‘He hasn’t run away…’
‘Yes, he has. He has. There is no need for him to be over there, he should be here, but everybody – everybody, even your husband – knows he’s only gone because he’s still in love with you. That’s why he’s left, Amber. To get away from you.’
‘I’m warning you, Ellen. We’re shutting this conversation down, right now.’
‘No wonder Jim left you. Why would a man like that want to stay with a cheating bitch like you?’
‘Okay, Ms. Taylor, I think you’ve said enough.’
They both looked round to see Jim standing in the doorway, hands in his pockets, his expression, as usual, stoic.
‘Mr. Allen… I’m sorry, I…’
‘I’m sure you’ve got something far more important you should be getting on with,’ he said, although his eyes were fixed firmly on Amber. He waited until Ellen had left the room before he said anything else. ‘You all right?’
‘I can handle Ryan’s ex-girlfriends, Jim.’
He walked slowly over to her, his eyes still locked on hers. ‘It was good to see the old Amber back for a second there. The woman I fell in love with. The strong, feisty one that quite obviously doesn’t need me.’
She felt her stomach flip as he said those words. He thought she didn’t need him? How wrong could he be?
‘She’s just another poor cow who got sucked under Ryan Fisher’s spell.’
‘And you’d know all about that, wouldn’t you?’
He was still staring into her eyes, and it was unnerving her. It was unfair of him, to be this close when this was as far as it was going to go.
‘He’s gone, Jim.’
‘For now, yes. But he’ll be back. We both know that, don’t we?’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘It means nothing, Amber. Nothing. I’m sorry.’ It was almost as if he’d suddenly broken free from his own trance as he finally tore his eyes away from hers, stepping backwards. ‘As long as you’re okay. I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen again.’
‘Jim, please. I don’t need you to fight my battles… Shit! This is crazy!’
He raised his head to look at her, pushing a hand through his hair.
‘I need to go. I promised my dad I’d…’
She tried to push past him but he gently grabbed her wrist, stopping her dead in her tracks. ‘Come home with me, Amber.’
She stared at him, trying to read his expression, to find out why he was doing this. ‘Why, Jim? To talk?’
‘We’ve talked enough, don’t you think? Baby, I need you like you wouldn’t believe. Just seeing you here today, watching you at work… It’s been a hell of a day, kiddo. And things aren’t so bad between us that we can’t use each other for a bit of company now and again, surely?’
She continued to stare at him, pulling her wrist free of his grip. ‘You’re serious, aren’t you?’
But she didn’t stop him from sliding an arm around her waist, resting his hand on her hip as he pulled her closer, so close their mouths were almost touching, and all Amber was aware of now was the sound of her heart beating so hard and so fast she was sure he could hear it. ‘We may not be able to live together, Amber, but I see no reason why we can’t enjoy each other whenever the mood takes us.’
She closed her eyes as a moment of utter weakness took over, blinding her to everything else that was happening, everything he was saying, drowning it out in a rush of emotion so strong she couldn’t breathe. And as his mouth touched hers, pressing gently against it, moving slowly, tongues touching, entwining in the most beautiful, deep kiss, she knew she didn’t need to. He was breathing for her, he was giving her everything she needed, because that’s what he did.
Slipping a hand around the back of his neck, she pushed him down harder onto her, the kiss getting faster and longer, his hand sliding under her shirt to touch her naked skin, cupping her breast, sending shivers up and down her spine so strong she literally felt herself shudder in his arms.
But then, almost as fast as that sudden rush of feelings had arrived, a sense of reality hit home like a punch to the stomach and she pushed him away, stepping back, shaking her head.
‘No. No, Jim. No. This isn’t happening again, I won’t let it. I won’t let this happen again.’ She looked at him, all handsome and strong, a powerful man with a reputation for always winning. For always getting his own way. Was that what was happening here? Was she letting him win this crazy, complicated game they seemed to be playing? ‘I can’t do that kind of relationship again, and I can’t believe you’d let me go through that. I can’t… I… I really thought you’d changed, but you haven’t, have you? You still want this all your way, don’t you?’
‘Amber, baby…’
‘No, Jim, please. Please don’t do this.’
‘I love you, angel… I love you so much…’
‘And I love you, too. Jesus… I love you so much it still fucking hurts – right here.’ She punched herself hard in the chest, but she felt nothing. She didn’t seem to feel anything anymore as far as this relationship was concerned. Nothing except a painful, confusing kind of love. ‘We can’t do this, Jim. Not again. I mean, what was it, huh? Was I just a bit too demanding? Did my desperation for a family scare you away? Or couldn’t you cope with a wife who wasn’t the full package? A wife who couldn’t give you kids; a damaged wife, a wife from the bargain basement where slight seconds are the order of the day…’
‘Amber, come on, please. Don’t do this to yourself. Will you just listen…’
‘But you don’t want me back, do you? As your wife. You don’t want me back.’ Her voice was so quiet even she could only just make out what she was saying, and as she looked at him, his head down, his hands in his pockets, she felt her heart break all over again.
‘I can’t, Amber. I just… I can’t.’
‘And I can’t do this, Jim. This running to you whenever you need me, only for you to walk away when you’ve had enough. I can’t do that again. No matter how much I love you. I don’t even understand how we got here, how it came to this. I don’t… I don’t understand.’
He came over to her, reaching out to gently stroke her cheek, and as much as she wanted to push him away, she didn’t.
‘I don’t understand it either, baby.’
Her eyes locked onto his again. ‘Do you know how weak I’m feeling right now? Right at this very second? Even after all of this, I just want you to make love to me. I need to feel you inside me, Jim, and it’s a feeling that won’t go away.’
‘Then let me go there.’ His lips were almost touching hers again, her heart resuming that frantic, erratic beating as it hammered hard against her ribs. ‘Just forget everything else and let me go there.’
She shook her head again, but it was futile. She was already giving into him, she could feel that weakness, that uninvited resistance taking over as those familiar tingles washed over her. After everything she’d just said, she was about to cancel it all out by letting this happen. But she couldn’t stop it – wouldn’t stop it.
They were in the middle of a football stadium that was still bustling with players and press, the noise evident as it echoed around them from the empty Press Lounge. But all of a sudden she didn’t care. She didn’t care where they were, because if she started to care then it wouldn’t happen. She’d pull away again, let doubt take over and she wasn’t willing to give doubt an opportunity to put in an appearance.
So she closed her eyes, pushed everything else to the back of her mind and concentrated only on what was happening now – on his hands unfastening her jeans, sliding them down her legs until she had no other option but to step out of them. She concentrated on his mouth as he kissed that space just above her pubic bone, his breath warm on her skin, sending those tingles into overdrive as he slipped his fingers into the sides of her panties, dragging them down over her thighs.
She knew she was ready for him – she could feel it, that familiar anticipation between
her legs, and it took just seconds for him to find out for himself just how ready she was as he rested his hand there, touching her as he stared so deep into her eyes she felt as though she was physically falling into him. Nothing else mattered. The whole room could fill up with people and she didn’t think she’d care. As long as he didn’t stop what he was doing to her. As long as he didn’t stop.
In one swift movement he’d lifted her up onto the table behind them, quickly freeing himself before pushing into her so hard and so fast she completely lost her breath, but the pain was one she welcomed, one she craved. With her hands placed palm-down behind her, she arched her back, gasping out loud as he loosened her shirt, unclipping her bra and exposing her breasts, bending his head to cover them in kisses so light and beautiful she could barely stop herself from crying out. It felt so good, his tongue flicking over her skin as his body merged with hers. She hadn’t made love to this man in months, and it was crazy how much she’d needed to feel him there. It was like she’d suddenly been given a dose of a drug she just couldn’t do without. She’d gone cold turkey, and as long as she didn’t see him, wasn’t close to him, then she could manage. If the temptation wasn’t there she could cope. But the second she was near him that addiction kicked in all over again and she needed this. She needed that hit.
Wrapping her legs around his hips, she threw her head back as he thrust harder, pushing in and out of her so fast, then slowing down, knowing that if he kept that pace up he was going to come way too soon. And she wasn’t sure either of them really wanted that, despite the dangerous situation they were in. If they were caught fucking in the Press Lounge, then every newspaper in the country would want some sort of pictorial evidence. They couldn’t have picked a worse place to do this. But sometimes you just didn’t have the option of choosing the perfect setting.
She bit down on her lip, stifling another cry as she felt him flood out into her, felt every spasm, every thrust, felt him stiffen as the inevitable climax happened; felt his fingers touch her down there to help her along, and it took just seconds for her to reach her own endgame as those white-hot tingles washed over her, causing her to buck her hips, her breasts pushed right out as he held her tight. Her handsome husband. The man she knew now she could never really have. She just had no idea why.
‘We should get out of here,’ he whispered, pulling out of her and quickly straightening his clothes. It was like a switch had just been flicked, his mood had changed so fast. ‘If anyone catches us…’
He left that last sentence hanging in the air, watching as she dressed, his expression one she really couldn’t read.
‘Say hi to your dad for me,’ he said, his hands back in his pockets as he turned to go. ‘I’m sure he’s ecstatic at the news of our separation.’
‘Is that it?’ Amber asked, ignoring his comment about her father, although he wasn’t wrong in his assumption of Freddie Sullivan’s feelings towards Amber’s impending divorce from Jim. His one-time close friend. But the way he was now, his whole demeanour – part of her wasn’t at all surprised at the way he was acting, but another part of her felt almost destroyed by his sudden coldness.
He turned around, looking straight at her. ‘What do you want, Amber?’
‘I want to understand what the hell is going on, Jim. Because I don’t. I don’t understand any of it and it’s killing me.’
He said nothing for a few seconds, just stood there, holding her gaze. ‘I can’t help you to understand something I don’t understand myself.’
And then he was gone, out of the room, leaving her more confused than ever before.
Grabbing her things, she almost ran out of the Press Lounge, making her way back outside. She just needed some air, but for some reason she didn’t feel like leaving this place just yet.
Venturing out into the stands, she stopped for a second, looking around the now almost deserted stadium. It was so strange how one place could carry such contrasting atmospheres, depending on how many people were there at the time. When it was full it felt like the most incredible carnival was happening with all the noise and the shouting and the cheering. But when it was empty it could feel like the most eerie and lonely place on earth as the silence echoed around the ground.
She walked slowly down the stone steps, choosing a seat close to the pitch, sitting down and staring out ahead of her. She didn’t even care that it was freezing outside, she just needed some air.
‘You look like a woman with something on her mind.’
She looked up sharply as someone sat down beside her. ‘Brandon! Hi.’
He smiled that smile at her, that smile that was so like his dad’s. ‘Hi. So – what you thinking about?’
She looked out ahead of her again, clasping her hands together between her knees. ‘You don’t want to know,’ she sighed.
‘Maybe I should be the judge of that.’ He paused before speaking again. ‘Is it my dad?’
She looked at him, knowing her expression had probably told him everything he needed to know.
‘I want to hate him, you know? I want to hate him so much, Brandon, I really do. Because if I hated him, then maybe all this shit wouldn’t hurt so much.’
‘He still seems to love you like crazy, Amber, and you’re obviously still in love with him, so… I just don’t get it. What is it with you two?’
‘I wish I knew, Brandon. I don’t know how it happened, and I certainly don’t know how it got so fucking confusing. All I know is we’re here, and there doesn’t seem to be a thing we can do about it.’
‘Maybe you shouldn’t let him… maybe you shouldn’t let him do some of the things he does to you.’
She frowned slightly. ‘What do you mean? What things?’
He looked down at his hands, fiddling with the leather bands round his wrist. ‘You shouldn’t let him have sex with you whenever he demands it.’
She was still frowning as she looked at him. ‘What…? Did you see what was…?’
‘I closed the door, Amber. Anyone could have looked inside, you were lucky no press happened to be walking past at the time. I made sure nobody else was getting in there, that’s all.’
‘Jesus, Brandon… You were outside…? Shit! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I… Shit!’ She sat back, pushing both hands through her hair.
‘It’s like he has some kind of hold over you, Amber. I don’t understand how someone as strong as you can let him do what he does. I don’t understand how you can be so…’ He stopped talking, looking down at his hands again.
‘How I can be so weak? Is that what you’re trying to say? Listen, Brandon, if I can’t understand the way I feel about your dad, then I can’t really expect anyone else to understand, can I? All I know is he walked into my life when I was sixteen years old, and he never left. I doubt he ever will.’
‘Is he really that controlling? I mean, is it true what everyone’s saying about Ryan’s loan to CD Adeje? Did my dad only agree to that because he wanted Ryan away from you? And… and if that’s the case then why are you two separating when Ryan isn’t even around anymore? Jesus, Amber, it’s crazy! None of it makes any sense.’
‘Welcome to my life,’ she sighed, sitting forward again. ‘And what they’re saying about your dad and the circumstances surrounding Ryan’s loan, yeah, I suppose it is true. Partly, anyway. But he’ll come back a much stronger person because of it. Ryan, I mean. This is what he needs, to get away from here. Some time over in Spain… it’ll be good for him.’
‘And what about you? Don’t you feel like you need some time away, too?’
She smiled at him, thinking how unlike his father he really was. He might look the image of a young Jim Allen, but as far as personality and temperament were concerned they couldn’t be further apart, father and son. ‘I don’t really have the option right now, Brandon.’
‘Too busy, huh?’
‘Something like that, yeah.’
Neither of them said anything for a minute or two, both of them just staring out at the
groundsmen who’d come out onto the pitch, kneeling down in the goalmouth at the other end of the ground.
‘I really wanted you to be a part of our family,’ Brandon said, finally breaking the silence.
She turned to look at him, smiling warmly at this beautiful, handsome young man beside her. Just twenty years old, yet he seemed to have such a wise head on his shoulders.
‘Yeah. I wanted that, too.’
He looked down at his hands again, his dark hair falling loosely over his eyes as he hung his head. ‘I’d better get going. Got a few things to do before I go out tonight.’
‘You going into town?’
Brandon nodded, looking up at her. It was so difficult for Amber to meet his eyes sometimes, because of his resemblance to a young Jim.
‘Yeah. A few of the guys are heading out to a new bar. We’ve got VIP passes, apparently. Should be a good night. And, hey, it’s legal for me to drink in this country.’
Amber couldn’t help laughing. ‘The life of a professional footballer, huh?’
Brandon grinned back at her, and another reminder of a young and beautiful Jim Allen hit her like a punch to the stomach, past memories and recent pain merging together in one huge mess of mixed emotions. ‘Got to grab the perks while I can.’
She managed a small smile back, looking down at her wedding ring. It was still there. Maybe she’d never take it off. She didn’t know just yet. ‘Yeah, well, you just take care. I’ve seen what all those perks can do to someone.’
Brandon said nothing, but they both knew she was talking about Ryan.
‘I’ll see you soon, Amber.’
She watched him as he stood up, running up the stone steps that led back inside. And then he stopped, turning back around to look at her. ‘You take care, too, okay?’
She couldn’t help smiling as he turned away again, and she watched as he ran back up those steps, finally disappearing inside. And that was the moment when Amber realised she’d never felt so alone.
Chapter Twenty-Six
‘You were on frigging fire, mate!’
Extra Time Page 42
