“We should talk,” I tell him as though it’s a suggestion, but really, it’s a question. One I desperately need him to answer. So many unspoken things between us. It eats away at me, drowning me in an abyss of unknown. And fear. I had to live with it all on my own. I don’t want to, I never wanted to.
“Not right now. Not yet,” he answers me and looks back with pleading eyes. He’s the one with all the power and both of us know he doesn’t need my permission, but he craves it and like a moth to a flame, I’m addicted to giving it to him.
Chapter 9
Nathan
She’s a mistake. A sweet mistake I can’t say no to.
Years and years of telling women no, letting them down gently or being blunt when I have to. Yet, she walks in and I can’t turn her away.
It’s got to be the guilt, or our past together. Both are synonymous.
How can you look into the eyes of the love of your life, and tell her to fuck off?
“Let’s take it from the top,” Stevens yells out and instinctively my feet rock, preparing for the scene, but this one’s not for me.
I crack my neck and let out a tense sigh as I cross my arms and stare at the set from off the stage.
Hally’s gorgeous in that getup. It’s just black leggings and a cream silk blouse. Classic but utterly gorgeous.
She’s a friend of Miranda’s in the scene and an instigator. It’s the same set from my last scene. The one I failed miserably to put into action.
“Spread the papers out when you go looking for a file,” Stevens yells down from his high chair to the right of me. He’s only a few feet away from me but even I have a hard time hearing him. He refuses to use a bullhorn, but Hally nods diligently, ready to do her part. I love the way her lips part and she licks her lips as she prepares herself.
I can see her bending over the desk just like Julie was doing yesterday. Even in that blouse, without an inch of cleavage showing, I could slip my finger down the center and pop them open one by one. She’d crawl on top, well she would try to, but I…
“Action!” Stevens yells out, distracting me from my thoughts. A low grunt of frustration leaves me as I shift from side to side, ignoring the growing erection in my pants.
“Where is it?” Hally mumbles under her breath and I already know Stevens is going to call out and interrupt her.
“Louder. Start from the top!” he yells.
I don’t like the tension that runs through me as Hally stops only seconds after starting and heads back to the door. She stands just inside, her hand on the knob and waits for him to call out action for her to shut it as though she’s just entered and walk quickly to the other side.
“Take two. Action!”
She may be new and the subtleties hard to grasp, but the way she looks back over her shoulder as if she’s checking to make sure no one followed her, the way her eyes follow the length of the shelving and how light she is on her feet so that her heels don’t make much noise, that’s a tell that she’s really into the part. She’s going to do damn well, I can feel it.
She chews on her bottom lip as she runs her fingers over the edge of the desk and tries to open the drawers. It’s nearly soap opera material, but the scene itself calls for that. The sound of the drawers stopping, locked and unwilling to give her access is the only sound I can hear. There are at least a dozen.
“I want you to play Miranda’s part; Nate, get on set.” Stevens isn’t light with his words. He’s demanding and I know I can’t go against what he’s suggesting. I clear my throat and stride to the high back chair at the desk, avoiding looking at everyone else who’s watching. There’s not as large a crowd as there usually is.
“Miranda’s?” Hally’s voice is quiet, disbelieving and unsure.
“You know her part, don’t you?” Stevens asks.
“Yes, yes, I know it,” Haley answers him but she doesn’t look up. She’s nervous as fuck and I know she has to be feeling less than confident. If Julie were here, she’d have a fit that anyone else was playing her part, especially given the circumstances.
“Makeup?” one of the artists asks, but Stevens waves her away.
“It’s just to see something,” he answers her and I close my eyes as I grip the arms of the chair.
“Can I have a minute?” Hally asks hesitantly.
I answer at the same time as Stevens, “No.”
I don’t bother to look at him or anyone else. Only at Hally.
“You need to be closer,” I tell her. “Start here,” I pat the edge of the desk, right where she’s supposed to stand before trying to tempt me. I already know what’s on Stevens’ mind and he’s right. His instinct is correct.
Hally swallows thickly and lets out an unsteady breath as she shakes out her hands.
“It’s alright, Hally,” I whisper and give her a smile that’s just for her. “All you have to do is not take no for an answer.”
She smiles back at me, this sweet tempting look. Her blue eyes shining clear and brightly back at me. Like it’s a game. She likes games and high stakes. She always has. “Push me, Hally,” I whisper and it’s then that the whispers get louder.
“Quiet on set!” Stevens yells and then immediately calls out, “Action!”
“Robby,” Hally says in a sultry voice I’ve never heard from her. She tucks her hair behind her ear, but it’s not the usual way. It’s slower, meant to be seductive and the soft brush of her fingers against her blouse as she reaches down to lean against the desk draws my eyes right to her breast. “Have you been hiding from me?” she asks me and then slowly the corners of her lips curl, but she stifles the smirk by biting on her lip.
“Maybe,” I answer her and then second guess myself and if that was really my line or not.
She straightens her back, slipping her ass onto the desk and then leans toward me, enough so that my fingers itch to do exactly what I was thinking about moments ago. “How long have we known each other?” she asks me and I slip in and out of the truth.
“It feels like forever.” The words slip from my lips naturally.
She tilts her head and lets her fingers walk across the table, skipping over the papers, her eyes focus on them, but I can’t take my eyes from her, wondering what she’s doing, what she’s thinking. Wondering if she likes this.
“I think I need a favor from my dear old friend,” she purrs and then licks her lips and looks up at me, placing her palm on the edge of the desk closer to me and leaning forward.
I can’t think of my lines, what I’m supposed to say. But I know I’m supposed to fuck her on his desk. Miranda takes Robby for a damn fool. And that’s exactly what I am for her. A damn fool.
I lift my head slowly, not quickly like I did last night. It was instinct then, right now it’s a choice. My hand moves to her throat, but I simply let the back of my fingers stroke lightly along her skin. The corner of my lips curves into a smile as a shiver runs down her body.
I have to hold back how much it turns me on when she shyly peeks up at the director, falling out of character and feeling self-conscious at how easily I’m playing her body.
I move my pointer finger up her throat to her chin, grabbing her attention and forcing those baby blues back onto me.
“I’ve been right here the whole time, sweetheart,” I say and brush the rough pad of my thumb along her lower lip. “Just tell me what you need and I’ll make sure you get it.”
Her shoulders rise and fall steadily as she looks back at me with big doe eyes. Like she’s caught in a trance, or worse, needing to decide on which way to go. Play along with me, kiss me and keep pretending. Or break away and leave.
Kiss me. Please, Hally, give me what I need.
As if she read my mind, her hands fly to the side of my head and she crashes her soft lips against mine. I don’t waste a second, pulling her body across the desk, letting the papers scatter onto the floor, something else drops with them, a loud crash but I don’t bother to see what it was. Her body is so hot and soft, I s
lip one hand under her blouse and the other around her small waist, pulling her towards me and like the good girl she is, she spreads her legs for me.
I only break our kiss as I stand up, shoving her chest down so she’s pinned to the desk, her legs spread as she catches her breath and waits for me over her.
I reach up to loosen the tie that’s supposed to be in place. But I’m not dressed for this shoot and the moment I realize it, Stevens yells out, “Cut!”
Hally’s quick to sit up, to scramble off the desk, keeping her skirt down and brushing her lips with the back of her hand. I stare at her and she stares at the back wall of the set.
“Brilliant!” Stevens yells. “We have a new Miranda.”
Chapter 10
Harlow
Page Six of the New York Post
Heartthrob and former bad boy, Nathan Hart, is at it again. He’s making headlines but for all the wrong reasons.
Born and raised in New York, Nathan hasn’t set foot on the east coast since he left it nearly a decade ago, shortly after he was released from incarceration at only nineteen years old. The bad boy caught his biggest break being cast as the bad boy lead in the blockbuster hit, Cold Metal. He then had hit after hit portraying tortured souls on the big screen in LA, but back in NYC, he’s debuting on the silver screen, Night Fire.
Costarring with Julie Rays, it was rumored to be the biggest television hit this year.
But an altercation sent sparks flying amongst the entire cast. All because of a blast from his past, newbie actress, Harlow May. She’s made waves on the set, but not in the way you think.
Nathan is off his game and unable to do his job, according to costar Julie. Yet, she’s the one that’s been demoted and the screen room is inundated with the sexual tension between Nathan and Miss May, the new star of the show.
Nathan’s declined to comment, but Harlow seems anxious to spill the beans on everything that happened between them so many years ago.
With a sealed criminal record from his youth and everything at stake, Mr. Hart may be playing with more fire than he can handle.
The steam from the shower floods into the main area of the dressing room as I open the bathroom door. I’m quick to shut it before it heats up the entire room. It’s Julie’s dressing room. Well it used to be. She’s fired and now I’m the replacement.
I’m tired more than anything, although I feel a little sick over it all. This is a mess and a half and I don’t know what I’ve gotten myself into. I just know it’s drama all the way around and I didn’t sign up for this.
But there isn’t a shot in hell that I’m going to leave.
September 24th
I’m not leaving this car until he kisses me.
I refuse to be the first, but I also refuse to wait any longer.
Four days of flirting with him are enough for him to know that he can kiss me. My heart clenches at the thought that he doesn’t want to, which is a very real possibility.
“Alright,” he says, scratching the back of his head as we sit in front of my house in his old Honda Civic. He turns the volume to the music down and then puts a hand on the shifter. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says easily. I get the feeling that he’s waiting for this to end and I can’t let that happen. I know deep down inside of me that there’s something meant to be between us.
I nod my head, putting my hand on the handle and wishing I didn’t feel this way. I wish I had more confidence, but I don’t. I’m the one who’s chasing him, that should tell me enough, shouldn’t it? I’m stupid. So stupid.
The realization springs me forward. I should have known better.
“Hey,” Nathan says as I pull on the lever and put one foot on the asphalt below. His heavy hand lands on my thigh and I sit back heavily in my seat to face him again, praying my true feelings don’t show.
Judging by his expression, they show.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
“I just wish you wanted me as much as I want you,” I tell him, knowing full well I’m exposing more of myself to him than I want to; more than I’ve shown anyone else.
“Harlow, you don’t really want me,” he says like this is a joke. It pisses me off.
“First of all, don’t tell me what I want and second of all, that’s not my name.”
His brow furrows with both confusion and anger, “Everyone calls you Harlow and you don’t snap at them.”
“You’re not everyone,” I admit to him, leaning forward as the tears sting in my eyes. I feel stupid as my body gets hotter and hotter sitting here. I should just blame it on my hormones.
“Hey,” he says and draws my attention back to him as he licks his lips. “I want you, okay?” he says softly and then stares at me for a long moment.
He moves slowly as he leans forward and puts his hand on my chin.
This is it! My heart feels like it’ll burst but at the same time, I feel nervous like it has to be perfect.
His thumb brushes along my cheek and then he leans in that much closer until he brushes the tip of his nose against mine. I close my eyes and tilt my chin up, just enough to give him the permission he’s looking for.
I’ll never forget how it feels to have his hot lips against mine. It’s not just my lips, it’s my entire body that reacts. My blood flows with a heated desire. My fingers dig into the cushion of the seat. My toes curl in my shoes.
It’s over too soon and I try to protest, reaching up to grab his hand as he pulls away. But when I open my eyes, his are still closed, for the longest moment. And I savor the sight.
“Trust me, Hally,” he says with his eyes still closed, “I want you.”
I let out an easy sigh at the memory, my chest filled with warmth. So many memories are coming back to me. Each of them another reason to run back into his arms.
Just as I slip my fingers to the end of the towel that’s wrapped around my body, ready to strip it off, the door opens and I nearly have a heart attack. I grip the towel tighter as the door opens and then closes just as quickly, leaving Lydia standing in the room with a huge ass grin on her prettied-up face.
How the hell does she always look so bright-eyed and happy? She barely sleeps yet there’s not even a trace of bags under her eyes. And with her hair pulled back in a tight ponytail, she looks peppy and ready to take on the world.
“That was a-fucking-mazing,” she says with enthusiasm that forces a smile to my lips.
I’m still taking it all in, but I smile back and tell her, “Thanks.” I chew on my lip wanting to say more, but I can’t think of what to tell her. It feels like I’m holding everything back. I suppose I am, but for good reason.
Lydia doesn’t seem to notice. If she does, she doesn’t let on.
She grabs a bottle from the fridge and sits on the far side of the bed and lets her heels sit on the edge, wrapping her arms around her knees. “Julie quit,” Lydia says quietly and then takes a swig from a bottle of water. “Did you hear?” she asks me.
A grimace traces my lips as I pick up the lotion from the vanity. My skin’s still damp from the shower. “About Julie?” I ask her and pop the bottle open. The soft smell of lavender floats towards me as I let a line of lotion trail down my right leg and then rub it in.
“Yeah, I heard,” I tell her and then swallow the lump in my throat. Julie didn’t have the nicest things to say about me. But I have to keep in mind that she doesn’t know me and she’s obviously upset. I had to tell myself that over and over in the shower.
If she hates me, it’s not because of me, really. It’s just the situation.
“Don’t worry, she’s gonna get over it,” Lydia says between swigs of water and then tightens her ponytail.
I massage the lotion into my other leg as I think about how she had to be told that a nobody was taking her position. If I was her, I’d be pissed.
“I think she started the rumor about you and Nate anyway.”
It’s weird that everyone calls him Nate. My nose scrunches at the thought of callin
g him that.
“Did she really?” I ask her and she shrugs. My brow’s pinched at the thought of her starting rumors. But then again, I don’t know her either.
“Probably,” she answers and then tosses the empty bottle into the small bin right next to the fridge. “She saw the way he looked at you,” she adds as she opens the fridge for another. “You want a drink?” she asks me, looking over her shoulder.
I shake my head no, a frown forcing its way onto my face until my lips are puckered, rubbing the remainder of the lotion into my hands and ignoring the fact that Julie may have started a rumor that we used to date. It’s true, so it doesn’t matter much really.
“You didn’t tell anyone did you?” I ask Lydia as the thought comes to me. Her brow furrows as she shakes her head. Her long black hair sways back and forth with the forceful motion. “Not a soul,” she answers.
My clothes are on the seat of the chair. Just a pair of black leggings and a baggy t-shirt with, ‘Coffee first!’ on the front in a swirly font. Lydia takes the hint before I even have to tell her and stares at the ceiling.
“So, are you two,” Lydia hesitates to finish, but she does, “like back together?”
It’s quiet for a moment, as I take in the knowledge that rumors are going around and to be very honest with myself, I don’t even know what to make of Nathan and me. I’m drowning in my emotions and waiting for him to make the next move. Maybe that’s a mistake.
“I don’t know what we are,” I tell her as I bend over and towel dry my hair before wrapping it up and sitting it on my head. The large motions cue her to look back at me and she cracks up laughing.
“You look too ridiculous with that thing on your head to be talking like that.” I can’t find it in me to laugh with her. I want to. I don’t want to feel this anxiousness and uncertainty. I’ve only ever had that in my life with Nathan. Only him.
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