by Mandy Baxter
She ignored his demanding tone. “Go to hell, Jase!”
“Avery!”
The sound of his shoes pounding on the pavement behind her sent a jolt of anxious adrenaline through Avery’s body. She refused to run from him, but a brisk speed-walk was totally acceptable. A hand gripped her elbow and Jase spun her around like a whip.
“Don’t.” Fresh tears pricked behind Avery’s eyes but she stemmed the flow. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of witnessing her pain. “I don’t want to hear your excuses, Jase.”
His brow furrowed, the depth of emotion shining in his light brown eyes enough to break Avery’s heart all over again. Among his other talents, Jase Blackwell was apparently a pretty damned good actor.
“Avery, listen to me.” Jase gripped her shoulders tightly as though afraid she’d try to bolt. “I don’t blame you for being pissed off—”
“Well, that’s big of you.”
“But you have to know that what that asshole Willis said couldn’t be further from the truth.”
“Do I?” Avery asked with a derisive snort. “It’s funny, Jase. Now that I think about it, we’ve been together at least one night before every single game of the playoffs. I guess I should be flattered. I mean, I must be a hell of a good lay if I single-handedly managed to secure your team’s spot in the championship. Maybe I should rent my services out. If I got the Cowboys this far, imagine what I could do for other teams?”
“Stop.” Jase’s fingers dug into her arms, not painfully, but enough to convey his urgency. “I can’t control what those assholes say in the locker room. Hell, up until a few weeks ago, everyone still thought I’d bought my way onto the team. So of course, the second I up my game, those same haters are going to come up with another excuse to justify how I’m getting it done. Anything other than admit that I might actually be worth a damn on the field.”
She knew that his skills on the field were a sore subject and that Jase suffered from a lack of confidence in his abilities. Under any other circumstances, Avery would have been thrilled that he’d finally come into his own and was being recognized for the talent she knew he’d had all along. But not now, and certainly not at the expense of her dignity. “According to that jerk back at Gena’s, I’m the talk of the locker room. One more toss before the championship game? If that’s the case, maybe we should just get it out of the way right now. I mean, we’ve screwed in the front seat of your truck, your car couldn’t possibly be much less accommodating. I wouldn’t be doing my duty as a Cowboys fan if I didn’t do my part to ensure that you guys get a Super Bowl bid.”
Jase released his grip at her acidic tone. “I would never disrespect you, Avery.”
She leveled her gaze on him, the Maserati’s headlights illuminating his strong features. “Really? Then look me in the eye and tell me that Willis is lying. Tell me that you never, ever considered using me as some sort of sexual good-luck charm.”
Jase’s jaw clamped down tight and he averted his gaze. He raked his hands through his hair and let out a rushed breath. “God damn it, Avery, if you’d just let me explain.”
“That’s what I thought. Don’t blame yourself, Jase,” Avery said without an ounce of emotion. “This is my fault. I knew better than to hook up with you. All I wanted was a meaningless fling and ended up letting myself believe that you were different than any other guy I’d ever met. The mistake—and the humiliation—are mine. Good luck on Sunday.”
Avery turned and left Jase where he stood. With her back to him, she finally allowed the flow of tears to resume their path down her cheeks as a pained sob lodged itself in her chest. She might have left him behind to watch her leave, but she’d left her heart back there with him.
* * *
Jase slammed the door of his Maserati hard enough to bust the damn hinges. Meaningless fling? All this time he’d thought his relationship with Avery was going somewhere and instead, she’d all but admitted that she’d used him for sex. She’d thought he was different? Who had played who, here? She was obviously just like every other jock-riding, football groupie out there. Fucking awesome. He put the car into gear and sped back to Carson’s house, all the while rubbing at his chest that ached as though someone had sliced him open between the ribs and scooped his heart out with a spoon.
No matter what she’d said in the heat of anger, Jase had seen the hurt in her eyes and it laid him low. Hell, if he hadn’t treated her like another conquest—a goal he had to achieve no matter the costs—in the first place, he wouldn’t be sitting in his car now, wishing he could rip his beating heart out of his chest. You really fucked up this time, buddy. Because of his own selfish stupidity, Jase had just lost the only thing in this world he gave a shit about.
He parked in front of Carson’s house and sat for a moment, gripping the steering wheel so tightly that it creaked in his palms. Anger mounted, the pressure building to a fever pitch, boiling and burning inside of him until Jase had no choice but to release the valve. Throwing himself from the car, he raced for the house, burst through the door, and beelined it for that rotten son of a bitch who’d ruined his life with nothing more than a string of malicious words.
“You’re a piece of shit, Willis.” Jase pulled back his fist and let it fly.
His fist connected with Willis’s jaw and the other man went sprawling backward. The idiot was shitfaced drunk and could barely stand, but that wasn’t going to stop Jase from beating the bastard to a pulp. He followed him down to the floor, throwing body shots and right hooks to the face. The ache in his chest intensified as the realization that he’d lost Avery—likely forever—burrowed itself into his core. He hit Willis again. And again. Jase’s knuckles grew bloody and his breath sawed in and out of his chest in desperate gasps, but he just kept hitting. Damn it, he needed something, anything, to take away the hurt that was eating him from the inside out.
“Jase!” Carson grabbed him by the arm and tried to haul him off of Willis but Jase shook him off and renewed his assault. “Goddamn it, Jason. Knock it off!”
Bodies closed in around him, his teammates joining in to pull him out of the fight. Jase snarled, his shouts of protest scouring his throat as he fought against the many hands restraining him. “Let me go!”
“You’ve stepped in it now, Blackwell.” Willis’s words were slurred and he swiped at his bloodied nose. “You’re done. Your career is fucking done! Let’s see your entitled rich ass take the field on Sunday after this. McNealy is going to suspend you so fast it’s gonna give you whiplash.”
Carson released his grip on Jase and took several steps forward, hauling Willis up off the floor. He kept his hand wrapped around the other man’s arm and said, “The fuck he is, Willis. Because you’re going to keep your goddamned mouth shut about what went down tonight. And if you don’t, there’s not a man here who won’t say that you started this.”
“He came at me!” Willis argued.
“And you provoked him. The second you took your smart-mouthed bullshit out of the locker room, you violated the trust of your team. Not a single one of us will take the field with a man we don’t trust.”
A murmur of assent echoed from behind him and Jase’s head cleared, albeit very little. He still wanted to pound the bastard to a pulp, but his violent streak was no longer mindless. His body relaxed by small degrees and the hands holding him in check slackened their grips as well.
“Stevens, take Willis’s drunk ass home,” Carson said to the monster linebacker still holding Jase. He steadied Willis on his feet before letting him go. “Cool off, sober up, and think about what the fuck you did here tonight and about what it means to be a part of a team. Do you understand me?”
Willis let out a grunt of acknowledgement and threw a caustic glare Jase’s way before he staggered through the press of people toward the foyer. Stevens gave Carson a nod before he headed out behind him and said as he passed Jase, “Take it easy, Blackwell. We’ve got your back.”
With the tension winding down, Gena steppe
d in like the good hostess she was and tried to restore some order to the night. Jase wasn’t having it, though. He’d never felt so utterly wrecked. Destroyed. He wanted to get in his car and chase Avery down. Throw her in the front seat and keep her there until she quit being so stubborn and listened to what he had to say. Despite her insistence that he’d just been a fling, he knew there was more to it. She cared about him. She had to. He refused to believe anything else.
“Let her cool off, too, Jase,” Carson said as though he’d read Jase’s mind. He led him away from the group, into the study, and Jase reluctantly followed. His entire body had gone numb. Despite his swollen and bloodied knuckles, his heart that was damned near pounding out of his chest, and the buzz in his brain that beat out a steady rhythm between his ears, Jase felt none of it. He was a shell: a void of nothingness. Avery had taken his very soul when she’d turned her back on him and walked away.
“I love her, Carson,” Jase said as his knees gave out. Thank god there’d been a chair to catch him. “I didn’t realize it until just now, but goddamn. I fucking love her.”
“It’s about time you caught up,” Carson said with a laugh. “I’ve been trying to tell you that for days.”
“What am I going to do?”
“You’ll figure it out.”
Jase didn’t appreciate the knowing smile on his friend’s face, as though Jase was about to be inducted into some secret club. He didn’t want to figure it out. He wanted answers. He wanted to turn back the clock. Fix everything between them. Keep himself from treating her like a fucking lucky charm in the first place. He wanted someone to bring Avery back to him, damn it. “What if I don’t? What if she just turns me away?”
“Come on,” Carson replied. “You’re the Jason Blackwell. You don’t know how to quit.”
God, he hoped that was true. Because he knew without a doubt that Avery was the one thing in this world he couldn’t afford to lose.
ELEVEN
“Super Bowl, baby!” Carson shouted with enthusiasm Jase wished he felt. “Best game of your life, man. I can already feel the weight of that ring on my finger. There’s no way you won’t get MVP with the post-season you’ve had, Jase. Phenomenal.”
It was a dream come true. His life’s goal so close to being realized. But the AFC championship win, hell, even the prospect of going to the Super Bowl was hollow and empty without the one person he wanted to celebrate with. As the plane touched down, Jase’s stomach rocketed up into his throat. He’d never get used to flying. It was the flight that had him out of sorts and not the prospect of what he was about to do. A week had passed and Avery refused to answer his calls or texts. Tonight, though, she was going to hear him out whether she liked it or not. So yeah, it was the flight that had Jase tied into knots and not the prospect of Avery’s negative reaction to him showing up at her apartment without an invitation.
“You want to come over? It’s just Gena and me, but she’d love to have you over for dinner. We can wind down and veg in front of the television.”
“No thanks. I’ve got somewhere to be.”
“Ah. Gotcha.”
The plane taxied to a stop and the captain announced that they could move around the plane. Jase grabbed his bag and shouldered his way into the aisle, impatient to get the hell out of there. “Hey, Carson, can you grab my suitcase? I don’t want to wait around.”
“Got it!” he called. “And good luck!”
Jase didn’t need luck. He just needed Avery to listen.
For most of his adult life Jase had been surrounded by false friends and hangers-on. Gold diggers and fame seekers all wanting a piece of what he had for one reason or another. But Avery had only wanted him. Jase. Not the rich kid. Not the football star. She hadn’t cared about any of that other stuff. She was real and what they’d had was real, too. Jase refused to let her go without a fight.
* * *
Avery slid the soufflé into the oven and eased the door closed. Only a week in and semester break was already too long, leaving her with too much free time to let her thoughts run rampant. And each and every one of them centered on Jason Blackwell. She was supposed to be using the time off from school to find another job. The money she’d put away wasn’t going to last forever, and since she’d given Peyton her notice the day after Carson and Gena’s party, she’d been living off the meager savings. If she didn’t find a job soon, she’d lose her apartment. And crappy as it might be, it beat sleeping in a Dumpster any day.
Instead, her every waking moment had been occupied with thoughts of him. How long did it take for a broken heart to heal? She’d quit her job to avoid seeing him at any team functions, and likewise, she’d further depleted her savings when she left a check in his mailbox to cover the costs for the car repairs he’d paid for. None of it gave her closure, though. It didn’t help to sew up the gaping hole in her heart.
Avery gathered up the dirty mixing bowls and utensils and put them into the sink to soak as a knock came at her door. Kristie had been trying to get her to go out and have some fun for days. Maybe her friend was tired of being shot down. Little did she know that Avery didn’t succumb to peer pressure. No forcible partying for this girl.
“Kristie, I don’t want to go out…” The words died on Avery’s tongue as she opened the door wide and looked up, up, and up until her eyes met Jase’s. In just a week, she’d forgotten how tall he was, how masculine and imposing his presence. How damned good he smelled. “Jase.” God, even the sound of his name was a sensory experience, the word tingling on her tongue.
His gaze bore through her, the whiskey-brown depths devouring her with an intensity that beaded her skin with sweat. The heat was unmistakable, enough to steal her breath. And even as her hand twitched on the knob, urging her to slam the door in his face, she couldn’t bring herself to follow through with the action.
She didn’t realize until this moment how much she’d missed him.
“Avery, just listen.” He must have sensed what she was about to do and he took a step forward until his large frame took up the entire doorway. She took two steps back—afraid she’d be tempted to reach out and touch—and Jase followed her inside, easing the door closed behind him. “Sweet Christ, sugar.” His voice was strained, the words ragged. “How can one woman become more beautiful in a week?”
A pang of emotion shot through her chest but Avery steeled herself against his pretty words. “Jase, what are you doing here?” Her own voice was nothing more than a whisper. “I can’t … I can’t do this with you right now.” Try ever. Dredging up the pain of that night was too much.
His brow furrowed while his jaw took on a stubborn set. “Well that’s too damned bad, Avery. You’re going to hear me out. I won’t let you turn your back on me again.”
She opened her mouth to protest. To tell him to get the hell out. But the words wouldn’t push past her lips. The thought of watching him walk out the door made her sick.
“Avery…” Jase raked his fingers through his tawny hair and blew out a gust of breath. So reminiscent of their last night together. “Damn. I…”
“What, Jase? Just say it.”
“Damn it, I love you!”
Avery sucked in a breath. Had she heard him correctly?
“I love you so damned much it hurts. A month was all it took for you to crawl under my skin and now I can’t live through one more day without you. I could stand here and try to apologize for what that asshole Willis said to you. But I’m not going to. Instead, I’m going to apologize for what I did to you. I’m so sorry, Avery.” He took a deep breath and held it in his lungs. “If I could do it again, I’d take it all back so you wouldn’t have to suffer an ounce of hurt and humiliation. I was a dick. A selfish asshole who never should have treated you as though you were a charm for me to keep in my pocket and use whether I truly felt that way or not. If my game was better, it was because you made me a better man. You made me want to be better. What we had wasn’t some stupid superstitious ritual. It was real. I nee
d you, Avery. I want it all with you. And I know you want me, too.”
She wanted to believe him. The sincerity in his eyes, his words, was unmistakable. “You want it all?” she asked in a whisper, her voice quavering.
“Sugar, I want to take you home and show you off to my family. I want to wine and dine you, buy you pretty things, take you on trips. Hell, I’ll sit in this apartment all day, every day if that’s what you want. Anything to spend time with you. Avery, I love you.”
* * *
“You hurt me.” Jase’s chest tightened as his heart clenched. “Those words took away everything good I thought or felt about myself since I’d met you. You played with my emotions and decimated my heart. I appreciate that you’re sorry, Jase, and I am, too. I never should have said the things I did. I was hurt and confused but…”
No. This sounded too much like good-bye. She had to forgive him, damn it. “Avery, don’t push me away. Don’t let my stupidity ruin what was so perfect between us. Please, just give me another chance. I won’t let you down. I’ll do whatever I have to do to prove that I’m good enough for you.”
“It’s not about being good enough. How can we have an honest relationship when it was built on dishonesty?”
“Avery.” Jase pinned her with his gaze. “I never lied to you. Everything I said when we were together was the truth. And everything I felt about you—still feel about you—is real.”
“Maybe you’re just riding the high of your success. Maybe you’re afraid of what will happen if we’re not together.”
Damn it. He refused to let her make excuses to push him away. “You’re right. I’m fucking terrified to lose you, Avery. But not because of some stupid superstition. I wouldn’t give a shit if I never played another game in my entire life. Because none of it—not the money, the success, anything—would matter if I don’t have you.”
Her gaze softened. “Jase.”
He hadn’t convinced her yet. There was still too much doubt in her voice. “Please give me another chance, sugar. We can go slow, I’ll do whatever it takes to earn your trust. Just … just please don’t walk away from this. Us. You know we’re good together. I love you, Avery. And I know you love me, too.”
