Jim closed his eyes briefly as he heard the door slam shut behind her. He walked over to the bay window, watching as she ran down the path to her car, and that’s when he felt it hit; a pain so raw he couldn’t hold it in, no matter how much he wanted to. And as he sank to his knees, his head in his hands, loud, howling sobs erupted from his body as he tried to set that pain free. But it hurt, like someone twisting a blunt, rusty knife right into his heart, ramming it home until he couldn’t take it anymore. It was like he was in the middle of some surreal, unreal dream; this cruel twist of fate that had finally taken her away from him. She was having the one thing he hadn’t been able to give her – a baby. The one thing that could have kept them together because, despite what he’d just told her, if she’d stood there and told him that baby was his, then he would have taken her back in a heartbeat.
He breathed deep, trying to stop the tears from falling as anger and frustration began their climb, taking the place of the tears, filling him with a rage he couldn’t control. It was unbearable, knowing how close she was to another man, and as memories of a past before Amber flooded his head, he felt that rage build even further, until he couldn’t hold it in any longer.
Pulling himself up off the floor, he replaced the sobs with frustrated cries, slamming his hands down on the sideboard, swiping them through the bottles and glasses that sat there, sending them crashing to the floor. He didn’t even feel the pain from the cut on his forearm as a brandy glass sliced through it, blood spilling down over his white shirt, because he didn’t care. He wanted to end this frustration, to take it out on things that couldn’t fight back, but even as he continued to send pictures and ornaments flying, the sound of glass shattering and china smashing on the hardwood floor echoing round the room, it wasn’t making him feel any better. Punching the wall, he felt a sharp pain reverberate up his arm, but still he felt nothing, except that feeling of emptiness, and a fierce frustration that he hadn’t been the one to give her the one thing she’d wanted most. The one thing Ryan had given her. Maybe Brandon had been right – in a way he had pushed them closer together, and that realisation set off another wave of destruction as he slammed doors, kicked chairs, shouted out every darkest, deepest thing he was feeling as the kitchen became the next target for his own personal cleansing therapy, until he could do no more. Until there was nothing left to destroy.
His head was hurting and his heart was breaking, but he was Jim Allen. He could deal with this. He could deal with it. And he would. Eventually. He’d find a way to ease the pain, and when he did, he wouldn’t be the one feeling like this. It wouldn’t be him. He’d make sure of that.
‘How did he take it?’
‘How do you think, Ronnie?’
‘Okay. Don’t start on me, I was only asking.’
Amber let out a loud sigh that was tinged with more than a hint of frustration. ‘He was surprisingly fine, at first, then his whole mood just seemed to change in an instant. He started going on about his reputation, how I’d made him look… then he said something about… about…’
‘About what?’ Ronnie asked, leaning forward.
‘He worked out the baby’s due in August, and by that time Ryan will definitely be back at Newcastle Red Star… if Ryan comes back to Newcastle Red Star. That’s what he said. If Ryan comes back.’
Ronnie frowned, clasping his hands together between his knees. ‘He can’t do that, Amber. He can’t make those decisions on a whim.’
‘Oh, Jim can do anything he wants, Ronnie. It was down to Jim that Ryan had his emergency loan request granted in the first place, remember? So he can do what he wants. He’s got that fucking power.’
‘Look, babe, he was probably just saying things in the heat of the moment. You did spring one hell of a shock on him.’
‘I could see the look in his eyes, Ronnie. He knew exactly what he was saying.’
‘It isn’t that simple though, Amber. Jim Allen is not in sole control of what goes on at Newcastle Red Star. He can’t just pick and choose who plays for the club and who doesn’t.’
Amber sat up and looked at Ronnie, raising an eyebrow. ‘You think?’
‘Come on, Amber. I’m not denying he isn’t a powerful man with just as powerful connections, but it isn’t up to him whether Ryan comes back to Newcastle Red Star or not. He has a contract, and if he was to leave Red Star before the end of that contract then the club’ll have to pay out a small fortune in release fees – we’re talking about a big name player here. And Jim Allen knows that. He’s just throwing words about, that’s all.’
‘I don’t know,’ Amber sighed. ‘You didn’t see the look in his eyes.’
‘He’s bluffing.’
‘I hope you’re right. The last thing anyone needs is him playing more games… Is that my phone?’ She reached into her bag, digging out her phone from the bottom. ‘It’s Gary.’ She frowned as she looked at the caller display. Then her eyes suddenly widened as realisation hit her. ‘The baby… Gary? Is Debbie okay? Is something wrong?’
‘No, nothing’s wrong,’ Gary said, his voice carrying an almost excited tone to it. ‘I just thought you might like to know that your goddaughter’s just arrived. Do you want to come and meet her?’
Amber couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across her face as she cradled baby Jodi Cassidy Blandford in her arms, bending over to kiss her tiny forehead.
‘She’s beautiful, Debbie.’
‘Yeah, well, she obviously gets that from my side of the family,’ Debbie grinned. Her hair was all over the place, her face devoid of make-up, all very different to the image Amber was so used to seeing Debbie radiate. But she’d never seen her friend look happier.
‘So, how was it?’ Amber asked, handing the baby back to her mum.
‘Fucking painful.’ Debbie grimaced, kissing her new daughter gently, smiling down at her as though she was the most precious thing in the world. Which she probably was. ‘She wasn’t due for another couple of weeks, so it was a bit of a shock when my waters broke right in the middle of me trying to choose a handbag for the end-of-season party, but, thankfully, she didn’t want to hang around. It was painful, but she only took a couple of hours to get here, didn’t you, poppet? My tiny little surprise.’
‘Was Gary with you? For the birth, I mean.’
‘They had to drag him out of training, but he got here just in time. Not sure it’ll be something he wants to repeat, but he had his uses.’
Amber looked at Debbie, and they both burst out laughing.
‘Anyway, chick, you’re looking well.’
Amber frowned, because she didn’t exactly feel it. ‘You think so?’
‘The tan suits you. I take it Tenerife was hot?’
In more ways than one, at times, Amber thought. ‘Not bad, for the time of year.’
‘And Ryan?’ Debbie asked, with a tone to her voice that told Amber she wanted to know everything. But Amber reckoned even Debbie wasn’t ready to hear just what it was she had yet to tell her. ‘You know the rumours about why you went over there are rife, don’t you? Everyone thinks you and him are rekindling your relationship now you and Jim…’ Debbie stopped talking the second she noticed Amber’s expression change. ‘Oh, chick, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…’
‘The rumours aren’t exactly true, Debbie.’
It was Debbie’s turn to frown. ‘What do you mean, aren’t exactly true?’
Amber sighed. She was going to have to tell her at some point. She was going to have to tell everyone. It wasn’t something she could hide forever. ‘Debbie, you’re not gonna believe this, but… I’m pregnant.’
Debbie let out the beginnings of what would have been a huge squeal, but she stopped herself for fear of terrifying her two-hour-old child. ‘You’re what? Christ, I knew Dr. Lowry was pretty good at his job but I didn’t have him down as a miracle worker.’
‘It was a surprise, I’ll give you that.’
Debbie looked at Amber, cradling her daughter close to her chest. �
�You don’t exactly look ecstatic, hon. Is everything okay?’
Amber stared down at her hands as she fiddled with the cuff of her shirt. ‘Physically, I’m fine. The baby’s fine, I’ve got a scan next week and…’
‘And, what? Amber, chick, what is it? What’s wrong?’
Amber looked at Debbie, more than aware that she was slowly putting the pieces of the jigsaw together all by herself.
‘Hang on… your trip to Tenerife…’
‘The baby’s Ryan’s.’ Amber saved her the job of stating what was fast becoming obvious to everyone close to her. ‘I’m almost three months gone, which means the date of conception could only have been around the time of Gary’s birthday party.’
‘The night Ryan stayed over in your room…’ Debbie said, reaching out for Amber’s hand. ‘Your wedding ring. You’ve taken it off.’
‘Ryan took it off for me. When I was over in Tenerife.’
‘Amber… oh, babe, I don’t know what to say. Should I be happy for you? You look so sad…’
‘Oh, God, yes. Be pleased for me – I am happy, really. I am. I think I’m still just a bit in shock, that’s all. And I wish with all of my heart that things could have been different, but they’re not. And now I’ve just got to deal with it.’
‘Have you told Jim?’
Amber nodded, smiling as baby Jodi made the cutest gurgling sound, stretching her tiny arms out. ‘That was… that was hard.’
‘How did he take it?’
Amber shrugged. ‘It’s hard to say, Debs. You know how he is. He appears calm, emotionless, almost, on the surface, but I know him. He deals with things in a way others don’t normally do.’
Debbie frowned again. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Oh, I don’t know. He said things about… about how humiliating this could all be for him, about how this could damage his reputation. He mentioned something about Ryan’s return to Newcastle Red Star – if he returns to Newcastle Red Star. That’s what he said.’
‘Jim said that?’ Debbie gasped, her eyes wide.
‘Ronnie says he’s just bluffing, that he’s throwing threats around that don’t mean anything, but I’m not so sure, Debbie. Like I said, I know Jim. I know what he’s capable of.’
‘Oh, sweetheart. I’m sure it’s just his way of getting his head around something that’s come completely out of left field.’
‘Maybe,’ Amber sighed, reaching out to Jodi, who grabbed her finger, wrapping her tiny hand around it. ‘I just wish the news had been different, that’s all.’
‘And… and you know it’s definitely Ryan’s, do you?’
Amber nodded. ‘There’s absolutely no doubt, Debs. None.’
Debbie let out a low whistle, lying back against the pillows of her hospital bed. ‘Okay. Well, I have to admit, this is pretty big news, chick. So how did the daddy-to-be take it?’
‘Shocked, at first. Like you’d expect. But then he starts going to the other extreme, talking about getting back together, being a family… and I can’t think about all of that just yet, not when I’m still trying to get my head around everything.’
‘So you only went over there to tell him about the baby?’
‘He deserved to find out news like that in person. It was the least I could do, only now… now I’m kind of regretting it because all it’s done is start the rumour mill working overtime again. And Ronnie did warn me.’
‘Listen, chick, I know how much you wanted this baby…’
‘I wanted Jim’s baby, Debbie. I wanted Jim’s baby.’
‘Hey, come on. Don’t start crying, okay? I’m an emotional wreck myself right now. Have you any idea how much this whole process fucks with your hormones?’
‘I guess I’m going to find out, aren’t I?’
Debbie smiled, squeezing her hand. ‘Yeah. You are. Look, things might not have worked out quite the way you wanted them to, in an ideal world, but… you and Jim…’
‘It’s over,’ Amber whispered, looking over at the door as Gary walked in. He looked tired, dishevelled, but incredibly happy.
‘Definitely?’ Debbie asked, letting go of Amber’s hand as baby Jodi started to grizzle.
‘Definitely.’ Amber took a deep breath, because saying that word gave everything she still wanted so much an air of finality she really didn’t want to have to face. ‘So now I’ve just got to move on and make the best of the situation, for this baby’s sake.’
‘Hey, you’re gonna be a mum now, chick. Remember that. Even if that kid is gonna have Ryan Fisher for a father.’
Gary sat down on the edge of the bed, immediately taking his daughter from Debbie, cuddling her close. It was a sight Amber had never thought she’d see, but it was a sight that gave her some hope for the unexpected future that had suddenly been thrust upon her.
‘Sorry, have I missed something here?’ Gary frowned, his expression more than a touch confused. ‘Amber’s gonna be a mum? How? I mean…?’
‘I’ll explain later, babe,’ Debbie said, running her fingers through her hair. ‘Ugh. I so need to wash this!’
‘Yeah, okay, but… did you just say Ryan’s the father?’
‘I said, I’d explain it all later,’ Debbie sighed, reaching over to the bedside table to retrieve her make-up bag, which made Amber smile. She’d had a feeling it wouldn’t be long before the old Debbie returned. Motherhood wasn’t going to change her that much.
‘No, hang on. Amber, is that true? You’re pregnant? And Ryan’s the dad?’
Amber looked at Gary, and for the first time since she’d heard the news herself she felt a glimmer of happiness start to push its way through the confusion. A miracle had happened, despite the one flaw she couldn’t change. But if that was the price she had to pay in order for her dream to come true, then she’d pay it. She had no choice.
‘Yeah, it’s true. Who the hell would have thought, huh?’
Chapter Thirty-Three
‘You okay, Dad?’ Brandon stood in his father’s office, arms folded as he leaned back against the wall, watching Jim at work.
‘I’m fine, Brandon.’ He threw down his pen and looked at his son. ‘Look, it’s for the best, okay? I can’t say I’m happy at the way things have turned out, because I’m far from that, believe me. But I can’t change it, can I? Not all of it, anyway.’
Brandon narrowed his eyes as Jim turned back to his laptop. ‘What do you mean, not all of it?’
‘Nothing, Brandon. I didn’t mean anything.’
Brandon wasn’t so sure, but he’d quickly learned not to question his dad on certain things, and his relationship with Amber was one of them.
‘You finished training early today,’ Jim commented, without looking up from his laptop.
‘We’re flying down to London later for the match on Sunday.’
‘You’re on TV.’ It wasn’t a question. Why would it be? Jim knew full well his son’s match against one of the big London clubs was being televised Sunday teatime. Red Star’s home game against West Midlands club Langdon Rovers was also being televised on Saturday afternoon. And it was a big game, an important one for Newcastle Red Star – if they won the match, taking all three points, then it would give them an extremely high chance of regaining the league title. Something Jim was determined to do. If he could prove to everyone that Newcastle Red Star didn’t need Ryan Fisher, then his life would be a whole lot easier.
‘Yeah. We’re on TV. Dad…’
Jim looked up at him, sliding his reading glasses down onto the end of his nose.
‘What’s happened with Amber…?’ So much for his not pushing the subject. Sometimes he just couldn’t help himself.
‘I don’t want to talk about it, Brandon.’ Jim dismissed the subject immediately, turning away, back to whatever it was he’d been doing before.
‘But you’re acting like it doesn’t matter, Dad. And I think it does. I mean, does it really have to spell the end for you and Amber? Couldn’t you just…’
‘That’s enough,
Brandon. Do you hear me?’ Jim looked straight at his son, his expression stern and deadly serious. ‘There are things you don’t understand…’ He let the words trail off, not wanting to get into this conversation. It was nobody else’s business.
‘Then explain them to me.’
‘There are things you don’t understand. Things that happened, things that… It’s over, Brandon. What Amber and I had, it’s over. It has to be.’
‘Yeah, you keep saying that, but I don’t get it.’
‘You don’t need to, because it’s got nothing to do with you. It’s got nothing to do with anyone.’ Jim fixed him with another serious look. ‘So drop it. Right now.’
‘Do you love her?’
‘We’ve already been over this, Brandon, so just drop it, okay?’
Brandon sighed, pushing both hands through his hair. ‘I’m outta here.’
‘Good. I’ve got work to do.’
‘You’re burying your head in the sand, Dad. So she’s having Ryan Fisher’s baby…’
Jim looked up sharply, his eyes narrow, his expression hard. ‘Can you leave now, Brandon? Please.’
‘If you love someone, Dad; if you really, truly love someone, then you can get over anything. That’s what Mom always says, and I believe that. I believe that if you really can’t live without that person, no matter what they’ve done, there isn’t anything that can’t be resolved. Don’t you believe that, too?’
Jim said nothing, he just turned away, instantly dismissing Brandon’s question.
‘Jesus, Dad!’ But it was pointless trying to get through to him, that was becoming increasingly obvious. If Jim didn’t want to help himself be happy, then why should he bust his balls trying to get through to him? He’d leave him to it.
‘You okay?’
Brandon turned round as he closed the door of Jim’s office behind him, a smile forming on his face the second he saw her. ‘I am now I’ve seen you.’
She returned his smile, leaning back against the wall, clutching the pile of files she was holding against her chest. ‘I’ve got my lunch break in ten minutes. You busy?’
Extra Time Page 51
