Lost

by Lucy Wadham

  ���No. I promise you.���

  ���Don���t promise.���

  The radio spat and G��rard���s high-pitched tenor cut in and cut out again.

  ���You should have let me go,��� she said.

  He looked at her. Her remoteness was alarming.

  ���I can���t let you go.���

  The radio hissed again.

  ���Stuart,��� came G��rard���s voice. ���Channel seven���s no good up here ������

  Stuart told him to switch to five and put the scrambler on. He gave the same instructions to the two other cars. Paul���s voice cut in. ���Pass me Santini,��� Stuart said, cutting him short. He didn���t want any radio banter in front of her.

  There was a pause, then came Santini���s baritone.

  ���What is it now, Stuart?���

  ���Tell me about Denis.���

  ���What about him?���

  ���Where���s he from?���

  ���No idea.���

  ���Come on, Santini. What can he do?���

  ���Pick locks.���

  ���What else?���

  ���Nothing. He���s simple. He obeys Karim. That���s it. Now it���s my turn. Are we on air?���

  ���No.���

  ���Who turned me in?��� Santini asked.

  Stuart looked at Alice. He waited.

  ���It was Georges Rocca,��� he said at last.

  There was a long silence.

  ���Bullshit.���

  ���Who do you think it is, Santini?���

  ���You���re finished, Stuart.���

  ���So are you.���

  Alice looked away.

  ���I bet you my Sig Sauer you���ll be on an early retirement by the end of the year.���

  Santini���s solid-silver weapon, the only remnant of his former days. Stuart smiled. He could not help it. There was something satisfying in this talk.

  ���What does that mean? If you���re wrong I get your Sig Sauer? What happens if you���re right?���

  ���There���s nothing of yours I want,��� Santini said.

  ���There���s a big rush to get me buried,��� Stuart said. ���You could put me in your mausoleum and we could be together till the end of time.���

  Alice was watching him. He hung up.

  ���You think you���ve got him, don���t you?���

  ���It���s not so much that.��� He hesitated. ���It suddenly seems��� ��� he looked at her as though she might be able to tell him what it was ��� ���childish.���

  But she said nothing.

  ���Are you all right?���

  She nodded slowly. She was very far away. He saw that what he was doing, the operation he was orchestrating, did not concern her. She seemed to be involved in another, far greater matter. He guessed she was praying.

  *

  Alice opened her eyes. Stuart was looking at the map on his lap, his face lit by the orange glow of the dashboard. It was now dark outside and there was no moon that she could see. She closed her eyes again. Sam was there, huddled with fear. She had not slept. Her panicking heart had lashed her awake each time she dozed off, She had heard the growing discontent over the radio. It had been a long wait. She opened her eyes again. Stuart had put away the map and was looking at her.

  ���What are they doing?��� she asked. ���Why are they taking so long to call back?���

  ���Sleeping maybe.���

  ���How can they sleep?��� She rubbed her face. ���There���s no moon,��� she said, looking out through the windscreen.

  ���No. But we���ve got infra red. A good pair made by the Israelis. We found them in a search. They belonged to the FNL. I never declared them.��� She looked at the hard cut of his profile. ���Mesguish has them,��� Stuart was saying. ���He���ll need them tonight.���

  She remembered sitting with Mathieu in his car, watching his face like this while he drove. It was early on and they were in Paris and he was taking her to lunch. It was winter and the sky was white and she could feel the cobbles under the wheels. She sat leaning into her door, holding herself away from him, preventing herself from reaching out and touching him. Then suddenly he had turned and smiled at her, a smile full of kindness, and he had pulled over, turned off the engine and kissed her. She had felt overcome with shame because she knew the kiss was a reward.

  She looked at Stuart and saw herself leaning towards him. She would make sure he did not feel ashamed. She would kiss his face, his mouth, his neck.

  He was looking at her.

  ���Without you, none of this works any more,��� he said. ���I won���t be able to do this.���

  She held out her hand. He took it again and held it hard and she closed her eyes. Sam was still lying there waiting. She did not move for fear of losing Stuart���s hand. She felt as though she were being held unequivocally. This was what it was to feel safe.

  The radio broke in and she let go.

  ���Come in, Stuart. It���s the call. Do you copy? Over.��� She could hear the tremor in G��rard���s voice.

  ���We copy. Over.���

  They could hear the high-pitched ringing of the mobile phone, the third ring and Santini answering.

  Stuart found her hand and held it hard.

  ���I understand,��� Santini was saying. ���The call box in Cortizzio. Fine, but she needs time to get there. Give her an hour. Of course she���ll be alone. I���m not coming. It���s a dark blue Mercedes.���

  They could hear someone exhaling, then silence. Stuart let go of her hand.

  ���Stuart? Did you get that? Over.��� It was G��rard.

  Stuart slammed his hand down on the dashboard.

  ���Pass me Santini.���

  There was a pause. Stuart took the map from the side pocket.

  ���He wants Madame Aron to go ������

  ���Fuck you, Santini.���

  The radio went dead.

  Stuart began to hit the dashboard over and over again. Alice reached out and touched his face. He stopped still and looked at her. Placing his hand over hers on his cheek, he closed his eyes.

  ���You���re not going.���

  She spoke gently to him. ���I have to go. It���ll be all right. I promise.���

  G��rard came on the line: ���Stuart. He said he won���t pick up if it���s anyone else. What do we do?���

  She put her hand gently over his mouth.

  ���You must let me go, Stuart,��� she whispered. She wanted to tell him that she loved him.

  G��rard���s voice came again: ���Stuart?���

  Alice took her hand from his mouth. It would not be fair to tell him now. Stuart picked up the radio.

  ���Okay, G��rard. Put Santini on.���

  ���Fuck you, Stuart.���

  ���Yes, all right.���

  ���I���m not making the rules.���

  ���Of course you are, you liar.���

  ���If you���re going to insult me you���re on your own.���

  ���Shake your handcuffs, will you, Santini? I want to hear them.���

  There was a pause. Alice could hear Santini���s bass growling in the background.

  ���Stuart, it���s G��rard. She has to go to the call box in Cortizzio. There���s only one. At the entrance to the village. When you���r
e coming from Massaccio it���s after the signpost on the right. She has to wait in the call box and pick up when it rings. He���ll give her instructions.���

  Stuart shouted into the radio. ���Who is it, Santini? I���ll give you one more chance.���

  Santini came back: ���Screw you, Stuart.���

  Alice watched Stuart regain control. It occurred to her that this was the kind of person Mathieu had sought to be.

  ���Cortizzio���s forty minutes away,��� Stuart was saying. ���I���m going to send Fabrice and the technician ahead with the van. They can park in the village and wait. I���ll give them a ten-minute start, then we���ll leave. I���m going to get Paul to follow without his headlights. He can take Mireille and her colleague with him. You follow on when I give the signal. When Karim calls, you signal Mesguish straight away. Do you understand? Over.���

  There was a hiss, then G��rard said he copied.

  Stuart turned and faced her.

  ���Ready?���

  She nodded, unwilling to look at him for too long and risk weakening. She turned the key in the ignition. Her hands were sweating and her fingers slipped on the key. She tried again and drove slowly over the gravel, stopping at the entrance to the road. Stuart was leaning forward in his seat, talking into the radio. She was aware of his voice, calm and authoritative, the meaning coming to her only sporadically. She tried to breathe slowly and deeply to settle her heart.

  ������ Come in, Mesguish. Do you read me? Over. You���re going in with the dogs as soon as I give the signal ��� All right, everyone, we���re moving.���

  The image of Sam was still there in her mind, like a curled fossil.

  ���You���re going to drive to Cortizzio,��� Stuart told her. ���I���m going to duck down. We���ll go slowly. It���s a forty-minute drive from here. You���re going to go to the call box in Cortizzio. You���ll see it on the right as you come into the village. He���ll be watching the call box to make sure you���re alone.���

  ���You can���t be in the car. What if he sees?���

  ���He won���t. You���re going to drop me off on the way. I���ll tell you when. You���ll pick me up after the call. I���m not letting you go alone.��� His tone was gentle and inexorable.

  She looked at his face with all its poignant lines; then he turned and reached into the back. He was checking the bag, which was lying on the back seat. The transmitter was taped to the bottom. He reached up and flicked a switch above the rear-view mirror. ���So the light doesn���t come on when I open the door.��� He sat back. ���You���ll be with him soon,��� he said. ���You���ll get your boy back tonight. Turn right out of here.���

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  When he reached the wall of the hut, Karim turned again and walked back along the muddy floor towards the child. He was trying to think, but his mind seemed to be confined by the six paces it took to cross the room. He stood still and looked down at his orange cheesecloth trousers, spattered with mud at the hem. The rain had stopped but he was still cold and damp.

  Denis was sitting in Garetta���s place on the tarpaulin, picking his teeth. He must have run out of toothpicks because he was using the point of his knife.

  ���Think of something, for fuck���s sake, Denis.���

  Denis took the knife blade from between his teeth, to show that he was trying.

  ���He doesn���t trust us, right?��� Karim said. ���So he could do anything.���

  ���He doesn���t trust you,��� Denis said.

  Karim looked at him.

  ���What are you talking about?���

  ���He took your phone. He didn���t take mine.���

  ���You don���t have a phone.���

  ���No, but he doesn���t know that.���

  ���I���m getting out,��� Karim said suddenly. ���You can do what you like, but I���m out.���

  Denis scrambled to his feet.

  ���I���m coming,��� he said, folding the knife.

  Karim looked at Denis, then at the child.

  ���How long���s he been gone? Five, ten minutes?���

  ���More like ten,��� Denis said.

  ���Why did he take my phone? What���s he planning?���

  ���He doesn���t trust us,��� Denis said.

  Karim moved him out of the way with his arm.

  ���Okay, now listen. We���re going to take the kid. Santini wants the kid back to its mother.��� He approached the child and leaned over it.

  ���Look at it. If it dies, we go down for sure,��� he said, looking at Denis. ���We go down just about for ever.���

  Denis scratched his eyebrow.

  ���So what do we do?���

  ���We take the kid and get out of here. I told Santini where we were. I don���t want to be around when Garetta gets back.��� Denis nodded like he always did when he didn���t understand. ���We���re going to give the kid back.���

  ���Good idea,��� Denis said.

  ���Help me, you dickhead.���

  Denis crouched down beside Karim and looked at the unmoving child.

  ���Shit,��� Karim whispered. ���All that money.���

  ���What happens if ������ Denis began.

  ���Shut it and help me. We���ve got no choice.���

  Karim reached his arms under the child���s back.

  ���Get his legs.���

  ���He���s all stiff,��� Denis said.

  They picked up the child, who stayed curled up in a ball. Karim looked at his face for the first time and wished he hadn���t. He did not know what he had been expecting, but the sight of the child���s eyes, wide open and knowing, scared him.

  ���Fuck, man. You carry him.���

  Denis turned and rounded his back obediently. Karim tried to lift the child on to Denis���s back, but the child seemed to stiffen even more and would not uncurl.

  ���Fuck, Denis. Just take him.���

  Denis turned and held out his arms.

  ���It���s okay,��� Denis said to the child, speaking with a gentleness that surprised Karim. ���We���re going to take you back to your mum now.��� The child did not move but went on staring at God knows what. ���Okay. Give him to me,��� Denis said. Karim passed him the child and Denis went on talking in his new voice. ���That���s okay, now off we go.���

  Karim backed out of the hut into the black night. He had never thought he would ever be grateful for Denis.

  *

  Sam knew someone was talking to him but he could not understand the words. It was as if there was a wall between him and the words and he was only getting the voice. He could not feel his body any more, but he knew he was moving. He was looking into the sky, which was far above him, and he saw that the sky was like the surface of the water for his fish and above was another world that he did not understand. He could hear feet brushing the grass and the trees moving in the wind.

  He looked for the moon but it had gone. He knew that this was sad, but he did not feel anything.

  He had flown before, in the bathroom in his flat in Paris, when everyone was asleep. He had held on to the shower rail and kicked his legs outwards like they did in swimming lesson. He remembered the feeling of sinking in the air and kicking harder to stay up. He would soon open and fly up to the surface. He didn���t want to be in a world where his mother wasn���t.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

&
nbsp; They were nearing Cortizzio and Karim���s call had still not come. When Mesguish���s voice, shrill with doubt, asked him for a decision over the radio Stuart simply told him to stand by. He did not want Alice to detect his apprehension.

  He was crouching on the floor in front of the passenger seat. He knew the road so well, he could visualise it, identify every turn and every straight line, without having to ask her. She had her window open a little and he could hear the route: the emptiness of the valley and the sound intervals between the pine saplings as they passed the Cortizzio plantation. In the changing quality of her silence Stuart could feel her fear rising and falling.

  ���Remember,��� he said. ���When you���ve taken the call you get back into the car and drive into the village. In the square, park and call me. You���re okay about the radio?���

  She nodded.

  ���Here,��� he said. ���You���re going to slow down to twenty. Good. Now stay at twenty. On the next bend I���m going to jump out. You���ll have to reach over and shut the door behind me.���

  He looked up at her face leaning close to the steering wheel, at her chin thrust forward. He opened the door with one hand and with the other gripped the radio to his chest.

  ���Now,��� he said, and he rolled out.

  *

  Alice pulled the door closed behind him, veering only slightly as she did so. She breathed slowly and deeply, concentrating her mind on the road ahead of her. The road curved and revealed the lights of the village. When she saw the neon light of the call box, she caught her breath. She read the signpost carefully, trying to pin her mind to its perceptive function only and calm herself. She pulled over, feeling her hands on the steering wheel and listening to the road beneath the wheels. She looked at her hand as she turned the ignition key. ���No,��� she murmured. ���Keep it running.��� She restarted the engine then climbed out. She slammed the door for the noise it made, but the night seemed to absorb the sound. ���Here I am,��� she whispered to whoever was watching her. She pulled open the door to the call box. It did not come easily but ground on its hinges. She heard her step on the metal floor. She put her hand on the receiver and waited.