The Patterson Girls

by Rachael Johns

  ‘How’s Lucinda doing?’ he asked.

  Abigail sighed. ‘Not sure.’ Her heart ached at the thought of Joe and Lucinda not being together. Lucinda herself hadn’t said much apart from a quick email announcing that she’d moved home to help Dad and Charlie for a bit, but Charlie had sent a couple of updates. ‘Charlie says she’s driving everyone wild with cleaning regimes and reorganisation of everything from Dad’s filing cabinet to the linen cupboard, which is Mrs Sampson’s domain.’

  ‘Mrs Sampson’s the hotel housekeeper, right?’

  ‘Right.’ Abigail nodded. ‘Although Charlie reckons she might be a little more than that to Dad.’

  ‘So you’re not the only one in the family getting up to no good?’ Nigel said, once again sneaking his talented fingers down her body, this time lingering on one breast.

  ‘Don’t,’ she squealed. Not because she didn’t like his touch but because she was still getting used to the idea of Dad finding love again after Mum and she certainly wasn’t ready to think about him and Mrs Sampson doing the horizontal mambo.

  Nigel laughed and Abigail made a move to climb out of bed. ‘Bathroom calls, back in a second.’

  She grabbed her dressing gown from the edge of her bed and slipped it on before opening the door and hurrying down the hall to the bathroom. The television in the living room was on louder than usual and Abigail grinned at the thought that Sam and Pamela had turned it up to cover the sounds of her and Nigel making love.

  Jealous prudes, she thought as she slipped into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. She did her business, freshened up a little and then checked her reflection in the mirror before heading back to Nigel.

  ‘Are you hungry?’ she asked as she re-entered the bedroom all of three, maybe four, minutes later.

  He met her question with a glare and she froze as the door banged shut behind her. Her stomach clenched as her eyes zoned in on her open bedside drawer. The ovulation prediction kit she’d bought months ago lay on the bed in front of Nigel.

  ‘What the hell is this?’ he asked, gesturing to the box as if it were a rotting rodent.

  She swallowed, her heart pounding so hard she swore he’d be able to hear it. ‘What were you doing going through my drawers?’

  Nigel sighed. ‘Thinking about your dad and his new love gave me this great idea for a campaign for this client we’re pitching to and I needed a pen and paper to write it down.’

  She raised one eyebrow. ‘And you couldn’t use your phone?’ Lord knows he used it for everything else.

  ‘I always scrawl down my ideas on paper first, they just …’ He halted mid-sentence and shook his head. ‘I don’t think it’s me that needs to be explaining myself right now. What have you got this for? Is it yours? You told me you were on the pill.’

  She opened her mouth to tell him no, it was a friend’s, but she found she couldn’t look into the eyes of the man she loved and blatantly lie. And what kind of friend would leave that in her bedside drawer? Abigail didn’t want to start their relationship with such deception, but what exactly should she tell him? That she was on destitution’s doorstep when they met and having a baby seemed a good way to go home without having to tell her family about being sacked from the orchestra? Or that she and her sisters had uncovered a family curse and somewhere in the back of her mind, trying to get pregnant and prove it wrong had seemed like a good idea? Whichever way she tried to explain it, he wouldn’t care. And could she blame him?

  There was no excuse for what she’d attempted to do.

  ‘I’m sorry, Nigel,’ she pleaded. ‘When we met I was messed up and I thought having a baby might give me a renewed purpose in life. I didn’t know what to do or how to be without the orchestra and I couldn’t bring myself to tell my family the truth. I decided if I got pregnant, I’d go home and use that as an excuse for why I’d left.’

  ‘And what? I was just some pawn in this sick plan?’ He was already out of bed, yanking on his jeans.

  ‘Yes. I mean, no!’ She shook her head, tears prickling as she desperately searched for a way to make this right.

  ‘I take it you didn’t succeed,’ he spat.

  ‘No. I’m not pregnant.’ She’d just finished her period, and after two months of hoping it wouldn’t arrive, she’d never been so pleased to see it.

  ‘Thank fuck.’ Yet despite his words, Nigel kept dressing. He was doing up his shirt now and she knew she didn’t have long to beg his forgiveness.

  ‘Please don’t leave. You need to understand, I gave up this idea a month ago. I think subconsciously it gave me a reason to keep on seeing you without admitting to myself it was love. The day after the hotel I went and got the morning after pill and I’ve been taking contraception pills ever since.’

  ‘How am I supposed to believe you?’

  ‘Because—’ she swallowed, the words tripping on her tongue as tears threatened to barrel down her cheeks ‘—I love you. I may have been a mess when we met but I’m sure I’d never have done what we did in the plane if I hadn’t felt an instant connection. I was fooling myself that it was just sex but all along it was more, you know it was.’

  She reached out to grab his hand but he shook her off violently.

  ‘I don’t know anything,’ he said, looking at her in a way that made her feel like the smallest thing in the world. ‘My judgement is obviously totally skewed because as well as being the prettiest woman I’d ever laid eyes on, I also thought you were a good sort. But I can’t love anyone who would go to such lengths to deceive someone. Did you ever think about the poor baby that might have been born from your irresponsibility?’

  She opened her mouth to reply but he shouted over the top of her. ‘No! You only thought of yourself. You didn’t think about how it might affect a child or me? When I have a baby, I want it to be conceived in love with someone who is ready and willing to give that baby the best family life possible. And I want to be part of the decision.’

  Picking up his laptop bag and shoes as if he couldn’t be bothered with the time it would take to sit down and put them on, he gave her one last scathing look. ‘Move aside, Abigail.’

  In shock, she did so without thinking. He wrenched the door open but as he stormed down the hallway something snapped inside of her.

  ‘You might think yourself all high and mighty, Nigel,’ she shouted, ‘but next time you fuck a stranger on an aeroplane, maybe think with your brain rather than your dick and bring condoms yourself!’

  In reply, the front door of the house slammed shut. Abigail noticed that the sound on the television had been muted. No doubt her hideous flatmates found the dramas coming out of her bedroom far more exciting. She wanted to scream something at them too, but she started to shake instead as the realisation of what had just happened washed over her.

  Stumbling backwards, she somehow found the strength to slam her bedroom door before she sank onto the floor and sobbed.

  Why-oh-why hadn’t she thrown away that kit? Truth was, since the desperation to get pregnant had gone, she’d not given one more thought to it languishing in her bedside drawer. Her heart burned as if it had been torched as she thought of the scathing way Nigel had looked at her while spitting his accusatory words.

  How could she face even leaving her bedroom after Sam and Pamela had witnessed all that? She wasn’t a bad person but he was right, she’d done a very bad thing. Shame washed away her anger at the things Nigel had said, leaving nothing but sadness and aching inside her.

  ‘I want my mum,’ she whispered into the silent room as she curled up in the foetal position and cried. She felt so alone and her mind drifted to her sisters—to Charlie in particular, who wouldn’t judge her stupidity but would find something to say to make her feel a little better. But it was early morning in Meadow Brook and if Charlie were awake, she’d be in the middle of the breakfast service.

  Despite this knowledge, Abigail heaved herself off the floor and over to her tiny desk where her laptop sat open and permanently o
n. Almost without thinking, she clicked on the little blue Skype icon at the bottom of the screen. As predicted, Charlie wasn’t online but Madeleine’s immaculately made-up face smiled from her avatar and a green tick sat alongside her name.

  Maybe her oldest sister’s advice could drag her out of this black hole. She made the call and was just about to give up when Madeleine’s avatar came to life and her face appeared on the screen.

  ‘Hey.’ Madeleine sighed, before lifting a can of Diet Coke to her mouth and taking a sip.

  ‘Can you talk?’ Abigail asked, hoping she hadn’t caught her in the middle of something.

  ‘Yep. What can I do for you?’

  Abigail took a deep breath and opened her mouth to speak but all that came out was a gut-wrenching sob.

  ‘Oh shit, what’s the matter?’ Madeleine put down her can and leaned closer to the screen.

  Tears now cascading down her cheeks again, Abigail took a few moments to pull herself together. She grabbed a box of tissues, wiped her eyes, blew her nose and then looked back at the screen, wishing she could reach into it and touch her sister. Even if Madeleine’d think her pathetic and stupid, Abigail needed the connection with someone who would still love her, no matter what.

  ‘I’m an idiot.’ She sniffed and blew her nose again.

  ‘Right.’ Madeleine nodded as if Abigail were on drugs. ‘A very successful idiot who has more talent in her little finger than most people I know have in their whole body.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Abigail scoffed. ‘So talented I got fired from the orchestra.’

  ‘What?!’

  Abigail nodded glumly.

  ‘What happened?’

  ‘I made a mistake during a performance. A pretty big one. I lost my place in the music and my mind went blank for a while. It was awful.’

  ‘You poor thing. No wonder you’re a mess.’ Then Madeleine frowned. ‘Hang on. They fired you for one mistake?’

  Abigail shook her head. ‘Anyone else would probably have got a warning and a good talking too, but … but I had a fling with the assistant manager last year, and only later found out he was married. I think he was looking for a reason to sack me.’

  ‘That’s outrageous! You should sue them for unfair dismissal. You can’t let jerks like that get away with stuff like that. What happens to the next innocent young woman he preys on?’

  Abigail took another deep breath. ‘It was months ago—before Christmas. It feels like a lifetime ago. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want you all to know what a failure I was, and besides, everyone had enough to worry about with the motel and Dad and everything. Honestly, I just wanted to forget about it.’

  ‘Hang on a minute? You’re telling me you lost your job almost six months ago.’

  Abigail nodded again.

  ‘What the fuck have you been doing all this time? Busking?’

  ‘Well …’ She told Madeleine about her disastrous attempt at busking and they both had a much-needed giggle, which helped Abigail get the rest of her sorry story out. How she’d been lying at Christmas about having a boyfriend, how she’d returned to London without a clue how she was going to make a living, how she’d met Nigel in the airport and been instantly attracted to him.

  ‘We slept together in Hong Kong, no contraception.’ Abigail cringed as she admitted this, knowing that Madeleine—as a medical professional—would be appalled she’d take such a risk with a stranger. Credit to her sister, she merely raised an eyebrow. ‘And when I went to get the morning after pill, it struck me that if I was pregnant, I’d have a fab excuse to go home. I wouldn’t need to tell anyone that I’d lost my job.’

  Madeleine made a tsk noise with her teeth. ‘You’d rather we all thought you got accidentally pregnant—to a stranger—than made one mistake at work?’

  Abigail sighed. When Madeleine put it that way it sounded ridiculous, but it had made perfect sense at the time. ‘Music is my world, it’s what defines me. I couldn’t bear you all thinking I’d failed. Besides, it struck me that if I got pregnant I’d prove the curse wrong and so everyone would be happy about that and—’

  ‘That damn curse.’ Madeleine spoke over the top of Abigail, shaking her head in anger.

  ‘Relax. I realised it was stupid when I fell in love. I went on the pill and I’ve been making a new life for myself teaching, but it was too late.’ She pursed her lips together, unsure if she could tell Madeleine about how Nigel had found the ovulation kit and the carnage that had erupted from that discovery. Her heart shook at the thought and she felt the tears welling up again. ‘I’ve made a mess of everything. Nigel found out what I was up to and now he doesn’t want anything more to do with me.’

  ‘Why don’t you just go home?’ Madeleine suggested.

  ‘To Meadow Brook?’ Abigail half-laughed, half-sobbed. ‘Because I don’t have enough money. I like teaching but it barely covers my living expenses, I haven’t saved a penny.’

  ‘I’ll give you the money for the ticket. Charlie, Lucinda and Dad will be stoked to have you back home and if you enjoy teaching music so much, well, you can do that in Australia just as well as you can in London. I’m sure you’ll be inundated once word spreads that you’re offering lessons. You know how hard it is to find music teachers in the country.’

  While Madeleine’s words made sense, Abigail couldn’t get over the feeling of defeat and the anxiety over what everyone would think about her. ‘But everyone’s going to talk about me. Everyone is going to know what a failure I am.’

  ‘No one needs to know why you came home. And anyway, you made one mistake. We all do.’

  ‘Oh, yeah … And what mistake have you ever made?’

  ‘I fell in love with the wrong person. And that is the greatest mistake of all.’

  Huh? Abigail realised while she’d been ugly-crying and lamenting her terrible life to Madeleine, she hadn’t once thought to ask how her sister was. ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘You’re not the only one who’s been trying to get pregnant,’ Madeleine confessed, her tone more uncertain than Abigail had ever heard it before.

  ‘What?’ Her own shaky emotions took a back seat as she tried to get her head around Madeleine’s words.

  ‘I guess the curse got me thinking too,’ she admitted, pausing to take a sip of her Diet Coke. ‘And once I started I couldn’t stop. I saw babies on the plane, in the airport, everywhere—and I decided that if I wanted to have a family, I couldn’t sit around waiting for Mr Right. I decided to have one on my own.’

  ‘Oh Lord. Did you find a fuck buddy like me? Or indulge in a string of one night stands?’ Maybe they were more alike than Abigail had imagined.

  ‘No.’ Madeleine sneered. ‘Of course not. Think of the risks. I chose to go the donor sperm route and to cut a long story short, I found a friend willing to be my donor.’

  ‘Oh.’ Abigail blinked. Yes, that did sound like a much more sensible, grown-up way to go about things. Why hadn’t she thought of something like that? She pushed the thought of her own stupidity aside to focus on her sister’s situation. ‘And?’

  ‘And for the last few months we’ve been going through the motions, attempting insemination. The problem was, I was stupid enough to choose a donor who I was actually in love with. I’d been fooling myself that I wasn’t but we got even closer during the process and the lines started to blur for me. As much as I tried to remember this was a legal arrangement, I started to yearn for more than just Hugo’s baby. I wanted Hugo. I wanted a family with him. The whole damn shebang.’

  ‘Hugo?’ Abigail racked her brain for why that name rang a bell. ‘Isn’t he the friend that drunk-called you at Christmas? Wasn’t he engaged? What did the fiancée think of your arrangement?’

  ‘It was her idea.’

  ‘What?’ Abigail couldn’t conceal her shock. The phrase ‘only in America’ popped into her head.

  Madeleine took another sip of Diet Coke. ‘Exactly. And now it’s a big fat freaking mess.’

&nbs
p; Abigail listened as Madeleine told her how Hugo’s fiancée had been all gung-ho and positive about the idea to start with and had then had some kind of mental breakdown because apparently she couldn’t have children herself.

  ‘Geez, it sounds like some kind of daytime soap opera,’ she said, thinking of all those years she’d raced home from school to watch The Bold and the Beautiful. There’d been something perversely addictive about the way everyone seemed to be hooking up with everyone else’s exes.

  Madeleine laughed without amusement. ‘I suppose in hindsight her excessive enthusiasm was a little bizarre. What woman wants her man to have a baby with another woman? But all the potential donors I’d met with were shocking and Hugo would be the perfect father in absolutely every way. I let that and my feelings for him blind me to Celia’s weirdness. I told myself she was simply a really nice person, someone who wanted the best for her friends, but I was stupid. In the end, it was all about her.’

  ‘Shit.’

  ‘That’s not what I said when I found out.’ Madeleine chuckled. ‘I felt like a pawn in her game of chess, but it’s woken me up to one thing. I have to get over my feelings for Hugo. He loves Celia, whether she can have children or not, and nothing is ever going to change that. I’ve got to move on or risk killing myself with unrequited love.’

  ‘What a mess we are.’

  ‘Again, you are kinder with your words than I would be,’ Madeleine said wryly. ‘Maybe it’s a good thing Mum isn’t around to see what stuff-ups we’ve become.’

  Abigail grinned. Her heart still felt raw from her bust-up with Nigel but talking to her big sister was kind of like putting a bandage on the wound. ‘Speaking of family,’ she said, ‘do you think all this is somehow to do with the curse?’

  ‘Huh?’

  ‘Well,’ Abigail began, ‘I tried for three months to get pregnant and didn’t. You had, was it two attempts, and didn’t either? And Lucinda and Joe couldn’t even manage it after a whole year.’ Her throat tightened and the tears that had eased while listening to Madeleine threatened to return as she thought about the demise of Lucinda and Joe’s relationship. She’d always thought they were the perfect couple, just like her parents had been.