She was certain every parent lied to themselves and thought their baby was beautiful, but she was certain she was being completely unbiased.
By the time he’d settled into a routine that included a full night’s sleep for Erin, she had come to the conclusion that a full frontal assault was the only way to deal with the situation between her and Jesse.
Tavian had told her Jesse loved her. Carlos had said that the ‘marks’ Jesse had given her meant that he had chosen her as his ‘mate.’ And Jesse had not denied any of it. He’d risked his life for her over and over again. If he didn’t love her, he was just a lunatic.
She didn’t think he was a lunatic, except maybe in the sense that he’d fallen in love with her, but if that was true, then she was a lunatic, too, because she loved him.
The plan was easier conceived than implemented, she discovered. Every time she thought she might have the opportunity to speak with Jesse and began rehearsing how to launch the assault, either the baby woke up and demanded attention, the phone rang, or the doorbell … or she discovered that Jesse had locked himself into the room he called his office and only snarled at her when she knocked.
She was just going to have to be brazen, she decided one night after she’d finally settled the baby in his crib. Jesse was hurt and he wasn’t going to let down his guard.
Slipping from the baby’s room, she searched the apartment for Jesse.
He was locked in his office again.
She knocked anyway.
“What?” he barked through the door.
Erin fumed. He hadn’t even bothered to get up and answer the door. “I’m standing in the hall naked.”
Silence greeted that announcement. She’d just begun to wonder if even that lure was going to work when she heard him push his desk chair back and stride across the room. He looked down at her blankly when he’d jerked the door open. Slowly, a frown formed between his eyes. “What did you say?”
Erin smiled up at him. “I said, come to bed.”
He blinked several times, rapidly. She could see the wheels turning in his head. They hadn’t shared a bed since they’d rescued Joshua.
“I … uh … I should finish that software program I’ve been workin’ on.”
Erin sighed. Moving closer, she slipped her arms around his waist. “I know I deserve it, but you don’t have to make this so hard for me,” she murmured against his chest.
Almost tentatively, he looped his arms around her. “Make what hard?”
She smiled against his chest, tempted to say something outrageously dirty. She tamped the urge. “If you’ll come to bed with me, I’ll show you something else I learned from that little book I once read.”
He drew back to look down at her. A slow grin curled his lips. “I’m no’ sure my heart could take it.”
Erin smiled at the teasing tone of his voice, but there was something in his eyes that made her ache. She swallowed against the knot that formed in her throat. “I love you, Jesse. I’m so sorry for everything. Don’t … push me away. I’m trying.”
He swallowed audibly. Lifting a hand, he brushed the backs of his fingers along her cheek and then pulled her tightly against him. “The first time I saw you I thought you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I could see the fear in your eyes when you looked at me and I knew you thought I was an animal, jus’ like the others did, but I never saw disgust in your eyes … or hate. You were the only thing I had to look forward to. You were what kept me sane.
“I think I knew all along that that cold bitch had lied about you. The thing was, it was easier to hate you for that than to accept that they’d had to drug you to make you come to me.”
Tears burned Erin’s eyes and despair filled her. It was useless to try to deny or to explain. She’d tried already and it had only made things worse. There was no way the truth could make them better, or that a lie would be believed. He knew exactly how she’d felt then and unless he could accept it and put it behind them, it was always going to lie between them, ugly and hurtful. “I can’t change what happened, or undo it, and all the wishing in the world won’t give me another chance. Isn’t it enough that I love you now?”
“In spite of what I am?”
Erin pulled away from him. “Because of what and who you are!”
He looked unconvinced. “You just think you love me because I saved Joshua.”
Erin stamped her foot. “I knew it was that stupid remark! Because I said thank you for rescuing me and the baby? For taking three bullets and going through pure hell to bring us out safely, you think I don’t love you? You think it’s just … gratitude? For a smart man you can be really stupid, Jesse!
“I am grateful. How could I not be after all you’ve done? What kind of person wouldn’t be grateful?
“But I sure as hell wasn’t drugged when we made love on the ship. And I wasn’t drugged when you tied me up and drove me crazy in that little cabin. That was good, old fashioned lust, damn it! And I wouldn’t feel that way if I didn’t love you!
“Fine! Have it your way. I hate you you stubborn, pig headed thing! Go! Play with your damned software. I’m going to bed.”
Giving him a shove, Erin turned and stalked down the hallway. She very nearly slammed the bedroom door before it dawned on her that doing so would almost certainly wake the baby.
Not that it mattered, really, Erin thought, flopping down angrily on the edge of the bed. She was going to be awake half the night anyway because she was boiling mad.
The door opened. When Erin turned to glare at him, she saw that he’d propped his shoulders against the door frame. His arms were crossed over his chest, a faint smile playing about his lips. “Do you really?”
“What?” Erin demanded crossly.
“Hate me because I’m pig headed.”
“Yes!” she snapped sulkily. “No! Sometimes, damn it!”
“And the rest of the time?”
“I am NOT going to say it again,” Erin snapped, snatching a pillow off the bed and throwing it at him.
He caught it, flipped it in his hands a couple of times and pushed away from the doorframe, moving slowly toward her. “You offered to show me what else you’d learned from that book,” he said tentatively.
“I’m not going to do that either.”
Before she’d realized his intentions, he pounced, grabbing her and then carrying her down in the center of the bed. She looked up at him in surprise.
“I love you. I love the way your eyes shoot fire at me whenever you’re mad as hell. I love the freckles all over your cute little nose, but most of all I love your mouth.”
Erin couldn’t help but smile back at him. “My mouth, huh?”
He leaned toward her, nipping at her lips. “Absolutely. Do you think you could show me that little trick you learned now?”
Erin burst out laughing. “I believe I’ll let you show me your tricks first,” she said haughtily.
The End
Dark Wrath Page 19
