by Olivia Evans
“Of course,” she laughed. “I just told you to come in, didn’t I?”
Smartass. But she did have a point. I was definitely going to be trouble for her. I walked into the kitchen and raised my brow at the shit everywhere. “What the hell are you doing?” I walked over to her, pulling her hair over her shoulder and giving her a kiss right below her ear.
“I’m getting dinner ready,” she answered, a smile in her voice.
“And exactly what is for dinner?” I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her against my chest. Her head fell back, the knife in her hand resting on the countertop.
“We’re making sushi.”
I laughed. Was she crazy? “We?”
“Yes. We.” She straightened up, moving away from me and turning around.
I placed my hands on either side of her and pressed my body closer to hers. “So, I have to help get dinner ready before I can eat it?”
She narrowed her eyes. We both knew I wasn’t talking about the stuff on the counter. “Stop being a perv and help me roll our dinner.”
I warned her I’d be much better at stripping her naked, but as per usual, she was stubborn. It didn’t take long for her to realize how serious I’d been.
“Oh my God, you suck,” she laughed after I ruined another roll.
“What?” I held up the roll. As soon as I raised it, the crab fell onto the floor and the rice squished out the other side. I really did suck at this.
“Go to the living room and just chill,” she said, rising up on her toes and kissing my cheek. “I’ll finish these last few, and we can eat.”
I nodded. I wasn’t going to argue. Plus, she’d opened a bottle of saké, and we’d already drunk more than half. That shit was strong. Rice wine, my ass. More like straight liquor. I walked around her living room, a warm buzz settling over me. I looked at the pictures on her bookshelves, walls, and tables. There were several of her and her dad, and more with Grace and Preston. It was the ones with people I’d never heard her mention that caught my attention. People our age at parties that looked like the typical college scene. It ate at me. Did she have a boyfriend then? Did they only break up because she moved to Washington? Did she plan on moving back? No. She wasn’t moving back, not with her degree. But would anyone move to where she ended up? ’Cause I sure as fuck would. I’d follow her to the ends of the earth if she’d let me.
Goddammit. Fucking saké. It was going to make me have a conversation much sooner than I wanted. But liquid courage and all that. “Hey, Skylar?” I called, my heart beating out of my chest. I needed to know. I needed to know about her life before she moved here. If I had to tell a version of my past, then fuck it. I would just have to deal.
“Yeah?” she asked, walking into the living room with a tray full of sushi. I walked over to her and grabbed it, setting it on the table before taking her hands. I pulled her down on the couch with me and took a deep breath.
“Why don’t you ever talk about your friends in Austin?”
She eyed me for a second. “Are you going to tell me about last summer?”
“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” I was going to be sick.
“Can we eat while we talk? I really am hungry.”
I nodded and grabbed a piece of sushi, shoving it into my mouth. I was no more ready to start this conversation than she was.
“I’m going to need more saké,” she said, jumping to her feet. It made my throat tighten. This was going to be painful for both of us. I pulled her cushions off the couch and set them on either side of her coffee table. I didn’t know about her, but I needed a little space.
She walked back into the room, two glasses in one hand and the huge bottle of saké in the other. It seemed we would both need liquid courage for this conversation. I didn’t know whether that made me feel better or worse. She filled the glasses and handed me one.
“You first.” She toasted, her glass clinking against mine. I eyed her for a second before draining the glass. What was she hiding?
“Why me?”
“Because mine is shitty. And from the look on your face, so is yours. As a gentleman, you should spare me.” She downed her drink as well.
“As a gentleman, I should let you go first,” I argued.
“C’mon, Brennan. Fuck. I’m pretty sure this is going to suck either way. Please go first.” Her voice was low, small, quiet. It pissed me off that whatever she had to tell me was so bad it made her a completely different person than the smartass, sassy fireball I knew.
“When I met you,” I said, taking a deep breath. “I’d just broken up with my girlfriend. We’d been together four years.” Her face was exactly as I expected. Shocked and wary. I couldn’t blame her; I’d feel the same way.
“Four years?” she whispered.
I realized then that the four years I’d spent with Terri, all that we had shared, all the pain, it was nothing compared to the simple drop of Skylar’s voice. The insecurity I heard.
“Yeah.”
“Did you break up with her, or did she break up with you?” Her voice had taken on this weird, calm tone. I didn’t like it.
I grabbed the back of my neck. “I could tell you I broke up with her, and that would be the truth, but she’d already broken us.”
“What do you mean? What happened?” Her voice was soft, sympathetic, much like it’d been when she’d talked about Matt all those months ago. Except this time, I wasn’t angry, and I sure as hell didn’t deserve her sympathy. Talking to her about the exact event that led me to her made me feel like shit. But, that? That I deserved.
I told her everything. Well, everything but the name of my best friend. I laid it all out there, how I met Terri, what our relationship was like, and how my family felt about her. And finally, I told her about the night of the party.
“Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?” She seemed frustrated, which sort of pissed me off.
“You realize you still haven’t told me anything about Austin,” I challenged.
“Yes, I realize that. And as shitty as my story is, I wasn’t invested in it for four years.”
“What would I have said, Skylar? Hi, I’m Brennan. My girlfriend of four years fucked my best friend at a party, and I caught them. Oh, and it just happened three months ago. Want to grab coffee?” I shook my head. She wasn’t the only one getting frustrated. I needed to rein that shit in; this wasn’t her fault.
She was quiet for a minute. “I suppose not. I’m sorry.” She pulled the bottle of saké to her and filled her glass before motioning for my glass as well.
“Don’t apologize.” I sighed. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the asshole.”
“No—”
“Seriously,” I interrupted. “I’m just a little on edge. This isn’t exactly an easy conversation for either of us.”
“Would you still be with her if you’d never caught them?”
I felt like she’d dropped a ton of bricks on my head. My temples throbbed and my chest ached. Would I still be with Terri? Would I have settled? Because that was what I would’ve done had I stayed with her.
“Ah fuck,” I groaned, my head falling back, my hand twisting into my hair. I took a deep breath and rolled my head back up, my eyes fixed on Skylar.
“You don’t need to say anything. I have my answer.”
“No. You really don’t. And that’s a really hard question to answer, because I did catch her. It’s hard to say what I would or wouldn’t have done, feeling the way I do now.”
She nodded, but she wouldn’t look at me. How could I make her understand? I slid around the table until I sat cross-legged in front of her, my knees brushing against hers. “Hey,” I said, rubbing my hands up and down her thighs. “Do you know what I can tell you?”
“What?”
“I can tell you that in the four years I was with Terri, she never bought me anything that meant as much to me as what you gave me for Christmas. I can tell you that I didn’t know you could get butterflies in
your stomach from just thinking about someone until I met you. And I can tell you, of all the times I’d gone weeks without seeing Terri, not once did I miss her as much as I miss you five seconds after you walk out my door.”
I grunted from the force of her body colliding with mine. Before I could brace myself, she was straddling my lap, her arms wrapped around my neck and her tongue in my mouth. I kissed her back, showing her the only way I could that I meant every word.
She pulled away slowly, her breaths coming out in short pants. “When you need to make a point, you go all out, don’t you?”
“I meant every word. You know that, right?”
She nodded.
“And I’d like to think I would’ve gotten my head out of my ass eventually. But I know that, no matter what, I’d want to end up right here, with you, every single time. Now,” I said, reaching over and popping a piece of sushi into my mouth. “I showed you mine. Show me yours.”
“Will you give me some of your smooth lines when I’m done in case I need them?” she asked, her eyes wide with mock innocence. “You know, maybe just jot a couple lines on a notecard for me?”
“Such a smartass,” I sighed, shaking my head. “Now, quit stalling.”
“Fine.” She grabbed her saké and took another sip as she settled back onto her pillow on the floor.
“It was the beginning of spring semester, and I’d enrolled in this biology class,” she said, her face scrunched. “Anyway, we had to have partners, and I was paired with this guy, Jeremy. He was super quiet, kind of kept to himself. But the more time I spent with him, the more he opened up. He was really sweet and funny in that nerdy sort of way.”
She shifted forward and poured more saké into her glass. I really wished she would stop with all the fucking adjectives. Unless they were words like, ugly, stupid, and loser, I really didn’t need to hear them.
“After a couple weeks,” she continued, “he asked me out. It was nice, we had a lot in common. I could talk about things most of my friends rolled their eyes at. We started spending more and more time together. We’d been dating about two months when it all went to hell.” Her lip curled in disgust, her words clipped and angry.
“We had decided to rent a movie and hang out at my apartment. Never his apartment. I should have known something was up then.” I suddenly felt sick. I didn’t want to hear that some asshole did the same thing to Skylar that was done to me. I’d hate to have to fly to Austin to beat his ass.
“We were at the store getting junk food and a DVD. One minute we’re laughing and talking, his arm wrapped around my waist, and the next, his arm is being yanked away from me and a girl is screaming in my face.” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “She was his wife,” she whispered.
All the blood drained from my face, and my jaw dropped. “What the fuck?” I blurted before I could stop myself.
“I didn’t fucking know!” she yelled back, her face bright red, her eyes almost black.
“Christ, I didn’t mean—” I groaned, leaning across the table and grabbing her arm. “Fuck, Skylar, of course you didn’t know.”
“I was so fucking humiliated,” she spat, shaking her head. “People were staring, and she’s in my face calling me a homewrecker and a whore, and I hadn’t even slept with him!”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “C’mere.” I tugged her arm, pulling until she was in my lap.
“And the worst part? He just stood there. I mean, at that point, I didn’t care if he defended me, but I would have liked for him to get her away from me at the very least.”
“What did happen?” I asked, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her tight against me.
“The manager came over and asked her to leave. Then she started yelling at him. The moment her attention was off me, I bolted. I didn’t need that shit. I went to my professor the next morning and explained what happened, which was awful. He gave me a different lab partner, and I avoided Jeremy for the remainder of the semester.”
“He still tried to talk to you?” That motherfucker had a lot of nerve. But if I really thought about it, so did I. But I didn’t want to think about it. I wanted to be pissed that some douchebag asshole cheated on his wife and then let the girl who knew nothing take the brunt of his wife’s anger.
“Oh, only once,” she chuckled. “After his family jewels got acquainted with my Doc Martens, he didn’t try again.”
“That’s my girl,” I laughed, kissing her temple.
“Then my dad got hurt, so I started my transfer paperwork and said good riddance to Austin.”
“After hearing all that, I’ve got to say, I’m pretty shocked you agreed to go out with me.” I tried to sound like I was joking, but I was completely serious.
“You were the exact opposite of Jeremy in every way. You weren’t shy or secretive about anything. That was why I agreed to go out with you.”
“Plus, I’m hot,” I added, trying to hide the fact that I felt like I was going to vomit. I had so many secrets, so many lies.
“Well, yeah, there was that.” She laughed. “So, can we be done with this conversation now? I’m really tired, and I’d like to just hang out.”
“That sounds perfect to me.”
For the next couple hours, we lay together on her couch, watching reruns, wrapped up in each other. We didn’t talk, but we didn’t need to. We’d done enough of that. Even though there was still so much I was keeping from her, a part of me felt lighter, better. Because now I had one less secret, one less thing hanging over my head. I also knew, now more than ever, that if I wanted to be completely free of all the bullshit, I’d have to come clean. She deserved it. The selfish side of me hugged her tighter, like a child with his favorite blanket. What would my honesty cost me? My subconscious whispered the answer against my ear with a hiss of air—everything.
It is difficult to know at what moment love begins; it is less difficult to know that it has begun. ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
February 2016
I dragged Skylar into the back of the cab and gave the driver an address about half a block away from our destination. I wasn’t sure if she would’ve realized where we were going, but I wanted to keep it a surprise as long as possible. I’d worked my ass off the last couple weeks trying to pull this night together, and until this morning, I didn’t know for sure if it would all work out. But it did, and I couldn’t wait to see her face once we got there.
“Where are we going?” Skylar asked, again…for the millionth time.
“I told you. It’s a surprise.” I laughed when she scowled. “What? You don’t like surprises?”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” she huffed. “Who doesn’t like surprises?”
I raised my brow. She sure as hell didn’t act like she liked surprises.
“I just don’t like waiting for surprises,” she clarified.
“You realize I only told you we were going out instead of staying in like an hour ago, right?”
“Semantics.”
“We’re almost there. Do you think you can hang on for another fifteen minutes?” I whispered as I pulled her to my side.
“Fifteen,” she groaned, her eyes wide, her expression full of mock disbelief.
“The horror,” I chuckled under my breath as she laughed with me. “Want me to distract you?”
“Yes, please.”
I kissed her softly, sweeping my tongue across her bottom lip before clamping my teeth down lightly and taking her mouth.
“I love kissing you,” I whispered, pressing my lips to hers again.
“You’re not so bad yourself.”
We stayed that way, with our lips barely touching. Our breaths mixed with each exhale, our eyes locked, and our foreheads pressed together. I was lost in her, so completely consumed. I was going to break my own heart worse than Terri, Matt, or even Skylar could—because I was doing it to myself. I was such a fucking fool.
“We’re here,” I said softly.
Skylar jerked away and
swiveled toward the window. I didn’t have to see her face to know she was confused as hell.
“Brennan, why?” she asked in a daze as I pulled her out of the cab.
“What? You have a problem with fish warehouses?”
She smacked my arm. “Be serious.”
“C’mon,” I laughed, tugging her arm. “This way, impatient one.”
She grumbled something under her breath, but she looped her hands around my forearm and followed me without complaining. We passed several shops and bars, but the moment the aquarium came into view, I saw her eyes widen. We walked through the main entrance and over to the counter where a security guard sat with his legs propped up, a magazine in his hands.
“Excuse me,” I called out. He flipped down the paper and eyed us before a small grin cracked his stony facade.
“Brennan?” he asked. I nodded.
He stuck out his hand. “Larry,” he said. “Dr. Walsh told me you’d be coming in.” He moved down the hall, motioning for us to follow. “Everything’s set up.”
“What have you done?” Skylar asked, a huge smile on her face.
“I wanted to do something that was solely about you tonight,” I answered, wrapping my arm around her waist. “Just because I don’t know anything about this stuff doesn’t mean I don’t want to.”
She pulled to a stop and looked up. “Why?”
“Because it’s important to you. And you’re important to me. Isn’t that reason enough?” I pulled her forward and leaned down, kissing her temple.
“Thank you,” she whispered, snaking her arms behind my back, her fingers digging into my side.
We walked behind Larry, who stopped past the gift shop. “Do you know where you’re going?”
“I do.”
“Okay, then. Take your time. It’s a rare treat to walk around here without screaming kids and pushy adults. You know where to find me if you need anything,” he added with a wave before walking back toward the entrance.
“Where is everyone?” Skylar asked, only now realizing we were completely alone.
