by M. Robinson
As soon as she walked in, I found her gaze; it was like a magnet pulling me toward her. The vitality of ours sins immersing in the air and suffocating us with nothing but the truths that we held onto so tightly.
“Hmmm…no love? No friendly exchanges? Not even a hello? I don’t understand, Mack and Gia are back together again.” He clapped his hands. “It’s time to celebrate and rejoice! Let’s have a fucking party girls! Come on, Mack, you’ve been whining about seeing your Gia, well here she is. Let’s kiss and make up, huh?” he taunted, shoving her toward me.
“You ladies aren’t making me happy. I’ve gone through a lot of unnecessary bullshit for the last month between you two cunts and now I want you to fucking embrace each other and make me feel like it was all worth it,” he warned.
Neither one of us looked at each other, and I watched him slide down the wall with nothing more than a sinister look on his face. He looked at me and his eyes were perplexed and concerned, for whom I didn’t know. He looked almost crazed.
He shook his head, taking his stare away from me, “Now…let’s try this again…Gia, say hello to your best friend Mack.”
McKenzie was sitting down with her back against the wall and her hands were covering her ears, she looked terrified.
“What’s your problem?” I asked.
She scuffed, removing her hands and pointing right at me. “You! You’re my problem. You’re nothing but a liar! You were fucking him the entire time. My life has been in shambles because of you! And now I come to find out that you were lovers…why the hell did you even involve in your fucked up affair? I had nothing to do with it.”
Mack came in here with guns blazing; if she wanted a war, then I was going to give her one.
I laughed, “Oh Mackity Mack is not playing fair. People who live in glass houses, shouldn’t throw stones. Huh?
She looked surprised and then looked over at Mr. Nichols like he was supposed to save her or something.
“Keep your pretty eyes over to her, I didn’t say shit,” he retorted, surrendering with both hands in the air. “Gia, baby, why don’t you tell Mack here what you know,” he taunted, standing up and walking over to me, letting his hand slide around my waist. He lifted my shirt, humiliating me in front of her. I didn’t want her to see me like this…it only added fuel to the fire.
I tried to ignore his hands on me and focused my anger toward the person who deserved it. “You want to know the truth, oh best friend of mine. I know all about your little indiscretions. I’ve known since we were eighteen.” I cocked my head to the side, “I’d like to think it started then but that’s more then likely a lie. Another secret. Am I right? How long did it go on, Mack? How long were you fucking him behind my back? How long were you betraying my mother and I? Huh?” I accused, making her eyes widen in surprise with a mixture of fear.
“What are you talking about?”
“Are you kidding me? You’re really going to sit there and pretend like it didn’t happen. I needed you. I have never needed you more then I needed you that day. I was coming to tell you everything. There was going to be no more secrets or lies. I was coming to tell you the truth about it all. Then I find out Mack isn’t so perfect, right? She had secrets too! Secrets that would not only destroy me! But also my fucking FAMILY! Did you think about that? Did you ever even consider what you were doing?” I yelled.
“Gia, you’re not perfect either. You kept secrets, too,” she accused.
“Shhh…” I said with my finger. “You’re a liar, too!”
“God! I fucking love this. Keep going, I’m highly entertained,” Mr. Nichols coaxed, walking away from me. “Go ahead, Gia, tell your best friend what you’ve wanted to say for the last nine years. Tell her what you know,” he enticed.
“You think you’re the only one that’s hurting, Mack? You want to pretend you didn’t play a role in how everything turned out. Poor, little, innocent McKenzie, always getting the pity. Everyone always loved you best and you fucking knew it, you played into it.”
“Pity?” she asked. “I don’t understand. You were coming to tell me about Mr. Nichols? About your relationship with him?”
“I was coming to tell you much more then that, Mack. I was pregnant with his baby,” I announced. “I was so scared and I needed my best friend. I needed my sister. But you weren’t there…and when I didn’t find you in your room, I heard you down the hall in your dad’s office. Want to guess who I heard you with?
I had been sitting in the same place for several hours as I stared at not one, but five positive pregnancy sticks. One even had a smiley face on it. The moment the first stick turned positive, my maternal emotional instincts kicked in and I started to think about the future, not only with James, but also with our child.
At first, they were vain and it was all about what it would look like? Would it be a boy or a girl? Would it be a daddy’s baby or mommy’s? Would the delivery hurt? Would I be an attractive pregnant person? How much weight did I have to gain? Would I have to change my diet?
What kind of mom would I be? What kind of dad would he be? Would he want the baby? Would he be excited or mad at me?
The fears, hopes, and dreams were much more evident now. But it was no longer about me anymore…it became about us.
I was an us now.
I was excited but extremely nervous. I was only eighteen and I had no idea what I would do with a child, sometimes I felt like I was still one but that’s pretty normal, right? My hormones were all over the place; one minute I wanted to jump up and down and shout from the rooftops that I was pregnant with the love of my life. And then the next minute, I had tears in my eyes from the anxiety of the future.
We never really talked about the future. Our tumultuous love affair was extremely complicated to say the least, and now adding a baby into the mix would make or break us and I wasn’t naïve enough to not know that. The part that truly bothered me was that I thought we shared everything, the good and the bad. I realized that day that we never talked about the future; we discussed the past and the present. About the fact that we loved each other and we were soul mates, but instead of that providing me with a sense of reassurance, it didn’t. It ate at my insecurities of why we never talked about the future. Was it because there wouldn’t be one?
That didn’t make sense… what was the point of it all?
I was overthinking everything, he would be ecstatic and feel the same way I did. We would find a way to make it work. I had faith that everything would work itself out and at the end of the day, as long as we were together, that’s all that mattered.
The rest would fall into place.
After I stressed about all that, my mind wandered over to Mack. How would I explain all this to her and make her understand that we were the real thing? That this wasn’t some high school crush and he wasn’t taking advantage of me. I knew that was going to be the first thing she would think, and it would probably be the first thing anyone would think, especially my parents. My mom would have to understand, she was a woman. She carried me in her womb; she felt the same connection that I had to my baby. It had to be maternal. My dad would want his only daughter to be happy, and I knew he would be upset at first–I mean, what father wouldn’t–however, he would accept it.
My parents would come to terms with it. Plus, it’s a baby! Who doesn’t want a baby around?!
I would tell James, and then I would tell Mack everything. I would beg for her forgiveness if she felt betrayed. I couldn’t lose her; I wouldn’t survive it. I needed Mack, I needed my best friend, I needed my sister. Then James and I would tell my parents together.
I had it all planned out. The truth would set us free and we would have our fresh start with no more secrets or lies. I wanted to keep this baby; I wanted to have it with him. We had so much love that it created a little person, a piece of him and a piece of me.
Us.
To know that I was carrying our child inside of me was an unexplainable feeling of contentment, harmony, a
nxiety, nervousness, and excitement. It was all rolled into one, each sentiment playing off the other. Our baby was made for a reason and that reason was for us to be together.
Forever.
After I analyzed and picked at every possible scenario until I felt like I was going to combust, I decided to just get in my car and surprise him.
I drove to his house with a heavy heart about the anticipation of the future possibilities. I parked my car by the clubhouse and walked the remaining hundred feet or so to his house. When I turned the corner, what I saw nearly knocked me on my ass. He was playing with Cara, he would pick her up, tickle her, and then throw her in the air. She wiggled and squirmed until he placed her back on the ground, and then they repeated the process all over again.
Her giggles were contagious. I hid behind the trees, watching the intimate interaction, trying not to laugh at the silliness. I hadn’t seen him with his little girl, but he talked about her often with love and pride in his eyes. All the fears of him not being happy about our little miracle slowly escaped my mind. He was a good father and it wouldn’t be any different with ours.
My foot was midair when I watched her come out.
Sarah.
She had a robe on and her hair was pulled up out of her face, looking like she had just woken up from sleep. James placed Cara on the ground and she ran inside the house, screaming and giggling the entire way, expecting him to chase her. Sarah had the most content and loving expression on her face as she watched James walk over to her. He pulled her into the nook of his arm and she wrapped her arms around his chest, he kissed her forehead and they walked inside together like that.
I didn’t move from the place I was standing for what felt like hours. I was in shock, numb. Did that really happen? Did I watch them play the picture perfect family? Was he lying to me? I couldn’t wrap my head around it and I clenched my stomach in a comforting gesture. How could he do this to me? Was I just a game? A cruel joke?
I walked back to my car in a daze and I honestly don’t even know how I made it back to my house in one piece. I barely recalled driving.
He lied.
I was wrapped up in a fairy tale that had no happy ending.
Logic, delusions, lies, secrets, and betrayal were all important pieces of the puzzle. All misplaced and scattered. I drove home and parked my car in the garage. I walked to Mack’s house in an autopilot state of mind.
Put one foot in front of the other, Gia.
Tell Mack everything.
She will understand.
She will help you.
She will always be there for you, she always has.
Everything will be all right…
Her car was in the driveway but I didn’t find her in her room. I looked in the bathroom next and I was about to call out her name when I heard whispering coming from her dad’s office. I could have sworn I heard my father.
What was my father doing there?
The closer I got to the cracked door, the clearer the voices were heard, and it sounded like they were arguing. My heart began beating heavily and hard. I could feel the pulse in my neck pounding and my palms grew sweaty.
Why was I so nervous?
I placed my hand on the door, and what I saw changed my life forever.
It changed all our lives.
“Oh my God, Gia! You knew?” She shook her head back and forth, “I swear, I swear to you I tried to stop it. I promise!” she pleaded, taking a step toward me.
“Liar! You didn’t do anything! Not one thing. I heard you! I heard both of you!” I angrily replied.
“It got so out of hand, I swear I tried,” she confessed.
“I don’t believe you. You fucked my dad all the way through high school! What kind of sick person does that? What the hell did my mom ever do to you, Mack? She treated you like you were her own daughter, her own flesh and blood! How could you do that to her? How could you do that to me?” I yelled, trying to control my temper.
“You’re not innocent either, Gia! You kept secrets, too,” she reasoned.
How could she even try to compare the two? James wasn’t anyone to her, and I didn’t break up my best friend’s family. She had some fucking nerve trying to make excuses for her actions by blaming me. Like the fact that I had secrets made it all right that she was fucking my dad.
“This is fucking epic! Let’s keep this going,” Mr. Nichols boasted, clapping his hands, causing the loud echo to vibrate the close walls.
I wanted to scream, run away, and hide, but that wouldn’t change anything. This was some fucked up version of therapy, a game that he was playing with both of us. Adding fuel to the fire, making it burn vivaciously before brutally shoving us in, like some witches at the stake being punished for their sins. It’s exceedingly easy to hate someone, but to see it through someone else’s eyes is like watching a train wreck, you want to turn away but you’re glued to the fucking catastrophe in front of you. You can’t help but watch and hope everyone comes out alive, but knowing they won’t doesn’t stop you from staring.
I wanted to punish her and that’s why it all happened, she had no idea how much she drove me toward the anger and resentment that I had against everyone. She was supposed to be my best friend, the one person I could trust, and to learn that it was just another lie, another illusion, ruined me.
“Go on,” he snickered, making me turn my hate toward him. “It’s story time! You’re up, Mack, tell us about fucking Mr. Edwards.”
I could feel the vein on the side of my head start to throb, producing a piercing headache. I wanted to put my hands on my ears and block out the noise, the chaos, but I knew better than to think he would let me. He would tie me to the bed and make me listen to it; the sick fuck would probably record it and play it in my sleep to generate nightmares. He had no idea that I didn’t need to sleep to experience them. They happened every day with my eyes opened, it was much more prevailing when I was awake, much more real.
I dug my nails into my skin, trying to take away the pain he was creating, anything to take away the hurt that I felt having to relive that day. The day that everything came tumbling down and set forth a domino effect that was still happening at that moment, right in front of us.
He deviously looked at Mack and I knew the worst had yet to come. I could see it in his eyes; they never lied to me like he did.
“Tell Princess Gia how much you loved her daddy’s cock in your pussy,” he sneered.
And that’s when Mack snapped and lunged for him like a crazy person. He quickly caught her around the neck and slammed her face first onto the floor without a bit of distress. She was no match for him. I would know. His shoe dug into her face as he held her there.
“Oh…you stupid fucking cunt. Don’t forget for one second who’s in charge of the show. Now be a good girl and follow the rules and no one gets hurt. You know how angry it makes me when you don’t listen. Gia…” he sang. “Tell her! Tell her that she needs to listen to avoid getting punished. Do you understand? Mack? Answer me!” he yelled.
“Yes,” she mumbled.
“Good girl,” he ordered, removing himself from her.
She stood and looked at me. I should have helped her. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel some satisfaction from her distress. She fucking deserved it.
“I don’t know about you but I think it’s time we have a pow wow. Both of you sit,” he demanded.
We sat down as far away from each other as possible, but he didn’t allow it and made us move to sit Indian style directly in front of each other. I saw the worry written all across Mack’s beautiful face, even after all these years she’s still one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen. The years have been kind to her, although she doesn’t deserve one damn bit of it.
“Mack, I think you should go first. Tell Gia here a bedtime story,” he insisted, circling around us like he was conjuring how to hurt us next. I knew what he wanted and I could tell that she was clueless.
What had he been d
oing to her this entire time?
“Hmmm,” he thought, tapping his chin with his finger. “How about we begin with how many times? I think that’s a good place to start. How about you, Mack?” I swallowed the lump in my throat, not wanting to know the answer. It was one thing to assume but entirely different to have facts.
“ANSWER THE GODDAMN QUESTION!” he yelled, ripping her hair back, screaming in her face.
He was losing control, becoming the man that I didn’t recognize, the one that terrified me. If I couldn’t get him to have mercy on me, there was no fucking way it was happening with her.
“I guess it was a lot,” she replied, trying to sound nonchalant about it.
How could she be so cruel?
“Hmmm…that’s not a good enough answer. Let’s clarify so there’s no confusion, shall we?” He nodded. “I think so…I believe it was for two years? Right, Mack? You know what? Better yet…let’s start with how many boys got inside your pussy in high school?” Again, she looked at me.
What the fuck was he talking about?
“None,” she answered.
I narrowed my eyes. “What the hell are you talking about, Mack? We lost our virginity together. You dated a whole bunch of guys in high school,” I reminded.
“Oh…I’m sorry to break it to you, Gia, baby,” he patronized. “Mackity Mack didn’t have sex with anyone in high school, she was actually harder to get inside then your cunt of a mom, which is probably why your daddy fucked her. She only fucked Mr. Edwards in high school. Aren’t I right? Tell her!”
I cocked my head to the said. “Mack?”
“It’s time for the truth…tell her who popped your cherry.”
Oh my God…there were more lies? Did we ever really know each other? Did I imagine it all? That wouldn’t make sense because we wouldn’t be here if I had? Right?
He knelt before her and ran the backs of his knuckles down her cheek. “Poor McKenzie doesn’t want to play anymore. She doesn’t want to hurt Gia’s precious feelings. Did you ever once think about my feelings? Did it ever occur to you what would happen to me when you lied to a courtroom full of people that I raped you! Let’s all play nice now and tell the truth. Tell Gia whose cock stole your virtue? Be the good girl I know you can be.”
