Inside the building, he was deeply disappointed to find someone else waiting for the elevator, since he’d just started a great fantasy involving Eva up against the wall on their way to his floor.
Though he’d probably forget to get off the elevator, too.
However, as soon as the doors opened, they were out, turning to each other, then stumbling down the empty hallway, kissing frantically, Ames struggling out of his jacket. Inside his apartment they left a path of clothes to his darkened bedroom.
Nearly to his bedroom. There was still that elevator fantasy in the back of his mind...
He stopped them at the door, flung off his last piece of clothing, and rolled on the condom he’d stashed in his tuxedo pants just in case. He lunged for Eva and lifted her delicious warm and naked body to his, cupping her bottom, pressing her against the door as she wrapped her strong legs around him and slid her arms around his neck, holding tight, taking some of her weight off his arms.
Totally hot.
After a few giggling tries—her giggles, his frustration—somehow he managed to push inside her.
Her laughter died. His eyes practically rolled back in his head. She was so tight. He thrust into her powerfully, making her body heave up and down and the door bang repeatedly against the wall.
Even hotter.
Eva gave a muted yell, her head lolling to the side, hair cascading down, lips parted, breath coming fast, so beautiful in the dim light. He felt a surge of animal lust and something so much deeper: my woman. He widened his stance and pushed harder, responding to an illogical need to leave his print on her, his mark of possession.
Eva gave a yell, then another, and he felt her body gathering. Her eyes shot wide, her mouth opened and she jerked her head back, exposing her long throat as her muscles played his cock, and she nearly screamed her orgasm.
He came immediately in response, slammed into her once and held, shouting as ecstasy took him over.
Oh, man. What had this woman done to him? He’d never experienced anything that primal, that urgent, had never lost himself so completely.
Still panting from the effort and emotion, Ames let her legs slide to the floor. “Did I break you that time?”
“No. Still no.” She put her hand to her chest to slow her breathing. “But good try. Keep at it.”
“Thanks.” He caught up her hand, led her to his bed, disposed of the condom and joined her lying on top of the bedspread, his arms around her, her head fitting just right on his shoulder, her hand resting on his chest.
It didn’t get much better than this.
Actually, it could. It could get much better. “I’ve been wondering.”
“Mmm?”
He loved her like this, relaxed and contented. But this was the right time to talk. Things had changed between them tonight, on a lot of levels. “Did you change your flight yet so you can stay longer?”
Eva yawned. “Gee, not yet.”
He rolled to his side so he could see her face, what little he could in the light traveling from the living room. “Would you consider it?”
She stiffened. “Wait, are you serious?”
“Yes.” He stroked the hair at her temple, following it down the curve of her head, down to her neck and the hummingbird tattoo. “I want more time with you. I want to see where we can go.”
I love you.
The words stuck in his throat. He was ready to say them. What else could these crazy, intense feelings be? What else could the quiet, sure ones be? What more did he want than a beautiful woman who challenged his vision of himself and who made him laugh and who fit into his life so well? Who made him play mini golf!
But he wasn’t sure she was ready to hear them.
“I’d like that, too.” She laid her hand on his cheek. “I’ve never had this much fun with anyone.”
Ames tried not to cringe. Fun? He was in love with her and she was having fun? He couldn’t quite believe that. “But...?”
“Well, for one thing, Chris will want to come back.”
“Are you sure? Has she said she’s anxious to come home?”
“No.” Eva frowned. “She said she’s having a blast.”
“Ah.” He kept stroking Eva’s hair, feeling panic rising. She wasn’t exactly jumping up to call her sister. “Would you ask her if she wants to stay longer? Just to find out?”
“I don’t know.” She moved restlessly onto her back, farther away from him, leaving cold skin where she’d been pressed to his side. “I guess I figure, okay, so, what if we get more time together? How much, a week? A month? Then what? It’s not like anything major can change.”
Ames’s panic increased. He forced it back, breathing deeply. “We could get pretty serious about each other.”
Her breath went in with a rush. “Ames...”
“Hey, don’t freak out.” He kept his voice light. “Anything’s possible.”
She giggled unconvincingly. “It is, I know.”
“Will you call Chris and ask her?”
Her eyes went wide. He could see the pain in them, the fear.
“Ames. I...really don’t think I can.”
His heart sank, his chest tightened—only a fragment of the pain that was coming, he knew instinctively.
No matter how deeply she felt about him, it wasn’t going to make a difference.
Fun-loving Eva still just wanted fun.
14
WAS IT RUDE to tell your wildly happy roommate and her equally delirious boyfriend to shut the hell up?
Eva lay on Chris’s bed, one arm dangling over the side of the mattress, the other bent resting over her face.
Giggle, giggle. Talk, talk. And the worst? The silences.
Spit was being mingled.
Disgusting.
She hoped they both came down with severe cases of—
No, she didn’t. She was happy for Natalie and Tom, genuinely happy. And also whiny and envious. But Eva’s time would come. Maybe Mr. Right would walk into Slow Pour the day she got back. Or she’d sit next to him on the plane next week. Or maybe she’d coast through another year and a half and marry Zac. Their life together would be fun and easy. After knowing Ames, she could now see how there would always be something missing. But at least Eva had discovered an important part of her character during this past month.
She could fall in love.
And she couldn’t handle it.
Why? Where had this defect come from? Who knew? Maybe she should go into therapy and see if she could dig up some reason. Her parents hadn’t had the most passionate relationship, but they were certainly fond of each other and seemed content. Maybe like her—before she knew Ames—they’d never stumbled over a deeper love. Or maybe they had. Maybe they’d met other people earlier in their lives who set their souls on fire and had sensibly known to avoid the perils of burning up too quickly. In that case, Eva would for once be the apple who’d stayed near the tree.
Either way, didn’t matter. When Ames had been talking about Eva staying in New York past the appointed date, she’d frozen like a cornered animal, instinct screaming no, no, no, no! What could she do? Her instinct was a good deal wiser than she was and she’d always trusted it before this. Why stop now?
Poor Ames. She didn’t want to hurt him. She adored him! Being able to accompany him last night into that totally intimidating restaurant peopled by totally intimidating glitterati, and not only manage but do really well, connect with people and not embarrass him or herself—she’d been giddy. And grateful for the chance to prove to them, and most of all to herself, that she was not the sum of her outfits. Back at Ames’s condo, she’d been madly in love and on top of the world.
Until he’d asked her to stay longer. And the world had bucked her off. Obviously she’d been kidding herself that she might have changed. Chris was right. Love was still a game to her. Life was a game to her. She wasn’t cut out for a serious, passionate and intimate relationship, no matter how different her feelings for Ames had seemed.
<
Oh, no. Talking to her sister would just torture her with reminders of her cowardice and failings. She’d told Ames she couldn’t even ask if Chris had any interest in staying longer in Carmia. It was beyond her. Even for another few weeks. Even to please a man she’d thought she was in love with. Even though her sister would probably say no and the whole thing would be a nonissue.
Eva answered the call. She’d talk to Chris. She wasn’t that pathetic. She hoped.
“Hey, Chris.”
“Hey...you napping?”
“No.”
“Sick?”
“No.”
“In that case, I’m worried. What is happening?”
“Oh, nothing. I crushed Ames’s heart last night and I feel like a total jerk.”
Her sister gasped. “Oh, no, Eva. The dinner was a disaster?”
“No.” Eva laughed bitterly. Oh, the irony. “The dinner was a fabulous success. I dressed appropriately and talked coffee the way they talk wine and we all got along fine.”
“Fabulous, good for you! I bet Ames was happy... Wait, but now apparently he’s not?”
“Nope.”
Chris started whistling a random tune. “Seriously, any time you want to tell me is fine, I’ll just amuse myself here alone until you do.”
Eva sighed and rolled over onto her stomach, cheek resting on the bedspread. “I need to work up the courage. Tell me what’s going on with you first.”
“Oh. I don’t know if you want to hear it.”
“Of course I want to hear it!” Eva wrinkled her nose. Unless her sister was about to say she was marrying Gus.
“So, Gus—you remember Gus.”
Eva barely stopped herself from groaning, calculating how fast she could fly out and stage an intervention. “Ye-e-e-s?”
“Well, he has this friend. A kind of mentor, really. Surfing and all that.”
“Oh?” Eva propped herself up on one elbow, pleased that even in her pitiful-me state, she could still be excited for her sister. “That totally gorgeous guy, a little older than we are, what’s his name?”
“Bodie?”
“Yes!” Eva’s eyes shot wide. That was some serious piece of man. “You landed Bodie?”
“No, no, nothing that exciting. I just met him. But I’m going to see him again.”
“Wow.” Bodie was like... He was...well, he was a complete zero compared to Ames, of course, but whoa. Hot. “You’re going to have to hurry to start something. That sucks that you met him so late in the month!”
“Oh. Yeah. So...”
Eva frowned. Something was making her sister very uncomfortable. “So?”
“I was so sure this was a good idea, something you’d jump at. But if Ames has his heart crushed, that means things aren’t going well between you two.”
“What does Bodie have to do with Ames? You are confusing me.”
“Yes. Okay.” She took a deep breath. “I just have to say it. Eva, I was wondering...”
Silence.
“Oh, Chri-i-i-s, I’m still he-e-e-re.”
“I thought maybe you’d want to stay in New York longer. I mean, keep the switch going for a while longer. Like a month. Or...sort of indefinite. Maybe month by month. Or maybe...” She paused for breath after the rush of words. “Well, what do you think?”
Eva got off the bed and stood with her mouth wide open until she caught sight of herself in Chris’s mirror on the wall and realized she looked like an idiot. “I can’t believe you just said that.”
“Oh, honey. I didn’t think it would upset you that much. I’m sorry. Forget it. I’ll put on my big-girl pants and come home as planned.”
“No, no.” Eva started to pace the tiny room, hand to her temple. “It’s not that. It’s that...Ames asked me the same thing last night. To stay longer.”
Predictable gasp. “No way. But then, if his heart is crushed, that means you—”
“Shot him down.”
“For my sake? Because if that’s the case, there’s no problem anymore since—”
“Not because of you.”
“Oh, Eva, why?” Her sister was clearly distressed. “I thought you were really into him.”
“I am!” She lifted her hand, let it fall, spun around and hit her knee on the dresser, then collapsed onto the bed, rubbing it. Ow, ow, ow. “I just, I don’t know, panicked or something.”
“How do you feel this morning?”
She groaned. “Horrible.”
“Because you see now that you made the wrong decision shooting him down?” Chris sounded ridiculously hopeful, which made Eva feel ridiculously worse.
“I didn’t exactly jump at the idea when you brought it up, either.”
“Right. I’m so sorry, Eva.”
“No, I’m sorry.” A siren sounded outside. Eva pressed the phone harder to her ear so she could hear. “I’m letting you down, too, because you want to stay.”
“No, no. Look. We had a deal, you’re honoring it, and I will, too. This was a pipe dream for me because I thought you’d want to stay with Ames. It was just a chance to have wild insane sex with a guy whose body could start its own religion.”
“Argh! Can’t you just have a crazed affair for the next week?”
“Bodie’s out of town. Competing. Back the day after I leave.”
“Oh.” Miserable silence. Miserable Meyerses. Eva had now disappointed her two favorite people in the world. Maybe she should call Zac to see how she could disappoint him, too. Then her parents. Kindergarten teacher after that? “Let me think about it for a while, Chris.”
“No. Seriously. This was a completely ridiculous idea. I miss New York and I’ll be fine. I’ll change my hair or something.”
Eva laughed and ended the call, wishing her sister love, wishing she could hit Rewind and do this month over. She’d avoid Ames, and not—
No, she would never do that. As much as this hurt, she would never wish she hadn’t met him, hadn’t gotten to know him, hadn’t fallen in love with him.
She flopped back down onto Chris’s bed, buried her face into the pillow. Outside the squeal of tires and angry honking, then furious obscenity-laden shouts. Down the hall, icky sex noises.
Eva grabbed the pillow and put it over her head, screwing her eyes shut. She missed California. The wide-open space, the quiet, the slower pace of life. She missed her privacy. She missed her bed.
She imagined herself lying in it, windows wide-open, the sound of the surf coming through clearly, Ames’s arms around her... Mmm.
Wait. How did he get there? He lived here.
She adjusted the pillow and went back to California, strolling Aura Beach at sunset, letting the waves splash her ankles, her hand in Ames’s...blissful.
Her eyes opened. Him again. In California. Again.
Wait a second...
She slithered off the bed and onto the floor, got in lotus position, cleared her mind, relaxed her body, concentrated on her breathing. In a few minutes she fell into the familiar light trance of meditation, and imagined herself staying with Ames in New York. Together at another client dinner. Eating falafel on a bench in Washington Square Park. Playing mini golf. Serving him coffee at NYEspresso.
The inner voice was clear as a bell, same as ever, no, no, no, no.
She regrouped, redirected, refocused. Went back to California. With Ames. Again strolling on the beach, picnicking at the cliffside table, serving him coffee at Slow Pour. Introducing him to Zac...
Yes.
Adrenaline poured through her system. She got to her feet, breathing hard, her chest heaving.
It wasn’t Ames she didn’t belong with.
It was New York.
* * *
AMES SAT AT his desk, staring at the phone. He had about ten calls to make. Existing clients. Potential clients. Vineyards they worked with. Vineyards they wanted to work with.
He didn’t want to talk to anyone.
How could one woman rule his life to this extent? He’d never been this caught up in anyone, never had a woman who wielded this much power over him without any attempt on her part to do so.
Maybe he should have known from the beginning Eva would be trouble, when she’d approached him in NYEspresso with his armful of flowers for her sister and told him she’d like to order him for home delivery.
The memory stabbed him. How had he gone from exasperation with her to giddy heights of passion and love, then down to the painful depths in such a short time?
If this was what love did, maybe he should give it up. Maybe Eva was right to be so afraid of letting herself fall—he was sure that was the problem. Not that she didn’t or couldn’t love him, but that she felt it would squash her as flat as the little black dress.
He wanted her to stay as she was, colorful and free. But with him.
Of course it was too much to ask her to give up her life in California for him. But another month...was that too much? Or was she right and whether she stayed or went, they’d still be stuck in this same place?
“You know, I’ve seen misery in my life, but nothing as depressing as being around you.”
He tried to hide how badly she’d startled him. “Yeah, thanks, Jean. That was really sweet.”
“I’m serious.” She folded her arms across her Yankees sweatshirt and glared at him through her thick glasses. “You’re a loser.”
“Really. I’m a loser. Hey, thanks again.”
“You’re welcome. Dinner is in the refrigerator—I made you chicken soup—see if it will make you feel any better.” She rolled her eyes. “Though I doubt it.”
He nodded, reaching for the phone, even though he had no intention of talking to anyone. He just wanted her to leave. “Thanks, Jean. You can—”
“Only one thing good for what ails you, buddy.”
“Yeah?” He took a breath, started counting to ten.
“Grow a pair.”
That was it. “Excuse me?”
“I said—”
“Yeah, I heard you.”
“You miss her? You love her? Go after her!”
He laughed humorlessly. “Yeah, it’s not quite that sim—”
“Sure it’s that simple.” She jammed her hands on her narrow hips. “I told my husband no for six months. Did he give up? Did he sit in his office doing the big boohoo? No. He kept coming over and he kept asking.”
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