by John Rocco
I don’t have to swim that rock anymore.
When I finally get up to leave, I feel okay. Not great, but okay. I pick up my dad’s glasses and look at them. “Dad, we’re having a cabaret at the Riptide tonight. I don’t want you to miss it.” I fold the frames carefully and put them in my shirt pocket, grab my bike, and head home.
When I arrive at the Riptide, I see Gene sleeping in an old beach chair by the seawall. He awakens when I roll up.
“Where have you been?” He gets up slowly, leaning heavily on his good arm. His eyes are red against the driftwood-colored paleness of his skin.
“I had to get something from the boat. What are you doing out here? Why aren’t you inside? Are you okay?” I rush over and help him get up.
“Don’t worry about me. I was just taking a little catnap before the big party. They still got me on a bunch of pills, and I get tired real quick.” Gene looks out over the water. “You sure have a nice view of the river.”
He turns back to me, and that’s when he notices my dad’s glasses sticking out of my shirt pocket. “He was out there with you, at the beach?” Gene smiles.
“I guess he was looking after me.”
“He’s looking after all of us, Jake,” Gene says with a quick glance skyward.
“Should we go in?” I ask.
“You lead the way.” Gene smiles.
I head inside with Gene, and I can’t believe how many people are here. I have never seen it so full, not even the day after the hurricane. Everyone is here: Dave Becker, Bainsey, C. J., Brendan Tooley, Jay Miller, even Russell. I see Tommy’s dad behind the counter, pouring drinks into plastic cups, and Billy Mac is sitting on a stool near the door, collecting the money as people walk in. A few of the guys come over to talk to Gene and ask him how he’s doing, and I go and find my mom sitting at a table near the jukebox.
“What can I do, Mom?”
“I told you, Jakey, you’ve done enough. Everything else is taken care of. Trax is back there in the kitchen dealing with the food; Mr. Clancy is working the bar; Darcy and Robin can handle the rest. You just relax. Dance, eat, and for God’s sake, have fun!” she orders jokingly, then smiles at Gene, who is making his way over to the table.
“This is quite a spread, Maggie.” My mom pulls back a chair for Gene and places a cushion behind his upper back as he gingerly sits down next to her.
“Hey, Jake, nice shiner.” Tommy comes over, balancing a large Coke and a plate full of stuffed quahogs. “Oh, hey, Mrs. C. These stuffies are wicked good.” Tommy pulls me aside and whispers in my ear. “Don’t look now, Jake, but check it out. Twelve o’clock.”
I follow Tommy’s eyes across the room. In booth number three is Janna Miller. She is sitting with her dad, eating lobster and laughing with Dave Becker and some other quahogger. She is completely relaxed and smiling, with those brilliant white teeth that glow from her tanned face.
“I am totally going to ask her to dance,” Tommy says.
“Since when do you dance?”
“Since tonight.” Tommy elbows me, and we go find some empty folding chairs near the back, where we both have a good view of Janna. Suddenly my view is blocked, and I look up, and Darcy is holding a lobster dinner in front of me.
“Where have you been, Stretch?” she asks, handing me the lobster. “This is the last one, but I saved it for you.”
“Thanks, Darce, that was nice.” I smile.
“How’s your eye? Do you want me to get you some ice?”
“I’ll take some ice,” Tommy says, holding up his plastic cup. “For my Coke.”
Darcy glares at him. “Oh, I’m sorry, Tommy. I didn’t know your legs were broken. The bar is right over there.” Darcy points to the counter, where Tommy’s dad smiles back at us and waves. Tommy looks at me with a wide-eyed smirk as Darcy pulls another chair over next to mine and sits down so that our legs are just brushing up against each other. My ears get hot. The three of us sit in the back and look out over the scene while we eat.
“This was a good idea, Darce.” I look over at her, and her eyes meet mine.
“Thanks, Jake.”
My stomach does a little flip because she never calls me Jake, unless she’s really mad about something. I have to look away, so I focus on my dinner, trying not to fling lobster juice on her clothes.
“Hey, where’s Robin? This is her big night, and I don’t see her anywhere.” Darcy stands up and scans the room.
“I saw her heading out back,” Tommy says with a mouth full of quahog stuffing. “She was looking a little green.”
“Let me go get her. I have to thank her anyway,” I say as Darcy sits down and grabs a stuffed quahog off of Tommy’s plate.
“Yeah, go ahead. Help yourself,” Tommy says to her mockingly.
“I’ll be right back.” I head through the double doors and into the kitchen.
Trax is pouring hot water into the double sink, and the steam is circling his head like a halo. He sees me and nods toward the back door. I step outside and see Robin sitting by the seawall. She’s wearing a green silk dress, and her hair is down, and she’s sitting on her hands and rocking back and forth. I hesitate for a second, thinking she might want to be alone, but then I head over.
“Anyone sitting here?” I sit down on the wall next to her.
“I can’t do it,” Robin says, staring into the water. “I thought I could, but I’m just shaking all over.”
“You mean singing? Darcy says you’re singing all the time.” I start throwing small shells into the water.
“Yeah, that’s after the diner is closed and everyone’s gone home and it’s just me and Darcy and your mom.” Robin turns to face me. “Did you see all those people in there?”
“Yeah, but you know all those people. They’re going to think you’re great even if you sing like a frog.”
“Jake, I know this means a lot to your mom . . . and you. . . . I feel terrible. She put so much into this, and you and Gene built that stage and I’m so ashamed. I can’t . . . I just can’t.” Robin gets up to leave.
“Robin, wait.”
“I’m sorry, Jake.”
“Come on, just listen to me.” Robin stops and looks at me. I’ve got my hands on my hips, and I’m looking down and kicking the dirt, trying to think.
“I’m listening.”
“Okay, well, look.” I turn my palms up. “I mean, just yesterday I worked the beach, right?”
“Yeah?” Robin draws it out, slowly trying to figure out what I’m getting at.
“Well, I never actually did that before. Gene let me pull the rake on his lunch breaks and stuff, and that’s how I practiced, but I never actually did it on my own.” I’m on a roll now, and I just keep talking because I can see Robin starting to relax. “I was so scared I was going to mess up, or do something stupid, or sink Gene’s boat, and there were about four thousand quahoggers out there, and I almost didn’t go.”
“But you did.”
“Yeah, I did. And it was still scary at first because I didn’t really know what I was doing. There were so many boats and guys yelling, and it was crazy. But I just put my head down and did what I knew how to do, and after a little while I wasn’t scared anymore. I mean it was hard, but it wasn’t scary. It was actually fun.”
“Would you do it again?
“In a second.”
Robin is looking up at me, and her eyes begin to smile. “Jake, you’re something else, you know that?” She points her finger at me and sneers. “All right, I’ll do it. But if they laugh me at me in there because I freeze up or my voice squeaks . . .”
“Or the stage breaks?” I snicker.
“Or if the stage breaks. I am going to have your head on a platter. You got me, mister?”
“Ten-four.”
Robin puts her hands over her mouth and lets out an anguished sigh and shakes her head, as if not believing what she is about to do. I watch her as she walks back through the door of the Riptide.
I start to fol
low when Captain — George Hassard — steps out of the shadows.
“That was quite a speech.”
I stare in shock.
“What? You look like you’ve seen a ghost or something, kid.”
“You’re out.” I’m looking over my shoulder for the cops, thinking that George probably broke out of jail somehow.
“Out?” He laughs. “I was never in.”
“But I saw you . . . the other night . . . when we went striper fishing.”
“Pffft!” George throws his hand up. “That prick Delvecchio didn’t have anything on me. I was home watching the Red Sox before they finished the paperwork.”
“I thought it was because of that night they caught us out dredging.”
“But they didn’t catch us, did they?” He’s looking at me out of the corner of his eye. “You didn’t let ’em board the boat. Smartest thing you could have done.”
“So are you still doing it?”
“What? Dredging?” George smirks. “Nah, the damn beach opening screwed the pooch on that one. The price is so low it’s not even worth my time. I’m trapping tautog now. These fish are so stupid, I don’t have to use any bait. They just swim right into the traps for me. I got forty-six Chinese restaurants that’ll buy every fish I catch. The goddamned DEM don’t even know how to regulate it. It’s a thing of beauty, Jake. Thing is, I need a deckhand.”
“Gene’s home, you know. I’ll be working for him now.”
“Come on, Jake, I could really use you out there.”
“I got to go, George.” I reach for the back door and add, “Gene’s waiting for me.” I shut the door behind me and don’t look back.
I head back through the party, breathing a sigh of relief, when suddenly I get slapped on the back.
“Jake, you killed them out there yesterday.” Dave Becker is smiling at me from ear to ear. “Russell told me you and your buddy came in with a huge haul. How are those hands?”
I raise both hands and break out into a smile as a bunch of the other guys gather around to inspect them.
“Ooooohhh! Welcome to the club!” Dave holds his hands up next to mine. He’s got these huge calluses at each joint, and his palms look like truck tires.
They’re all laughing now and sharing stories and showing off their battle wounds, and I feel like my dad is right here, standing next to me. I want to remember this forever.
I take his glasses from my shirt pocket and bring them over to the register. I carefully place them back on top, looking out at the scene, knowing, somehow, that he’s seeing all this.
“Robin’s going to sing now, Jake, come on.” Darcy grabs my hand and pulls me back to our chairs.
Darcy watches intently as Robin makes her way onto the makeshift stage. I look over, and my mom is frantically turning off the jukebox and plugging in the microphone.
“This should be a hoot,” Tommy says sarcastically, and Darcy shoots him a glare that almost knocks me over.
“Good evening, everybody.” My mom is on the stage with her arm around Robin. My mom taps her hand on the microphone to get everyone’s attention.
“All right, all right, settle down,” my mom says into the mike, with a smile.
Robin looks like she wants to run.
“Thank you all for coming to the cabaret. And what’s a cabaret without live music! We have a special treat tonight. The beautiful Robin McCaphrey is going to be making her singing debut right here at the Riptide! So I want you all to give her a warm welcome.” The Riptide echoes with applause, and I can’t believe it. I haven’t seen my mom that talkative and sure of herself since before my dad disappeared. I think for a second that she might start singing.
Robin takes the microphone, and the whole place gets real quiet. She closes her eyes and begins to sing “Stormy Weather.” She starts out real soft and you can hardly hear her. Then, opening her eyes slowly, she starts to sway slightly, and her voice gains strength.
I know the song because my mom used to play it all the time on the jukebox, when I was little. Robin can sing great; her voice sounds better than the record. Everyone is watching her like they’re in a trance.
“She’s amazing,” I say, looking at Darcy.
“I bet your mom didn’t realize how much talent she had working for her.” Darcy smirks.
Robin comes to the end of the song, and the Riptide erupts into cheers and applause. She’s grinning and staring down at the stage, too overwhelmed to look up. She sings another song that has the whole diner swaying right along with her.
My mom gets a bunch of people to leave their seats and start pushing the tables off to the side, clearing out an area in front of the stage. Darcy, Tommy, and I get up to help her, although I think it’s kind of rude to kick people out after only a couple of songs.
“What are we doing, Mom?” I ask as we carry a large table over toward the kitchen.
“What does it look like, Jake? We’re making a dance floor!”
Robin takes the cue perfectly and starts belting out another song with a more upbeat tempo. The dance floor quickly fills right up. Everybody is dancing and singing along, and it seems that the Riptide is becoming a nightclub earlier than expected.
I watch with awe as Tommy walks straight up to Jay Miller’s table and asks Janna to dance. I feel for Tommy because Janna is way out of his league, and Jay Miller’s probably going to throttle him for asking. I’m shaking my head and laughing as Janna takes his hand and Tommy leads her out to the dance floor. I can’t believe it, and before I know what’s happening, Darcy pulls me out there too.
“I can’t dance.” I stand, still looking at her.
“What? Everybody can dance.”
“I can’t.” I head back over to our chairs to sit down. I feel bad, because I want to dance with Darcy, but I know I’ll probably spaz out and break her foot or maybe my own.
“What’s the deal?” Darcy plops down next to me.
“I’m totally uncoordinated. Seriously, someone will get hurt.”
“Jake — you just went out and caught like a bazillion quahogs yesterday. You call that uncoordinated?”
“That was on the water.”
“What?” Darcy looks at me, puzzled.
“The water. When I’m out on the water, everything works. Everything does what I tell it to do.” I start flailing my arms and legs. “But on land I’m an Unco. I can’t explain it.”
Darcy grabs my hand and yanks me back over to the dance floor, also grabbing a half-filled water glass from an empty table on the way. She empties the glass onto the floor at my feet.
“There. Now you’re on water. Let’s dance.”
And we dance.
And I’m not clumsy or Unco or spastic, and I don’t break her foot. We just dance. I’m still not that good, and I don’t know all the moves, but Darcy takes the lead and I let her, and we dance like that for three songs straight.
Tommy is dancing with Janna right next to us, and he keeps looking over, giving me the thumbs-up.
Then Robin sings another slow song, and I start to head back to my chair. Before I get halfway there, Darcy drags me off to an empty booth and forces me to sit. She looks like an angel as her eyes sparkle.
Without taking her eyes off me, she removes her sweater and throws it into the booth. She is wearing a beautiful summer dress, with thin little straps that gracefully swoop over her shoulders and get lost in her hair.
There it is, out for everyone to see; her naked arm, in all of its beautiful, intricate, twisted scarring, like a big tattoo that reaches from her shoulder to her hand.
I rise up and put my hands on her shoulders. She’s trembling, and little pools of water well up in the corners of her eyes.
“Are you sure?” I ask.
Darcy nods silently.
“And you want to go dance?” I ask.
“Uh-huh.”
“Okay. But before we go out there, I want to tell you something. I just want to say . . . I mean . . . you’re the coolest pers
on I’ve ever met and I’m happy . . . I’m really glad that you are here with me, with us.”
I take her hand and lead her back out to the dance floor. Darcy is looking down, afraid to see the reactions of everybody, but I’m taking it all in with my head up, as we walk together to the middle of the floor.
“It’s all cool, Darce. They’re all cool, trust me,” I whisper in her ear.
Darcy throws both arms over my shoulders, resting her head on my chest. Then she tilts her head back to look at me, and I don’t look anywhere else but in her eyes, and we dance slow, even though the music is fast, and everyone dances around us as if nothing has changed.
But I know everything’s different now.
Robin takes a final bow to thundering applause and quickly steps down off the stage. My mom tackles her into a hug, and Robin leans over to me and says, “You’re right, Jake. I was terrified at first, but once I got going, I loved it!”
Brendan Tooley takes Robin’s place behind the microphone and starts belting out a slightly changed and out-of-tune version of a country song.
Mommas, don’t let your babies grow up to be clammers!
Everyone in the place chimes in:
DON’T LET ’EM DIG QUAHOGS AND DRIVE THEM OLD TRUCKS,
LET ’EM BE DOCTORS AND LAWYERS AND SUCH!
I am laughing so hard I don’t realize that Darcy is still holding my hand. She notices me glancing down and quickly lets go and starts clapping and singing with everyone else. Brendan shouts out a few more rounds, and then throws his hands up in the air like he just won a singing contest. I’m sure he’s drunk.
“All right, all right, thank you, Brendan, for that country classic.” Jay Miller has the microphone now, and everyone gets real quiet because Jay doesn’t ever talk too much.
“First off, how about a big hand for Maggie Cole, who put this shindig together?” My mom turns red as a tomato and waves Jay off as everyone turns to her, hooting and hollering.
“Before John Cole built this diner, he was the best quahogger on Narragansett Bay. You know that’s a fact. And I don’t know how many of you were at Barrington Beach yesterday . . .” Laughter ripples through the crowd. “His son, Jake, was out there yesterday, and he outcaught most of us.”
