kitchen. The silly grin remained on her face while she dressed and was still there when she reached the kitchen.
He’d set the table, and steaming cabbage rolls filled a bowl in the middle. He held her chair out for her, then sat as close as he could while he served them.
“After this mess is over,” he said, “I’d like to take you somewhere. Assuming you can get away.”
Startled, she stopped slicing the cabbage roll with her fork and looked at him. “Where?”
“Anywhere you want to go. Mexican pyramids. You said you wanted to see them. We could go to my family’s finca and use it as a base of operations. Or we could go to San Antonio. I love that town.”
“That would be great. What brought this on?”
“Your comment about how we can’t even take an ordinary walk. You’re right. We spend all our time together doing this. I’d like to broaden the view a bit. Could you find a way to get away?”
“I’m sure. I was thinking today about hiring Maureen. I
have no doubt she could manage for a while.”
“Good. We’ll discuss where you want to go later.”
Amazement filled her once again. He was talking as if they might have a future. Although, honesty compelled her to admit he was talking about taking a trip, not about years down the road. She liked the proposal, anyway. At least he wasn’t in a hurry to get away from her. “I’m surprised you’d want to go back to Mexico this soon.”
He shrugged. “We wouldn’t be going anywhere near the border towns. The finca is south of Mexico City, almost in the Yucatán. Right in the heart of Mayan country.”
“I’ve always wondered what happened to the Maya.”
“They’re still there. Lots of them. They abandoned their cities, but they didn’t vanish. Millions still speak the language and they’re quite proud of their heritage.”
After dinner and cleanup, they took coffee into the living room. Austin opened his arm, inviting Corey to sit beside him on the couch, and she snuggled in happily.
If only this could last. Deep inside, though, she knew she was enjoying an idyll out of time. The stalker was still out there. Austin would be leaving. Talk of taking her on a trip was nice, but she doubted it would come to pass.
She didn’t want the shadows to creep in, but they crept in, anyway. Little by little, they stole her contentment and began to replace it with dread.
She was scared. All that brave talk about dealing with this guy was exactly that, brave talk. The reality of it would be very different, and while she didn’t want to think that way, she knew perfectly well that she might not survive a confrontation with her stalker. And much as that frightened her, she was equally frightened by the possibility that the creep might stop, might go completely silent, might withdraw into the shadows and leave her wondering if she’d ever be safe.
Life had been full of enough fear. She really was getting tired of it. She wanted a normal life, one where she wasn’t hiding from memories, from the past, from any of it. She wanted to be able to take that trip with Austin, and if not with him, then with someone else someday.
On the surface, her life looked normal enough, but working twelve-hour days, and working seven days a week, wasn’t a full life. She came home to an empty house, worn-out because she needed to be worn-out. Because she had never shed the terror of a long-ago night she couldn’t even fully remember.
