‘It’s none of your business, Ryan.’
‘I still care about you, Amber. I told you, those feelings haven’t gone away.’
‘Then maybe you need to make sure they leave soon, because the last thing I need is…’ She sighed, leaning back against the wall beside him. ‘I’m so tired.’
‘Of what?’
‘Everything.’
‘Do you want to talk about it?’
She turned to look at him, smiling slightly. ‘What? With you?’
‘Why not? I’m not the guy I used to be, Amber. I’m a grown-up now.’
‘Haven’t you got a girlfriend you need to take out somewhere?’ She was still smiling. She couldn’t help it.
‘Not tonight. I’m going home alone tonight.’ For the last time, he thought. And that thought was something that made him feel quite sick inside. He didn’t always like being alone, but sometimes it had its perks.
‘Well, I’m sure you could quite easily change that, if you wanted to,’ Amber said, quickly looking back at Jim’s closed office door. How had things got so bad between them? When all she really wanted, deep down inside, despite everything, was to be with him. So why was she pushing him away? Why wasn’t she giving him a chance to explain things? Because she was tired of listening to his excuses, that’s why. ‘I’ll see you later, Ryan.’ She started walking away but stopped briefly to look over her shoulder, smiling a bigger smile this time. ‘Oh, and congratulations on the England call-up, by the way. Captain, too, huh? You must be doing something right.’
She practically ran the short distance back to the Players’ Lounge, finding Ronnie chatting to a couple of fellow TV football pundits at the bar.
‘You all right?’ he asked, frowning slightly as he looked at her.
‘Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. I just need a word, that’s all.’
‘Oh. Okay. Now?’
‘Please.’
He quickly said his goodbyes, and followed Amber out of the lounge.
‘Get enough fresh air, did you?’ he asked, almost running to keep up with her as she strode quickly out into the main reception area, heading for the exit. ‘Amber, hang on, will you? What’s the rush? Where are we going?’
She stopped briefly at the top of the steps outside, turning to look at him. ‘We’re going home. Your home.’
‘My…? What about Jim? Amber, what’s going on?’
‘Do you want to fuck me, Ronnie?’
‘You know I do.’
‘Then shut up, stop asking questions, and let’s go home.’
Ryan pushed a hand through his hair and closed his eyes. Every time he thought he might just be over her, something happened to make him realise he wasn’t. He wasn’t over her. He wasn’t over that life they could have had together, that future he’d ruined. He wasn’t over the fact they’d been just a matter of weeks away from a wedding – their wedding. He wasn’t over any of it, and he needed to be. He wanted to be. He wanted to be able to look at her and not feel the regret and the guilt. He wanted to be able to hold down another relationship without her always intruding into his thoughts, affecting his life. And if that meant leaving Newcastle Red Star, just for a while, in order for that to have any chance of happening, then that was the way it had to be. Even though, in his heart of hearts, he knew he was only using it as some kind of personal rehab attempt that had no guarantee of working. But he had to give it a try. He had no other choice. Because he knew he had no chance of moving forward if he stayed in Newcastle.
‘You still hanging around, Fisher?’ Jim said, finally coming out of his office. ‘I would have thought you had better things to do than loiter round the corridors here when there are women out there just waiting to be entertained by your very presence.’
‘Are you condoning me going out on a bender, boss?’
‘I’m sure those weren’t my words, Ryan. And I’m sure you know how to enjoy yourself without resorting to the kind of behaviour we saw from you last season.’
Ryan said nothing for a second, not until Jim started walking away. ‘How soon do you think it could be, boss? Before any kind of loan could be sorted out?’
Jim slowly turned around, fixing his star striker with a firm stare. ‘I can’t work miracles, Ryan. But I’ve got a few people at the F.A. I can have a quiet word with.’
‘Thanks.’
‘You seem slightly more desperate than you were when I spoke to you not twenty minutes ago. Something happened?’
Ryan looked down at the floor, scuffing the heel of his trainer against the red skirting boards.
‘You been talking to Amber?’ Jim didn’t miss the change in Ryan’s body language when he asked that question. ‘Ryan. Is something going on between you and my wife?’
Ryan looked up, the words spilling from his mouth before he could stop them. ‘I don’t think it’s me you should be keeping an eye on, boss. I think you need to be looking closer to home on that score.’
‘Just lie still, and I promise you, you’ll enjoy this,’ Ronnie said, lightly running his fingers over Amber’s back, up and down, slowly and gently.
‘Oh, that feels so good,’ Amber groaned, closing her eyes and letting him do all the work. ‘My shoulders were so tense.’
‘They still are,’ he whispered, leaning over so his mouth was close to her ear. ‘But I can change that.’
She smiled, letting out another low moan as his fingers started to knead the space between her shoulder blades, digging deep, a beautiful pain that sent shivers right through her.
‘Just yell if I’m pushing too hard.’
Amber couldn’t help but smile again. ‘You could never push too hard, Ronnie.’
He laughed, leaning over again until his lips were touching the back of her neck, his fingers moving down, his thumbs stroking the edges of her spine as his mouth followed in their wake.
Amber gripped the pillow, keeping her eyes closed as his hands reached her lower back, stroking her hips, moving down to her thighs and around to caress her bottom. It was all she could do to stop herself from crying out loud; it felt incredible!
‘Jesus, Ronnie… Why wasn’t it like this when we were together?’
‘Because you always took the lead, missy. Remember?’
She smiled again, her stomach dipping and diving as he gently parted her legs, his hands now back on her bottom, pushing her up onto her knees.
‘But I think you’ll find that, this time, I’m in charge.’
‘I’m all yours,’ she moaned, gripping the pillow tighter as he spread her legs wider, kneeling up behind her. And before she had a chance to catch her breath he’d pushed into her, gently and slowly, pulling her back against him until he was deep, deep inside her.
Pushing herself harder against him, she screamed out as each thrust he gave brought with it an exquisite pain, his hands on her hips keeping her in position, her fingers still gripping the pillows. She clung onto them, tighter and tighter with every move he made, until the inevitable crashing climax swept over them both, his body jarring and shuddering behind her first, before her own gave in to those beautiful waves of pleasure, and she couldn’t help but scream even louder as it did so.
‘You are killing me, kiddo,’ Ronnie breathed, rolling over onto his back, throwing his arms up above his head.
‘You just need to get back in shape.’ She collapsed onto her stomach, letting the last of those delicious post-sex tingles shudder through her.
‘I’m in perfect shape, I’ll have you know.’ He grinned, reaching out to gently stroke her thoroughly messed-up hair away from her face.
‘You keep telling yourself that.’ Amber smirked, closing her eyes as he kissed her, slow and deep, causing one or two final, lingering tingles to make themselves felt. ‘Ronnie…’
‘Uh oh. That doesn’t sound like the beginning of a sentence I want to hear the end of.’ He sat up, and Amber followed, pulling the sheet up over her naked body, although quite why she was doing that she had no idea, considering he’d seen all of her
and so much more not a few seconds ago. ‘Come on. What’s up?’
‘What are we doing?’ Her voice was quiet, almost as if the realisation of how wrong this was had finally hit home.
‘Well, unless I’m very much mistaken, I’d say we were conducting a very steamy…’ He leaned over, kissing her again, ‘… very, very sexy affair. What do you think we’re doing?’
She hung her head, her fingers fiddling with the white cotton sheet. ‘I think we’re playing a very dangerous game.’
Ronnie sighed, pushing a hand through his hair. ‘I guess playtime’s over.’
She looked at him. She hadn’t been sure what she’d wanted before, but looking at him now, she knew what she had to do. What they both had to do.
‘I don’t want to end it, Ronnie. I just think we should. Before it goes too far.’
He leaned forward again, gently pulling the sheet away from her. ‘Whatever you think is best, kiddo. We never said this was gonna be forever.’
‘No,’ she whispered, closing her eyes again as his mouth rested against hers, his breath warm on her face. ‘No. We didn’t.’
‘But I really hate ending things just like that, don’t you?’
She couldn’t help smiling, sliding an arm around his neck as he pulled her astride him. ‘Are you trying to say you want one more ride before we forget this ever happened?’
‘Well, a guy’s gotta try, hasn’t he?’
‘And sometimes he’ll get what he wants.’ She wrapped her legs around him, her forehead resting against his. ‘One last time, anyway.’
He let his fingers run lightly up her arm, an almost absent-minded action, as he looked right into her pale blue eyes. ‘Why now, Amber? Why decide to do this now? Today? Did something happen tonight?’
She said nothing for a second, before climbing off him, grabbing his shirt up off the floor and slipping it on. ‘Jim’s been married before.’
Ronnie frowned. ‘Huh?’
She turned to look at him. ‘He’s been married before.’
‘He told you that? Tonight?’
She nodded, leaning back against the wall. ‘Brandon told me earlier that he’s been called up for the England squad, and obviously, because he’s American, I asked him why he was playing for England. Jim told me he met Brandon’s mum in the States, so I just assumed she was American, but… but Brandon told me he met her in Britain. Here, in the North East. She’s English.’
‘More lies?’ Ronnie asked, getting up out of bed, pulling on his jeans before walking over to her.
‘More lies,’ Amber whispered.
Ronnie leaned back against the wall beside her, his hands in his pockets. ‘So, what’s the story, then?’
‘I don’t know,’ Amber shrugged. ‘I didn’t give him a chance to explain. At the time I didn’t even want him to. I just wanted to get out of there, wanted to get away from the lies and the secrets and… I don’t know, Ronnie. It just feels like one thing after another right now.’
‘But you want to know the truth, don’t you?’
She nodded, looking down at the floor.
‘I knew something had happened. Amber, babe, why do you let him do this to you?’
‘Because I love him, Ronnie.’ She looked at him. ‘It’s as simple as that. I love him. Always have, always will. Nothing can change that. Not even you.’
‘And what if he tells you something you really don’t want to hear?’
She looked down at the floor again, her fingers fiddling with the bottom of the shirt she was wearing. ‘I said nothing can change the fact I love him, Ronnie. I didn’t say it meant everything would be all right.’
Ronnie threw his head back, closing his eyes for a second. ‘What happened to escaping, Amber?’
‘I can’t run away from things forever, can I? There are so many questions to ask, so many things to face up to, and I don’t think I can do any of that while I’m hiding from the truth, do you?’
‘That’s very grown-up of you.’
‘If there was ever a time to be grown-up about things, it’s now. Don’t you think?’
He looked at her, reaching out to take her hand, squeezing it gently. ‘I guess that one last time isn’t gonna happen now, huh?’
She shook her head, gripping his hand tighter.
‘Well, it was fun while it lasted.’ Ronnie smiled. ‘Playing out, I mean.’
‘Yeah. Yeah, it was,’ she whispered, looking into his eyes and hoping he understood. Hoping this didn’t mean their friendship had changed, because the last thing she wanted was for that relationship to be damaged in any way.
But being with Ronnie, having spent the time she had with him – especially tonight – it had brought her a strange feeling of calm, and a moment of clarity she wasn’t sure she’d felt in a long time. The only man she should ever be this close to was Jim. Her husband. It was time to stop escaping and head back to a reality she may not feel much like facing, but it was her reality. Whether she liked it or not.
Chapter Eighteen
Jim paced the floor, looking up at the clock on the living room wall for what felt like the millionth time, Ryan’s words still playing on his mind – ‘…you need to be looking closer to home on that score.’
It didn’t take a genius to work out what he meant by that. But was he really telling Jim something he ought to be taking notice of? Or was he just trying to cause a diversion so that his own behaviour could be overlooked? Whatever the reason, it involved Amber. It involved his wife, the woman he loved more than he could even begin to explain. And if something was going on, then he was the one who’d handed her every excuse she’d needed. Who else could he blame?
He stopped pacing the second he heard the front door close, staying rooted to the spot, waiting until she walked into the room.
‘Where’ve you been?’ he asked, wondering if she was going to tell him the truth –whatever that truth was, because he didn’t really know – or whether she was just going to spin him some excuse. Would he even know which answer it was she gave him? ‘It’s late.’
‘I’ve been at Ronnie’s,’ Amber replied, throwing her bag down on the sofa by the door. ‘I needed to get away from you, Jim. Just for a couple of hours, to get my head straight.’ She looked at him, right into his eyes, and it was at that second that he knew. He could tell. She’d been with another man. It was written all over her face – the guilt, the anxiety, it was all there. Almost as if she couldn’t be bothered to hide it. Like she wanted him to find out.
‘Is it straight now?’ He continued to watch her as she moved around the room, sliding off a black scarf she’d had tied round her neck, letting it waft slowly to the floor as she shrugged off her jacket.
She said nothing, just nodded as she walked over to the sideboard to fix herself a drink.
‘When did you get divorced?’ She finally broke the brief silence that had ensued, taking a sip of brandy as she slowly turned back around to face him.
‘Two years after we married.’
‘Was it ever serious?’ She took another sip, shuddering slightly as the dark liquid slipped down her throat.
He shook his head. ‘No. No, it was never serious. It was never anything, Amber.’
‘So why did you marry her? Because she was pregnant? If that was the case, then why not follow through and help her bring up the baby?’
‘We were never a couple, Amber. I’ve tried to tell you all of this…’
‘I don’t understand any of it, Jim.’
His eyes locked with hers. ‘Is that why you’ve been sleeping with Ronnie?’
Amber felt her stomach give a dip so harsh she felt physically sick. Had he known all along? Had he always suspected? Was this his way of trying to trick her into some kind of confession?
‘Did I push you that far away, Amber?’ His voice was quiet, no anger evident at all, which only served to confuse her even more. ‘Was it my fault?’
She closed her eyes for a second, taking a deep breath before opening
them and facing him. ‘It’s all such a mess, Jim. Everything. And I don’t even know how we got to this, how it became so fucked up and complicated. I don’t know.’
‘She was a prostitute.’
Amber blinked a couple of times to make sure she was actually awake and this wasn’t just some crazy, disjointed dream she was having. What was he talking about? Who was a prostitute?
‘Brandon’s mom. Well, she was a prostitute at the time I met her, anyway.’
She couldn’t help but stare at him, trying to take in exactly what he was telling her. How had they got from the subject of her sleeping with Ronnie to him telling her his ex-wife was a prostitute? How? What messed-up route were they on here?
‘I… Jim, I… Does Brandon know?’
‘Of course he doesn’t know,’ Jim said, pushing a hand through his hair as he sat down on the arm of the sofa. ‘And he never will know. That was the whole point of me marrying Heather – his mom. To give Brandon a better life than the one he could have ended up with.’
Amber poured herself another drink – one she very much needed now. ‘Do you want one?’ she asked, looking over at Jim as a multitude of mixed feelings washed over her at a pace so rapid she felt dizzy.
He nodded, grateful that everything was finally coming out in the open. All the years of pretending hadn’t been easy. Or necessary. It wasn’t as if the world needed to know every detail about his past, but Amber should have known everything. He knew that now. Would it have prevented this whole mess from happening? He couldn’t answer that. He didn’t even know if getting past everything that had gone on was an option anymore, all he knew was that it all had to come out. Or most if it, anyway. And then the truth of what Amber had done had to be faced.
‘Me and you, we weren’t together when I met her,’ Jim began, taking the drink Amber held out for him. ‘We’d just split up and I was with…’ He looked down at the floor, closing his eyes as he took a quick sip of brandy. ‘Well, you know who I was with at the time.’
Amber leaned back against the wall. She didn’t want to sit down. She didn’t want to get comfortable. ‘Where did you meet her?’
‘The Goldman Hotel.’
Extra Time Page 28
