by Shey Stahl
Thursday was the bridal shower and the rehearsal dinner later that night, and it never quite seemed like the right time to talk to her.
But still, I wanted to explain, tell her I’d make everything right. I wanted to beg her for a chance to be a part of their lives.
Sophie, in many ways, used to be a misery I tortured myself with and did for years. Only now it’s different. I fear by being here I’m hurting her, and I don’t want to anymore.
You can only hurt someone so many times before they’ve had enough.
I want so badly to make her happy and be enough for the two of them.
I also have no idea where my music career is heading with everything going on with Sam. I still haven’t heard back from Dylan and it’s been two days. I can’t help but wonder if I even have a band to go back to.
The couch dips down next to me. “You look slutty,” I tell my sister.
Raven rolls her eyes, smoothing out her too short dress that cups her too much cleavage I don’t want to see. “I look hot.”
I turn my head and stare at the window. It’s better than looking at my half-dressed sister. “Nope. Slutty.”
“What’s with you?”
“I think you know.” Taking the pillow beside me, I cover her chest with it only to have her hit me in the face with it.
“I do know, not because Sophie told me, but because we shared the same hot tub for nine months. Spill it.”
Drawing in a deep breath, I lay my head against the back of the couch and stare up at the ceiling. Raven knows what’s up. I know she does, but it’s still hard to tell her. “You know what Nick did, right?” She nods. “Well, I had nothing to do with it and Sophie doesn’t believe me.”
“After everything you’ve done to her, did you honestly think she was going to believe you right away?”
“No.” Groaning, I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees. Feeling something tugging at my jeans, I look down to see Lyric at my feet, drool on his chin and his navy blue onesie he’s wearing. I smile. “Hey, buddy.”
Using my legs, he stands himself up and grins at Raven and me.
“He’s the happiest baby,” Raven says, resting her head on my shoulder. “And he knows what an amazing father he has.”
I rest my head on hers. “And an amazing aunt.”
Lyric jumps around on my legs, bouncing himself and trying to grab my hair.
“He’s a hair puller, isn’t he?”
Raven rolls her eyes. “If you say, like his dad, I’ll punch you in the throat.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time.”
“Remember graduation day and you told me to fuck off that morning and then I punched you in the throat and you puked.”
Speaking of puke, I hear the splat of puke hitting my shoe. I look down to see Chevy at my feet and the white blob on my shoe. “Jesus, what’s wrong with this kid? He pukes all the time.”
“Lenny thinks he has acid reflux. He like projectile pukes all over the place sometimes. Like hits the wall five feet away.”
My stomach rolls and I slap my hand over her mouth. “Stop talking.”
Chevy sits back on his butt when I set Lyric down and they stare at one another in some kind of baby stare down.
“Do they like each other?”
Raven shrugs. “Not really. Lyric laughs all the time and Chevy, he’s completely serious all the time. Now, you’ll have to excuse me.” She stands and straightens her dress out, pulling at the hem attempting to cover her thighs. It’s useless, and I wonder if Tyler knows she’s wearing this dress tonight. “I have date with a rubber dick party.”
I choke on my own spit when I attempt to speak and then end up coughing. “A what?”
“Rubber dick party. That’s not the technical name, but it’s like sex toys or something.”
I look down at the floor, making no eye contact. I can’t talk about this is her. “Is Sophie going?”
“Yep.”
Nova bounces into the room in her pajamas and stops when she sees Raven’s dress. I’m thankful she came in the room though.
She eyes Raven’s chest and then cups her own non-existent boobs. “I can’t wait until the boob fairy comes to see me!”
Red comes into the room and gives Nova a light shove. “You’re not getting boobs. Ever.”
She points in his face. “Dream crusher.” And then she looks at me. “Do you want my baby brother. I don’t like him.”
“You can’t give him away,” Red tells her, sitting next to me on the couch. He hands me a rag. “Besides, Uncle has a weak stomach. Baby puke makes him nauseous, he can’t handle Chevy.”
Nova rolls her eyes. “Whatever.”
When she’s out of the room and it’s just us with the boys on the floor with their blocks, Chevy attempting to build something by stacking them and Lyric watching, Red bumps my shoulder. “Can you play at the reception?”
“Me?” With wide eyes, I twist my head to look at him. I’m shocked by his request. Up until a few days ago, Red’s never acknowledged my music. Ever. And now he wants me to play at his wedding?
“Yeah, you. Think Beck and Linc would come down?”
No. I don’t think they will, but for the last few days I’ve come to the conclusion, them forcing me away was their way of having my back. They knew I needed to come home and find myself.
“I can ask them.”
He nods, his eyes moving from mine to the boys. “Okay.”
I don’t miss the significance of what he’s asked me either. It’s rooted deep inside my chest like a pressure, and my eyes burn because whether I wanted to admit it, I’ve always wanted Red’s approval with my music. I look up to him in so many ways and for him to finally acknowledge my music, it’s more than he can ever imagine to me.
“What song were you thinking for your first dance?”
Chevy fusses on the floor when Lyric knocks his blocks over. Red reaches down and grabs his serious little boy and brings him to his lap. Inside the pocket of the flannel he’s wearing, he pulls out a wrench and hands it to Chevy.
Red swallows, the nerves beginning to show. “She really likes this song called “Are We in Trouble Now”. It’s a Randy Travis song.”
I make a face. “I don’t… I’m not great at country.” And then I look to Chevy who has the wrench in his hand like it’s a chew toy, drenched in slobber.
He shrugs. “It’s a perfect song. See what you can do. You’re good at the rough acoustic. Maybe something like that? It’s not like you have to mimic Randy Travis. Just that song, and the lyrics mean a lot to her.” He laughs and takes the wrench out of Chevy’s hand when he hits him in the temple with it. “She even rocks Chevy to sleep to it so I thought you know, it’d be perfect.” Another shrug. “If not, we’ll just play it off one of our phones or something.”
I’m taken back by his vulnerability. I’ve never in my life seen Reddington Walker nervous, and I’m not even sure how to process it. Drawing in a quick breath, I hold up my phone. “Let me make some calls.”
When Red walks away, I’m left in the living room with Lyric, who’s now attempting to stack the blocks. I know it’s time to call Beck. I’ve put it off for too long.
Just when I’m about to, Tyler comes inside the house, wiping his boots on the doormat inside the foyer. “Did you see what your fucking sister wore to the bachelorette party?”
I laugh. Once. “Uh, yeah.”
He glares. “Do you know where they’re going?”
“Something about rubber dicks. I don’t know.”
He glances down at Lyric who’s now trying to crawl up his leg. Picking him up, he takes him into the kitchen with him when I hear him yell, “Red, it’s time to go.”
I’m not sure why but both Red and Lenny decided to have their bachelor and bachelorette parties on the same night, the day before the wedding. Seemed dumb to me, but whatever.
With my phone in my hand, I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to gain the courage to call them. I’ve known Bec
k and Linc nearly my entire life, but after everything last week, calling seems impossible.
So like the pussy I am, I text him.
Me: Hey, B, I’m sorry about last week. I am. But I have a favor and I know you don’t owe me anything. Red’s getting married tomorrow and needs a band. Can you guys come down?
Red and Tyler are at the door, baby free when they nod to me, still sitting on the couch. “You coming?”
Standing, I’m almost afraid to look down at my phone. Swallowing, I swipe my finger across the screen and open my text messages.
Beck: We’ll be there. For Red.
I know what that means. They’re not ready to forgive me, but they at least still have my back.
I check my phone once more. It’s becoming an obsession. I’m either checking it to see if Lyric’s okay, or by the slim chance Rawley might have sent anything.
Last night at the rehearsal dinner he sent me a text. It was simple. I pull it up again to stare at it.
Rawley: You look pretty tonight.
I remember looking up at him after he sent it, but he wouldn’t look up. It was as if he couldn’t and that message was the only way he could say it.
Raven groans in the kitchen behind me. “Stupid. So stupid.”
I’ve never been to a bachelorette party. None of us have been so when Raven decided to plan this night, she really had no clue what went into it.
We’re at Red and Lenny’s house while the boys are apparently at the bar, no one really knows, but Lebanon is a small town and there’s only one bar or the Mexican restaurant. About two years ago, Rawley got in a fight with the owner’s son and was asked to never set foot in the Mexican restaurant ever again so my bet is Murphy’s.
“I hired a stripper after the rubber dick party,” Raven tells me with a bowl of chips in her hand, her black dress creeping up her thighs more than she needs it to.
I can damn near see her V.
“Stop calling it a rubber dick party.” I take a handful of the chips from the bowl, chewing on one slowly. “It’s a sex toy party. And I’m sorry, you hired a what?”
“A stripper,” she mumbles, brushing chip crumbs from her dress. “But I have a small problem with said stripper.”
“And that is?” Staring down the hall, we’re both waiting on the bride-to-be to come out of the bathroom already. Our plan tonight is to have the sex toy party and then head out to the bar where the boys are. I don’t think I want to see Rawley tonight, but there’s a butterfly swirling in my stomach and she’s telling me otherwise.
“He’s a prostitute.”
“And?”
“Why do you think there’s more?”
“Something about the way you’re eyeing the door like you’re not sure whether to run away, or stay.”
“Hmmm, a little of both.” Raven’s stare darts around the room and lands on the door when the consultant for the party walks in, cheery and with a suitcase full of rubber dicks. “I’m not sure he’s eighteen. I mean, I think he is, but I’m not completely positive. Can we get arrested for that?”
“How’d you find him?” I whisper when Lenny jets out of the bathroom in her short black dress to greet the lady at the door. “And I don’t know. Probably?”
“Well, Tyler once hired a stripper for Red a couple years back and it’s that girl’s brother. Apparently prostitution runs in the family.”
“That’s kinda weird.”
The consultant then greets us and says her name is Kitty. No lie. Her fucking name is Kitty and she sells rubber dicks.
Raven snorts, her second beer now in her hand and makes a clawing action at me. “Meow!”
I take her beer from her, laughing. “It’s a bit early. Pace yourself.”
I’m not entirely sure what happens during these rubber dick parties. Like I said, I’ve never been to one. What I can tell you is there’s a lot of hands on showcasing, some embarrassing moments and well, experimenting. Not in the sense where we try anything. It’s a lot of hey, look at this one, or, what the fuck? Who would use that?
“It’s like it’s raining dicks,” Raven says, smacking me in the cheek with a double-ended big purple dildo.
I rub my cheek. “That’s insane!”
Kitty claps her hands together and then hands Lenny a strap-on dildo. “Okay, time to play a game for the bride-to-be.”
Lenny’s eyes widen as she’s pulled to a standing position by Kitty. “What kind of game?” Awkwardly, she takes the strap on and holds it in front of her like it has a disease.
Kitty gives her a nod. “Put it on and then Raven and Sophie, you’re going to take these cock rings and try to get them on the dick Lenny has on.”
She hands us about ten cock rings and I have no idea whose dick could actually fit these cock rings, because I thought they were supposed to be tight around… well, whatever. They’re just really big and I can’t imagine it. I don’t want to imagine it.
As Lenny’s putting on her gear, Raven and I get into position like we’re about to win this game. Never mind the fact that Lenny and Raven are both wearing extremely short dresses, as am I, and here we are cock tossing.
Never in my life have I laughed so hard as I did during that game. Lenny kept laughing, which made it more entertaining. Have you ever tried to get a ring around a bouncing dick? It’s nearly impossible.
“Hold your dick still, L,” Raven stutters out in a fit of giggles as she kneels down trying to get a better angle. I can’t imagine what this must look like from an outsider’s point of view. “Sophie, hold it still for me!”
So there I am on my knees manhandling big purple when the doorbell rings and stripper boy is met with a sight I bet he’s never seen. Three girls, one wearing a strap on, one on the floor trying to strategically place a cock ring on it and another holding said cock at the right angle to help a girl out.
“He’s definitely not eighteen,” I say, loud enough for him to hear. There’s just no way. He’s got this baby face, shaggy brown hair sticking out of a beanie cap and frankly, he reminds me of a skater version Justin Bieber. He’s wearing dark jeans, a dark T-shirt, and Converse. “Did you find him at the skate park? Does his mom know he’s out past his bedtime?”
Raven giggles, covering her mouth as if this is the funniest thing she’s ever seen. “No idea.”
Lenny gapes at Raven, bottle of tequila in one hand and then takes big purple in her left hand and slaps Raven on the forehead. “I told you no strippers!”
“Ow!” Rubbing her forehead, Raven stands. “That hurt.”
“Let’s face it, Raven.” I can’t stop laughing and I’m not sure my words even make sense. “That’s not the first time you’ve been slapped in the face with a dick.”
The kid at the door smiles at Lenny, who’s still wearing big purple with a tiara on her head. “You must be the bride-to-be.”
Lenny takes a step back and fidgets with her strap on. “Um, yeah.”
“Well”—the kid steps forward, his arm around Lenny—“how about I show you how a real one works.” And then he winks at big purple. Or maybe he winks at Lenny. I’m a little unsure because honestly, I’ve drank a lot and for someone who hasn’t drank much in the last two years, a couple shots would have been enough. Not ten.
Kitty begins putting away the cock rings and big purple’s friends while her eyes never leave the kid. “Mind if I stay for this show?”
“There will be no show.” Lenny shrugs off the kid’s arm. “He’s like fifteen. No way he’s stripping.”
He looks offended. “I’m eighteen.”
“You are not,” all three of us say together.
Pulling off his beanie cap, he stares at us, like he can’t believe we’d question his age. “Yes, I am.”
Raven stands up from the floor, tugging on the hem of her black dress that’s clearly not getting any longer. She holds out her hand. “Fine, prove it. Show me your driver’s license.”
With a smug grin that’s actually kinda cute, he reaches into h
is back pocket for his wallet and then hands his driver’s license to Raven.
I examine it with her. He is in fact eighteen.
“Oh look, you have the same birthday as Chevy.”
Lenny groans. “Okay, now he definitely has to go. You have the same birthday as my son, and I can’t look at you naked.”
The offended look returns. “I’m definitely not your son, honey.”
“First off, don’t say honey.” Lenny hands big purple back to Kitty and then faces the kid, her finger on his chest as she backs him up to the door. “You’re not old enough to use that word. And second, I don’t want to see you naked. I didn’t want a stripper.” She glares at Raven. “My soon-to-be sister-in-law hired you and if my soon-to-be husband finds you here, you won’t live to see nineteen.”
His eyes widen. It’s a small town and I’m 99 percent sure the kid knows who her fiancé is. “You’re not gonna tell Red I was here, are you?”
“I will unless you leave right now,” she warns.
He leaves. Immediately.
“I can’t believe you did that.” Lenny shoves Raven. “Now let’s go to the bar. I want to party without a dick attached to me. I have no idea how men can stand that thing between their legs.”
Raven and I both look at big purple as he’s placed in his case.
Being three sheets to the wind, Raven clears her throat, still tugging on her dress, and I know she’s about to say something stupid. “I’m sorry, but no one has a dick as big as BP. He’s frankly in a class of his own and if a man did have one that big, I don’t think he could walk normally.”
Kitty leaves with her dicks, while Raven, Lenny and I head to the bar. Actually, we walk. We can’t drive.
WALKING TO THE bar wasn’t bad at all and we managed to make it.
“Holy shit, they’re busy tonight!” Lenny yells, stashing her tequila near the door.
Raven looks at her like she’s lost her mind, one hand on the door. “You know that won’t be here when we come out, right?”
“I know but I can’t take it in there.”
The moment we step foot inside the bar, it’s shoulder to shoulder and I know why. The boys are on stage singing karaoke. Tyler’s at the microphone, completely tone deaf with Red, Rawley, Daniel, and two guys I’ve never seen up there as well.
