His head was spinning with everything that was going on in there, and now, more than ever, Ryan wished he had someone he could talk to. He wished he had Amber.
‘I can’t believe I did that, Debbie, I really can’t,’ Amber sighed, sinking into the soft cushions of the sofa in the bar they’d ducked into for a glass or two of wine after a particularly busy morning’s shopping.
‘You said Jim’s fine about it.’ Debbie sat down on the chair opposite Amber. ‘In fact, you said he’s more than fine.’
‘He is,’ Amber went on, crossing her legs and wishing she could kick off her shoes. She was still getting used to walking in these new heels, never mind shopping in them, and her feet were killing her. Why she’d let Debbie talk her into wearing them today she had no idea. She wasn’t usually swayed so easily. ‘But still… I must have sounded like some crazed, hormonal, pre-menopausal madwoman. The poor bugger was only trying to get ready for work and I walk in and start demanding a baby! I still can’t believe those words came out of my own mouth.’
Debbie briefly turned her attention to the young man who’d just turned up at their table with an ice bucket and a bottle of something white and sparkling. She smiled at him as he placed it down in front of them, and Amber couldn’t help but be slightly amused at his flustered expression. Debbie could be quite intimidating when she wanted to be, with her striking white-blonde hair and glamorous exterior. ‘I envy you sometimes, Amber,’ Debbie sighed, winking at the young man as he beat a hasty retreat back behind the bar.
‘Envy me? Why? Look at the life you’ve got.’
‘Hmmm,’ Debbie said, leaning forward to pour two glasses of champagne. ‘It’s not quite as fabulous as I make it out to be, chick. Gary hasn’t changed all that much since we got married, although, to be honest, after what happened with Ryan, he is trying to rein it in a little bit, and for that I should be eternally grateful, I suppose. But you and Jim… oh, what I wouldn’t give to have a man like that.’
‘Yeah, well, hands off. He’s mine.’ Amber threw Debbie a small smile as she took the glass she held out for her, indulging in a long and very welcome sip of the cold, bubbly liquid.
‘And you two will make such beautiful babies,’ Debbie sighed, leaning back in her seat as she sipped her own champagne.
Amber couldn’t help smiling again, even though that smile was accompanied by a brief and unwelcome jolt of reality. A reality that was starting to bite hard. ‘I’d like to think so… Christ, listen to me! This is mad, Debbie. I mean, marriage, babies, a career that takes me out of the North East way more than I’d like it to – all things I never thought I wanted. Well, okay, at the back of my mind I suppose I did always wonder what it would be like to have kids, but I never really wanted them. Not at the time. Does that make sense?’
‘Sort of.’ Debbie frowned, crossing and uncrossing her long, tanned legs, giving the men sitting across the bar from them more than they’d bargained for. She was wearing a short, lemon-yellow sundress and Amber could only pray that she was wearing underwear. You never could tell with Debbie.
Amber took another sip of champagne, and for a second she had to stop and think about where her life had taken her over the past few months. Yes, it had all happened so fast – sometimes it took her breath away to think of how quickly her life had been turned on its head, to the point where she was now sitting in one of the most upmarket bars on Newcastle’s Quayside, drinking champagne in the middle of the afternoon. Who’d have thought?
‘Earth calling Amber.’
Debbie’s voice pulled Amber back to reality and she turned to look at her friend.
‘You were miles away, chick. Everything okay?’
Amber looked down for a second, focusing on the beautifully understated but perfect wedding ring on the third finger of her left hand. A never-ending band of white gold that signified perfectly her love for Jim Allen. Never-ending. It always had been and it always would be. She couldn’t see that ever changing now. So maybe she owed it to him to be honest. Once she knew the facts.
‘I don’t know.’ She looked back up at Debbie’s slightly confused expression. ‘I don’t know if everything’s okay.’
‘Has something happened, hon? Are you and Jim okay?’
‘Oh God, yes. We’re fine, I don’t mean that… Me and Jim, we’re good, we’re more than good. It’s just… me becoming a mum it’s… it may not be quite as simple as I might have made it out to be.’
Debbie put her glass down, leaning further forward, her expression still confused. ‘How do you mean, chick?’
Amber drained her glass of champagne and placed it down on the table in front of her, pushing a hand through her hair. It was time to face up to this now. It wasn’t something she could block out and put to the back of her mind anymore, because that’s what she’d been doing. For a very long time. And she’d been able to do that purely because there’d been no need to confront it, no need to even think about it. Until now.
‘When I was young, very young – I think I was about seven or eight when it happened – my appendix ruptured. It was pretty serious, apparently, although I don’t remember all that much about it. But, according to my dad, it was serious. Anyway, the upshot of all this was, because of the ruptured appendix and the subsequent peritonitis…’ She stared down at her wedding ring again, twisting it round and round her finger. ‘My fallopian tubes are scarred to hell, Debbie. At the time, the doctors told my mum and dad that I may have trouble conceiving when I was older and they never hid the truth from me so… so I’ve always known there’s a chance that… that it may not be all that easy, but… I’ve got to cling onto hope, haven’t I? I never really gave it much thought before because I’d always resigned myself to the fact that I was never going to be a mum. I didn’t think I’d ever find the right man anyway, that one man who could… who…’ She felt tears start to prick the back of her eyes and she rummaged round in her bag for a handkerchief, desperate not to cry. She didn’t want to start crying. Jesus, this was so wrong! Amber Sullivan hadn’t wanted kids. Amber Sullivan hadn’t felt these ridiculous feelings; this sudden, aching need. But Amber Allen did. ‘But then he came back. Jim. He came back.’ She looked at Debbie, whose face was now a mask of genuine concern, which only made Amber’s tears fall faster. ‘And everything changed, Debbie. Everything.’
Debbie jumped up and sat down next to Amber, taking her hand and squeezing it tight. ‘You don’t know anything for definite though, do you?’
Amber looked at her. ‘I know the worst case scenario.’
‘But that might not be the case for you, chick. Have you seen a doctor?’
Amber shook her head. ‘I’m scared, Debbie. I’m scared of what they’re gonna tell me, of having to face up to something I thought I’d be able to handle, but now I’m not so sure that I can.’
Debbie got up and went over to retrieve her handbag, sitting back down next to Amber as she started scrolling down the contact list on her phone. ‘I’ll get you an appointment sorted with an amazing specialist I know. He runs a private fertility clinic in Jesmond.’
Amber frowned. ‘A fertility clinic? How do you…?’
Debbie looked at her. ‘Oh, don’t worry. I’ve never actually needed his services. I’ve got enough on my plate looking after Gary. He’s a big enough kid. But Dr. Lowry, he’s a very good friend of my plastic surgeon who told me that if I ever needed advice in that department then Dr. Lowry was my man. I met him at a party once. We got on really well. He’s a real looker, too, I have to say; very Pierce Brosnan, but don’t let that intimidate you… There it is! I knew I had his number.’
Amber felt her head suddenly start to spin. Things had started moving way too fast again. Shouldn’t she talk to Jim first? Before she did anything? Shouldn’t she tell him everything she’d just told Debbie? Didn’t he have a right to know?
‘Debbie, I… I’m not sure about…’
Debbie threw her a stern yet sympathetic expression. ‘So what are you going t
o do, Amber? Sit and stress about everything? Is that the best plan of action? Surely you need to know what you’re dealing with, chick. Then we can move forward.’
‘But what if…’ Amber swallowed hard, finally realising that she did have to face up to this, sooner or later. If having a baby was what she really wanted. And it was. It really was. ‘What if it’s bad news, Debbie? What if… if I can’t…’
‘Hey, now, come on.’ Debbie’s tone was sympathetically scolding as she took Amber’s hand again. ‘Let’s promise ourselves that we won’t think that way, okay? Let’s just wait and see what Dr. Lowry has to say.’
Amber swallowed again, suddenly feeling as though she’d been thrust into some kind of alien situation that just didn’t seem real. She couldn’t relax as she watched Debbie get up and walk over to a quieter corner of the bar to make the call; a million things had started running through her head and none of them made any sense. Sometimes she wished things could go back to the way they’d been a year ago, when her life had been uncomplicated, well ordered, and she’d been in complete control of everything. But a year ago Jim hadn’t been around. A year ago her life still hadn’t been complete, no matter how well organised and controlled it might have been. So, if having Jim meant that she had to live with this chaos and lack of control, then she’d take that. Every time.
She looked up as Debbie came back over, her heart beating ten to the dozen. ‘How soon before he can fit me in?’
‘How soon?’ Debbie asked, sliding her phone back into her handbag. ‘Grab your things, chick. We’re going over there right now.’
Chapter Five
‘You’re a natural, do you know that?’ Ronnie said, leaning back against the edge of the desk. It was coming up to a quarter-past eleven in the evening and they’d just finished a six-hour stint in front of the cameras, scrutinising the twists and turns of the summer transfer market so far, and with just a couple of weeks until the window closed, it was shaping up to be an exciting time. There’d been some interesting moves happening, some surprise transfers, and some exciting rumours. It brought back so many memories for Amber as she remembered last August, when all the rumours flying around back then had concerned Ryan Fisher’s move from a top London club to Newcastle Red Star, a move that had signalled the start of a life-changing journey for both of them. A journey she’d never forget.
She’d co-hosted the live broadcast alongside Cloud Sports’ popular and extremely likeable football anchorman, Steve Summers, who’d gone out of his way since Amber had started working at the channel to make her feel one of the team. Ronnie had been there as part of a panel of pundits made up of ex-footballers and managers, past and present, there to assess every move that was being made as players changed hands – and clubs – for copious amounts of money. Speculation about how the coming season could now go had begun in earnest, and Amber loved being a part of it all. She’d forgotten how exciting it could be, being right there in the thick of things.
She loved her new job, even if did take her away from Jim, and her beloved North East England, for short periods of time. But to make sure that she still felt at home even when she wasn’t at home, she and Jim had bought a small but comfortable semi- detached house not far from the £200 million pound purpose-built Cloud Television studio complex that was Amber’s new workplace. If she had to be away from where she would always consider home to be, then she at least wanted a place to stay that was theirs. Somewhere that felt like home.
But what made up for the fact that she’d be spending long periods of time away from the North East was the excitement of live TV. It was something she loved, something that gave her such an adrenalin rush. She’d spent years working in regional television so she wasn’t exactly a novice in that department, but this was a whole different ball game, what she was doing now. But it was where she belonged, where she felt comfortable, and, of course, it meant she continued to be surrounded by people who felt as strongly about the beautiful game as she did.
It also meant she was being kept extremely busy, and, right now, she wanted to be busy. The past couple of days had allowed her mind to focus on other things, and that was exactly what she’d needed.
‘A natural, huh?’ Amber smiled, leaning back in her chair and stretching her legs out in front of her, pushing both hands through her long, dark red hair.
‘A natural.’ Ronnie grinned, folding his arms. ‘You were amazing. No way would anyone have thought that was your first time behind that desk. You handled this lot like a pro.’
Amber laughed as she mouthed ‘goodnight’ to one of Ronnie’s fellow pundits as he made his way out of the studio. ‘Yeah, well, keeping you lot in line is easy really. You just need to know what you’re doing.’ She threw Ronnie a wink before finally, and reluctantly, getting up out of her seat. She’d grown quite comfortable in that chair over the past few hours, and she couldn’t wait to sit in it again tomorrow when she was due to co-host the channel’s regular Saturday afternoon Soccer Special – the first of the new season – alongside Steve.
‘Have you ever thought about having kids, Amber? I reckon you’d make a great mum. If you can keep this rabble in line then babies’ll be a breeze!’
It was a comment that had come out of nowhere, but it was a throw-away comment none-the-less and Amber knew that, because Ronnie had no idea what was going on in her life right now. But it still hit her hard. It still touched a nerve.
‘Yeah,’ she sighed, looking around for her phone. She’d thrown it down on the desk during one of the ad breaks and now she couldn’t find it anywhere. ‘Maybe.’
Ronnie frowned, sensing her change of mood immediately. ‘Everything all right?’
She looked at him. ‘Hmm? Sorry? Did you say something?’
‘Is everything okay? Only, you’ve gone a bit quiet. Is it something I’ve said?’
He’d said that with his tongue firmly in his cheek, it was obvious, and Amber couldn’t help but smile. ‘Funnily enough, yes.’
Ronnie’s expression changed instantly. ‘Huh? What… what have I said?’
Amber suddenly wished she hadn’t said anything now. She’d just inadvertently opened up floodgates she’d intended to keep very firmly shut until she had some answers. Until she’d spoken to Jim.
‘Nothing,’ she mumbled, finally finding her phone underneath an old running order. ‘Forget it.’
‘Erm, no. Can’t do that, sorry. Come on, what’s up? What have I said?’
Amber checked her phone for messages and saw that she had one from Jim, telling her he was on his way to the studios to pick her up and take her home.
‘I shouldn’t really be telling anyone else this, Ronnie.’
‘Not even your best friend?’
She looked at him. He was concerned now, worried. She couldn’t exactly leave him hanging, could she? She knew what he was like. If she didn’t give him some kind of plausible explanation he’d only be ringing her at all hours of the night, just to make sure she was okay.
She sighed, probably a touch too heavily, throwing her head back. ‘You said I’d make a great mum, right?’
‘Yeah. So…’ His eyes widened. ‘You’re not, are you?’
Oh, how she wished she could just nod and tell him yes, she was. How she wished she could do that. But instead she just shook her head, and quickly told him everything that had happened over the past couple of days. Things she should probably have told him before, considering he was her very best friend, the closest person to her, bar her father. So maybe she shouldn’t have shut him out, but thanks to Debbie’s fast-tracking of the whole situation there hadn’t really been time to fill him in on all the details.
‘So, I’m just waiting to see what Dr. Lowry has to say,’ Amber said, fiddling with her watch strap, her eyes looking down at the desk. ‘Waiting to find out the truth.’
Ronnie said nothing for a few seconds. He was too stunned. ‘Jesus, Amber, sweetheart. Why didn’t you… why didn’t you talk to me?’
‘C
ome on, Ronnie. You’ve just got married. You’ve got Karen to think of now, you don’t need me and my problems.’
He walked over to her, tilting her chin up so their eyes met. ‘Hey, now, listen. You listen to me. I will always need you, we’re a team, you and me. You’re my best friend, Amber, and your problems, they’re my problems too, kiddo, so don’t ever shut me out again, do you hear me?’ He smiled at her, and she couldn’t help but smile back, even though she could feel those stupid tears starting to well up behind her eyes again. ‘So I take it you haven’t spoken to Jim about any of this?’
She shook her head. ‘He knows I want a baby, he just doesn’t know how much. Or how difficult it might be for it to happen at all. Oh God, Ronnie, I really should have talked to him, shouldn’t I?’
Ronnie sighed, pulling her against him for a hug. ‘I don’t know, babe. I really don’t know. I mean, he is your husband, and this does concern him…’
She pulled away from him, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. ‘I’ve done everything back to bloody front again, haven’t I? What happened to the organised, controlled Amber I used to be?’
‘Hey, hang on, kiddo.’ Ronnie almost had to run to keep up with her as she made a fast exit out of the studio, heading towards the Green Room. ‘Hang on! Look, maybe it is best to wait and see exactly what it is you’re dealing with, but then you do need to talk to him.’
‘Yeah, I know that, Ronnie.’ She stopped walking and turned to face him. ‘I don’t even know if he really wants a baby. I don’t even know that.’
‘I thought you said he was fine about it?’
‘He could just be humouring me.’
‘And why would he do that? He loves you.’
‘Doesn’t mean to say he has to agree with everything I want, does it?’
Extra Time Page 8
