He glanced at the statue which the camp workers had erected near the gate. It caused a wince. He recognized it as one of the composite human images derived from mass psychological testing in which subjects were given sketches and photographs of unknown people and asked such questions as: “Which would you most like to meet?” and “Which do you think would make the best parent?” or “Which would yon want to avoid?” Or “Which do you think is the criminal?” From the photographs selected as the “most” or the “least” in terms of the questions, a series of “average faces,” each to evoke a first-glance personality judgment had been constructed by computer from the mass test results.
This statue, Zerchi was dismayed to notice, bore a marked similarity to some of the most effeminate images by which mediocre, or worse than mediocre, artists had traditionally misrepresented the personality of Christ. The sweet-sick face, blank eyes, simpering lips, and arms spread wide in a gesture of embrace. The hips were broad as a woman’s, and the chest hinted at breasts-unless those were only folds in the cloak. Dear Lord of Golgotha, Abbot Zerchi breathed, is that all the rabble imagine You to be? He could with effort imagine the statue saying: “Suffer the little children to come unto me,” but he could not imagine it saying: “Depart from me into everlasting fire, accursed ones,” or flogging the money-changers out of the Temple. What question, he wondered, had they asked their subjects that conjured in the rabble-mind this composite face? It was only anonymously a christus. The legend on the pedestal said: COMFORT. But surely the Green Star must have seen the resemblance to the traditional pretty christus of poor artists. But they stuck it in the back of a truck with a red flag tied to its great toe, and the intended resemblance would be hard to prove.
The girl had one hand on the door handle; she was eying the car’s controls. Zerchi swiftly dialed FAST LANE. The car shot ahead again. She took her hand from the door.
“Lots of buzzards today,” he said quietly, glancing at the sky out the window.
The girl sat expressionless. He studied her face for a moment. “Are you in pain, daughter?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Offer it to Heaven, child.”
She looked at him coldly. “You think it would please God?”
“If you offer it, yes.”
“I cannot understand a God who is pleased by my baby’s hurting!”
The priest winced. “No, no! It is not the pain that is pleasing to God, child. It is the soul’s endurance in faith and hope and love in spite of bodily afflictions that pleases Heaven. Pain is like negative temptation. God is not pleased by temptations that afflict the flesh; He is pleased when the soul rises above the temptation and says, ‘Go, Satan.’ It’s the same with pain, which is often a temptation to despair, anger, loss of faith—”
“Save your breath, Father. I’m not complaining. The baby is. But the baby doesn’t understand your sermon. She can hurt, though. She can hurt, but she can’t understand.”
What can I say to that? the priest wondered numbly. Tell her again that Man was given preternatural impassibility once, but threw it away in Eden? That the child was a cell of Adam, and therefore — It was true, but she had a sick baby, and she was sick herself, and she wouldn’t listen.
“Don’t do it, daughter. Just don’t do it.”
“I’ll think about it,” she said coldly.
“I had a cat once, when I was a boy,” the abbot murmured slowly. “He was a big gray tomcat with shoulders like a small bulldog and a head and neck to match, and that sort of slouchy insolence that makes some of them look like the Devil’s own. He was pure cat. Do you know cats?”
“A little.”
“Cat lovers don’t know cats. You can’t love all cats if you know cats, and the ones you can love if you know them are the ones the cat lovers don’t even like. Zeke was that kind of cat.”
“This has a moral, of course?” She was watching him suspiciously.
“Only that I killed him.”
“Stop. Whatever you’re about to say, stop.”
“A truck hit him, crushed his back legs. He dragged himself under the house. Once in a while he’d make a noise like a cat fight and thrash around a little, but mostly he just lay quietly and waited. “He ought to be destroyed,” they kept telling me. After a few hours he dragged himself from under the house. Crying for help. ‘He ought to be destroyed,’ they said. I wouldn’t let them do it. They said it was cruel to let him live. So finally I said I’d do it myself, if it had to be done. I got a gun and a shovel and took him out to the edge of the woods. I stretched him out on the ground while I dug a hole. Then I shot him through the head. It was a small-bore rifle. Zeke thrashed a couple of times, then got up and started dragging himself toward some bushes. I shot him again. It knocked him flat, so I thought he was dead, and put him in the hole. After a couple of shovels of dirt, Zeke got up and pulled himself out of the hole and started for the bushes again. I was crying louder than the cat. I had to kill him with the shovel. I had to put him back in the hole and use the blade of the shovel like a cleaver, and while I was chopping with it, Zeke was still thrashing around. They told me later it was just spinal reflex, but I didn’t believe it. I knew that cat. He wanted to get to those bushes and just lie there and wait. I wished to God that I had only lot him get to those bushes, and die the way a cat would if you just let it alone — with dignity. I never felt right about it. Zeke was only a cat, but—”
“Shut up!” she whispered.
“ — but even the ancient pagans noticed that Nature imposes nothing on you that Nature doesn’t prepare you to bear. If that is true even of a cat, then is it not more perfectly true of a creature with rational intellect and will — whatever you may believe of Heaven?”
“Shut up, damn you shut up!” she hissed.
“If I am being a little brutal,” said the priest, “then it is to you, not to the baby. The baby, as you say, can’t understand. And you, as you say, are not complaining. Therefore—”
“Therefore you’re asking me to let her die slowly and—”
“No! I’m not asking you. As a priest of Christ I am commanding you by the authority of Almighty God not to lay hands on your child, not to offer her life in sacrifice to a false god of expedient mercy. I do not advise you, I adjure and command you in the name of Christ the King. Is that clear?”
Dom Zerchi had never spoken with such a voice before, and the ease with which the words came to his lips surprised even the priest. As he continued to look at her, her eyes fell. For an instant he had feared that the girl would laugh in his face. When Holy Church occasionally hinted that she still considered her authority to be supreme over all nations and superior to the authority of states, men in these times tended to snicker. And yet the authenticity of the command could still be sensed by a bitter girl with a dying child. It had been brutal to try to reason with her, and he regretted it. A simple direct command might accomplish what persuasion could not. She needed the voice of authority now, more than she needed persuasion. He could see it by the way she had wilted, although he had spoken the command as gently as his voice could manage.
They drove into the city. Zerchi stopped to post a letter, stopped at Saint Michael’s to speak for a few minutes with Father Selo about the refugee problem, stopped again at ZDI for a copy of the latest civil delouse directive. Each time he returned to the car, he half expected the girl to be gone, but she sat quietly holding the baby and absently stared toward infinity.
“Are you going to tell me where you wanted to go, child?” he asked at last.
“Nowhere. I’ve changed my mind.”
He smiled. “But you were so urgent about getting to town.”
“Forget it, Father. I’ve changed my mind.”
“Good. Then we’ll go back home. Why don’t you let the sisters take care of your daughter for a few days?”
“I’ll think about it.”
The car sped back along the highway toward the abbey. As they approached the Green St
ar camp, he could see that something was wrong. The pickets were no longer marching their tour. They had gathered in a group and were talking, or listening, to the officers and a third man that Zerchi could not identify. He switched the car over to the slow lane. One of the novices saw the car, recognized it, and began waving his sign. Dom Zerchi had no intention of stopping while the girl was in the car, but one of the officers stepped out into the slow lane just ahead of them and pointed his traffic baton at the vehicle’s obstruction detectors; the autopilot reacted automatically and brought the car to a stop. The officer waved the car off the road. Zerchi could not disobey. The two police officers approached, paused to note license numbers and demand papers. One of them glanced in curiously at the girl and the child, took note of the red tickets. The other waved toward the now-stationary picket line.
“So you’re the bejeezis behind all this, are you?” He grunted at the abbot. “Well, the gentleman in the brown tunic over there has a little news for you. I think you’d better listen.” He jerked his head toward a chubby courtroom type who came pompously toward them.
The child was crying again. The mother stirred restlessly.
“Officers, this girl and baby aren’t well. I’ll accept the process, but please let us drive on hack to the abbey now. Then I’ll come back alone.”
The officer looked at the girl again. “Ma’am?”
She stared toward the camp and looked up at the statue towering over the entrance. “I’m getting out here,” she told them tonelessly.
“You’ll be better off, ma’am,” said the officer, eying the red tickets again.
“No!” Dom Zerchi caught her arm. “Child, I forbid you—”
The officer’s hand shot out to seize the priest’s wrist.
“Let go!” he snapped, then softly: “Ma’am, are you his ward or something?”
“No.”
“Where do you get off forbidding the lady to get out?” the officer demanded. “We’re just a little impatient with you, mister, and it had better be—”
Zerchi ignored him and spoke rapidly to the girl. She shook her head.
“The baby, then. Let me take the baby back to the sisters. I insist—”
“Ma’am, is that your child?” the officer asked. The girl was already out of the car, but Zerchi was holding the child.
The girl nodded. “She’s mine.”
“Has he been holding you prisoner or something?”
“No.”
“What do you want to do, ma’am?”
She paused.
“Get back in the car,” Dom Zerchi told her.
“You cut that tone of voice, mister!” the officer barked.
“Lady, what about the kid?”
“We’re both getting out here,” she said.
Zerchi slammed the door and tried to start the car, but the officer’s hand flashed in through the window, hit the CANCEL button, and removed the key.
“Attempted kidnapping?” one officer grunted to the other.
“Maybe,” said the other, and opened the door. “Now let go of the woman’s baby!”
“To let it be murdered here?” the abbot asked. “You’ll have to use force.”
“Go around to the other side of the car, Fal.”
“No!”
“Now, just a little baton under the armpit. That’s it, pull! All right, lady — there’s your kid. No, I guess you can’t, not with those crutches Cors? Where’s Cors? Hey, Doc!”
Abbot Zerchi caught a glimpse of a familiar face coining through the crowd.
“Lift the kid out while we hold this nut, will you?”
Doctor and priest exchanged a silent glance, and then the baby was lifted from the car. The officers released the abbot’s wrists. One of them turned and found himself hemmed in by novices with upraised signs. He interpreted the signs as potential weapons, and his hand dropped to his gun.
“Back up!” he snapped.
Bewildered, the novices moved back.
“Get out.”
The abbot climbed out of the car. He found himself facing the chubby court official. The latter tapped him on the arm with a folded paper. “You have just been served with a restraining order, which I am required by the court to read and explain to you. Here is your copy. The officers are witnesses that you have been confronted with it, so you cannot resist service—”
“Oh, give it here.”
“That’s the right attitude. Now you are directed by the court as follows: ‘Whereas the plaintiff alleges that a great public nuisance has been — ’ “
“Throw the signs in the ash barrel over there,” Zerchi instructed his novices, “unless somebody objects. Then climb in the car and wait.” He paid no attention to the reading of the order, but approached the officers while the process server trailed behind, reading in monotonous staccato. “Am I under arrest?”
“We’re thinking about it.”
“‘ — and to appear before this court on the aforesaid date to show cause why an injunction — ’“
“Any particular charge?”
“We could make four or five charges stick, if you want it that way.”
Cors came back through the gate. The woman and her child had been escorted into the camp area. The doctor’s expression was grave, if not guilty.
“Listen, Father,” he said, “I know how you feel about all this, but—”
Abbot Zerchi’s fist shot out at the doctor’s face in a straight right jab. It caught Cors off balance, and he sat down hard in the driveway. He looked bewildered. He snuffled a few times. Suddenly his nose leaked blood. The police had the priest’s arms pinned behind him.
“ ‘ — and herein fail not,’“ the process server jabbered on, “‘lest a decree pro confesso — ’“
“Take him over to the car,” said one of the officers.
The car toward which the abbot was led was not his own but the police cruiser. “The judge will be a little disappointed in you,” the officer told him sourly. “Now stand still right there and be quiet. One move and you go in the locks.”
The abbot and the officer waited by the cruiser while the process server, the doctor, and the other officer conferred in the driveway. Cors was pressing a handkerchief to his nose.
They talked for five minutes. Thoroughly ashamed, Zerchi pressed his forehead against the metal of the car and tried to pray. It mattered little to him at the moment what they might decide to do. He could think only of the girl and the child. He was certain she had been ready to change her mind, had needed only the command, I, a priest of God, adjure thee, and the grace to hear it — if only they had not forced him to stop where she could witness “God’s priest” summarily overruled by “Caesar’s traffic cop.” Never to him had Christ’s Kingship seemed more distant.
“All right, mister. You’re a lucky nut, I’ll say that.”
Zerchi looked up. “What?”
“Doctor Cors refuses to file a complaint. He says he had one coming. Why did you hit him?”
“Ask him.”
“We did. I’m just trying to decide whether we take you in or just give you the summons. The court officer says you’re well known hereabouts. What do you do?”
Zerchi reddened. “Doesn’t this mean anything to you?” He touched his pectoral cross.
“Not when the guy wearing it punches somebody in the nose. What do you do?”
Zerchi swallowed the last trace of his pride. “I am the abbot of the Brothers of Saint Leibowitz at the abbey you see down the road.”
“That gives you a license to commit assault?”
“I’m sorry. If Doctor Cors will hear me, I’ll apologize. If you give me a summons, I promise to appear.”
“Fal?”
“The jail’s full of D.P.s.”
“Listen, if we just forget the whole thing, will you stay away from this place, and keep your gang out there where they belong?”
“Yes.”
“All right. Get moving. But if you so much as drive past
here and spit, that’ll be it.”
“Thank you.”
A calliope was playing somewhere in the park as they drove away; and looking back, Zerchi saw that the carousel was turning. One officer mopped his face, clapped the process server on the back, and they all went to their cars and drove away. Even with five novices in the car, Zerchi was alone with his shame.
29
“I believe you’ve been warned about that temper before?” Father Lehy demanded of the penitent.
“Yes, Father.”
“You realize that the intent was relatively murderous?”
“There was no intent to kill.”
“Are you trying to excuse yourself?” the confessor demanded.
“No, Father. The intent was to hurt. I accuse myself of violating the spirit of the Fifth Commandment in thought and deed, and of sinning against charity and justice. And bringing disgrace and scandal upon my office.”
“You realize that you have broken a promise never to resort to violence?”
“Yes, Father. I deeply regret it.”
“And the only mitigating circumstance is that you just saw red and swung. Do you often let yourself abandon reason like that?”
The inquisition continued, with the ruler of the Abbey on his knees, and the prior fitting in judgment over his master.
“All right,” Father Lehy said at last, “now for your penance, promise to say—”
Zerchi was an hour and a half late getting to the chapel, but Mrs. Grales was still waiting. She was kneeling in a pew near the confessional, and she seemed half asleep. Embarrassed within himself, the abbot had hoped that she would not be there. He had his own penance to say before he could hear her. He knelt near the altar and spent twenty minutes finishing the prayers Father Lehy had assigned him as penance for that day, but when he moved back toward the confessional, Mrs. Grales was still there. He spoke to her twice before she heard him, and when she rose, she stumbled a little. She paused to feel at the Rachel face, exploring its eyelids and lips with withered fingers.
A Canticle For Leibowitz l-1 Page 32
