by Larissa Ione
Another burst of rage made his blood sizzle. Nothing would hurt her again. Nothing.
“Reseph?”
He blinked, realized he’d been lost in his own mind like some kind of head case. “Yeah?”
“You were growling.” She was looking at him like she thought he was some kind of head case, too.
“Shit.” He brought one of her hands to his mouth and pressed a kiss to the silky skin. “Sorry. I just feel so damned helpless. I want to kill the thing that attacked you, and I want to protect you from everything else, but what if…” He trailed off, not wanting to voice his darkest fears.
“What if… what?” She hooked one finger under his chin and forced his gaze to hers. “Reseph? Don’t shut down on me. I just shared with you. Your turn.”
Yeah, it wasn’t fair for him to not spill his guts after she just had, but there was a big difference here. What she’d told him had made him feel even more for her, had plucked at every tender, protective gene he had. But what he held inside could only do the opposite to her.
“What if it’s me I have to protect you from?”
“I’m not afraid of you, Reseph.” Her level gaze was unwavering.
“But you don’t know who I am.”
“I know you’re cocky and funny. You’re protective and sweet. You’re not afraid of hard work. You’re strong, but gentle. You can’t cook worth a shit.”
“I think I’m offended.”
“But you really can’t cook,” she grumbled.
“I was talking about the ‘sweet’ part.”
Her full lips quirked in an impish smile. “Sweet.”
This wasn’t going well, not when she wasn’t taking his concerns seriously. “Jillian, maybe that’s who I am now. But what if we find out I’m a sick bastard. What if—”
“Stop.” When he would have argued, she tugged him up onto the bed with her so they were both lying across the mattress. Her dark hair framed her face in messy wisps, softening the stubborn light in her eyes. “Look, I’m not going to lie and say I’m not worried about who you were before. I’ve dated a lot of guys who ended up being total dicks, and Jason was the icing on the cake. It’s hard for me to trust a guy not to turn on me.”
“Who were the guys?”
“What?” She propped herself up on one elbow so she could look down at him. “You want to know about the morons I dated?”
Yep. Including addresses. “What did they do to you?” God, this possessive, murderous side of him could not be good.
“Let’s see… well, one cheated on me, one had a gambling problem, one was an accountant who failed to tell me that he was a cokehead.” She sighed. “And I already told you about Jason.”
“I think,” he growled, “that I must have been an assassin before I lost my memory, because I really want to hunt down those guys and put a crossbow bolt between their eyes.” It didn’t even bother him that he’d do it and not feel an ounce of remorse. She’d taken so many blows in her life, and yet, she was still standing. She was so strong, and his admiration for her swelled.
“I’m not sure if I should be flattered or extremely freaked out.”
“Go with flattered.” He pushed himself up on one arm so he could face her. So he could feel her heat mingle with his. “If you aren’t afraid of me, then why did you leave me in town?”
He hated the shame that settled into her expression, the little frown he wanted to kiss until she smiled again. “Because I don’t trust myself.”
“You don’t trust yourself to what?” He reached out and trailed a finger along her jaw. “To not let me strip you naked and lick every inch of your body?”
A delicate smudge of pink spread across her cheekbone. “As… interesting… as that sounds, no. I don’t trust my judgment, and I don’t trust myself to not get attached.”
It was on the tip of his tongue to say, “Then don’t,” because it seemed like the obvious solution, but then he’d be a hypocrite, because he was definitely developing feelings for her that he wasn’t sure how to handle. It was almost as if now should be the time he started running for the hills. Was that what he’d done before? Why? He loved how he felt when he was with Jillian, so why wouldn’t he have wanted that before now?
So many questions, and the only thing he knew was that he was growing close to Jillian, and he wasn’t going to fight it. She, obviously, was. And frankly, the more he thought about it, the angrier he got, even if he understood her reluctance. He had no past, and because of that, a questionable future. So he understood it, but he didn’t like it.
Stung by her rejection, he leaned forward, forcing her back. “Then don’t get attached. Because let’s face it. I’ve wanted to fuck you since the moment I woke in your bed, surrounded by your scent.” Her eyes flared with surprise, and he pressed the issue, getting right in her face. “And I know damned good and well you would have let me take you right there in the sheriff’s station if we’d been alone. So let’s screw around, no emotional commitment. That way, we’ll both have protected our delicate little hearts if we find out I was some kind of asshole scumbag in the past.”
Huh. Guess they didn’t need to wait to find out if he was an asshole. He’d just taken that on-ramp.
Jillian’s lips parted in shock before she pressed them together and her eyes hardened with a cold inner resolve. “Fine. You’re right.” She palmed his chest. “Wanna have sex?” She dragged her hand down his abs to his waistband, and he nearly stopped breathing, but his cock jumped, all, hell, yeah.
Then he stunned the hell out of himself when he grabbed her hand and stopped her from unbuttoning his jeans. “Are you sure?”
What the fuck. Why wasn’t he taking what she was offering, no questions asked? This was so… foreign. Like he’d never in his life questioned or turned down sex.
“After all your chasing, now you’re backing off?” She nipped his fingers hard enough to make him let go and dropped her hand back down on his fly. “Yes, I’m sure. I used to like sex. I miss it. Commitment-free sex, you say? Sure. Why not? My delicate little heart will be just fine.” Their eyes met, hers glinting with determination that sucked the breath right out of his lungs. “So are you gonna follow through on your offer, or do I have to take a cold shower?”
Her palm cupped him through his jeans, massaging and squeezing, and his decision was made. Reaching up, he tangled his fingers through her hair and brought her lips to his. Kissing her, he pulled her down on top of him, loving the weight of her on his body. What he didn’t love was how this was going down. Maybe in the past, meaningless sex would have been fine. But with Jillian he wanted more. Stupid of him, no doubt, but clearly, he wasn’t a male who operated on logic. He was all about instinct and impulse, and right now, both were leading him to Jillian.
* * *
Jillian couldn’t believe she was doing this. Commitment-free sex? She’d never tried that, had always gone into relationships thinking they’d lead somewhere. Yes, she’d been adventurous and bold in bed… but only after she’d given herself permission to love the man she was with.
And hadn’t that worked out? Not so much.
Maybe Reseph was right. Obviously, she’d been an idiot before, so hey, why not try something new. Sex without emotional attachment. She could do it. She could. She had to.
He was so warm beneath her, the hard planes of his body molding perfectly to hers. She kissed him as she ran her hands through his hair, reveling in the silky texture. He had the kind of hair women would kill for.
Stroking her back, he shifted so his thigh came up between hers and his arousal prodded her hip. He skimmed his hands over her ribs, down her spine, to the curve of her rear, and pressed her against him as he rolled his pelvis. The slow undulation practically undid her right there.
Pulling back, she kissed a trail along the sharp angle of his jaw, stopping now and then to scrape her teeth over his smooth skin. Each time she did that, he moaned, and each time he moaned, she felt a pleasant tug in her pelvis. She l
oved the sounds he made, from the small hitches in his breath, to the soft rumbles in his chest.
His hands slipped under her sweatshirt, and in single second, he’d unclasped her bra.
“I need to see you,” he said, his voice husky and low. “Let me look at you.”
She’d never been self-conscious… until the attack. She hesitated, nervous butterflies flitting around in her gut. For a brief moment she considered leaping off the bed and running… to where? The middle of nowhere? She was already living there. She was already as far from the place where she’d been attacked as she could get.
She wouldn’t let herself be cornered again. Taking a deep, steadying breath, she pushed herself up onto her knees and let him strip her. His hungry gaze fell immediately to her belly and the ugly white marks. He reached out and drew one finger over the longest scar, the one that went from between her breasts to her hip bone.
“Is this uncomfortable for you?”
“Letting you see them?” When he nodded, she bit her lip. “They’re hideous.”
His gaze snapped up to hers. “Wrong.” Gripping her waist, he lifted her easily and flipped them so he was on top of her and he was kissing her belly. “You’re a warrior, Jillian. Your scars are as beautiful as you are.”
Flustered, she had no idea what to say… not that she could speak if she wanted to. His tongue darted out to lick the long scar, starting where it disappeared under her waistband and all the way up. When he reached the ragged crest, he kissed her there, his lips lingering, warm, perfect.
His hands came up to cup her breasts as he dragged his mouth to one nipple, his breath a wave of sensation on her skin. She arched into him, seeking more, which he gave her when he sucked at her breast, gently rolling the swollen nipple between his lips.
“More,” she gasped, reaching low to push his jeans off.
He chuckled and scrambled off the bed, and in two seconds flat, he had her stripped of her pants, though he left her in her panties. Then, in slow, torturous motion, he peeled open his fly, releasing his erection. It sprang free, a long, thick column of dusky brown skin and dark, pulsing veins that twined from the thick base to the smooth plum head.
She’d had a handful of sexual partners, but never had she been so entranced by the sight of a fully aroused male, and she’d definitely not felt the searing need that was making her shake with anticipation.
Reseph seemed to know, and he leveled a lopsided grin at her as he pushed down his jeans and stepped out of them. Completely naked, he was a luscious work of art, a lean, toned thing of beauty she could worship all day—and night—long.
Never looking away from him, she popped open the bedside table drawer and fumbled around for the box of condoms Stacey had bought her as a joke—and a hint. When she tossed them onto the tabletop, Reseph barely gave them a glance.
Leaning forward, he gripped her ankles, using his thumbs to rub light circles on the sensitive flesh just under the inner ankle bone. His lips came down on her thigh, and she wondered where he was going with this. Not that she’d stop him from doing whatever he wanted, but she was rapidly learning that with him, there was very little chance of keeping one move ahead of him.
He nuzzled her thigh, working his way up her leg with his mouth and up her calves with his hands. The sensual massage made her squirm with pleasure, and the things he did with his mouth, even just on her freaking thigh, made her moan.
She thrust her hands through his hair as he kissed and licked, massaged and stroked. And when she felt the lightest brush against the cotton material covering her center, she let out an appreciative hum of approval.
“You like this,” he murmured, his lips tickling the crease between her leg and her sex. “You like where I’m headed, don’t you?”
She dug her nails into his scalp. “Dumb question, Reseph.”
She felt his smile, then she felt his mouth open over her core. Oh… damn. He licked at her through the fabric, using his tongue to push in, teasing her through the barrier. The friction from the damp material sent a sizzle of erotic sensation shooting all the way to her breasts.
He slid his palms under her hips and lifted her to his mouth, forcing her legs to spread wider and exposing her to his onslaught. He blew on her core, and the sudden cool air on her heated flesh made her whimper with need. Before she could come down from it, he covered her with his mouth again, licking and nibbling as if the panties weren’t there. God, no one had ever done this, and she could only wonder why not. It was an amazing kind of tease, so effective and yet, so maddening.
He stoked her arousal so easily, taking her higher with every expert stroke of his tongue. “You’re making me insane,” she murmured.
“Then we’re even.” He slipped his tongue under the elastic, and she cried out as he licked deep. “Fuck, you taste good.” He went at her with even more enthusiasm, never removing her panties… instead, he nuzzled them aside, kissing and licking around them, over them, under them. The combination of right there and almost there nearly brought tears to her eyes, tears of ecstasy and of impatience.
His wet tongue stroked her, plunging into her core and then sliding up to the sensitive knot that craved the most attention. Finally… God, finally… he growled and tore her panties away. He dove at her as if he were starving, and she couldn’t take it anymore. Closing her eyes, she let the waves of pleasure crash over her, peaking when he latched onto her clit and sucked hard while humming in the back of his throat.
She came with a cry, bucking and thrashing as he worked her out until she became too sensitive for even the lightest flick of his tongue.
“You’re good at this,” she rasped breathlessly. “I think… I think you’ve had lots of practice.”
“I think you’re right.” His voice was guttural, a resonant growl that vibrated her to her marrow. He prowled up her body, the muscles in his thick shoulders and arms bunching and flexing, his gaze bright and predatory. “But this feels like the first time.”
He kissed her as he reached for a condom and settled between her thighs. His mouth assaulted hers, his tongue swirling and his teeth nipping sharply. The little stings of pleasure-pain streaked all the way to her sex. He paused to sheathe himself with a faint curse and a muttered, “Shit, it’s like I’ve never done this in my life.”
She was ready, so ready when she felt the head of him prod at her entrance.
But then he froze up. His muscles locked, and he lifted his head to stare down at her.
“What is it?” She framed his face in her palms and stroked his cheekbones with her thumbs, brushing the hair out of his face. His lips, slightly parted, glistened with their kisses. “Are you okay?”
“Oh, yeah,” he murmured. “There are so many things I want to do to you. So many ways I want to do them. It’s like I have an encyclopedia of sex in my head. But I feel like a damned virgin, and I want this first time to be about more than positions and multiple orgasm contests.”
She swallowed. “The multiple orgasm contest thing doesn’t sound too bad.”
His grin was panty-melting. Or, it would be, if he hadn’t already melted them off. “Oh, we’ll get to that. There’s time for fucking on the hood of your truck or going down on you while you’re bent over the deck rail or fingering you to climax under the table at a restaurant. But right now, I just want to make it last.”
Holy… oh, my. Truck hoods and deck rails and restaurant tables. And all commitment-free. She had no idea why that last thought was tinged with bitterness, but when Reseph rocked his shaft through her folds, the dizzying sensation jolted her right back into the lust.
“Yes,” she choked out.
“To what?”
“All of it.”
He was so free with his smiles, and he graced her with yet another one as he entered her in excruciatingly slow increments. And as the pleasure began to build again, she wondered how long this thing between them could last, because if her dating experience had taught her anything, it was that men like Resep
h were meant to be enjoyed.
Not kept.
Twelve
Reseph was in heaven. Jillian’s soft, panting breaths as he slid into her were the most erotic sounds he’d ever heard, and he could still taste her passion on his tongue, mingled with the flavor of her skin. As her hot core clamped around him, it was as if he were drowning in sex, losing himself in a fantasy.
He forced himself to go slow, to revel in the magic of Jillian’s body. It was strange how he had all this knowledge, and yet, this was all so new to him. The sex wasn’t new… it was the way it was happening that was so foreign. He didn’t think he’d ever done it slowly, and with so much… care. And reverence. And emotion… which he shouldn’t be feeling.
Jillian undulated beneath him, her eyes closed, her bottom lip caught between her teeth. A sexy flush tinged her skin, bringing a sunset glow to her cheeks. She brought her hands up to grip his shoulders, her strong, short nails digging in with the perfect amount of erotic pressure.
Tight… she was so fucking tight as he moved inside her. Praying for control, he forced himself to take his time with each stroke, pulling back until he was almost free of her, and then inching forward again until his balls rubbed against her. Her slick passage rippled and contracted, squeezing his length with every thrust.
He held himself above her on extended arms so he could watch her expression, see her body move, and get a view of their joining. Each time he looked down to see her feminine cleft swallow his cock, his release nudged closer. The graphic sight made him burn and revved him up more than he thought could be possible.
“Jillian,” he rasped. “Ah… damn. I’m close. So close. Too… soon.” He slowed down, rolling his hips instead of thrusting.
Her hand came up to massage the back of his neck before sliding into his hair. With a low growl, she guided his head down until his mouth met hers. She was so sweet, not just her taste, but her. There was something so pure about her that made him feel clean, like the new snow outside. He supposed that he did have a fresh start, and she was part of that, as much as his memory loss was. In a way, maybe his amnesia was a good thing, because something told him that the man he’d been before didn’t deserve a woman like Jillian.
