by Brenda Trim
His jaw dropped open. There was no waiver in her voice. He knew she was stubborn enough to follow through on her promise. “I have no idea why you say that. I may have denied you at first, but that was only because I feared the archdemons were fucking with us. I need you to explain this to me.”
Shae shook her head and paced the mats, lowering her chin to her chest. He watched as she opened her mouth only to close it again. He wanted to embrace her and force her to put these crazy thoughts out of her head. He feared it was the demons messing with her again, but if he accused her of falling prey to them and found out they weren’t doing anything it would backfire on him. How the hell was he supposed to combat this? He decided to wait for her to gather her thoughts and tell him what was going through that pretty head of hers.
She shook her head and stopped, turning to him. “I know about Evanna. Not the details or anything, but that she existed. And, not just that, I’ve had two visions of you with her.”
His stomach knotted painfully and it felt as if a hot poker was being shoved through his chest. He couldn’t catch his breath. He never wanted her to learn about the woman who owned his heart. His eyes widened suddenly as realization hit. She was right. He’d been holding the most important part of himself back while demanding she give him everything, but how was he supposed to give what was shattered.
CHAPTER TWENTY THREE
Shae wanted to rant and rave and beat the hell out of Gerrick at the same time she felt tears building behind her eyes. She heard the utter confusion and desperation in his voice, but all that changed the moment she’d spilled her guts. She hadn’t meant to tell him anything, but was tired of living half a lie. There had never been any doubt that each time he staked a claim to her he was asking for everything yet unwilling to give her what she needed most.
It would be so easy to lose her heart to this gentle, scarred warrior. He was ruthless in defense of the innocent and those he loved and had given her his body and protection, but that wasn’t enough. He couldn’t possess her without giving to her in return. Her heart was in her throat as she waited for him to respond.
“What do you mean you know about Evanna? Where did you hear that name?”
She bit her fingernail as she resumed her pacing. It was easier to tell him if she wasn’t looking at him. “The first time I heard it was in the dungeon after we touched. I had a vision of you and her.”
He leaned against the shelves and seemed to deflate, his shoulders slumping. “I don’t understand. How could you have a vision? Are you psychometric? Or, are visions part of an ability you have?”
Her brow furrowed, “You mean like Elsie and the other females. No, I don’t have any abilities and I’ve never had visions before now. Maybe it’s something the demons did to me that has enabled it.”
“What did you see?” He lifted his head and the torment in his eyes stopped her in her tracks. He was lost and scrambling to regain his footing. The damn mating compulsion had her barely holding back from going to him and soothing his worry. If she did that then she’d better be willing to settle for being unfulfilled the rest of her life.
“The first time I had a vision you were wearing a kilt and standing in a field of purple heather. And, you were kissing her, but it was me, only not me. I don’t understand it.” She shook her head trying to dispel the insecurity of knowing he would never choose her. Her throat was thick with emotion. He would always choose Evanna and it hurt.
“The next time, I saw you it was a bit more, er,” she cleared her throat and swallowed through the sudden dryness, “intimate. You’d just had sex with her and were talking about when you were going to tell your parents about your mating. You were happy, Gerrick.” A tear slipped past her control and rolled down her cheek.
She hung her head as the knot in her gut intensified. She didn’t make him happy, not like his previous mate did. Shae wanted to shout that Evanna hadn’t been perfect, but she’d seen her perfection in Gerrick’s gaze. She shouldn’t be jealous of a dead female and she told herself that she was far better, but that was easier said than done. That little bit of insecurity that lived in every female grew tenfold. Unfortunately, the mating compulsion made sure she couldn’t focus on anything but Gerrick. She kicked an exercise ball into the wall.
Gerrick pushed off the wall and walked up to her. She pasted a fake smile on her face that threatened to crack. “That was the last time I saw her, and, you’re right. I was happy, Shae. I’d never been happier in my life.”
Bitterness had Shae snarling and clenching her fists at her side. “I’m sorry you lost her, Gerrick. I wish to the Goddess that you hadn’t. In fact, I would trade my life with hers if I could.”
Gerrick reached out and grabbed her upper arms and shook her forcefully. “Let me finish. I was aware that there had been a war going on between the demons and skirm, but nothing beyond the fact that my grandparents had been killed during the Great War. There was nothing in my life to cause me to be unhappy and then I met Evanna and it seemed as if I’d have it all. I’d never felt more blessed. But it was all ripped from me.”
“I know, Breslin told me.” Suddenly tired of fighting for her place in his life, Shae sat on the mat and buried her face in her hands. “Just go away, Gerrick. Leave me alone.”
She didn’t look up when she felt him sit down beside her. If she looked at him the mate-bond would take over and she’d be jumping into his lap.
“Did she tell you that I tried to save Evanna?” Not wanting to discourage him from talking, Shae shook her head. “I remember the day I met Evanna. I was at the lake, fishing for dinner and she came through the trees. She’d been exploring the area around her new house.” She looked up at the nostalgia in his voice. His eyes went somewhere far away as he recalled the events.
“We were drawn to one another right away. For two weeks, I would sneak off and ignore my chores and responsibilities to spend time with her. My father finally caught up with me one day and made me clean the horse barn before I was able to go to her. When I finally made it to our meeting spot she wasn’t there so I went looking for her. It was dark by that time and I knew she’d have headed home.”
He cocked his head and finally met her gaze. “I smelled the burning flesh and death from a mile away. They were all dead. The house was on fire and Evanna was among the corpses burning inside. I rushed in heedless of my own safety and drug her out, but I was too late. She was dead. Distraught with grief, I used my powers to travel back in time and try and save her. I didn’t realize who had done it until I encountered the archdemon and skirm.”
“You couldn’t save her.” Shae felt his heartache through their bond and automatically went to him. She hesitated, kneeling before him. She didn’t want to cause him more pain or remind him of what he’d lost, but she had to try and comfort him.
“No, I couldn’t save her. I learned what a bitch Fate was that day. I lost my heart and soul and was scarred for life for my efforts to try and save an innocent life.” She felt him lift his hand to his face and finally understood where the scar had come from. She had assumed the scar had come from some anonymous battle. Knowing it was from his attempts to save his lost love’s life made it so much more painful to see.
“I can’t replace her, Gerrick, and I don’t want to. I am sorry for your loss, but I deserve to love and be loved by my mate in return.”
He hugged her tight and she heard his ragged breathing. She swore her heart was beating as fast as his was. “I wish I still had my heart to give you, Shae, but I already gave it away. That doesn’t change the fact that you belong to me. Do you hear me? You are mine.”
She smiled, pressing her cheek against his, her heart breaking for the male in her arms. “That’s not good enough, Gerrick. You use this whole situation as armor around your heart. You’re so afraid of being hurt again that you haven’t stopped to even consider giving me any piece of you. Forget the risk and take the fall with me, Gerrick. Learn to appreciate the rainbow after the cursing rain. Give y
ourself permission to feel anger, pain and resentment. You never know what else you might let in,” she pulled back and captured his gaze. “I never took you for a coward.”
She was stripped bare as she sat there for long seconds eyeing her mate. She’d made him think about the pain of his past and now challenged him. She wouldn’t take it back. Their future was too important to leave to chance.
She meant what she’d said to him. And she knew he could do it if he would just try. Hell, he was asking the same of her. In order for them to work, she had to move beyond her past and take a chance in him. She may not have loved and lost, but she’d been through hell and it would be far safer for her heart and soul if she kept a wall between them. There was no danger of being hurt that way, but there wasn’t any joy, either.
“I am not a coward, Red.” His gaze traced her features and returned to her eyes. “I don’t like to see the hurt in those jade eyes…” His voice trailed off as he sat up and clasped her face, bringing her close to him. His lips were a thin line and his posture was rigid.
“You said it was as if you were Evanna, only not, right?”
Sweat trickled down her back, underneath her thin t-shirt, making it stick to her skin. “Yeah,” she hedged. What was he getting at?
“How did it feel exactly?”
“I believed it was a memory at first. I didn’t recognize my clothing or the setting…there’s no other way to explain it other than to say that I felt like I was in my own body. I could smell the flowers. I could hear the birds and the husky timber of your voice. I burned with desire when I felt your lips against mine. It was so real that I had no doubt it was me until you called me Evanna.”
“Your eyes are the same color as hers…but it can’t be, you’re so different. Could I have missed it? There has been something from the beginning that was familiar to me.”
“I’m not her, Gerrick. Please don’t try to make me someone I’m not. That’s worse than you walking away from me and never looking back. I may be damaged, but I’ll be damned if I become someone else. I am a survivor and deserve to be cherished and loved for who I am.” Her mating brand was a searing presence on her calf, reminding her that she did, in fact, belong to him.
“What if you are Evanna reincarnated?” Tears gathered in her eyes at the hope she saw in his. He wanted her to be Evanna more than anything and it was a knife straight through her heart.
“What’s wrong with me? It doesn’t matter if I’m reincarnated or not. I’m Shae. Evanna is dead. Nothing will ever change the fact that I’m not your perfect mate. I carry the scars of my past for all to see. I was envenomated by archdemons, I have anger issues, and I don’t know if I’ll ever have my mind back. Take me or leave me, Gerrick.”
Gerrick kissed her then. Claimed her lips in a gentle kiss that made her bite his in return. That wasn’t how he kissed her. That was how he kissed Evanna. He was still seeing her as a reincarnation. No, she wanted him wild and unhinged.
He growled at her and fisted her hair, holding her in place for his exploration. She deepened the kiss and coaxed his mouth open. She sucked his tongue into her mouth and that was all it took for him to take over. Gone was the gentleness and it its place was raw, violent need.
She crawled into his lap and felt his erection press against her aching core. “Say my name.”
“I know who you are, Shae.” She gasped at hearing his words and he took her lips once again.
Urgent need flowed through every limb as she remained plastered against him. She pushed, needing space from the hard line of his body, but he refused to give her an inch. He explored every nook and cranny of her mouth, branding her as thoroughly as his mate mark had.
Straddling his waist, she reached back to caress his brand, knowing the torment it would cause. He cried out against her mouth and bit her lip in reprisal. It was a fight for dominance that she refused to give up. Too much was on the line.
Holding onto his leg, she broke the kiss and ran her mouth across his scar and to the crook of his neck. Her free hand roamed his body, enjoying the way his muscles flexed under her touch.
She didn’t know who she was tormenting more…him or her. Finally, his hands left her hair to grab onto her backside then trailed up the sides of her body. His thumb brushed the outside of her breasts and she moaned against his ear.
“That’s it, Red. You’re mine and your body knows it.” His eyes glittered like ice, melting her. She needed more. She wanted to feel his skin beneath her palms as she rode him. Fumbling with the bottom of his black shirt, it was over his head and tossed to the floor in the next instance.
Her palms traced a path down his chest and paused over his flat, male nipples. They beaded under her touch and beckoned her. She kissed her way down his neck and to the hollow of his throat before moving to his nipples. She ran her tongue around one, making him growl and pull her hair. She looked up at him and murmured, “You’re mine, too, Gerrick.”
Gerrick claimed her lips again and drove all other thoughts from her head. Her shirt and jeans were gone before she could blink and she lay there in her black bra and panties. He was a gorgeous sight, poised above her, heaving with promise in his eyes that made her skin simmer as her blood boiled in her veins.
She was bold in her exploration, slipping her hand beneath the waist of his pants and underwear. His ass clenched under her palm. It was the firmest ass she’d ever felt and she squeezed hard, claiming him with all she had.
She pushed his chest and he relented, rolling over. She slowly unbuttoned his pants, teasing him with light touches and flicks of her fingers. He tried to kick off his boot, but gave up after a couple tries, clearly not wanting to break contact with her.
His hands were everywhere, distracting her from her goal of getting him naked. She shoved down his pants and boxer briefs, freeing his erection. The large rigid length pulsed and a bead of moisture dripped from the tip.
Forgetting everything else, she leaned down and tasted him. He barked out a cry of pleasure, fisting her hair with one hand while the other tore her panties from her body. She writhed on his hand while she sucked him into her mouth. She’d never felt so uninhibited and it felt so good to do this to him.
“I want to be inside you.” His voice was a sensual growl that was difficult to ignore.
She shook her head, not done with her treat yet. Her skin flushed and her heart was going a million beats per minute in her chest as his fingers danced between her legs, trying to coax her.
She turned to the side and widened her knees to give him better access without losing contact with his body. “Two can play this game,” he promised as he parted her feminine folds and found her throbbing center.
His cock was so big in her mouth it was difficult to breathe and she couldn’t take all of him in her mouth like she wanted. Instead she cupped the soft sack beneath his shaft and wrapped her fingers around the girth of him, sucking on the soft tip and stroking the hard length. He was by far the largest male she’d ever been with and he wasn’t a gentle lover. Before, that would have turned her off, but now it was exactly what she needed.
She liked him mindless in his desire and loved when he lost control. It was a heady feeling to bring this strong warrior to his knees and make him crazy with lust. She glanced up and was caught in his bright gaze. His lips were slightly parted and his upper one was pulled back from his teeth. That combined with his scar made him look feral and she almost orgasmed from the sight alone.
He grabbed her breast as he continued to play with her core. His fingers teased her opening and clit, bringing her close to orgasm. She sucked him harder bucked against his hand trying to reach that peak with him. His fingers were relentless in their pursuit of her pleasure.
She hummed around his cock and squeezed his shaft while he tempted her hotter and higher. Her body tensed when he pinched her nipple with one hand and twisted her clit with the other. When he released his magic, she cried out as she was fully engulfed by searing flames and her body explo
ded into climax. The orgasm barreled from her core outward and she felt it all the way to her toes.
He took over thrusting into her mouth while he played her flesh, extending her pleasure to the point of exquisite pain. The part of her brain still able to function realized he was seeking his own climax. On a whim, she let go of his sac and ignored his protests as she slipped her fingers under the end of his pants and traced over his mating brand. His body went rigid and he gave a hoarse shout as his seed shot into her mouth. She gladly took what he had to offer and continued sucking until the throbbing stopped.
Afterwards, they flopped onto the mats, panting. He wiped the sweat from her forehead and kissed her gently, reverently. “People are going to be afraid to come to the training room now.”
She went up on her elbows and gazed at him. “Good, I’m beginning to understand the benefits of working out. Just sayin’,” she teased, winking at him.
He gave her that half-smile that twisted her heart. “Your workout has just begun. Time to get completely naked.” She laughed realizing she still had her bra on and he still had his pants around his ankles and boots on.
CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR
Shae glared at Gerrick through narrowed eyes as they stood in their room. They’d made love in the training room before going upstairs for rounds three and four. “There was no need to ask for a meeting,” she snapped at him.
When Shae had gone to take a shower he’d texted Evzen and Zander and asked to meet with the males about the possibility of Shae being the reincarnation of Evanna. Shae may not want to know, but Gerrick sure as hell did. He was well aware that she was nothing like the female he’d loved so long ago and that was actually what he loved about Shae, but his logical mind needed to understand how this new mating had happened.
