Debbie laughed, and Amber wished she could just pop over to her place right now, open a bottle of something white and sparkling and settle down for a good, long chat. Because Amber really needed to talk to her about something. Something that had been preying on her mind for a few weeks now, and she couldn’t shake it, couldn’t stop thinking about it. And it wasn’t something she wanted to bring up with Jim. Not yet, anyway.
‘You know what I mean,’ Debbie said. ‘And, at the risk of sounding shallow – but this is a very valid point, I think – you looked fabulous! Whoever did your hair and make-up is a true artist. Those eyes… And did you pick your own outfit?’
‘Debbie, I work for a sports channel, not E! Entertainment. Of course I picked my own outfit. You don’t think Ronnie and the guys have stylists, do you?’
‘I don’t know, do I? They should do. The state of them sometimes.’
Now it was Amber’s turn to laugh. She knew that calling Debbie straight after the game would be a good idea. She always had a knack of cheering her up, or taking her mind off things, and now was no exception.
‘So, those black, leather-look skinny jeans are yours, then?’
‘Yes,’ Amber laughed, unable to keep the surprised tone out of her voice. ‘What are you trying to say, missy?’
‘My influence must be rubbing off on you.’
Amber just knew she would have had the biggest smirk on her face when she’d said that.
‘What you up to now?’ Debbie asked. ‘Are you finished for the night?’
‘Yeah, thankfully. I’m shattered! I think Jim and I are off out for dinner somewhere. Alone, hopefully.’
‘How are things with you and Ryan? Have you spoken to him much since you’ve been over there?’
‘Bar the interviews I’ve done with him whilst we’ve been here, no. I’ve hardly said two words to him to be honest. It’s not that I’ve been avoiding him or anything, the opportunity just hasn’t been there, that’s all.’ There was just the tiniest hint of a little white lie, but there was no need for Debbie to know that.
‘And there’s no awkwardness?’
‘No. Why should there be? It’s been months since me and him… since it all happened, Debbie. It’s in the past now. We’ve both moved forward.’
‘Yeah. Yeah, you have.’
Amber was slightly distracted by the sound of voices – Ryan’s being one of them – getting closer. ‘I’m gonna have to go now, Debs.’
‘Okay, chick. I’ll see you in a couple of days.’
‘Yeah. And I can’t wait. I’m dying for a girly catch-up.’
‘Me too, hon. See you soon!’
Amber quickly ended the call but wasn’t fast enough to make her escape before Ryan and Gary pushed their way through the double doors she’d been standing beside. She couldn’t really run away now, could she?
‘Hey, Amber.’ Gary smiled at her, and she returned it.
‘I’ve just been talking to your wife.’
‘She okay?’ Gary asked. ‘Behaving herself, I hope.’
‘She’s at Tanya’s, with the rest of the girls. They’ve been watching the match.’
‘Yeah, sure,’ Gary laughed. ‘Since when were any of that lot interested in what we do? They’re just interested in the money we make.’
‘You need to give them a bit more credit, Gary.’ Amber tucked her phone into the back pocket of her jeans. ‘They’re not quite as superficial as you all seem to think they are.’
Gary just let out a derisive snort, said something to Ryan that Amber didn’t catch, and walked away, throwing Amber a wink over his shoulder. Amber narrowed her eyes and glared at him, slowly shaking her head.
‘You avoiding me?’ Ryan asked. An afternoon spent sampling the delights of the gorgeous Ellen still hadn’t managed to stop him from hoping he’d bump into Amber after the match. Okay, so he’d spoken to her in a professional capacity over the past few days, in a couple of interviews for TV, but he’d wanted to catch her alone. And right now, as he looked at her, all crazy red hair and piercing pale blue eyes, every memory all those hours with Ellen had managed to erase came flooding back tenfold.
Amber swung round, her eyes instantly meeting his. ‘No. No, of course I’m not avoiding you.’
‘It feels like you are.’
‘What do you want me to do, Ryan? Actively seek you out for regular get-togethers?’
He stuck his hands in his pockets, turning away from her for a second. ‘It just feels … ’ He looked at her again. ‘I don’t know… It just feels as though, what we had… it feels like it never happened sometimes, that’s all.’
‘Yeah, well, there’s been a lot of water under the bridge since then,’ Amber said quietly. It was hard to forget what she’d once felt for this man, and maybe she didn’t really want to. ‘So much has happened.’
‘Tell me about it,’ Ryan sighed, pushing a hand through his hair. He really didn’t want to still be feeling this way, but he couldn’t help it, couldn’t push those feelings down, no matter how hard he tried.
‘Are you… is everything okay, Ryan?’ Despite everything, she’d never stopped caring about him. She couldn’t do that, couldn’t just switch those feelings off, even after all these months.
‘Everything’s fine,’ he replied, his eyes meeting hers again. ‘It would just be nice to talk to you sometimes, without it having to be under the guise of a TV interview.’
‘That’s my job, Ryan.’
He just looked at her, and she stared back at him. He was so handsome, so young. So dangerous. She only hoped he’d learned enough lessons to allow him not to let history repeat itself. Again.
‘I’m married now, Ryan. You do understand that, don’t you?’
‘Don’t treat me like a kid, Amber. Yeah, I know you’re married. It’s bloody hard to ignore that fact when all you do is wrap yourself around the boss twenty-four-seven…’ Now he was thinking aloud. Not the best idea.
‘Do you know how childish you sound? If you can’t act like a grown-up…’ She turned to walk away but he grabbed her wrist, swinging her back round.
‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry, okay?’
‘Yeah. You should be.’ She pulled her arm free of his grip, rubbing her wrist. ‘Look, I know things are still a bit weird…’
‘I just want us to be friends, Amber. That’s all. I want us to be able to talk to each other and forget the past; put it behind us.’
She looked into his eyes. Kind eyes. Yeah, he really had changed over these past few months. Or that was the impression he was giving off, anyway. ‘And you think we can do that, do you?’ she said quietly, suddenly realising that this was the first time she’d really spoken to him – properly spoken to him – in weeks. He was right. All that time and the only talking she’d ever done with him had been because she’d had to – to interview him. Professional purposes only. Had that been deliberate on her part? All those months and this was the first real conversation she’d had with him. That thought flooded her with guilt, because he really hadn’t deserved that.
‘I think we can try,’ he replied, his eyes still fixed firmly on hers.
‘Ryan… I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry. I just…’ She sighed, leaning back against the wall, pushing a hand through her hair. ‘Maybe I just didn’t know how to handle it all. How to handle being around you. I mean, it’s still so complicated…’
‘It doesn’t have to be.’
‘Doesn’t it?’
He smiled, and Amber felt her stomach give a small but noticeable jolt. ‘I just want us to be friends. Nothing more, no ulterior motive. I promise.’
‘Yeah, well, you know how I feel about promises.’ She was aware of Jim’s voice somewhere nearby, and despite what Ryan had just told her, she still didn’t want Jim to think Ryan may be playing some kind of game. She wasn’t altogether sure how much Jim trusted Ryan. They’d never really talked about him – about what he and Amber had shared. And maybe that had been a mistake, too. Maybe they should h
ave been more open, about everything. ‘Look, I’ve got to go, Ryan. I’ll see you later, okay?’
He nodded. ‘Yeah. Okay. Oh, and Amber?’
She turned round to look at him.
‘I’m happy for you. Really.’
If he said that out loud enough times then he might actually start to believe he meant it because, right now, he wasn’t altogether sure that he did. Of course he wanted her to be happy – after what he’d put her through it was the least she deserved. But it still hurt to think that, had it not been for his sheer stupidity, they could have been happy together. They’d come so close, so fucking close.
‘Why did you do it?’ Ryan whispered to himself as he watched her walk down the corridor, over to her husband. He watched as his boss smiled at her, kissing her quickly, sliding an arm around her waist as they talked, both of them totally unashamed of showing how much in love they were. ‘Why?’
But Ryan knew the answer to that. And as much as he would have liked to turn the clock back and rewrite history, he couldn’t. He just had to get on with his life, the way she was getting on with hers, and he would. He’d start doing just that.
Making his way down the corridor to join the rest of the team as they celebrated their win over CD Adeje, one of Spain’s most popular clubs, despite not being in the very top flight of Spanish football, he recalled a short and totally unexpected conversation he’d had just before the game. A conversation he’d thought nothing of, in fact, he’d just laughed it off as something flattering but highly unlikely to ever happen. However, seeing Amber just now, it made him think again. Maybe it wasn’t such a stupid idea after all. Maybe it was exactly what he needed. Maybe he shouldn’t dismiss it out of hand altogether.
Decision made. He just hoped it was the right one.
Chapter Four
‘Jim?’
He looked up as Amber walked into the kitchen of their home in the small, North East coastal village of Tynemouth. Her arms were folded against her, and she had a slightly unsettled expression on her face. He took a sip of coffee and continued to watch her as she fiddled with the strap of her watch, a tell-tale nervous reaction of hers. What did she have to be nervous about?
‘Is everything okay, honey? You look like you’ve got something on your mind.’ A small but noticeable chill ran up his spine as he continued to look at her, her eyes refusing to meet his.
‘Can I ask you something, Jim?’
He took another sip of coffee before putting his mug down and folding his arms, smiling slightly as she finally met his gaze.
‘Of course you can. Come on, Amber, you can ask me anything, baby. I’m your husband.’
She looked away again, down at the ground, her fingers once more fiddling with her watch. She hadn’t wanted to bring this up whilst they’d been over in the Canaries – it hadn’t really been the time or the place – and now they were back home, she still wasn’t sure the time was right, but then, she wasn’t sure the time would ever be right, not really. So the only thing she could think of to do was to bite the bullet and just talk to him, before it started to become an obsession that took over her life.
‘Amber? Sweetheart?’
She took a deep breath. ‘What do you think about…?’ She slowly lifted her head, her eyes meeting his again, and he couldn’t help but notice a touch of sadness in them, something which did nothing to ease that chill. ‘What do you think about… about us starting a family?’
He felt relief sweep over him, followed by confusion, which was swiftly replaced by the return of that chill. This was totally unexpected, and it had thrown him slightly. He narrowed his eyes as he looked at her. ‘Sorry, I… Starting a family…? Amber, I…’
‘A baby, Jim. I want a baby. I want our baby.’
‘Jesus, honey, where’s this come from?’ The day had hardly got off the ground and his head was already spinning. This had come completely out of the blue, something he’d never expected to hear from her. Not Amber. Not from a woman who’d shown no inclination to ever have a baby, none whatsoever. She’d only just come round to the idea of marriage, for heaven’s sake, and now she was talking babies?
‘I’m thirty-eight years old, Jim. In terms of motherhood I’m right at the business end of things now. I haven’t got much time left to waste.’
He walked over to her, aware that his somewhat surprised expression had caused that frown to appear, clouding her pretty features. ‘I just … We’ve never really talked about starting a family, have we? I wasn’t even aware it was something you were thinking about, I mean, you’ve never even hinted at it being…’
‘I’m talking about it now, Jim,’ Amber said quietly, allowing herself to fall against him as he took her in his arms. She loved it there, in his arms. She felt safe. She felt as though nothing could touch her when she was there. When he was holding her. She felt as if all the confusion she was suddenly feeling was something she could keep under control when, in reality, she didn’t think she could.
He kissed the top of her head, rubbing her back gently. She picked her times to start conversations like this, he’d give her that. He was due to leave for the training ground soon, and this wasn’t really the kind of conversation he wanted hanging over his head all day. It wasn’t really the kind of conversation he wanted, full stop, if he was completely honest. Not right now. The timing was way off. ‘What’s brought this on, Amber? Huh?’
She pulled away slightly, looking into his eyes, stroking his face with her fingertips. ‘I love you, so much, Jim. And I guess marrying you, finally being with you, the way I always wanted to be, I guess it’s suddenly made me want all those things I… all those things I thought I didn’t want. When all the time it was… it was just that I couldn’t have them with you. I didn’t want them if I couldn’t have you. And to have them with anyone else, it wouldn’t have felt right, none of it felt right. But it feels right now. Now I can’t stop thinking about all those things and… I can’t stop thinking about us, about how right that feels.’
Jim took her hand in his and squeezed it gently, leaning forward to kiss her. She tasted so good, her lips so soft against his, her mouth opening in response to him as he kissed her harder, pulling her against him.
He loved her like he’d never loved anyone before – to the point of obsession sometimes. But it was an obsession he could handle, because he knew how she felt about him. And for her to want this, for her to want a baby – his baby – it spoke volumes. And maybe he wanted that, too. Maybe he wanted that family, that security. Something to soften the blow when she found out the truth about him? About what he’d been hiding from her? From everyone? He didn’t want to think about that right now. Although the longer he kept putting it off, the worse the situation was going to become, he knew that. But she’d kind of put paid to any likelihood that he was going to tell her anything today. Now really wasn’t the time. ‘You want a baby? Really?’
She smiled at him, resting her forehead against his. ‘I know this sounds crazy, Jim. I know it sounds as though it’s come completely out of the blue, but… I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. For weeks now it’s been on my mind and… and since coming off the Pill I…’
He shut her up with another kiss, a slower kiss, a longer kiss, because he needed time to think about this. He didn’t want to lose her, not now, not ever, not after everything it had taken to win her back. But was this really what he wanted? What he needed? Was it really the right way to be going? Under the circumstances? Circumstances she was completely unaware of. But it couldn’t stay that way. It wasn’t going to stay that way, that was out of his hands now. And he didn’t have long before it was all going to come out, regardless of whether he’d found the time to tell her or not. And it really would be better off coming from him.
‘Look, Amber, honey, you’ve just got this brand new job and … How’s it going to look if you suddenly need time off to…?’
She cut him off mid-sentence with one of her trademark withering looks, and Jim co
uldn’t help but smile. That’s what he loved about Amber. His beautiful wife, the woman who could cut you down with a stare or shut you up with one smart remark. ‘You’re really going down the sexist route, Jim? Hmm? Is that where you’re going?’
He was still smiling, he couldn’t help it as he backed away from her with his hands held up in mock surrender. ‘Amber, baby, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. But this is so crazy, sweetheart, you have to see that. The Amber I knew, she didn’t want to be a mom. She didn’t want any of that, and I’m just finding it strange…’
‘And you think I’m not? You… you think this is something I’m handling okay, do you? This fucking weird and sudden alien need inside me to…’ She looked at him, pushing both hands through her hair. ‘I don’t have a lot of time left, Jim. I don’t have time to sit and think about this, to weigh up every pro and con a million times over until I’m 100 per cent certain that this is what I really, truly want. I don’t have that luxury. I’ve got to make that decision soon – we’ve got to make that decision soon. Before it’s too late. Because…’ She stopped talking, looking away for a second.
He walked back over to her, tilting her chin up so she was looking straight at him. ‘Because, what?’
‘It doesn’t matter,’ she sighed, letting him pull her closer.
‘You really want this, huh? Me and you, making babies?’
‘Only you could make that sound like the most erotic thing in the world.’ She smiled, her breathing suddenly starting to speed up for some reason.
‘And, isn’t it?’ he whispered, his mouth almost touching hers now. ‘I mean, surely, the act of making babies is one of the most erotic things in the world.’
She felt her stomach flip over what felt like a thousand times as the warmth of his body engulfed hers, the heat between them palpable. ‘I don’t know,’ she said quietly, quite surprised that she could actually string a sentence together right now.
‘Do you want to see just how erotic it can be?’ He smiled, his mouth still not quite touching hers as he spoke, but almost. Maybe this was the right way to go. Yeah, he was definitely coming round to the idea. After all, giving Amber a baby might mean she was distracted from anything else that was going on, and that, as far as Jim was concerned, wouldn’t be a bad thing. He loved her beyond words, he loved her more than he could ever explain, and that’s why he needed to protect her. He needed to do that. And anyway, why wouldn’t he want a baby with the most beautiful woman he’d ever set eyes on? Why wouldn’t he want to make her happy? Anything she wanted – if he could give it to her, then he would. He would do that in a heartbeat.
Extra Time Page 6
