by Wol-vriey
Book One: Oldwoman Girl in New York
Part Four: The Ripper
Chapter 1
They slept at the palace that night, returning home the next morning. But before they fell asleep, Alice voiced her objection to Lord Busybody’s suggestion that she assassinate his sister, Mech-Anna.
“Yes, you’re doing it,” he insisted. “You are traveling to Texas to kill Anna.”
His ribs were bandaged. It was agonizing to talk much, and he’d have much rather gone to asleep than have this conversation.
Alice tried appealing to his sense of reason. “Look, Dudley, no one’s been able to see her in two years. How am I supposed to manage?”
Lord Busybody was implacable. “We’ll figure something out.” He smiled sadly. “I’m not trying to be exceptionally nasty to you Alice, but someone has to kill her, and you’re my only option.”
“Why not send a professional to do it?”
“Because they’re professionals. They’ll give themselves away sooner or later to the scrutiny of other professionals. You, however, look like anything but an assassin – besides which, you’re resourceful.”
“How do you mean, ‘resourceful’?”
“Well, you’re here now, aren’t you? And were it not for your self-betraying curiosity, I’d be dead by now. Try to be less of a cat next time.”
Alice flinched at the memory. She had no reply to that.
“You see what I mean? You’re good.”
“I really don’t feel like killing anyone anymore. I think I’d prefer to go back to being a prostitute again.”
“After this, and that’s final.” He bent over Alice and peered intently into her eyes. “Look, I’ll even sweeten the pot for you, okay? How much did Marie offer to pay you for my life?”
Alice was tempted to lie, but thought better of it. “Quarter of a million.”
“Fine, I’ll double that to half a million. No, one million square.”
Alice’s eyes almost popped out of her head. “One million dollars!”
Lord Busybody nodded. “Kill Anna, or ‘Mech-Anna’ as those mad Texans are calling her now, and you’ll have more than earned it. You can return to your life of prostitution afterwards, if you so choose.”
Alice made a face. “Why the hell would I sell my body with one million dollars in the bank?” She thought a moment. “And you’ll reverse this aging shit . . . for good?”
“For good. I’m not a vindictive man; I’ll get no pleasure seeing you permanently stuck in an old woman’s body.”
Alice frowned. “Okay then, what’s the plan and when do I start?”
***
Alice decided not to contact Lady Busybody. She had no idea what she’d say even if she did.
‘Milady, owing to your husband finding out about our plan, I’m afraid we can’t kill him any longer’?
Or, ‘We’ve been found out milady, and I’m now impersonating you before her majesty the queen’?
Or, ‘Your nephew Crown Prince Jackson sends his warmest regards milady. His penis is very cute – too bad it only works when we baby him’?
***
Miraculously, the Busybody mansion still stood, but most of the neighborhood had been completely destroyed. The wreckage of war lay all about, and many were the homes of others less fortunate, collapsed upon their panic-stricken owners the night before.
The only way to reach the mansion now was by ferrying across the Hudson from its opposite bank. A horse could have ridden around the obstructions, but his lordship was in no condition to ride one.
A broken-off spider leg stood planted in the rubble of a mansion four estates down. Even from mid river, Alice was stunned by how monstrous it appeared – its scorched metal shanks and huge circular joints, proportionately massive nuts and bolts securing them in place.
In the sky above them, patrols of military dirigibles floated sentry, waiting for even the slightest stirring of the Hudson’s surface to unleash a rain of missiles upon it.
New York City wouldn’t be taken unawares again.
***
The two of them were having breakfast together.
“The Ripper didn’t strike last night,” Alice said, looking up from the Times. “That’s an improvement.”
“It’s because of the bombing,” Lord Busybody replied. “Even serial killers must consider self-preservation and longevity. If he gets killed by the Texans, he’ll have no further opportunity to gut streetwalkers.”
“It’s a welcome change at least, even if only for a day,” Alice said.
They continued their meal in silence.
Afterwards they went up to the lab. Lord Busybody insisted on this, even though Alice would have preferred he stayed in bed and rested. She felt tremendous admiration for him now, realizing he’d been in such horrendous pain yesterday, but had still fought to save them both during the attack.
“I’ve figured out how to get you into Texas,” he said as they made their way up to the observatory. “That’s the easy part. I’ll send you with a confidential message to Anna; that’ll raise no eyebrows, seeing as how I’m her brother. In case anyone reads it, the letter will contain a simple plea to consider her sister’s plight and end the war. In the letter I’ll explain that, being currently injured, I couldn’t make the trip myself.”
“That should get me in at least,” Alice agreed. “And the killing part of the plan?”
They reached the lab before Dudley could think of an answer. Alice pushed the door open and they walked inside.
The place was an absolute mess, as if a whirlwind had blown through it. At first they thought a cannonball from yesterday’s attack must’ve done the damage, but then they noticed that none of the walls had been broken.
“Whoever did this was inside the house,” Lord Busybody affirmed.
He pulled a pair of revolvers from his hat and handed one to Alice. “The intruder may still be in here,” he whispered. “Be careful.”
They padded silently into the lab, towards where Crank lay motionless on his table, mostly buried beneath a mountain of spilled files.
They reached the robot without incident. Gun at ready, Lord Busybody began clearing the scattered papers off its metallic form. Alice looked around the laboratory, her eyes and senses alert for the intruder.
“This wasn’t random vandalism,” Lord Busybody said. “Whoever got in here was looking for something specific. But what and who?”
“I think I know who . . .” Alice said, pointing her gun at the top shelf of a chemical cabinet nearby.
About to wind the robot, Lord Busybody paused to look up. Alice had her sights trained on Baker the caterpillar, now four times his previous size. He was still dressed in his lime-green jacket and held a lit cigar between his lips. He was now wearing a cowboy hat as well.
They hadn’t smelled anything because Baker was inhaling the cigar smoke without exhaling – his green cheeks puffed out like a frog’s throat, his yellow eyes streaming tears from the effort of holding the noxious fumes within.
Smoke wasn’t the only thing it was holding, though – a large gray cake with gunpowder sprinkles was poised between four of its upper legs.
“That’s a cake-bomb!” Lord Busybody yelled. “Duck!”
Alice fired her pistol at Baker as he launched the combustible confectionary at them. Her shot threw the caterpillar’s aim off, causing the cake to sail over Crank and explode on the other side of the room, demolishing a half-built boiler and spraying water everywhere.
In a repeat of their first encounter, Baker now released the massive cloud of smoke he’d been holding in. While everything in the room dissolved into one big blur, the caterpillar pulled a six-shooter from its jacket pocket and fired at them.
“Die, Lord and Lady Busybody, by order of her majesty, the Clockwork Goddess!”
Alice took cover behind a metal trolley to avoid the flying slugs. Lord Busybody crawled over to her side. He’d fallen hard, gripping his right side in pain. “I think
I've just opened my wounds,” he hissed, “might’ve broken more ribs to boot . . .”
Alice detected a slight disturbance in the smokescreen ahead. It was Baker, trying to work out their location so he could launch another cake-bomb at them.
“Shoot that piece of southern trash!” Lord Busybody whispered harshly to Alice. “Don’t let it get away!”
Alice popped up and began firing into the smoke. She ran out of bullets quickly, though, so she ducked back down to grab Lord Busybody’s gun.
When she stood up again to resume firing at Baker, she now had a visual of his dark, scuttling shape amongst the shadows of lab equipment. Alice trained the gun carefully on the fleeing caterpillar and squeezed the trigger. There was a yelp of pain followed by a crash. Something came flying through the air towards them.
Alice ducked behind the trolley just in time.
BOOM!!! The blast blew the legs off Crank’s metal bed. There was a loud succession of clattering and clanks as the inert robot tumbled to the floor.
“Hey, listen Baker!” Alice yelled into the smoke. “You can run, but you can’t hide – We’re fumigating the building after this!”
In reply there was only the sound of rushing wind. The air began to clear as the smoke vented through the window Baker had fled through. Alice opened two more windows, then helped Lord Busybody to his feet.
“The son-of-a-bitch got away again,” she said, disheartened.
Lord Busybody pointed to the trail of transparent green ichor running over the window sill. “I don’t think he’ll be coming back again. You’re a damned good shot, Alice!”
“I’m okay, I guess – just don’t entrust me with protecting your life.”
Lord Busybody nodded in response. “Cheshire!” he shouted.
Cheshire Cat appeared on the same shelf they’d discovered Baker perched upon. It yawned sleepily, flexing its forelegs as though it had just woken up.
“Cheshire, didn’t anyone downstairs hear the racket up here?”
“We did, milord. Everyone thought it was one of your louder experiments, sir.”
“It wasn’t, Cheshire. A Texan just tried to kill me. Have some footmen search the grounds for an intruder. A caterpillar. It’s armed, so take guns with you and be extra careful.”
“Yes milord,” the cat said as it vanished.
It reappeared moments later. “I’ve delivered the message milord.” It then turned to Alice and cleared its throat. “And a message for you, Lady Marie. From the palace. Crown Prince Jackson requests that you join him for tea today. Your reply?”
Alice looked at Lord Busybody. He shrugged. “You might as well go. I’ll be busy all day repairing the lab, and also working out which papers go with which file. You can even sleepover, if you like. We’ll finalize our plans tomorrow.”
Alice considered telling him exactly what Jackson wanted to see her for, but decided not to. Instead she smiled at Cheshire Cat. “Please inform his majesty the crown prince that I’ll be delighted to have tea with him; I’ll be over by two.”
***
An hour later, Alice departed for the royal palace, once again leaving Busybody manor via the Hudson River. The ferryperson was a toad; it passed the trip snaring water bugs with its long, sticky tongue. Alice passed the trip snaring her thoughts and arranging them on shelves in cognitive cages. She intended finding out from Prince Jackson exactly how he planned to kill his mother.
When they reached the opposite shore, Alice took a trap through Central Park to the palace. First, however, she took a detour down 5th Avenue, where she bought a bottle of chocolate syrup from a confectioner’s shop.
Back in the trap again, she allowed herself to relax. Once she gave Prince Jackson her special chocolate treatment, he’d spill his beans for sure.
***
The dead Cheshire head was still in Prince Jackson’s bedroom. Floating there with its tongue hanging out, the obscene thing had begun to gather flies.
“I wonder where the rest of its body is . . .” Alice muttered, trying to contain her revulsion at the prince’s filthiness.
He smiled at her innocently. “You know auntie, I’ve always wondered the same thing. Tell you one thing – I know it isn’t here!”
Alice was forced to laugh as he began feeling around the empty space beneath the cat’s head.
“Your uncle . . .” she began. “I mean Dudley, says the cats are a continuum, existing as a series of endless multiples of one.”
“Yes, he does; it makes no sense though – either there’s one cat, or there’s a lot of them.”
Alice laughed. “I think Dudley’s interpretation is there’s a lot of one of them.” She pointed to the fly-ridden cat head. “I expected you’d have removed that by now.”
Prince Jackson shrugged. “Me too, but I found a good use for it.”
Alice was further disgusted when he shooed the flies away from the bloody, gaping hole and spat into it. The flies immediately resumed their positions, buzzing fiercely over the freshly glazed gore feast.
“It makes a wonderful spittoon,” he said simply.
“But the smell?”
“Oh forget the smell, auntie. Okay, if you dislike it that much, I’ll have the badgers remove it.”
“That would be nice. Now?”
He laughed boyishly. “Uh uh, later – After you’ve proven conclusively how much I truly mean to you.”
He laughed still louder. “Oh Aunt Marie, it’s so wonderful to have you back, really! Ha ha, I feel as though my life has begun anew!”
Still unable to take her eyes off the floating cat head, with its coating of houseflies, Alice was forced to laugh along with him.
“I missed you too darling; Dudley is so – oh you know what he’s like.” She extracted the bottle of chocolate syrup from her bag. “Look Jackie – auntie brought you a surprise!”
***
Alice’s chocolate-on-nipples routine was a runaway success with the crown prince, particularly when she smeared his cock with chocolate and sucked him off as well, too over the moon with pleasure to remember to lose his erection. He exploded into her mouth. Alice swallowed and licked her lips; one reason she liked using chocolate during blowjobs was because it masked the taste of semen.
She wiped them both clean. “Wow Aunt Marie, I’ve never had sex like that before,” Jackson said.
Alice cuddled him tightly to her breasts. “Now Jackie, tell me – How do you intend getting rid of Vicky?”
“Well auntie, I thought we’d go with your original plan – drop those tablets into a solution of acid in her chamber pot while she sleeps, then enter the room in the morning and remove it before the maids come to draw the curtains.”
Alice wasn’t surprised; Marie Busybody was apparently a deviously resourceful woman.
***
That night Alice dined with Prince Jackson and the Queen of Hearts. She explained to her majesty that she’d be returning to Chicago the next day, but would be back in a month’s time to exert all her energies in putting young Jackie on the straight and narrow path towards marriage.
The queen was appalled. “But Marie, surely you’ll stay a while longer – Dudley’s still injured!”
“He’s not a child, your majesty; he’ll pull through.” She curtsied on her seat. “Chicago’s women of ill-repute must come first, your majesty.”
Victoria sighed. “It just seems so cold-blooded to abandon him when he’s unwell.”
Alice smiled her coldest smile. “I doubt he’ll miss me much, your highness; he’s not enquired after me in six months.”
The queen, realizing ‘Marie’ was simply out for revenge, resigned herself to the outcome. “I guess it is for the best . . .”
***
Not so for Prince Jackson, incensed by her perceived betrayal. He remained composed until they were alone in her suite after dinner.
“Why didn’t you mention you’d be leaving earlier, Aunt Marie?”
“I’m sorry darling, I really am. It
’s imperative however that I return to Chicago immediately. Not concerning the whores like I told your mother, screw them all, but I just got a telegram from the kid’s school in Europe – something urgent concerning your cousin James. I’ll be back once it’s all settled.”
“I utterly hate you Aunt Marie,” Prince Jackson screamed. “I hated you when you abandoned me, really wanted to kill you. Then you came back and lied about how much you loved me, and now you’re running off again. I hate you totally. You’re just as horrible as mother is!”
With that, he stormed out of her room.
Alice was utterly shocked by the depths of the prince’s rage. She’d no idea Marie Busybody had sunk her claws that deep into his soul.
She didn’t see him again that night, which was a shame, really, even though she’d already gotten most of what she wanted out of the boy. He did give great head . . .
Grow up and be a man, wimp, she thought angrily at her memories of his licking tongue.
Chapter 2
Alice left the palace early that following morning. Prince Jackson didn’t come to wish her farewell, and she was glad for this. It made things easier. She wouldn’t be seeing him again, anyway. Once she returned from Texas, she was made, and planned to move back home to St. Louis to look after her mother. Maybe even relocate further west to Wyoming, just any place where there weren’t Hudson Rivers for monster metal spiders to pull themselves out of.
***
Lord Busybody was glad to see her. “I’ve more or less worked out the details,” he said. “You can leave for Texas today, if you like.”
They spoke in his lab, which had since been renovated. Lord Busybody wound Crank up so he could listen in on their conversation.
“The first thing we must consider is that, Anna being a recluse, we can’t count on any single assassination plot to succeed.”
“That makes sense,” Alice said. “What are our options?”
“Well, first, remember how I mentioned giving you a letter to my sister?”
