by Kiki Swinson
Part of me wanted to ask this man for his help, but then I realized that would be a bad idea. First of all, New Yorkers were known for not getting in strangers’ public altercations. That was a no-no. They’d literally let you get killed in broad daylight and walk away from you like nothing happened. And in my case, I figured this cabdriver would do the exact same thing, so I kept my mouth closed and convinced myself that I had to do this alone.
After I paid the driver, I grabbed my bag of money and got out of the car. I didn’t see which direction the cabdriver drove off in because I was so fixated on who I was going to walk into in this place. I stood a few feet away from the glass doors and called Derek’s number back. Matt answered it on the second ring. “You here?” Matt didn’t hesitate to ask.
“Yes, I’m here,” I told him.
“Which side? What street?”
“I’m on the Forty-Second Street side.”
“Got the money with you?”
“Yes, I got it in my backpack.”
“Come inside and go into the women’s restroom. Go into the last bathroom stall and wait there until I give you further instructions,” he said, and then the call ended.
With my heart rate traveling at an uncontrollable speed, I braced myself because I wasn’t sure what was coming next. But I pressed forward in the most courageous manner I could muster and walked inside Grand Central Station. Like always, this place was packed to the max. I surveyed the crowded station high and low for some sign of my husband and child on my way to the ladies’ restroom, but they were nowhere in sight. Feeling somewhat hopeless I continued toward the restroom, praying that they would be there.
Upon entry, I saw a white woman at the bathroom sink washing her hands. She didn’t acknowledge my presence. She continued to wash her hands and dried them with two paper towels that she pulled from the paper towel dispenser located on the wall near the exit door.
While I looked around the bathroom, I got a whiff of the stench coming from the noisy first stall. I damn near regurgitated all the chicken broth I had for breakfast at the hospital earlier. I almost turned around to leave but when I thought about my family, I quickly came back to my senses. I couldn’t let anything deter me from getting my family back. They meant the world to me.
Immediately after I regained my faculties, I covered my nose with my shirt collar and proceeded to the last bathroom stall. The door was slightly ajar so I pushed it back enough to get inside. Right after I closed the door, I heard footsteps walking in my direction. I couldn’t see anything but my eyes were on high alert.
The footsteps stopped when they got in front of my stall. I stood there quietly and waited for the person to announce themselves. My heart rattled in my chest. My mind started racing in a million directions and my body felt tense and rigid as I stood behind the stall door.
“Where is the money?” I heard the man’s voice ask.
It wasn’t Matt’s voice, so I was kind of thrown off guard. I must admit, it felt eerie and kind of crazy being there not knowing what was about to happen next. “I got it right here with me,” I told him.
“Well, slide it underneath the door,” he instructed me.
“Where is my family?” I asked while I held on to the backpack for dear life.
“They’re on the other side of the station,” he told me.
“When am I going to get them?” I grilled him.
“Stop it with all the fucking questions and give me the money!” his voice boomed.
Very hesitantly, I bent down and slid the backpack underneath the door. The last thing I wanted to do was put my family in any further danger. Right after the guy picked the bag up from the floor, I heard his footsteps as they walked away. I panicked and opened the door. “Hey, where are you going?” I shouted after seeing the back of a guy who looked to be about five-ten with a one-hundred-eighty-pound build. He wore a black hoodie, a pair of dark blue jeans, and a tan pair of Timberland boots.
He didn’t look back, nor did he respond to me, so I bolted behind him. By the time he got to the door and opened it, a middle-aged white woman blocked his exit. That stalled him just enough for me to grab ahold of the black jacket he wore over his black hoodie. I yanked on it for as long as I could but my strength was no match for his. He came right out of the jacket and pushed the woman out of the way. She fell backward into the wall behind her and then she slid to the floor. I stepped over her and tried to run behind him. I was no match for his speed, either. As soon as he ran onto the open floor of the station, he sprinted through the crowd. I watched him as he fled on foot toward the Eastside door of the station.
“Somebody grab him!” I yelled as I started running behind him, but after a few steps across the floor I knew I wouldn’t be able to catch him, especially not in the condition I was in, so I stopped in my tracks. The people in the station were eerily silent. It felt like I was among a group of fucking robots or androids from some futuristic movie. They didn’t even acknowledge that I was speaking to them. A huge lump formed in the back of my throat as tears sprang up to my eyes. I was on the verge of cursing their asses out but when my cell phone started ringing, I was instantly thrown off track. I reached into my pants pocket and grabbed it. I was panting intensely while I fumbled with the phone for a couple of seconds. The people surrounding me began looking at me kind of strange, but I totally ignored them. I was dealing with a life-or-death situation so their stares went right over my head. I almost dropped my phone on the floor when I noticed the call was from my husband’s number. “Hello,” I said into the phone, sounding desperate.
“You are playing a very dangerous game.” Matt’s words pierced my eardrums.
I ignored his words. “Look, your guy just ran off with the money so where is my family?” I yelled.
“Are you trying to bring attention to yourself?” Matt asked in a menacing tone.
“Where the fuck is my family?” I screamed through the phone, ignoring his question once more.
“After I get the money in my hands, I will call you back with the location where you can pick them up,” Matt told me, and then the line went dead.
Before I could utter another word, Matt was gone just like that. I tried calling the number back but it went straight to voice mail all three times. Panic-stricken, I shoved my cell phone down inside my pocket and headed out the front exit of Grand Central Station.
While I was standing outside on the sidewalk, a dark feeling of helplessness came over me, and my knees felt like they were about to buckle. Matt’s words started burning through me and I felt a wave of nausea that I didn’t expect. I was also exhausted and in a lot of pain, so I knew I needed to sit before I fell down in the middle of the sidewalk and ended back up in the hospital.
I willed myself to go back into the station because I had no other place to go at this point. Upon reentering the station, I took the first available seat I saw. I sat there for nearly a minute before I was approached by a transit cop patrolling the station. He was a tall, chubby Latino cat with short black hair and big, round eyes. His English was very good. “Ma’am, are you okay?” he asked me.
I was out of it but his words echoed inside of my head. I looked at him with uncertainty. For a moment there, it seemed like I was seeing two images of him. But I quickly snapped out of it when I heard him radio another transit cop. “I think we might need a paramedic,” I heard him say.
“Oh no! I’m fine. I don’t need a paramedic,” I belted out in sheer panic.
“Are you sure, ma’am?” the cop asked.
“Yes, I am sure. I just need to sit here for a moment, if you don’t mind,” I told him.
“Well, can you tell me why you were running after that man a few minutes ago?” the cop continued to question me.
“Look, it was just a big misunderstanding. I’m all right now.”
“No problem, ma’am. But if you need me, I’ll be over at the patrol station,” he told me.
While he walked away, I heard him tell the patro
l cop on the other end of the radio to disregard the medic call.
I stared as he made his way across the station’s floor. He watched me and occasionally glanced at the patrons who roamed in and out of the station. I also found myself looking down at my cell phone every two to three minutes just to make sure I hadn’t missed a call from Matt. I needed to hear from him. I needed to know that my husband and my baby were okay. The pain in my heart began to beat with a rapid speed. Knots started forming in my stomach. The feeling of not knowing what was going to happen next was starting to consume me. Then I started thinking back to how I got to this point.
I wasn’t being greedy. Nor had I done anything sheisty. Matt and Yancy crossed me first. They’re the ones who started this whole thing. So why try to kill my family because I fucked you before you fucked me? My husband and my brand-new baby had nothing to do with my actions. They didn’t ask for this. So I had to make this thing right and bring them home.
I sat on that bench for seventeen minutes before my cell phone rang again. The ring startled me. I looked down at the caller ID and noticed that the call was coming from Derek’s cell phone. “Hello,” I said without hesitation.
“The money isn’t all here. You still owe some bread,” Matt said.
“But I thought you already knew that. What did you think I was living on? I had to eat and pay for a roof over my head,” I began to explain.
“Fuck that! Do you think I give a fuck about you eating and having a place to lay your head?” Matt’s voice boomed. “You spent over half of the fucking money. If Yancy was here she wouldn’t be able to get her cut. And that wouldn’t be fair. So you know what that means, right?”
“Matt, why do you care if Yancy’s part isn’t there? She’s not even around to get it,” I tried to explain, but Matt interjected.
“Bitch, you fucked up! Now your family is going to pay for what you did. Say good-bye to your weak-ass husband and your fucking kid!” Matt roared.
My heart skipped a beat because I knew what Matt meant when he told me to say good-bye to my family. So at that very moment, I screamed at the top of my voice, begging and pleading for him to let my family go.
“Matt, please don’t hurt my family!” I began to say, until I heard my husband’s voice.
“Lauren, I love you, baby,” he yelled, and then I heard two gunshots fire one after the other. POP! POP! The power that rang out from discharging the bullets struck my eardrums. I dropped the phone and it fell onto the floor. I felt dizzy for a second but immediately after I regained my faculties, I picked the phone back up from the floor and put it to my ears and screamed “hello” over a dozen times but no one replied. The phone line was completely quiet. And when I looked at the phone screen, that’s when I knew Matt had disconnected our call. “No! No! No!” I screamed, while I redialed Derek’s cell phone number. It kept going straight to his voice mail. “This is D. Sorry, I’m unavailable. Leave me a message at the tone.” BEEP . . .
“Answer the fucking phone!” I barked, and ended the call. I redialed his number again. But there was no luck. The voice mail picked up again. Instead of leaving a message, I pressed the end button and dialed the number again. I figured if I kept calling he’d answer at least one time. “Come on, come on, and answer the damn phone,” I whispered to myself. My palms started sweating profusely. It felt like I was going to drop the phone a few times but I keep my composure.
After Derek’s voice mail picked up for the eighth time, I pressed the end button and cursed the day that Matt was born. “Damn that motherfucker to hell! I swear, I’m gonna kill him if he murdered my fucking family! I fucking swear I am. How dare he do this to me after all I’ve ever done for him? All I’ve ever done was give that nigga the world! And this is how he repays me? Come after my family!” I roared as the blood boiled in my veins. I couldn’t fathom losing my family like this. Not by Matt’s hands. He was a fucking low-life son of a bitch! He already fucked up my life long before I left him and ran off with the money. So I couldn’t let him come back and wreak havoc on my loved ones. That’s savage behavior! I wouldn’t ever do it to him. Whatever beef he had with me could’ve been settled between us. Not my family! Fucking miserable bastard!
3
YOU WIN SOME, YOU LOSE SOME
I hadn’t noticed that the transit cop had come back over to where I was sitting until he got my attention. This time he wasn’t alone. He had another transit cop with him. This cop was a white, curvy, short woman. “Ma’am, we’re gonna have to ask you to come with us,” he stated.
“Just leave me alone,” I cried out as the tears rolled down my face.
The female cop reached out to grab me but I pushed her hand back in an abrupt manner. “Don’t fucking touch me! Just leave me alone!” I spat.
“Ma’am, I’m sorry but you’re gonna have to come with us,” the female replied as she reached her hands out toward me.
This time I slapped them. “I said don’t fucking touch me,” I snapped.
At that very moment both transit cops grabbed me and wrestled me to the floor. “We tried to be nice to you,” the male cop said as he handcuffed my wrists together.
“Ouch! You’re fucking hurting me!” I screamed in agony.
“You put this on yourself,” the female cop commented as she and the other officer lifted me from the floor.
I continued to yell and scream obscenities while they dragged me to their back office. All eyes were on me and I couldn’t care less. I was dealing with bigger issues. My family was in harm’s way by a nigga who hated my guts. So I could only imagine what he did to them.
Once inside the office, I was placed in an iron chair and handcuffed to an iron pole drilled into the wall. Both cops tried to calm me down but it wasn’t working. All I could think about was my family. I pictured their lifeless bodies left alone in a run-down hotel room. My heart ached while I thought about not being able to talk to them or hold them and tell them how much I loved them anymore. The way I felt inside, I knew I would never ever get over it. There was nothing in this world that would make up for their losses. They meant the world to me. And I vowed to make sure Matt felt my pain when I’d be able to meet him face-to-face again.
I sat there in that iron chair for the next thirty minutes and cried my poor heart out. The transit cops thought I was on drugs. But when I told them that I had just come from the hospital and that I had just gotten some bad news, they finally understood why I was acting the way that I was. I was relieved about that considering I was carrying a fucking handgun in my backpack. It hadn’t dawned on me until right then that I could’ve been arrested and booked for this fucking thing. How stupid could I have been to act like that, knowing I had a gun on me?
Thankfully, after everything was said and done, they released me. I even walked out of there without them filing assault charges on me. I apologized to them for my actions and they accepted it. As soon as I opened their office door, the female transit cop held up the jacket that I pulled off the guy’s back and said, “Hey, you forgot your jacket.”
“That’s not my jacket,” I told her.
“Are you sure? Because I grabbed it from the bench where you were sitting after we detained you,” she replied.
I looked back at the jacket and something inside of me told me to take it with me. So I changed my tune. “Oh yeah, my bad! My mind is all over the place,” I played it off, and grabbed the jacket from her.
I thanked them once again and left their office. While I was heading outside the station, a menacing and coldhearted demon surfaced from my heart. All I could think about was going to war to avenge my family. I wanted Matt’s severed head on a platter and vowed to myself that that mission would be accomplished, even if I had to die to it.
* * *
I got in the first taxi I saw. “Is everything okay?” the taxi driver asked me in his thick accent. I shot him such a glaring, deadly look that he just turned his little beady eyes back to the road and shut his mouth.
I got
the driver to take me back home. I needed to go there so I could regroup. I needed to figure things out. I needed a plan of attack and I needed it right then, because I knew that at any given moment Matt would be getting out of New York as fast he could. I also knew that he wouldn’t head back to Virginia. Taking that type of money back to your hometown where people are looking for you would be took risky. Matt would head somewhere he’d least be expected to go. All it would take for me was just a little thought. I used to be with this man. I once loved him so I knew his thought process. And I knew his heart. Unfortunately for me, he had the same advantage, which was how he was able to find me. But he fucked up! Because when he killed my family, he didn’t kill me. Big fucking mistake on his part!
During the taxi ride, I went through all the pockets outside the jacket and pulled out a few food receipts. The first receipt was a pizza spot not too far from the hospital where I had my son. The next receipt was from a Chinese restaurant in the same fucking area. My heart rattled in my chest, because I knew this had to be a sign.
I stuffed those receipts back in the same pockets I got them from, shoved my hand down the one inside pocket he had, and pulled out a hotel key card. My heart rattled more and then it dropped into the pit of my stomach. The key card didn’t have a name on it. It looked like it was worn off. That led me to believe the hotel was old and run-down.
I leaned forward and asked the cabdriver if he knew which hotel had this type of key card. I held it out so he could get a good look at it. But after he glanced at it, he said, “I can’t say. That key could belong to any of these run-down hotels in the city.”
Desperation engulfed me. I needed some answers. More importantly, I needed answers that would satisfy me. It had to be something that would bring me closer to where Matt had my family. “Sir, please take another look at it. I need to know which hotel this key belongs to,” I pleaded.
