Alice tried to push back the covers. ‘I’m leaving. That young doctor said it was up to me.’
‘Up to you to get better, then maybe we’ll see about you coming to my place for a while,’ Mary soothed. ‘Once you’re stronger, then you can go back to the farm.’
Coop froze as Alice gripped his arm. ‘Please, Coop,’ she begged. ‘I don’t want to die in this place.’
‘You’re not going to die,’ Mary said.
‘I want to go home.’ Alice’s voice was loud and agitated.
A nurse appeared in the crowded space as Mary pried Alice’s hand from Coop’s arm. ‘What’s going on, Alice?’
‘I want to go home.’
Coop eased away to the end of the bed. Mary spoke gently to Alice from one side while the nurse tried to coax her to lie back.
Alice’s sharp eyes locked on his. ‘Take me home. Please, Coop,’ she cried.
‘Not yet, Alice,’ the nurse said, leaning closer to check a plaster on her arm. ‘Just a bit longer so we know we’ve knocked that nasty infection on the head.’
Coop backed away.
‘Please, Coop.’ Alice’s whispered plea followed him to the door. The smell of the hospital was overpowering and he could feel his heart thudding. It was just like his last visit to his mother. She’d called after him. Her bruised and wasted arms had reached out to him from the hospital bed, her pathetic cries had filled the air.
Coop reached the lifts. He stabbed the button several times then stepped back and took a deep, calming breath.
‘Coop.’
He turned around. It was Mary. Her cheeks were even redder and her breath more laboured than before.
‘Have you got a minute?’
‘I’ve got to meet a truck,’ he replied, keen to get out as soon as he could. ‘I probably need to catch a taxi as it is.’
‘I can drive you,’ Mary offered. ‘We’ll talk on the way. Alice needs to rest for a while anyway. I’ll come back and see her later.’
The lift opened and several people stepped out. Coop hesitated. ‘It’s a fair way out of town,’ he said.
‘I don’t mind.’ Mary stepped ahead of him and held out her large bag to stop the door from closing. She gave a gentle smile. ‘I enjoy driving, and we need to talk about Alice. Some decisions need to be made. She depends on you so I’d appreciate your input.’
Coop hesitated a second longer then stepped into the lift. The doors closed behind him. In his head a voice screamed, Not me, Alice can’t depend on me.
Chapter 32
Angela closed the cab door and turned slowly. The voice was so very like Nigel’s. Surely she was mistaken.
‘Angela?’ it repeated. ‘I’ve been waiting for you.’
In a glance she took in the canvas shoes, faded jeans and crumpled cord jacket. Her eyes confirmed what her ears heard. She lifted her gaze and looked directly into those familiar, deep brown eyes. ‘What are you doing here, Nigel?’
‘I’ve been trying to contact you but you won’t answer my calls.’
‘I’ve been busy.’
‘It doesn’t take much to send a text.’
‘This from the master of keeping in touch.’
Nigel opened his mouth then closed it again. He flicked his hands out and dropped them back to his sides. ‘I guess I asked for that.’ He sighed. ‘I don’t want to fight with you, Angela, I just want to see Claudia.’
‘You can’t.’
‘I’m her father.’
‘When it suits you.’
‘You can’t deny me access.’
‘What do you mean, access?’ Angela’s heart thumped. What’s he up to?
‘Claudia is my daughter and if I want to spend time with her, you can’t stop me.’ Nigel looked past her, to the truck.
‘She’s not here.’
‘Is she with Janice?’
‘Why would Janice be looking after her?’
The office door banged, distracting them both.
‘I’m heading to the post office,’ Shell called from the verandah. She held up her keys. ‘I’ve locked up, but you’ve got your own set now, don’t you?’
Angela nodded.
Shell continued. ‘You might be gone by the time I get back, so I’ll see you next week. Don’t forget your maintenance check on Tuesday.’ She gave a wave and headed to her car.
Nigel looked back at Angela, his face full of expectation. ‘I’ll be here till mid-week,’ he said. ‘I could spend some time with Claudia on Tuesday.’
‘She won’t be with me. She goes to pre-school now.’ Angela folded her arms and glared at the man who used to make her knees wobble whenever he glanced in her direction. Sure, they were wobbling now, but not with desire. ‘Look, Nigel, I don’t know why you have this sudden urge to play Claudia’s father again, but I’m not going to let you drop in and out of her life, building up her hopes and then disappearing–’
‘She’s older now,’ he interrupted. ‘She understands I’m on the road a lot.’
‘She’s four, Nigel. When you got back from overseas she didn’t even know who you were.’
‘Maybe if you’d shown her my photo–’
‘Oh, you mean the large, lifelike one adorning our gilt-edged mantelpiece?’ Angela flung her arms out wide. Her voice got louder. ‘The one labelled, This is your darling daddy, but he’s too busy to have you in his life anymore and I don’t know when he’ll be back. That one?’ She shook her head. ‘You can’t just come and go from a child’s life, Nigel. They need stability.’
‘Well, you’re not exactly providing stability yourself, are you? You moved out of that great unit we had and now you’ve got her on the road to the back of beyond …
‘Don’t!’ Angela stabbed her finger at Nigel. ‘Don’t you lecture me. We had to leave that “great unit” because I couldn’t afford it on my own.’
He shrugged his shoulders. ‘I wasn’t earning much, I’m sorry.’
‘Yeah, well, I don’t earn a fortune either. ‘Angela dropped her hand to her side. ‘You’ve never understood what it means to be a parent. Not emotionally, not physically, and certainly not financially.’
Nigel hesitated a moment then let out a short sigh. ‘I just want to see her.’
‘Well, you can’t. She’s in Munirilla, with a friend.’
‘Please bring her with you next week.’
A car turned in to the yard and Angela glanced up, thankful for the interruption. Nigel put a hand on her arm.
‘I want to build a relationship with her. I know I haven’t been a constant parent, but at least she has you.’
Angela took a calming breath and looked Nigel squarely in the eye. ‘Yes, she does, and I’ll let you know what I decide.’ She pulled her arm away from his, stepped past him and strode towards the car. She was relieved to see Coop emerging from the passenger door.
***
‘Thanks Mary.’ Coop leaned into the vehicle. ‘I’ll keep in touch.’ He shut the door and stepped back as Alice’s cousin drove away. She’d done most of the talking on the drive from the city. A sensible, no-nonsense woman, Coop had warmed to her quickly, but that didn’t make it any easier to deal with the information she’d given him, not to mention the questions she’d asked. His head was still spinning.
‘You’ve made good time.’ Angela’s face was flushed and her tight smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. ‘How’s your boss?’
‘A little better.’ He looked beyond her to the guy who was climbing into a battered old Volvo on the other side of the office. Coop had seen the restraining hand he’d placed on Angela. ‘Everything okay?’
‘Yes,’ she said quickly. ‘Ready to go when you are.’
Angela gave Coop a quick briefing, then filled him in on the rest as they got underway. It didn’t take them long to get out on the road. The chemicals yard wasn’t far from the depot and they didn’t have to wait long to load. Then loading took less time than anticipated, with less freight than Angela thought there’d be. Coop fou
nd he had to focus all his attention on the driving though. He’d handled all kinds of trucks before but none as smart as this one.
Once the city was behind them Coop wriggled back into the seat and tried to think of something to say. Now that all the driving instructions, directions and loading were behind them, their small talk had dried up. Coop badly wanted to talk to Angela about something other than trucks, he just didn’t know what.
He stole a quick glance in her direction. She seemed deep in thought but then turned and flashed a smile at him.
‘Thanks Coop.’
He flicked his eyes in her direction again. She was watching him carefully.
‘What for?’
‘Doing this job for me … for us. Dad really appreciates your help. He’s happy to pay you a contract wage.’
‘Like I said, I had to get to Adelaide somehow. This saves me the cost of fuel or a bus ticket.’
She smiled again. ‘Alice is on the mend, you said?’
‘Slowly. The cancer wasn’t as bad as they thought, so she’s come through treatment okay. But now there’s an infection. That’s set her back.’
‘So she won’t be home for a while yet?’
‘It’s hard to say.’ Coop stared at the road ahead. The doctor was planning to let Alice out of hospital to stay with Mary, and if that went well, she could come home to the farm, but she’d need lots of help. Mary had quizzed him on how much he was prepared to do for Alice – if he was up to the job.
‘Did she like the photos?’
‘You know, I was worried when I first got there. She looked so pale and thin but the photos really brought her to life.’ He didn’t mention the desperate cries she’d made as he left. It saddened him to think of strong, determined Alice becoming so needy.
‘Probably better than any medicine. She’s lucky to have you.’
‘That’s the tricky part.’
‘What do you mean?’
Coop could feel Angela’s eyes studying him – he couldn’t risk looking into those pretty hazel eyes, not right now. Something about her made him want to confide his life story, and he’d never shared that with anyone, not even Alice. Only Jeff Vickers knew how messy his existence had been and why he couldn’t afford to spend too long in one place.
‘I’m sorry,’ Angela murmured. ‘I didn’t mean to pry.’
He chanced another glance in her direction. Her puzzled expression made her look vulnerable – just like he felt.
‘That’s okay. You’re not. I’m just not sure what to say.’
‘It’s your business.’
She was looking straight ahead now. He drew in a breath, exhaled slowly and kept his eyes on the road.
‘Mary, Alice’s cousin, the woman who dropped me off, thinks Alice should come home to the farm. She wants me to find out what kind of home help she can get and wants to know how long I’m prepared to stay.’ He paused. ‘I never intended to be in Munirilla this long. I respect Alice, I like her a lot and I want to help but …’
‘You don’t want to be tied down.’
Coop nodded. If things were different he might have entertained the idea of staying, but they weren’t, so that could never happen.
‘… Some people are like that.’
Angela was now looking out the side window and he’d only caught her last sentence. How long had he tuned out for?
‘Like what?’ he asked.
‘Drifters. Not wanting stability in their lives.’ She clicked her tongue.
Coop frowned. He’d never thought of himself as a drifter. ‘It’s not as simple as that.’
‘Maybe you should think about staying. Munirilla seems a nice enough place. I’d give anything for some stability, a place to belong.’ The last part came out in a murmur that Coop could barely hear over the rumble of the truck.
Angela’s phone played a tune and he saw worry flick across her face. She tugged it from her pocket and relaxed into a smile.
‘It’s a message from Jeremy. I told him we were coming to Adelaide. He wants to catch up for a drink. Pity we’re already away. Maybe I can see him next week.’ She started pushing buttons on the phone. ‘I’ll have a day to kill while the truck has a service.’
Coop had never felt the urge to own a mobile phone but he was suddenly envious of Angela’s easy connection with Jeremy. He concentrated, trying to think of something to say.
‘Would you stay on and do this run if your dad didn’t have someone else lined up for it?’ he asked eventually.
She tucked the phone back into her pocket. ‘I’ve thought about it, you know. There’s not much I miss in Melbourne, to be honest, and Claudia is settling in to the life.’
There was a short silence.
‘But?’ he prompted.
‘But Claudia’s father wants to spend time with her. Suddenly he wants to be a parent again.’ Her voice was raised a notch, making the words sound harsh. ‘I don’t want Claudia hurt – again – but he is her father and we don’t have a formal custody arrangement.’
‘Why not?’
She was silent for so long that Coop risked a sideways glance. She was staring straight ahead and he could see the tears brimming. He berated himself. He couldn’t believe he’d asked such a personal question.
‘I’m sorry. It’s none of my business.’
‘That’s okay. I didn’t realise how raw it all is – still. I thought I dealt with this a long time ago but Nigel keeps turning up and confusing things. That was him at the depot.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘What for? You’re not the one being a bastard.’ Venom dripped from her words. Coop remained silent. ‘Now it’s my turn to say sorry,’ she said.
‘It’s your truck,’ he said, trying to dispel the tension. ‘Anyway, this is a busy section, I’d better …’ He indicated the road in front of them. They’d reached Port Wakefield, where traffic was slowed and banking up. Coop focused on driving, trying to get the hang of all the sounds and flashes. Driving Big Red was, at times, like being in charge of a carnival ride. But he got through with a minimum of drama and once they were out on the highway again, he eased his grip on the wheel. Angela hadn’t spoken the whole time. The sun was setting and her face was barely visible in the early evening gloom of the cab.
Coop tried again. ‘Why don’t you call his bluff?’
It took a moment for her to answer. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Test him. If Nigel really wants to be a father, take him to the family court.’
‘I don’t want to do that.’ Her reply was swift.
‘Why not?’ Coop thought about the sweet little girl Angela had raised – mostly on her own, it appeared. ‘Surely you couldn’t end up any worse off than the limbo arrangement you have now. The court might force his hand, make him face up to his responsibilities. Does he pay child support?’
She didn’t reply and once again he regretted his interference.
Finally she spoke. ‘You’re right. I’ve never pressed him, never pushed him to face up to his responsibilities.’ Her voice was low and tinged with sadness. ‘Deep down, I guess I was too afraid.’
Coop was surprised. Angela didn’t strike him as someone who was afraid of anything. She’d tackled this truck driving job full on, and he had a quick image of her striding up to Clifford Berl that night at the pub. She certainly didn’t act like someone who was scared of much. Coop’s smile slipped away as he strained to listen.
‘Too afraid he’d leave us,’ she mumbled, ‘but that’s exactly what he did.’ She gulped and then sniffed.
Coop kept his eyes glued to the road. She was crying. He was angry with himself for prying, but at the same time overcome with the desire to hold her in his arms. If he thought she’d let him, he’d have pulled over in a flash, but he wasn’t sure how she’d react. Better to keep driving, keep quiet.
Finally her muffled sobs subsided and she blew her nose – so much for his attempts at small talk. His mind went over the conversation, wishing he’d never a
sked the questions he had. Eventually, as another truck came towards them and threw some light into the cab, he risked a glance. Angela’s head was back, her eyes closed and her mouth slightly open. She’d fallen asleep.
Coop was relieved he didn’t have to work out anything more to say. And even though she was asleep, he found Angela’s presence comforting, warming. As they drove on into the night, he turned the radio on low and his thoughts returned to his own dilemma.
Chapter 33
Angela’s neck gave another twinge as she rolled the last of the straps under the truck. Jim had finished unloading and she was keen to get home.
They’d made it to Munirilla in the early hours of the morning. Coop had headed straight back to the farm, brushing aside her effusive thanks for driving. Staying at the stock and station agency, Angela had climbed back into the bunk and, to her surprise, had fallen asleep again straight away.
The stiffness in her neck was a reminder of the fool she’d made of herself last night. She couldn’t believe she’d burst into tears and then just fallen asleep sitting up. Coop had woken her in Port Augusta for a quick stop. Her reflection in the washroom mirror had shown congealed dribble on her face – she’d probably been snoring with her mouth hanging open. Thank goodness it was dark in the cab.
‘Angela!’
She swung around, the pain jagging down her neck and across her shoulder. ‘Damn.’ She massaged the sore spot and watched Ken stride towards her. ‘Damn,’ she muttered again.
Jim had come in early to unload the chemicals and she’d planned to slip home for a quick shower and change before Ken turned up. Jim had offered to cook bacon and eggs for breakfast. He said it was usually only a Sunday treat at their house but that Leanne had suggested they have it today and invite Angela over. She was touched by the offer.
‘You can’t pack up yet.’ Ken’s voice was raised and Angela could tell by his walk that he was stirred up about something.
‘Everything’s unloaded.’ She waved her arm at the empty truck bed, careful not to stir up the pain in her neck again.
‘It can’t be.’ He came to an abrupt stop and flapped a clipboard under her nose. The skin under his eyes was puffy, his cheeks were red and his normally clean-shaven chin was covered in dark stubble.
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