by Olivia Evans
“Damn,” I whispered, sweeping my eyes over her chest. I pulled her nipple into my mouth, gliding my hand down her side to the waistband of her panties. I slid a finger under the elastic and ran it back and forth before pushing my hand fully under the material and cupping her.
I pressed my fingers against her, the tips slipping between her lips. Her pussy was wet and smooth, and I couldn’t wait to be buried deep inside. I curled my middle finger, brushing against her clit. She jerked and let out a low moan as I circled my finger a couple times, pressing down a little harder with each pass. I angled my head to watch what I was doing and noticed her balled fists at her sides, her toes curled, feet flexed.
“Do you want me to fuck you with my fingers?” I murmured, turning my head back toward her and flicking her nipple with my tongue.
“Your fingers…tongue…cock,” she panted. “I’m not all that picky right now.”
My eyes rolled back, a groan slipping from my throat as she reached up and grabbed my hair, pulling my mouth to hers. She kissed me roughly and urgently as I slid my finger inside her slick pussy. I moved it in and out of her a couple times before adding a second finger. I could feel her walls pushing against the intrusion, slowly stretching. I twisted my hand until my thumb rested against her clit, and I pressed down. Her muscles tightened, her teeth sinking into my bottom lip.
She shifted her arm, and in one swift move, she pushed inside my jeans and wrapped her hand around my dick. I squeezed my eyes shut, my dick throbbing and leaking as her thumb rubbed over the head.
“Fuck,” I hissed through my teeth. I leaned back a little and unbuttoned my jeans, shoving them down my hips so she could move her hand easier as I continued to fuck her with my finger, harder, faster. She started to tremble, and her movements became jerky.
“Like this?” I asked, my thumb pushing against her clit while my fingers curled inside her.
“Harder…just a little…more,” she panted.
Her grip tightened on my dick as she stroked me faster. Her legs fell open and her hips tilted, allowing my fingers deeper inside.
“Yes…that,” she moaned.
“Fuck,” I gasped, my stomach burning as my balls tightened. “Close?” She needed to be close, because I was about to come all over her stomach.
“Almost.”
I brushed my nose over her nipple before pulling it between my teeth and biting.
“Oh God,” she cried, clamping down on me like a fucking vise. She arched her back as she came, her hand twisting at the perfect fucking moment because I saw stars as I pulsed in her hand, come shooting all over her stomach.
We stayed like that for a moment as the aftershocks moved through us before I dropped down beside her, pulling my hand from her underwear. I slid my arm under her neck and tugged her to me, kissing her temple as I tried to catch my breath. She hummed and lifted her head slightly, looking down at the mess I’d made.
“You just came on my stomach,” she accused, her nose wrinkling.
“And you just came on my fingers,” I retorted.
She eyed me for a second before a small grin pulled at the corners of her mouth. “Touché.”
“How about I grab you a towel?” I asked, sitting up.
“Okay.”
I ran down the hall and cleaned myself quickly, washing my hands and then buttoning my jeans. I grabbed a towel, wetting one end, before moving down the hall and back to the couch. I leaned over her and wiped the towel across her middle, trying to clean up my fucking mess.
“Thanks,” she mumbled.
My hand stilled. What the fuck was I doing? I didn’t do this shit. “Here, I’ll let you finish up,” I said, thrusting the towel into her hand. I rubbed my face harshly, my brain finally catching up with what just happened. This was so fucking bad. I heard Skylar speaking, but I couldn’t make out the words. My insides churned with… something.
“Is that cool?” she asked, snapping me from my thoughts.
“Yeah, sure. That’s fine.” I had no idea what I’d just agreed to.
“So, we’ll meet them at eight tomorrow night since I’m leaving as soon as I hand in my paper on Monday.”
“Wait. What?”
She eyed me for a second, her lips pursed. “I said my cousin Grace wants to meet you. I told her we could hang out before I left,” she said, pulling on her shirt. “Is that not okay?”
“No, that’s fine.” I didn’t have the energy to come up with an excuse for why I couldn’t meet her cousin. This was becoming too much.
“You’re being weird.”
I snapped my eyes to her. “What? I’m not being weird.”
“Yes, you are,” she argued, her hand going to her hip. “You’re not listening to anything I’m saying and, to be honest, you’re acting a little fucking shady right now. So, I’m going to ask you again. What’s going on, Brennan?”
Her eyes burned into mine, and I was reminded of how she acted when we first met, so guarded and feisty. I didn’t want her to think anything was wrong until I got things worked out in my head. I had to stay in control of the situation. I walked over and grabbed her arm, tugging her to me. She scowled, which only caused me to chuckle.
“Okay, I’m lying. I am being weird.”
She opened her mouth to speak, but I raised my finger and pressed it against her lips. “First,” I drawled, moving my eyes over the length of her body. “You still don’t have any pants on. It’s very distracting. And second, that’s the first orgasm I haven’t given myself in months. I’m allowed to be a little slow. You should take it as a compliment.” I leaned down and kissed her.
“You’re sure?”
“I promise,” I insisted, like the liar I was.
Later that night as I lay in bed, I couldn’t stop replaying what I’d said to her. I’d promised. And I’d lied. Again. I tried to remember the person I was before, the guy who opened doors for his mom, bought stupid ties for his dad, and let his brother’s girlfriend cheat at checkers.
That guy was nowhere to be found these days. Of course, that guy hadn’t walked in on his best friend fucking his girlfriend. I balled my fists and pressed them tightly against my eyes until white spots flashed and blurred. I didn’t sleep at all.
By the time I dragged myself out of bed the next day, I only had thirty minutes to get ready, call Skylar to find out where we were going, and get there. After a quick shower, I grabbed my phone and shot her a text, asking where we were meeting while I brushed my teeth. A minute later, my phone buzzed.
Gameworks at Pike & 7th. Preston still thinks he can beat me at basketball. See you then.
I gripped the sides of the sink and let my head fall against the mirror. Somewhere, someone was laughing their ass off at me. Gameworks, of all the fucking places. I pushed off the sink and walked out of the bathroom. Matt would be there; of this, I had no doubt. If there wasn’t a party on campus, Matt was always at Gameworks on Saturday nights. I stopped short outside the apartment. Why in the fuck did I not want to see him? I shook my head; this was getting ridiculous.
I walked through the doors a few minutes after eight. Skylar, a tall redheaded guy, and a pretty blonde stood in a circle, talking. I drew in a deep breath and made my way over to them.
“Hey,” I said, shoving a hand in my pocket.
Skylar turned and grinned at me. “Hey. Brennan, this is Preston and Grace,” she said, pointing to each of them. I smiled and reached out, shaking Preston’s hand then Grace’s.
“Hey, man, nice to meet you. Skylar’s told us nothing about you,” he said with a grin.
“Sure, she has,” Grace laughed, cutting her eyes to Preston with a smirk on her face before adding, “Just not to you.”
“Ah. Well, then I probably wouldn’t want to know anyway.”
I agreed. If she’d talked to Grace and not Preston, she was sharing things he wouldn’t be interested in. I pulled Skylar to my side and leaned down, brushing my lips against her ear. “Have you been telling Grace dirty
things about me, Skylar?”
“Shut up,” she laughed, smacking my arm. I kissed the top of her head before turning back to Grace and Preston.
“Do you guys want to grab some food and drinks, or just play games?”
“Drinks for sure,” Grace said. “But we ate earlier so Preston wouldn’t have to wait for Skylar to start kicking his ass.”
“Woman, quit trying to make me look bad,” Preston scolded with a smile. Grace rolled her eyes and grabbed Skylar’s hand.
“We’re getting drinks. You guys…do whatever it is that guys do,” she said with a wave of her hand.
“Well, that wasn’t awkward at all,” I joked.
“One is bad enough, but you get the both of them together…it’s just a big pile of smartass.”
I laughed, hard. “God, don’t tell me yours is as bad as mine. I don’t think I could handle it.”
“Oh yes, get ready. Mine is definitely as bad as yours.”
It took two seconds for his words to register, and two more to remember why he’d said it. I felt sick; she wasn’t mine, not really.
“All right, Stalker, your ass is mine,” Skylar broke in, handing me a beer. Mine. But not. I wasn’t hers either. I was an asshole. And in that moment, I hated myself a little bit.
“Are you going to try to beat me at basketball, too?” I choked, my words thick and stuck in my throat.
“You can count on it.”
We played for the next couple hours, and she really did beat my ass. I’d planned on letting her win, but when she scored seventy points in the first game, I knew I was fucked. I slid behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist, kissing the side of her neck, the beers relaxing me.
“You don’t show any mercy, do you?” I asked against her ear.
She laughed and twisted in my arms, wrapping her arms around my waist. “Oh, but I did. I usually score over one hundred.”
“You little hustler.”
She hummed and popped up on her toes to kiss me. My mind flashed back to yesterday as I slipped my hands down and palmed her ass, squeezing.
“I like you, Brennan, but if you could save that shit for when I don’t have to see it, it’d be appreciated,” Grace said. “That is my baby cousin after all.”
“Like you haven’t made my eyes bleed more than once,” Skylar snipped, scrunching her face. Whatever she was remembering, it wasn’t pleasant.
“Here we go.” Preston looked at me and pointed at her. “Smartass. Like I said.”
I laughed and nodded in agreement.
“Hey, Matt!” Grace yelled from beside Preston.
I jerked my head up, my eyes meeting Matt’s angry glare. Skylar was whispering something to Grace I couldn’t hear, but she was no doubt informing her of our less-than-friendly relationship.
“Hey,” he answered without looking at her. His eyes were dead set on me. Skylar shifted beside me, drawing his attention to her. I watched as his features softened, a small smile on his face.
“Hey, Skylar,” he said quietly.
She shuffled her feet before looking at him. “Hey, Matt. How’ve you been?”
“Good. Busy,” he answered. And, motherfucker, this shit was awkward.
Preston cleared his throat and looked over at Skylar. “We’ve got to get going. Are you still leaving for Martin’s tomorrow?”
“Yeah, I am. Actually, we should probably get going too,” she added, looking at me. “I still need to pack.”
I nodded and kept my eyes on her, Preston, and Grace while everyone said goodbye to Matt and one another. I couldn’t look at him. Couldn’t stand to see the judgment in his eyes. He may have fucked me over, but what I was doing right now? I was so much worse.
“Well, that was rather unpleasant,” Grace muttered as we all walked outside. I couldn’t have agreed more.
After Preston and Grace left, Skylar and I walked to the bus stop. “So, I got you a little something for Christmas,” Skylar said, digging through her purse. I opened my mouth to protest, but she raised her hand to stop me. “It’s not much. I just saw it and thought of you.”
I stood in front of her, my jaw clenched, acid churning in my stomach as she pulled out a small box and handed it to me. “You have to open it,” she blurted out. “Because I won’t see you…on Christmas. So, yeah…”
My smile was tight as I pulled the top off the box. I felt like I was going to fucking disintegrate right where I stood as a million different emotions pushed and pulled, fighting for dominance inside me. In the box was a magnifying glass, the handle made from brushed silver, an inscription engraved into the side. I brought it closer, my eyes adjusting to the dim light.
“‘No crime is so great as daring to excel,’” I whispered, unable to speak any louder.
“Winston Churchill. That’s the quote. I know you probably think it’s stupid. But yeah, I just… Saying something would be great right about now,” she huffed.
“Thank you. It’s awesome. I love it.” I pulled her to me and kissed her. I wanted to kiss away all of the wrongs I’d ever done to her. I wanted to go back to the day I first saw her and walk away instead of chasing her. In all the years I’d been with Terri, never had she bought something that was just about me or something I was interested in. It had always been something she would benefit from as well. If I’d had any doubt about what I had to do, about what Skylar deserved, it was gone now.
“I got you something too,” I said softly, brushing my thumb across her cheek. I had no idea why I told her about the gift.
“You want to give it to me when I get back?”
“Yeah. I can do that.” I swallowed around the lump in my throat as I told her the last lie I’d ever tell her.
The bus pulled up behind us. “This is me,” she said before pressing her lips against mine. “See you soon. Merry Christmas, Stalker.”
“Merry Christmas, Sky.”
I watched as she climbed on to the bus before heading to my own stop. My feet were heavy, my head throbbed, and my stomach felt like I’d just been punched with a wrecking ball.
December 20, 2015
I wanted to break up with her today. It has to happen; I can’t do this anymore. But to break up with her right before Christmas? Yeah, I think I’ve fucked her over enough. No need to add insult to injury. But when we get back to Seattle after break…it’s done. Over. She deserves at least that. She’s too good for someone like me.
He who thinks he is raising a mound may only in reality be digging a pit. ~Ernest Bramah
It had never bothered me that my bedroom at my parents’ house looked the same since the day I’d moved away for college. But today, as I lay on my old bed, surrounded by all of the reminders of who I used to be? It made me want to rip every poster off the wall, smash every picture on the shelf, and break every memento from my past. I picked up the box beside me and twisted it in my hands. I inspected it like it had answers to questions I didn’t even know how to ask. I felt tired and drained, but the underlying anxiety that continued to build inside me kept my mind racing even as my body sagged.
I opened the box and pulled out the silver bracelet, the gun charm swaying. I had no idea why I’d brought it home with me. It wasn’t like she was here or I was ever going to give it to her. Still, I couldn’t stop myself from snatching it up at the last minute when I left the apartment.
“What do you have there?” Mom asked, causing me to jump and the bracelet to fly out of my hand.
“Shit.” I sat up quickly and scooped it up off the floor. But it was too late; she’d already seen it.
“Can I come in?”
“Sure. Yeah,” I answered, scooting over so she could sit down.
“Is that for Skylar?”
“Yeah,” I mumbled, my eyes cast down.
“Brennan,” she sighed, shifting on the bed to face me. “What’s going on with you? You have been so different the last couple times I’ve seen you. First, you were angry, then at Thanksgiving, you were so distracted. And now�
�now, you just seem run-down. It’s killing me that I can’t help you.”
I hunched my shoulders and dropped my head into my hands, my elbows propped on my knees, the bracelet still clutched in my right fist. “Have you ever done something you were so fucking sure about? Something that, in your mind, was no doubt completely justified, only to realize later you made a huge mistake?”
“Because I’m happy you’re talking to me, I’m going to ignore your language. And to answer your question,” she said, taking a deep breath. “I think at some point in our lives, we’ve all made decisions that seemed like a good idea at the time, only to regret them later. What you do to fix it, that’s what matters.”
I nodded. “I’m sorry I’ve been such an asshole lately,” I muttered, looking at the soft smile on her face.
She reached up and brushed the hair from my forehead. “What you do to fix it is what matters,” she repeated, standing from the bed.
I swallowed, a lump suddenly lodged in my throat. “I know what I have to do. I just have a feeling it’s going to be a lot harder than I thought.”
“It usually is,” she agreed. “Come downstairs when you’re ready. We’ll have dinner soon.”
“Okay. Thanks, Mom.”
I fell back against my bed and stared at the ceiling. Should I tell Skylar the truth, or just make it a clean break? Which would hurt less? Telling her I was using her to get back at Matt or that I just wasn’t interested anymore? If I told her I wasn’t interested, then I’d be lying, and I was sick of being a liar. I was also a coward. After meeting Martin, Grace, and Preston, and having her open up the way she had…fuck. I didn’t want to hurt her. I had made a mess of everything.
I put the bracelet back in the box and pushed up from the bed. Sitting in my room alone wasn’t going to change anything. I’d wait until I got back to Seattle to deal with the mess I’d made. I walked down the stairs and into the living room. Rachel and Drew were both on their laptops, and Dad was watching the news. I crossed over to the empty chair and sank down, my eyes on the television. I wasn’t sure exactly why I felt so uncomfortable, but I did. I was about to head into the kitchen to check on Mom when my phone vibrated. I pulled it from my pocket, grinning when I saw it was a text from Skylar.
