by Tara Bond
Steeling myself, I walked into the marble lobby. Three beautifully turned-out receptionists sat behind a huge oak desk. Four huge guards stood equally spaced across the floor, on the lookout.
I remembered the code for the lift, and could have let myself up. But I wanted to do this properly, formally. So I got one of the receptionists to call the apartment. Alex was there, so she told me to go straight up.
I stood in the lift, watching the floors light up in turn. I was pleased that I was alone. I was like a prize-fighter before a big bout—every part of me was on high alert. I could hear my breathing above the bland lift music; feel my fingers drumming against my right thigh, through the woollen material of the smart pencil skirt that I’d worn to impress the estate agent earlier that day.
Finally the lift pinged as it reached its destination—the penthouse. The doors slid open, and taking a deep breath, I stepped out into Alex’s hallway.
He was standing in the entrance to the living room, a tumbler of what looked like whisky in his hand.
“Good of you to drop by,” he drawled, as I walked towards him. “Wish you’d let me know, though. I’d have dressed up for the occasion—”
“What the hell do you think you’re playing at?” I cut in as I came level with him.
He cocked his head to one side, a smile playing at his lips. “You might need to be a little more specific, darling. It’s been a busy couple of weeks—”
“Oh, stop it with these games. I know, Alex.”
The humour left his eyes. He took a sip of whisky before answering. “You know what exactly?” He was clearly trying to keep the playfulness in his voice, but I could hear the edge there.
“About the deposit for my flat.”
“Oh, that.” Was it my imagination, or did he look relieved? But what else could he have thought I knew about? Wasn’t that enough?
With his usual nonchalance, he turned and walked over to the kitchen. I had no choice but to follow him. I watched as he poured himself another glass of whisky. When he held a glass up for me, I didn’t bother to even dignify the offer with a response.
“And what about the job at the gym?” I went on. “Did you have something to do with that, too?”
Alex gave a shrug of his broad shoulders. “The owner’s a friend. I just had a word with him, said I thought you’d be good at the job.”
He leaned against the kitchen counter, trailing an idle finger around the rim of his glass. I somehow resisted the urge to knock the tumbler from his hand. It bugged me that he was acting like this was no big deal, and it was taking all my willpower to keep my emotions in check.
“To be perfectly honest,” he said, stifling a yawn. “You seem to be blowing this all out of proportion. I helped you out, end of story. What else is there to say?”
“I want you to tell me why.”
He arched an eyebrow. “Why I helped you?” I gave a nod. “Does it matter?” I just looked at him, and he sighed, as though the whole conversation was too much trouble for him. He took a sip of whisky. “I suppose I felt sorry for you,” he said finally. “Or maybe I felt guilty. It may even have seemed like the quickest way to get you out of my life. Take your pick from those. It’s all the same to me.”
I stared at him for a long moment. The look of boredom on his chiselled face was almost enough to make me turn around and leave. But something stopped me. He was being an arsehole; there was no doubt about it. After what he’d just said, I ought to have gone and never looked back. But somehow I sensed that was exactly what he wanted. It was almost as if he was trying too hard to be a dick.
“I don’t believe you.” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop myself.
He sighed. “About what?”
“Any of it.” I refused to let his obvious irritation put me off. Alex might spend a lot of time pretending not to give a damn about anything, but I’d seen that deep down he did care. “I think you helped me because you still have feelings for me.”
“Seriously?” he scoffed. “After I hurt and humiliated you in front of my friends, you still think I’m interested in you? Are you delusional or something?”
Maybe I was. Maybe I was making a fool of myself. But some instinct was telling me that wasn’t the case. I took a step towards him, refusing to let it go until he finally admitted what was really going on. “I know you, Alex. You want everyone to think you don’t give a damn about anything, but deep down you’re a good person. I don’t understand what’s going on, but there’s more to it than you’re letting on.”
“Whatever you want to tell yourself,” he said lightly, making it clear he thought I was talking rubbish. He picked up his drink, and turned from me. Maybe I would have given up then, but a split second before he’d looked away, I’d seen tension around his eyes, and I sensed that I was getting to him. So I pressed on. “I know I sound ridiculous.” He began to pace the room. “It’s not like I’ve forgotten what you did to me. I remember how you humiliated me in front of your friends. You went out of your way to be cruel—” To my shame, I heard my voice crack. I dug my nails into my palms, trying to stop myself from crying. “You made me look like a fool. But still I believe in you. Even after all the pain you’ve caused me—”
“All right! Enough!” He whirled round, his eyes blazing. “You’re right. Is that what you want to hear? That night—blowing you off in front of my friends. I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I was trying to protect you.”
Even though I’d been pushing for him to agree that there’d been more going on, the admission left me speechless. “What do you mean?” I said finally.
He shook his head. “You know what? For someone so smart, you can be really dense sometimes.” He took a step towards me. “You want to know why I did that? The real reason? It was because I cared for you. It was because I was falling in love with you.”
That was the last thing I’d expected him to say. I was too stunned to speak, so I just let him carry on talking.
“I woke up that morning at Rexley Manor, and I looked over at you, and I realised I’d never felt that way about someone before. All the girls I’d slept with—and you were the only one I’d ever really wanted to spend time with.
“Then my father arrived.” His voice was bitter. “He asked me what the hell I was doing with you. He said I’d end up hurting you, and that it wasn’t fair on you. That you should be with someone kind and hard-working and reliable. Someone exactly the opposite of me. And I knew he was right. I’m not a good guy, Nina. I’m not the right guy for you. So . . .”
“So you decided to prove that by rejecting me in front of everyone?” I didn’t bother to keep the disbelief out of my voice.
He closed his eyes for a second, a look of pain crossing his face. “That’s pretty much it. And I’ve regretted it ever since. Even if I was going to push you away, I should’ve found a better way to do it.” He gave a wry laugh. “I suppose that me behaving like a bastard seemed pretty plausible.” He ran a hand through his dark hair. “These past couple of weeks have been awful for me, too. I asked Jas how you were doing because I genuinely wanted to know. When she told me how bad things were for you . . . Well, I wanted to help out. That’s why I made sure you got the flat and the job. Because I wanted you to be happy.” He took another step forward, so I could see the sincerity in his blue eyes. “So don’t ever think that was me rejecting you. I wanted you then. And I still want you now.”
He paused then, letting the words sink in. I stared up at him, not knowing what to say or how to react. He was standing so close to me, well within touching distance. I knew he wanted to reach for me, and was looking for a sign that it was all right to do so. But how could I be sure of him?
My eyes searched his, looking for clues to suggest that he was lying. I couldn’t see any—but what did that mean? My voice was no more than a whisper as I said, “I just don’t know what to believe, Alex. After everything you’ve done, how can I ever trust you?”
“After everything I’v
e said, how can you not?”
We stared at each other. He took a step closer to me. Both of his hands cupped my face, his thumbs stroking my cheeks. I saw him hesitate for a second, his eyes on mine, checking to see if I was going to object. I was suddenly aware that I was holding my breath—terrified that one tiny movement would disturb the fragility of the moment. Then before I could think about whether I wanted to stop him, his mouth bore down on mine, and he was kissing me fiercely, his lips hard and demanding.
I responded instinctively, my arms snaking around his neck, pulling him to me, as though I couldn’t get enough of him. After all this time apart, it felt like we didn’t have a second to waste. Alex must have felt the same way, because he was ripping my shirt open, sending the buttons clattering across the floor, and yanking my bra straps down. And then his hands were on me, moving over my breasts and stomach, and circling my waist.
Before I knew what was happening, he lifted me onto the kitchen countertop. He pushed up my skirt and eased my panties down. My thighs parted, and I gasped as he touched me.
Unable to stand it a moment longer, I reached for Alex’s belt, cursing impatiently as I fumbled with the zip on his jeans, tugging his boxer shorts down.
Somehow even in the heat of the moment he’d managed to find his wallet and the condom inside. He slipped it on, and my legs wrapped around him, drawing him to me. Then he was finally inside me, thrusting deep and hard. His hand twisted round my hair, pulling my head back, as he devoured my neck with hot, hungry kisses.
A shudder ripped through me, my nails digging into his back as I came.
“Nina . . . Oh my god . . .” His grip on me tightened, crushing the air from my lungs, until, with a final cry, he collapsed against me, his head buried against my shoulder.
We stayed locked together, spent and dazed in the aftermath. The only sound in the room was of us both panting as we struggled to catch our breath. And I knew in that moment that, whatever was between us, there was no turning back from it now.
Chapter 24
A black Mercedes parked on the street wasn’t an unusual sight in London. Chauffeur-driven cars like that were standard in the Square Mile, rushing execs to and from meetings.
I wouldn’t have thought anything of it as I walked out of the gym at the end of my shift—that is, if I hadn’t glimpsed the personalised number plate, which said: DN1.
I had to pass the car on my way to the Tube station, and as I did so the tinted window at the back rolled down. Sure enough, it was Duncan Noble inside.
“Do you have a moment?” he asked politely enough, but what was I going to say? I opened the door, and slid into the soft cream-leather seat.
I gave a pointed glance around. “This is all a bit cloak-and-dagger, isn’t it?”
“Perhaps. But I wanted to talk to you, and I wasn’t sure if you’d agree to meet me.”
“So you thought you’d give me no option?”
He smiled at that, and then grew serious. “Alex tells me that the two of you have renewed your—” He paused, clearly searching for the right word. “Your acquaintance.”
It was my turn to smile. It was a week since we’d reconciled, and we’d hardly been apart. “Acquaintance” wasn’t quite the word I’d have used. “If you mean that we’re together, then yes, we are.”
He sighed, leaving me in no doubt that he wasn’t happy with the news. “Look, I’ll be straight with you, Nina. You’re both adults, and it’s up to you what you decide to do, however ill-advised I might think it. But—”
He hesitated, and I stared impassively at him, waiting to hear what he had to say.
“All I want to say is, it might be best not to mention that you’re seeing him to your mother.”
That was the last thing I’d expected. I shook my head at the sheer ridiculousness of the request. “Honestly—why not? I know the two of you fell out. But Alex was just sixteen when my dad died. Whatever went on between my mum and you, it wasn’t like it had anything to do with him—”
Duncan looked pained. “I know what you’re saying. But I think at the moment, when she’s just coming out of rehab, it might be best to keep her stress to a minimum. So maybe just wait a bit before telling her. See how things work out between the two of you.”
I looked at him for a long moment. It just didn’t feel worth arguing about any longer. “Fine. I’ll think about it.”
“That’s all I’m asking.”
I was about to get out of the car, when I turned back to him. There was something nagging at me. “I just want to know one thing.”
“What?” he said warily.
“What did the two of you argue about all those years ago?”
He sighed deeply. “Oh, Nina, you don’t want to go dredging all that up.”
“That’s not an answer.” He just stared at me. I could see I wasn’t going to get any more out of him. “Fine. Have it your way.”
I reached for the door handle. But as I was getting out of the car, Duncan put his arm out to stop me.
“Honestly—trust me when I say it’s in your best interests to leave this alone.”
The fierceness in his eyes unnerved me. I swallowed hard. Whatever had gone on, no one was in a hurry to have it out in the open.
* * *
On the Tube ride over to Alex’s, I couldn’t help thinking about that feud between my mum and Duncan Noble. I still had no idea what it was all about. Even now I could remember how he’d been there for our family in the months after the funeral, until that one night when I’d woken to hear my mother screaming at him to get out and saying she wouldn’t accept a penny of his money any longer.
It was after that that her drinking began. And we’d eventually lost our house and ended up in Hayfield Court.
What had been so bad that my mother had preferred to lose all our security rather than see Duncan Noble again? I really couldn’t imagine.
* * *
“It just seems ridiculous, don’t you think?” I said to Alex. “Whatever went on between your dad and my mum, I don’t see there’s any reason it should affect us.”
It was later that evening, and we were sitting up in his bed, sharing a takeaway pizza.
Alex was quiet for a moment. When he spoke, he didn’t meet my eye. “I hate to say this—but maybe for once my father’s right.”
I was about to help myself to another slice of pizza, but I stopped. “What do you mean by that?”
“Your mum’s in a precarious position. I imagine she’s got enough to deal with, just staying off the sauce. What’s the point of telling her something that’s only going to upset her?”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Alex was the one who was always so forthright. I hadn’t expected him to take his father’s side. “I’m not hiding our relationship away. It makes no sense—”
He reached out and took my hand, stopping my outburst. “It won’t be for long. Just until you get April back and everything’s more settled. You don’t want to risk upsetting her before your sister’s home, do you?”
I bit my lip as I worked through what he’d said. He was right, of course. I didn’t want to do anything to jeopardise April’s return.
“Maybe you’re right,” I said at last. “I’ll wait until things are a bit more settled.” To lighten the tone, I pinched his cheeks playfully. “Until then, you’ll just have to be my dirty little secret.”
He grinned. “I don’t have a problem with that.”
He fell backwards on the bed, pulling me down on top of him, and we started to kiss.
* * *
But that night, I woke to find that I was alone in bed. Alex had pulled a chair up to the window, and was sitting there, staring out into the dark night.
I went over and knelt in front of him, resting my head on the arm of the chair. “Hey. What’s up with you?”
He looked down at me, and tried to smile. “Nothing.”
I didn’t believe him. I thought for a second, trying to work out w
hat the problem could be. “Does this have something to do with your father?”
Alex looked at me for a long moment before answering. “I just couldn’t sleep.”
His thumbs traced the contours of my face, as though he was trying to memorise what I looked like.
“You worried I’m going to disappear?” I said jokingly.
But he looked deadly serious as he said, “Maybe.”
I wanted to ask more, but he was looking down at me so sadly that I didn’t dare. Instead, I let him draw me up onto his lap. I nestled my head against his chest, and we sat like that for a long time.
His restlessness made me apprehensive. I sensed he was hiding something, but I couldn’t think what it was. And he was being so loving towards me, so kind, that I didn’t feel like there could possibly be anything sinister to it. So I pushed it to the back of my mind. I already had enough on my plate trying to reunite my family. I didn’t want to stir up more problems.
* * *
“She seems really committed to trying to making things work this time,” my mum’s counsellor said as we waited in the reception area for her.
I made no comment.
It was twelve weeks since my mum had entered the rehab centre. They were meant to work wonders with long-term alcoholics, but I was reserving judgement. I’d been through this too many times before to get my hopes up. For me, the only proof would come from her staying off the booze once she was back home.
She came downstairs five minutes later. Objectively I could see that she looked healthier than she had when she went in—her skin seemed clearer, and there was colour in her cheeks. Twelve weeks off the booze had done her a world of good.
The counsellor stepped forward to hug my mother goodbye, but I hung back a little.
My mother turned to me. I was worried that she might try to hug me, too, but she had the sense to hold back.
