by Emma Tharp
Now my curiosity is piqued. “Okay.”
He looks at me again and rubs my shoulder with the palm of his hand. I can feel his heartbeat pick up under my cheek. “I don’t know how to do relationships. I’m mostly a fuck up. I can’t promise you that I won’t screw up but I want to try to have something with you. I mean, if you do.”
“Are you saying that you want to have a monogamous relationship with me? Because I don’t share.”
“Neither do I.” Kingston’s eyes get wide and the pitch of his voice goes up.
Wow. I never saw this coming. It’s crazy. I barely know him or if I can trust him, but something about the way he’s acting and the words he’s saying draw me in. I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t falling for him. Especially after the way we just connected in his bed. You can’t create chemistry like this; you either have it or you don’t. “Kingston. I think you’re wonderful. And I care for you, but do you think we’re ready for a relationship?”
“You don’t?” he asks.
“I didn’t say that. I’d like your opinion.” I certainly don’t want to upset him or make him feel rejected.
“You and I click. That’s all I know. I like the way it feels when we’re together. Not just here.” He pats the bed and raises his eyebrows. “Although, it was amazing. But it could be at the coffee shop, the Bone Marrow Center, anywhere. Doesn’t matter. I don’t want this feeling to go away. I want more of it. As much as I can get.” He leans his head toward me to give me a warm all-consuming kiss that sends my head floating to the clouds.
When he kisses me like this and says those sweet words, I don’t have a choice. He feels like home. My heart wants to see where things can go with him. Every time I’ve thought about him since we’ve met, I smile and get excited for the next time I’ll see him. And when he smiles at me, my heart flutters in my chest and my knees go weak. It’s not every day I have a reaction like that to someone. I hope I’m not being foolish, but I’m going with my gut. “Okay.”
He lifts a single eyebrow and says, “Really?”
“Yes.”
“Yes, you want to be my girl?” He’s playful and excited as he squeezes me tight in his arms.
“Let’s do this.”
“You want to do me? Again? Okay, then.” He flips me over and lays me on my back and kisses the breath out of me.
I awake in the middle of the night and look at the clock. Four thirty. Turning to Kingston’s side of the bed, I find it empty and when I reach over and touch the sheets they’re cold. Where is he?
10
Kingston
It’s hard to get out of bed and leave my beautiful sleeping Cam, but my mind is running a mile a minute. I have to get up and write.
Sneaking downstairs, I pick up my pen and paper and my guitar and let the mood move my hands.
I haven’t felt this alive—without the use of alcohol or substances—in, well, forever.
In the past, I’ve been with many women. And not one of them has ever made me feel the way Camilla does. I trust her. I feel safe with her. She makes me happy. And the sex was off the charts mind-blowing. The connection between us has tethered me to her in a way that excited me and scares the shit out of me. And I haven’t known her that long. About a week. Yes, I know it sounds crazy, but she’s making me feel things I never knew existed.
Last night I spilled my guts to her. It was like a therapy session. And she sat there and listened and didn’t judge me. And I know she’ll never try and use any of it against me. She’s kind-hearted and good and never asked me to spank her or tie her up. Unlike Helena, who’s manipulative. I don’t know what I did to deserve Cam, but I thank my lucky stars that she came into my life. If only I didn’t have to leave her so soon to go on the road.
“Hey, what are you doing down here? Couldn’t sleep?” Cam says as she walks toward me, her hair a total mess from the sex and me running my fingers through it. She’s wearing one of my t-shirts. It’s too big on her, but she looks cute as hell in it.
“No, I had the urge to write. Come here.” I pat the spot in front of me on the couch. She sits down in between my legs and I swing my guitar over her lap. “Have you ever played the guitar before?”
Her head turns toward me and she smells like sleep and sex and us. Magnificent. “No, but I always wanted to.”
“Put your fingers here.” I position them where I want them and guide her hands to play the first few chords of the song I just started putting together.
“Wow, that’s pretty. Is it new?” she asks.
“Just started it about thirty minutes ago. I’ve got some words in my head too. It’s coming together.”
She sets the guitar down on the floor next to us, turns to face me, and straddles her legs around me. She’s not wearing anything under the t-shirt. I’m instantly hard. I’m only wearing boxer briefs. “How often do you write new songs?”
“It’s been a very long time since I’ve had the inspiration to write. It’s not something I can just turn on and off. The mood hits and I go with it. I can’t tell you the last time I wrote something. Holt likes to do it and he’s good. I’m glad he does, or we wouldn’t have put out our new album a few months ago. I wrote some of the music, but not the words.”
Her hazel eyes are wide and tonight there are flecks of gold and amber shining in the lamp light. “I’m glad you felt inspired.” Her hands come up to my chest and she lays a soft kiss on my neck. “Were you going to stay down here much longer? I was sort of hoping you’d come back to bed with me.” She flicks her tongue up the side of my neck and kisses along my stubbled jawline until she comes to a stop at my lips. “But I’d hate to bother you if you’re too busy.”
Sucking in a sharp breath, I lift her up and grab her under her ass and say, “No, never too busy for you, sweet girl.”
She squeals as I run her up the stairs and back to my room.
On the way to see Dee, I make it a priority to call and set up an appointment with a new counselor. A male counselor. He can get me in this week. Perfect, it’ll keep Tommy off my case.
I can’t wait to see Dee.
Walking through the doors of Dee’s hospital room, I’m struck by the sterility of it all. White walls and every surface has a sheen of cleanliness. Visitors have to wear a mask to protect her delicate immune system. She had her bone marrow transplant two days ago and she’ll be here at the hospital in a room with filtered air for about a month while her new bone marrow starts working and makes white blood cells.
She’s lying on her bed, resting. She looks thin and her skin has a pale, pasty tinge to it. Before they gave her the transplant, she had to have chemo to wipe out her existing bone marrow to make room for mine. It wasn’t easy on her and Rick had a hard time figuring out what to make her to eat that sounded good and would stay down.
This is the crucial time when we see if her body will accept the bone marrow. IVs hang out of her arm, no doubt carrying anti-rejection meds, antibiotics, and nutrition.
“Hey.” Her voice comes out in just a whisper. “Were you staring at me?”
Sitting in the chair next to her bed, I take hold of her hand and give it a squeeze. “Happy to see you, sis. How you feeling today?”
“Fine and dandy. How about you?” It’s as if she’s eaten a handful of rocks for lunch; her voice is strained and harsh. No wonder the nurse told me I could only stay for ten minutes, max.
Shaking my head, I say, “Seriously, Dee, I want to know.”
She looks away from me for a second and says, “I don’t feel amazing, but I’m alive.”
Her words hit me in the gut. I hate seeing her like this when there’s nothing more I can do. Now it’s up to her body. “Okay, well, that’s to be expected, right?”
“Yeah, the doctors say it could take months before I feel like myself again. I’ve got to be patient.” Tears well up in the corners of her eyes. “But, I’m so grateful for you, King.”
“Don’t cry, Dee. I’m sorry I made you upset.” I g
rab a handful of tissues and give them to her. Boy, do I feel like shit now.
“It’s okay. I’m feeling sorry for myself.” She dabs the tears away, attempting to cover up any evidence that she just lost it.
“You’ve got every right to feel however you want to feel.” I smooth her limp hair away from her face and run my fingers through it. “It’s time for you to rest and heal now.”
Dee sighs and her eyes flutter. “That feels good.”
“I’ll keep doing it until they kick me out.”
This gets a grin out of her. “How are you today? You seem lighter.”
“Funny you should say that. I met someone and I like her.”
She opens her eyes and gives me a playful swat. “Spill it. Who is she?”
“Her name is Camilla, but she likes to be called Cam. She’s a nurse at the Bone Marrow Center. She took care of me when I was scared shitless of the needles.” I stand up and get her the cup of water on her stand and make her take a sip.
“Oh, wow. Your face just lit up like a Christmas tree. You’ve got it bad. Does she feel the same about you?”
I’ll skip the part about how we can’t get enough of each other and have been in my bed pretty much constantly for the last two days. “She seems to be into me. And not because I’m Kingston Lawless. She doesn’t care that I’m in a band. She cares about me. I’m excited to see where this is going to go.”
“Is she okay with you leaving to go on tour soon?”
Neither of us is excited about it, but it’s my livelihood. “She understands. It’s not ideal, but I plan to make sure she knows I’m thinking of her while I’m gone.”
“You sly dog, you.” Her eyes flutter and her breathing is starting to slow.
“I know I am. Speaking of Cam, she’s getting off work now. We’re going out for our last dinner before I leave in the morning.”
“I can’t wait to meet her. As soon as I’m up and moving again, you’ll have to introduce me.”
“You bet. You guys will hit it off, I know it. Now I need you to rest and heal while I’m away and I will be back to see you when I get home.” It kills me that I need to leave and won’t be able to stop by and check on her every day. If it weren’t for Rick, I wouldn’t go. But I know he will look out for her and give me daily updates. He’s a good man.
She nods. “Sounds like a plan, big brother.”
Kissing my hand through the mask, I blow it at her and say goodbye.
The Italian restaurant smells of fresh bread and garlic. I inhale deeply as I walk to the hostess station. She tells me that the other member of my party is already here. She leads me to the back corner, right where I requested for us to have some privacy for our final night together before I leave.
Cam is sitting in the booth, facing the wall, she’s looking up at the hanging pictures of different spots in Italy. The Colosseum, the Pantheon, Spanish Steps, and a gondola in Venice. Her profile is stunning: her hair is swept up into a loose bun and her round lips are in a concentrated pout. Beautiful.
“Hello,” I say.
She nearly jumps out of her seat, hands flying to her chest. “Oh my gosh, you scared me.”
Taking a seat across from her, and handing her the bouquet of flowers I picked up for her on my way here, I say, “Sorry, sweet girl. Didn’t mean it. I was admiring you from afar.” It hurts my heart thinking about leaving her tomorrow. I’m just getting used to seeing her every day.
“Kingston, these are beautiful. Thank you.” She brings the flowers to her nose and inhales the fresh sweet scent. There are roses, of course, since her perfume reminds me of the fresh red blooms, but this bouquet also has Gerber daisies, chrysanthemums, and button poms.
“You’re welcome. I like to spoil you.”
Just then a waitress comes up to our table and drops a basket of bread and olive oil in front of us. We order Cokes to drink and lasagna for me and chicken parmesan for her as entrees.
“Sorry I was a few minutes late; I stopped at the hospital to check in on Dee,” I tell her as I dunk a piece of warm doughy bread in the oil.
“Oh, how is she doing? Is she exhausted?” Cam’s cute nose wrinkles up and her voice is full of curiosity.
“Yes, she didn’t look great, but I know that’s to be expected. And she was doing her best to stay positive.”
Shaking her head, she says, “That’s normal after a bone marrow transplant. It’s going to take time for her to get on her feet again and feel better.”
Staring off past Cam, all I can see is Dee lying on the hospital bed, small, sad, and beat down. All I ask is that my sister heal and get better. She’s the only family I have and I love her dearly.
Cam grabs my hand from across the table. “She’s going to get better. All the odds are in her favor. You, her brother, was her donor. She’s young. It will take some time, but you’ll see, she’ll be good.”
Her tone is strong and confident. I believe her. “Thanks for that.” I bring our clasped fingers up to my mouth and kiss her hand.
She gives me a reassuring smile. “Have you heard from Davies?”
“Not today. Why? What’s up?” I ask.
“Apparently, he and Penny have been chatting and they met up last night. Had a few drinks, went back to his place…” Her voice trails off and her eyebrows raise up and down.
“No way. She asked me to give him her number, so I did. Glad he used it.”
The waitress stops by the table and drops off our meals, which I waste no time diving into.
“She was beside herself happy today. Couldn’t wipe the grin off her face if you tried.” Cam giggles.
“Is Penny the girlfriend type or does she prefer to date around?” I hope that doesn’t come out wrong.
“Are you asking if Penny is a slut?” Cam cocks her head to the side and presses her lips together.
I knew it sounded bad the second it left my lips. “No. No. What I meant was, is she looking for a long-term boyfriend?”
“Ha. Got you. I was only kidding. I know what you mean. And she can be a good time girl, but if Davies was looking for a girlfriend, she’d be a great one. She hasn’t had the best luck with relationships. What about him?”
“No, he’s not usually the settle down type, but you never know. We’ll have to wait and see how it plays out. I’d tell her not to get her hopes up though. I’d hate to see her get her heart broken,” I say.
Cam brings her Coke toward her lips and says, “Where is your tour taking you?”
“We’ll be out west this time. We go to Texas, Colorado, Arizona, Washington, and California. A few stops in each state with only a couple days off. It’ll be grueling, but I’m glad we’re getting it over within three weeks instead of dragging it out.”
Her face falls a little, but she recovers quickly. “You’ll be busy.”
“I’m going to miss you, Cam. Why don’t you and Penny come to a show? I can fly you guys out. I told Penny I’d get you tickets to whatever show you’d like and the seats will be amazing.” I’d love nothing more than to have her come and see us play a full set. Then I could have her all to myself for a night. It’d give me something to look forward to.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to get the time off work. I can check into it, but don’t count on it. One of the nurses just retired, Betsy, and they haven’t found anyone to replace her yet.” Cam is staring down at her food, pushing it around with her fork, but she’s barely eaten any of it.
“Hey, it’s not forever. I’ll be back before you know it.” I try and give her my most reassuring tone, even though inside I’m dreading leaving her tomorrow.
She looks up at me and her eyes are glazed over and the corners of her mouth are turned down. “Kingston, I don’t want to be this girl, but with the way things went down with my ex, I have to ask you.”
“Okay. What is it? You can ask me anything.” I don’t know where this is going, but I hate the sad look on her face.
“We’ll be good while you’re gone, righ
t?” she asks with a shaky voice.
“Cam, are you asking me if I’m going to be faithful to you while I’m away?” I bring my voice down. I don’t want to upset her any more than she already is.
Her head is down now. She’s ashamed that she’s asking me. “Yes. We haven’t been together very long, but I’m starting to have feelings for you. And it would suck to have you leave and decide while you’re gone that some young, hot groupie is more interesting than “normal” me.” She makes air quotes.
“Please look at me,” I say.
It takes her a second, but she makes eye contact.
“I get it. It makes sense that you have trust issues. The man that vowed to be true to you wasn’t. And that sucks. But, sweet girl, I give you my word. I don’t want to be with anyone else. I probably shouldn’t have called you normal, because you still aren’t seeing why I find that attractive. But the fact of the matter is that all I want is to be normal and to live a life where I deserve someone as amazingly normal as you.” She’s crying now, but she’s smiling through the tears, so I go on. “It’s going to suck that I can’t touch you for three weeks, but we’re going to Skype every day, talk, and text. I’m not going to let you miss me that much. You’ll probably get sick of seeing all the sexy texts I’m going to send you.” She does this crazy sob laugh thing which makes me laugh in return.
“Do you promise?” she says.
“Yes. If you ever need me for anything, I’m a phone call away, okay?” I must be convincing her because she’s got a sweet little grin on her face and she’s wiping at her eyes with a napkin.
“Okay. Thank you for that. It means more to me than you know. How will I ever repay you?” She puts her fingers on her chest and glides them around. Batting her lashes, she says, “You finished eating yet? I’m ready to get out of here.”
“Check please,” I say and flag down our waitress.
11
Cam
