by Stan Kirby
Table of Contents
1. Field Trip of Mystery
2. Guessing Game
3. Everything Is So Old!
4. The Treasure Hunters
5. It’s All Greek to Me
6. Drawing a Blank
7. Lost in Lotsa Dots
8. Freeze!
9. Treasure Room Triumph!
10. Misguided by the Miss Leader
‘Captain Awesome Vs. The Sinister Substitute Teacher’ Excerpt
About Stan Kirby and George O’Connor
Beware the pencil power of of the Power Pencil,’ says evil Lord Stickman!” Eugene McGillicudy whispered. He scribbled his pencil across his notebook where he had drawn a stick figure villain wearing a crown and holding a laser.
“What do you think, Eugene?” His best friend, Charlie Thomas Jones, held up his own drawing. It was a pile of liquid yellow cheese with red and blue spots. “Stick Figure Nacho Cheese Man just covered Stick Figure King Boulderface in hot pepper cheese,” Charlie said. “I colored the cheese.”
“What’s with the blue spots?”
“My red marker dried out,” Charlie explained. “So, who’s going to defeat Lord Stickman?”
“Why, the only one who can.” Eugene quickly drew a stick figure man with a cape and giant hands. “Super Dude.”
BAM!
“And the town of Dudeville cheered for their hero, the greatest superhero ever!” Eugene said.
What’s that you say?! You’ve never heard of Super Dude? Do you live in a cave and eat nothing but moldy fruit strips?
Super Dude is the superhero who once scored an A-Plus Punch on the Question Marker’s Quiz of Destruction.
Super Dude is the star of his own comic books, cartoon shows, movies, video games, and theme park. He’s also the reason that Eugene, Charlie, and their other friend Sally Williams became Sunnyview’s own superheroes!
CLAP-CLAP! CLAP!
Eugene jumped in his seat. His pencil accidentally scratched across the page like a lightning bolt. But the clapping sound wasn’t Captain Lightning McThunderclap or the Claptomaniak attacking Sunnyview. Their teacher, Ms. Beasley, was clapping her hands to get everyone’s attention.
“Class, I have exciting news,” she said. “Tomorrow, we’re going on a surprise field trip!”
GASP!
CHEER!
“Field trips are better than extra dessert at lunch!” Eugene whispered to Charlie.
WHERE? WHERE? WHERE?
Everyone in the class was asking the same question.
Sally raised her hand. “How fast can we get there?”
“See if you can solve this riddle,” Ms. Beasley said. “It’s a very cool place filled with very old things, where monsters sit beside ancient kings.”
“Oh! It’s Cheese King Land!” Charlie yelled out. “And we’re going to eat Royal Burgers and Lord of the Fries!”
Sally leaned over to Charlie. “There’s no Cheese King Land in Sunnyview.”
“A kid can dream,” Charlie replied dreamily.
* * *
At recess the only thing everyone was talking about was:
Who would solve Ms. Beasley’s riddle first?
“I think it’s Pink Palace Park,” said Meredith Mooney, the pinkest girl in school. If there was a dress made of pink puke, she’d wear it. Today the pink ribbon in her hair matched her pink shoelaces and her pink bracelets.
“I think we’re going to Cowboy Village,” said Gil Ditko.
“Or the Sunnyview Speedway!” said Marlo Craven.
“Calamity Kate’s Clam-tastic Clam Farm!” said Olivia Simonson.
“Pumpkin Pete’s Pumpkin Warehouse!” Evan Mason yelled.
“I don’t think it’s any of those,” Sally said.
“Isn’t anyone thinking of cheese?” Charlie asked.
Before anybody could agree on the riddle’s answer, the bell rang. Recess was over. The class ran back in to try their guesses on Ms. Beasley.
“The Sunnyview Superhero Squad will have to solve this riddle!” Eugene pointed in the direction of his home. “To the clubhouse! MI-TEE!”
“CHEESY YO!” yelled Charlie.
“SPEEDY GO!” shouted Sally.
Eugene started to run.
“Wait. Eugene!” Sally called out. “School’s not done yet!”
OOPS!
“Oh . . . right. Okay, we’ll meet after school and solve this riddle!” Eugene said. “Because that’s what heroes do!”
By three o’clock, the Sunnyview Superhero Squad was in their secret headquarters in a tree in the McGillicudys’ backyard. Captain Awesome, Nacho Cheese Man, and Supersonic Sal were dressed and ready for riddle-solving action.
“The Board of Answers shall reveal all!” Supersonic Sal said as she finished writing the clues on a whiteboard nailed to the wall.
Captain Awesome read the riddle again. “It’s a very cool place filled with very old things, where monsters sit beside ancient kings.”
Nacho Cheese Man leaped to his feet. “The Sunnyview Comic Book Mines at the edge of town!”
“There’s no comic book mine in Sunnyview,” Supersonic Sal said.
“That’s the surprise!” Nacho Cheese Man said.
Supersonic Sal rolled her eyes. “It’s not comic books.”
“What do you think it is then?” Nacho Cheese Man asked.
“It might be the zoo,” Supersonic Sal said.
“I love the zoo!” Captain Awesome said.
“I know, right?” Supersonic Sal said. “Lions are the king of the jungle and some of those turtles are really old and those snakes . . . yikes!” Supersonic Sal shivered. “Just like monsters!”
Nacho Cheese Man folded his arms across his chest. “It can’t be the zoo. It’s cool but we were just there.”
Captain Awesome agreed. “That’s the only bad thing about great field trips—no repeats!”
Captain Awesome ran the clues through his brain. What would Super Dude do to figure it out? Of course, he’d program the equation into his Super Dude tablet and have the answer before snack time.
Cool place.
Very old things.
Sitting beside kings.
Sunnyview had no kings, so this guy must be from out of town. Or maybe “king” means something big, like king-size. Old things might be dead things, or something really old like the table in the dining room, or something not as old like a rare comic book. And where’s a place to buy cool, old, king-size comics?
OF COURSE!
“I’ve got it!” Captain Awesome snapped his fingers.
“Is it the mine?” Nacho Cheese Man asked.
“There’s no mine,” Supersonic Sal said.
“It’s not a mine,” said Captain Awesome. “Or a zoo. It’s a place that sells old things that are king-size.”
“Eugene!” Captain Awesome’s mom called out from the kitchen window. “Time for dinner and then bed! You need a good night’s sleep for your field trip to Sunnyview’s museum.”
“A MUSEUM?!” the Sunnyview Superhero Squad said at the same time.
“Yes. Of course. A museum. Ha-ha!” Captain Awesome said. “That’s totally what I was going to say. Museum. So obvious . . .”
The trio climbed down the ladder.
As the friends disappeared into the dark backyard, Nacho Cheese Man said hopefully, “Maybe it’s a comic book museum. . . .”
YEAH!
A Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton stood in the lobby of the Sunnyview Art and History Museum. Its bony jaws were ready to snap if any kid got too close.
WOW!
AWESOME!
“Dinosaur bones are awesome!” Eugene exclaimed.
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“You guys are such dorks,” Meredith said. She walked past them wearing a bright pink hat and matching pink gloves. “This is a museum of art and history. It’s full of bones. Geez. What were you expecting?”
“But T. rex bones are so cool!” Charlie protested.
“They might even be the best thing ever!” Sally agreed.
Eugene leaned as close to the T. rex as the velvet rope around it would let him. “I thought museums were nothing but cobwebs and broken statues. This changes everything.”
“Come along, class! Line up,” Ms. Beasley said. “We can’t stare at the dinosaur all day. There’s plenty more to see!”
The students lined up behind a big security guard. He wore a dark blue uniform with a silver badge over one pocket. He had a flashlight in his right hand.
“Single file, children,” said the security guard. “Single. File.” His voice sounded like a washing machine filled with sandpaper and rocks. “No gum-chewing allowed, no spitting, no sticky sodas, and no spitting gum and soda. This is a museum, not a movie theater . . . or a comic book store.”
Eugene elbowed Charlie.
“Ow!” Charlie said. “What’s that for?”
“That’s no ordinary security guard,” Eugene said.
Sally nodded.
“Who is it?” Charlie asked.
“I don’t know,” Eugene said. “But we’ll have to keep an eye on him.”
“Good thing we brought our superhero suits,” Sally whispered.
“And I brought an extra-large can of cheese!” added Charlie.
The trio passed the security guard and joined the other kids in line. Eugene patted his backpack. His Captain Awesome suit was inside.
WHISTLE!
The kids stood still. A tall blond woman wearing an explorer’s hat, a tan explorer’s outfit, and a large gold whistle stood in front of the class.
“I’m Maggie Van Winkel. Welcome to the Sunnyview Art and History Museum. I’ll be your guide today.” Her voice echoed through the museum. She pointed to the T. rex skeleton behind them. “I see you met George. He’s from Wyoming! Now, follow me . . . for the adventure of a lifetime!”
She led the kids from the lobby through a large archway. Her arms waved excitedly as she talked.
“Today you’ll see so many things!” she said. “George is one of our monsters. Now we’ll go see an ancient king. Or two. And who knows? We might even find some . . . treasure!”
Eugene, Charlie, and Sally looked at one another.
TREASURE?!
The class walked into a room that looked like it was carved out of rock. In it was a pyramid surrounded by statues, and rows of glass cases filled with bits of stone, iron, and pots.
“Welcome to ancient Egypt!” Ms. Van Winkel said. “The items here are thousands of years old.”
“Thousands?” Sally repeated. “Wow!”
“That’s older than my dad,” Charlie said.
“And what do you think’s inside the pyramid?” Ms. Van Winkel asked the class.
“Smaller pyramids,” shouted Olivia.
“Sand!” cried Wilma. “I’m already itchy.”
“A weather machine created by evil Count Pharaoh to destroy the world!” Eugene said.
“No, it’s not another pyramid, or sand, or what you said about destroying the world,” said the guide. “Inside are . . . mummies!”
WHOA!
MUMMIES!
“Bring on the monsters!” Charlie yelled.
“Mummies aren’t monsters,” Ms. Van Winkel said. “They’re ancient kings, and the pyramids are where they were buried when they died. They took all of their gold and jewels along with them.”
GOLD . . .
JEWELS . . .
TREASURE!
“Did you hear what she said?” Charlie whispered.
“There’s a mummy’s treasure here!” Sally clapped her hands together.
Meanwhile, Eugene stood in front of a glass display case against the wall. Inside were two stone rectangles. Tiny pictures were carved into the stone. The pictures showed ancient Egyptians walking, running, playing games, carrying food, and more.
“It looks like a picture book,” Sally said, coming over.
“Better.” Eugene smiled. “This could be the first comic book ever.”
“Maybe this is a comic book mine after all!” Charlie said.
Eugene pointed to the first row of pictures in the stone. “Look, this guy might be the king. He has the biggest hat.”
“What are these guys doing over here?” Charlie pointed to the image of men carrying a large chest over to a hole in the ground.
“Looks like they’re burying something,” Sally replied.
“And there’s writing on the vase next to them,” Eugene remarked.
“What’s the vase doing there?” Charlie asked.
CLUE!
“I’ll bet it’s telling us where the treasure’s buried!” Sally cried.
“If we find the treasure, the Sunnyview Superhero Squad will be mummy museum heroes!” Eugene said excitedly.
“And with the reward, we can get new stuff for the clubhouse,” Charlie added.
“Maybe a new crime computer,” Sally chimed.
“A meeting table!” said Charlie.
“You’re forgetting the one thing all kids need,” Eugene pointed out.
“A never-ending supply of Super Dude comic books!” the three friends said at once.
Sally took out a notepad from her backpack. “I’ll write down the clues so we can follow them to the treasure.” She began quickly scribbling.
Eugene looked around the room. “If we find it before anyone else, this will be the best field trip ever,” he said.
Charlie said it first. “To the costumes!”
BACKPACKS!
UNZIP!
CAPE!
SUPERHEROES!
“Let’s follow the clues,” Captain Awesome said.
“Where do we start?” Nacho Cheese Man asked.
Supersonic Sal pointed to the exit. Next to it was a statue with a dog’s head that was facing toward another room. “I think he’s pointing the way.”
“An ancient dog would never lie,” Captain Awesome said confidently.
The Sunnyview Superhero Squad snuck away from their class and entered the next room.
This must be ancient Greece,” Supersonic Sal said.
“Look at all the snow sculptures!” Nacho Cheese Man said.
“That’s marble,” said Captain Awesome. “The ancient Greeks made lots of stuff out of marble. Even toilets.”
“But not the toilet paper, right?” Nacho Cheese Man asked.
Marble statues stood on pedestals around the room. They were smooth and white as . . . snow. Some of them were missing an arm or a leg or a nose. Some held swords, spears, and shields.
The heroes walked between the statues, on the lookout for any clues.
Nacho Cheese Man stopped next to a large white vase. “Look at this crazy flower pot . . . oops!”
OOPS?!
Nacho Cheese Man had accidentally bumped into the stand. The vase started to wobble.
SPIN!
TEETER!
TOTTER!
Supersonic Sal dove in front of Nacho Cheese Man like a bolt of lightning. She grabbed the stand with both hands and held it until the wobbling stopped. The vase was saved!
“Great job, Sal!” Captain Awesome said. “There could be more booby traps here.”
“So what are we looking for?” Nacho Cheese Man asked. “Are there any clues in ancient Greece?”
Supersonic Sal glanced down at her notebook. One of the pictures had shown an Egyptian woman balancing a vase on her head.
CLUE!
They all slowly turned to the booby-trapped vase that had attacked Nacho Cheese Man.
“Way to go, Sal!” Nacho Cheese Man said.
“If we just keep on following the clues, we’ll find the treasure,” Captain Awesome said.
“At this rate, we’ll have this mystery solved before lunch,” Captain Awesome said.
RUMBLE!
Nacho Cheese Man pointed to his stomach. “I’m already hungry.”
But Captain Awesome was heading toward the next room. Supersonic Sal and Nacho Cheese Man ran to keep up with him.
Whoooooaaaaa . . .,” the trio of do-gooders said in unison as they crept into the medieval wing of the museum.
Before them were swords, flags with cool coats of arms, a huge model of a castle, and best of all . . .
“Knights!” Captain Awesome gasped. “They were superheroes of medieval times . . . except without cool costumes or superpowers. This museum is getting more awesome with each room. . . .”
“Remember when Super Dude went back in time to battle the wicked Sir Lance-a-Lotta-Pasta and his evil Knight-mare Knights of the Square Table in Super Dude number five hundred?!” Supersonic Sal asked, admiring an all-black suit of armor.
“Look!” Nacho Cheese Man pointed to a shield in a knight’s hand. “His shield has a snake on it!”
CLUE!
“Good job, Nacho Cheese Man! We’re on the right track to find the mummy’s treasure,” Captain Awesome said.
Supersonic Sal checked the next drawing in her notebook. “Now we need to find a boat.”
With Supersonic Sal leading the way, the three heroes crept into the art gallery. Dozens of paintings hung from the walls. Nacho Cheese Man stopped in front of a huge, totally blank canvas.
“This one speaks to me,” he said, squirting a dollop of cheese onto his tongue.
