She shut him up with a slap so hard he literally reeled backwards, his hand immediately flying to his face as he stared back at her.
‘You deserve more than that, Amber. You deserve more than him.’
She could feel her heart breaking, the pain so intense it felt like someone dragging a jagged shard of glass across her chest. ‘I love him, Ryan. I love him so much it hurts. And this – this is killing me…’ She couldn’t keep it inside any longer; all the pain and the anger and the frustration that this baby she was carrying wasn’t Jim’s. It all came flooding out of her in uncontrollable sobs as she sank to the floor, pulling her knees to her chest as she cried like she’d never cried before – for all the things she’d thought she could never have, for the impossible dream that was still so out of her reach it ripped her apart; for all those things that Ryan had said, because he was right. He was right.
‘Jesus…’ Ryan ran over to her, sinking down beside her, pulling her into his arms, holding her as she cried it all out, rocking her slowly, kissing her tears away and wishing everything was different. He wished Jim Allen had never walked back into her life, wished she’d been strong enough not to let him back in; he wished for a happily-ever-after that may never come. Not while she still felt so much for a man he could never really compete with.
‘I’m sorry,’ she sniffed, pulling away from him, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. ‘My hormones are all over the place right now.’
‘Amber…’
She pulled herself to her feet and went into the kitchen, taking a glass from the draining board and filling it with water. ‘I should go. You need to have some time to yourself now. You need to think about this.’
‘I don’t need to think about anything.’ Ryan walked over to her, taking the glass from her hand. ‘I love you, Amber. And when I say I want you in my life, I don’t mean as just a mum to my child. I want you in my life, right there beside me.’ He rested a hand on her hip, his mouth moving closer to hers. ‘I want you in my bed…’ He kissed her slowly, her lips automatically parting to let his tongue slide inside, ‘… I want to make love to you before I go to sleep at night, and I want to feel you wrapped around me every morning, taking me deeper, letting me love you – the way you deserve to be loved.’
She felt her stomach dip, her heart start to race, her skin break out in a million goose bumps. All familiar feelings, and every single one of them a warning sign. But he did things to her she couldn’t deny. He wasn’t Jim, and he never would be. But Jim didn’t want her. He didn’t want her. And he never would, not now. Not when he heard she was pregnant with Ryan Fisher’s baby. She knew that would be the final nail in the coffin of their complicated, crazy relationship. And that’s when she knew she’d have to let him go, even if it was the last thing she wanted to do.
‘I’m trying to be so grown-up about this, Ryan.’
He was kissing her neck now, his hand sliding up under her skirt, his fingers already hooked under the sides of her panties.
‘We can be grown-up later,’ he whispered, his hand now sliding round to cup her bottom, pushing her against him.
‘No, Ryan…’ she groaned, but it was useless. She was too weak to resist, and a part of her didn’t even want to. Being here, talking to him, it had made her realise so many things. Things that hurt, things she’d never really wanted to face up to before, but now she knew she had to. Whether she wanted to or not. This was real life, and she had to start living it. In a minute. Soon.
‘What more damage can we do?’ Ryan said, gently stroking her cheek with the palm of his hand, his eyes boring deep into hers again. ‘I think we’ve just about knocked the damage radar right up to full now, don’t you?’
She couldn’t help smiling, covering his hand with hers. ‘I didn’t come here to do this, I didn’t… I don’t even know if this is what I want.’
‘Then let me try and convince you.’ He smiled, too, taking her hand in his and leading her into the bedroom.
She wasn’t going to put up a fight. She was too tired, too confused. And being close to him might actually be a good idea – it might make her start realising that this whole scenario was actually happening, because, right now, she still felt somewhat of an outside spectator looking in on something she wasn’t really a part of.
‘It’s not going to be pretty, when all of this comes out.’ She watched as Ryan pulled off his t-shirt, once more revealing that toned stomach and those tattoos that were such a turn-on. There was still something there, something that fluttered away deep inside her every time she saw this man – which was why she’d spent so long trying to avoid him. And with good reason it would seem, because look what had happened the second she’d let him get close to her again.
‘We’ve dealt with worse.’
She raised an eyebrow, more than aware of the stirring between her legs, that ache that had started up and wouldn’t go away until it had been eased. She hadn’t invited it, hadn’t wanted to feel it, especially not right now. But it was there, whether she liked it or not. ‘You think?’
He grinned, edging closer to her, sliding his fingers under the waistband of her skirt, slowly pushing it down. ‘We’ll deal with it when it happens, okay? Right now… right now I just want to feel you, fuck you… taste you. I don’t want to think about anything else.’
She felt her stomach almost rise up into her chest, like she’d just gone over the precipice of the wildest big dipper there was. She was completely aware that she was now stepping out of her skirt, kicking it away; she was aware that he was removing her panties, that she was kicking those away, too. She was aware of everything she was about to do next, and she wanted it to happen. Now. Maybe she hadn’t before – maybe she had. All she knew was that she wanted a reprieve from the confusion and the reality. Even if this wasn’t the most sensible way of getting that respite.
Holding her arms up, she closed her eyes as he pulled off her top, the coolness of the air conditioning immediately hitting her naked skin, and the strangest feeling of freedom suddenly washed over her. She didn’t know why, as everything that had happened lately meant she was anything but free. But, right now, she felt as though nothing could touch her; like the world was hers. Hers and Ryan’s.
‘No bump yet?’ Ryan smiled, his fingers entwining with hers, her arms still up above her head.
She smiled, too, staring into his eyes, every nerve ending in her body on red alert as they waited in anticipation of his first touch. ‘I guess I’m lucky, so far.’
‘You look fucking incredible,’ he groaned, letting go of one of her hands so he could finally make that first move, running a thumb gently over her nipples until they were hard. ‘Jesus, Amber…’ He lowered his head, his tongue replacing his thumb, circling her nipple lightly, the warmth and the heat of his mouth turning her on to the point of agonising frustration. So much so that she was halfway to touching herself, to bringing herself to a climax she now desperately needed.
But he could sense that, and he pulled away, taking a couple of steps back to just take her in, to look at her, that Ryan Fisher grin lighting up his face again as his eyes scanned her naked body. And it was a grin that made Amber laugh, she couldn’t help it. Her beautiful boy was here to make everything better, and whether he really could do that, she didn’t know. She doubted it. This whole situation was only going to get worse before anything felt like it was making any kind of sense, but, for now, he was here, and he was smiling. Handsome, hot, sexy and dangerous. Everything she could do without. But everything she was going to take.
And then the mood changed, in a split second, as the smiles disappeared and the air was filled with an intensity so charged it almost crackled. Within seconds he had her pressed up against the wall, his hand between her legs, his mouth on hers as the heat rose, and he did, too, his erection digging into her thigh so hard she almost cried out with the pain.
He lifted her up, her legs wrapping themselves around him as he carried her over to the bed, gently layi
ng her down, positioning himself between those incredible legs of hers so he had the best view, and easy access into that place he’d been aching to visit ever since he’d left the U.K.
He could see how wet she was, he could see how ready she was, and as he reached out and touched her, let his fingers lose themselves in that warm, wet heaven, he almost lost control, almost came there and then, spectacularly early, because that’s what she did to him. When she was lying there, with those legs wide open and everything on show, she was his obsession.
‘Ryan…’ she groaned, arching her back as he gently and carefully pushed his fingers inside her, moving slowly, making every inch of her shiver. It was the most beautiful feeling, an almost exquisite feeling of frustration mixed with pure lust as his mouth kissed its way up her body, lingering on her hips, his other hand in the small of her back, keeping her pushed up against him.
She felt young again, she felt free and alive and everything she really wasn’t, but the fact he was making her feel that way was enough for now; it was enough to keep her hoping that everything might just work out, that this fucked-up situation could actually end up with some kind of conclusion. It was just that, right now, she couldn’t see it. She couldn’t.
‘You’re thinking,’ Ryan said, slowly pulling his fingers out of her, his body moving slightly, his knee gently pushing her legs a touch wider apart. ‘Don’t. Don’t think about anything except what we’re doing here. You can’t change it, Amber, you can’t do anything. You can’t…’ She closed her eyes as his mouth touched hers, ‘… do anything.’ His tongue danced around hers, sending her head spinning as he slowly pushed into her, filling her with that brief feeling of hope again, and she embraced that. She took it and she ran with it, throwing her arms above her head as his fingers slipped between hers, her legs now wrapped around him as their bodies moved together in a gentle, slow rhythm. A familiar rhythm. A rhythm that built up, bit by bit, with every push, every thrust, every buck of her hips, until they both shuddered to a simultaneous climax that was both understated, yet, at the same time, quietly brutal in its intensity.
She didn’t want to open her eyes when it was over. Opening her eyes meant stepping back into reality and she knew that’s what she was scared of. What she was trying to avoid. She’d taken the first step by coming here, by telling Ryan. And she’d taken one huge step backwards by letting this happen.
‘I’m not walking away,’ Ryan whispered, stroking strands of hair from Amber’s eyes. ‘I can’t do that. Not now.’
She looked up at him, her chest still rising and falling quite rapidly as her breathing tried its best to return to normal. ‘I know.’
‘So, what do we do now?’
She didn’t know. She still couldn’t answer that question. It was way too early to be deciding on any kind of future. ‘I don’t know, Ryan.’
She let go of his hand, turning over onto her stomach. He lay next to her, propping himself up on one elbow.
‘I know how we can make a start,’ he said, gently running his fingers along her arm until they reached her left hand, and she didn’t do a thing to stop him as she felt him slowly start to slip off her wedding ring, sliding it over her finger until it fell into his hand. ‘We can start by getting rid of that.’
She turned to look at him, watching as he balled his hand into a fist, enclosing her wedding ring inside it.
‘Do you want it back?’ he asked, stretching out his arm and letting the ring fall out onto the bedside table.
‘I… I…’ She didn’t know. She really didn’t know.
‘You can have it back, if you really want it,’ he whispered, slowly running his fingers over her hip, stroking it gently, moving down over her thigh. ‘If you really, really want it.’ His eyes were boring deep into hers again, turning everything on its head, complicating an already complicated situation even further.
‘I don’t…’ She couldn’t even string a sentence together, and she hated feeling like this. She wanted to be strong, she wanted to put those barriers back up and let nothing and no one get past them again, because this is what happened when they did. And she didn’t know how to cope with these feelings anymore.
‘It’s pointless looking back, Amber,’ he said, pulling her against him. ‘I mean, after what’s happened, you can’t really go back now, can you? Everything’s changed.’
And that’s what worried her more than anything. Everything had changed. Everything. And the problem with that was, she didn’t want it to.
Chapter Thirty
‘I’m experiencing a slight feeling of déjà vu here,’ Ronnie said as Amber drove out of the car park at Reina Sofia Airport. ‘And you’re not saying much. Everything all right?’
‘I’m just concentrating, Ronnie. If I miss this turn off I’ve got to drive miles before I get a chance to double back. Roundabouts aren’t as frequently placed here as they are back home.’
‘How did Ryan take the news of impending fatherhood, then?’
‘You really want to have this conversation now?’ she asked as she finally turned off onto the TF1 motorway to begin the short journey towards Costa Adeje. ‘I’m driving.’
‘And when did you suddenly lose the ability to multitask? Surely pregnancy hasn’t turned your brain to mush already.’
‘Ronnie, please…’
‘Okay, okay … You had dinner yet?’
She shook her head. ‘Not yet, no. Can’t say that eating is high on my list of important things to do at the minute.’
‘You’re eating for two now, missy, remember?’
‘That’s such a fallacy.’
‘Yeah, well, keeping yourself healthy isn’t. So let’s go eat.’
‘Who died and made you my dad?’
‘Talking of your dad…’
Amber sighed heavily, throwing Ronnie a quick sideways look.
‘He’s worried about you. He hasn’t heard from you in days, every time he sees you, you look miserable…’
‘He knows I’m busy. And he knows I’m… he knows I’m missing Jim.’ She swallowed hard, trying not to let the mention of her estranged husband’s name get to her, but it was something she still had to work at.
‘He should know you’re carrying his grandchild.’
‘Jesus Christ…’
‘All right, okay. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.’
‘But you’re not, though, are you? And I really hope you haven’t come all the way here just to nag me into the ground.’
‘As if.’
She couldn’t help smiling. ‘I really hate you sometimes.’
‘The feeling’s mutual,’ he grinned, and she laughed, suddenly feeling incredibly happy that her best friend was here. Because she needed him.
‘Okay, you win. Let’s go eat.’
Jim flicked through the pages of the paper, his head resting in his hand as he looked at the pictures of Amber over in Tenerife. She was walking along the seafront with Max, who Jim was well aware had gone out there because Ryan was doing a photo shoot with one of his sponsors. He was also aware that Amber had taken a bit of time off from Cloud Sports, which bothered him. She didn’t take time off, not just like that. Not Amber. He knew her too well, knew that she didn’t like to let people down, but he should have known something was wrong when she’d suddenly pulled out of hosting Scoreline the evening he’d been interviewed. He should have known.
‘Well, that’s the dishwasher loaded.’ Brandon smiled, coming back into the dining room from the kitchen, a tea towel slung over one shoulder, a bottle of beer in his hand. ‘Thanks for dinner, Dad. It was good to spend some time with you.’
Jim sat back in his chair, rubbing the bridge of his nose. ‘Yeah, it was.’ He smiled at his son. ‘We need to do it more often.’
‘Dad…’
Jim looked back at the paper, once again staring down at that picture of Amber in a black bikini, a short sarong tied low around her hips, that beautiful dark red hair of hers piled messily up on top of her head so that loose
strands fell over her bare, tanned shoulders. And he was divorcing her. Why? Only he knew the answer to that one. Nobody else needed to know. And, as painful as it was, it was the way it had to be.
‘What?’ Jim asked, not looking up. Not wanting to, because he really wasn’t in the mood for any kind of deep conversation.
‘When you were… when you were my age everyone said you had a bit of a reputation. Some even say you clash with Ryan Fisher so much because you’re actually quite similar. Or you were. Once upon a time.’
Jim looked up, narrowing his eyes slightly as he looked at his son. ‘A lot of my life at that age is a bit of a blur.’
‘So there are comparisons between you and him, then?’ Brandon smirked, but that smirk was soon wiped from his face when he saw his father’s expression change.
‘There are no similarities between myself and Ryan Fisher, Brandon. None.’
‘Okay, but you must have had lots of girlfriends. Everyone says you were a real hit with the women, you were good-looking and…’
Jim looked up from the paper again, pushing his reading glasses up onto his head. ‘Do we have to talk about this?’
‘I’m just curious.’ Brandon shrugged, taking a long drink of beer. ‘Curious to know what your life was like before me. Before Amber.’
Jim said nothing for a second or two, sitting back and rubbing the bridge of his nose again. He could feel another headache starting to form. This was something he really didn’t want to get into with Brandon. With anyone.
Extra Time Page 47
