Khalid loved his family with all his heart, but still went to war when the season arrived. Chandra stayed behind and managed their ever-growing empire. Khalid promised the world would one day be called Roshan and he took his children with him on campaigns once they reached their twelfth year. Some took to it better than others. Until the children could ride with their father, Chandra taught them how to govern. Again, some took to it better than others.
For twenty years, Khalid and Chandra were the most powerful couple on the planet. And, then, one day, just before he was to turn thirty-eight, Khalid went to rest by a river to escape a budget meeting. He lay down under a tree and never woke up. Chandra is said to still be in mourning to this day.
***
“That is a love story,” Nakia said. She and Bashira were tucked away in her sitting room when Bashira ended the tale. There were snacks waiting for them, which they nibbled. Nakia still avoided anything sweet.
“It is pretty amazing. It’s something many people now strive for in the Empire, but it’s not easy to achieve. Such a powerful love only happens between the gods.”
Nakia nodded. “And is this why the Queen wants to conquer the West? Because her father wanted the world to be under the Roshan Empire?”
Bashira nodded. “Yes.”
This level of devotion to a parent surprised Nakia. Neither of her parents had ever inspired her to carry on their dreams, not now and not once they died. Her mother had already died. She wasn’t sure she’d mourn her father beyond what was considered proper. How could she mourn someone she wasn’t even sure saw her as a person? She had no idea what his dreams were and she had no desire to find out.
“How did the Queen…how did she take her father’s death?” Nakia asked. Why do I care?
Bashira scratched her head. “She’s trying to keep his legacy alive. There’s always this feeling like she didn’t have enough time with him. She was barely sixteen when he passed and she rode with him from the second she turned twelve until the moment he died. Some like to say she was the one who found him, which would make it hard. She was definitely there when his body was discovered. She joined his warrior order, the order of the Lion. Maybe the conquest makes her feel closer to him.”
Nakia sighed and her heart thumped heavy in her chest. She wasn’t sure why. Maybe she was envious. She had never had a relationship with her father because she was a girl. But, that hadn’t mattered to Amir Khalid. It sounded like he loved his family, loved his daughter, and his daughter loved him.
“She’s not completely heartless, you know?” Bashira said.
Nakia swallowed hard. “I don’t care about her.” But, for some reason, she wanted to know more about her, but she swallowed down any questions.
Chapter Thirteen
SIGHING, ASHNI SCRATCHED HER forehead and tried to focus on the reports in front of her. As usual, it was impossible. They all blurred together. Only one thing stayed on her mind—Nakia. She wanted to talk to Nakia and she wasn’t sure when she’d get a chance. It was driving her out of her mind.
“Layla,” Ashni said as her sister slid down next to her.
Layla sighed dramatically as she flipped over, so she was right side up. She fell onto the throne and tucked in close to Ashni. Ashni threw an arm around her.
“What do you have for me?” Ashni asked. Maybe what Layla found out would get her mind off Nakia, if only for a few minutes.
“Amal and Majeed are still palling around. Adira wanted me to tell you that she noticed Amal’s men wandering around the market. One visited our dear friend, Hati.”
Nodding, Ashni rubbed her chin. Hati was an apothecary she often hired to prepare medicines and poisons for her military campaigns. “My brother never ceases to amaze me. None of them really.”
Layla shrugged. “They’re all pretty stupid.”
“I can’t argue that with you, even though the twins are at least cute.”
Layla curled her lip. “You mean the little twins, right?”
Ashni scoffed. “Well, definitely not Asad and Amal. Could you imagine?” She was certain those two had never been cute, even when they were babies. Her younger brothers, the other twins, were cute. She hoped they grew out of the stupidity that seemed to infect her brothers.
Layla rolled her eyes. “Definitely not. What do you think is going on?”
“I can guess. Amal’s nothing if not predictable. We need to be alert. This might be the year we get to send him back to Mom without having to worry about proving what he’s up to.” Ashni shook her head. Her brother was annoying, but her mother was more so. Her mother knew what Amal was like, but still let him roam the globe like he didn’t deserve an axe to the forehead. Of course, Ashni felt like that about most of her brothers, so maybe she was a little biased.
Layla snorted. “I’m sure she knows.”
“You just like giving her credit because she’s an outsider like you. So much love for the outsider.”
“You’re partial to outsiders yourself.” Layla held her head up high.
Ashni pursed her lips. “I’m partial to disemboweling them.”
Layla shrugged. “Yeah, but you’re also partial to letting them get close.” She dared to snuggle against Ashni.
Ashni rubbed her knuckle in the middle of Layla’s head. Layla jumped back just enough to not crowd Ashni. Layla glowered at her and Ashni grinned.
“I heard the high and mighty princess went out shopping with Bashira today,” Layla said.
“She did. I’m already getting the bills.” From what she saw of the orders coming in, her hellcat had excellent taste in Roshan garments. She’d happily shower Nakia in all the fine cloth she desired if she could just talk to her.
Layla studied her for a long moment. “Anything you want to talk about?”
Ashni cut her eyes at her sister. “You know I don’t.”
With a huff, Layla threw her hands up. “Okay, but you know you can talk to me. I am the perfect sibling, after all.” She had the nerve to give an adorable smile, showing her dimples and loving eyes.
Ashni blew a raspberry. She wasn’t affected by the look. “You don’t have much competition in the area for me. Now, don’t you have other things you should be doing? Majeed isn’t going to watch himself.”
Layla had the nerve to wag her finger. “You’re avoiding.”
Ashni glared at her sister. “Anything I have to say about the hellcat needs to be said to her, not to you. Mind your business and go do your business.”
Layla groaned. “You’re no fun when you’re cranky.”
“I’m always cranky.”
“Not to this degree and, usually, you’re cranky with a purpose.”
Ashni continued to glare, hoping Layla would get the signal to leave it alone. Layla giggled and climbed back up her line, disappearing from the throne room. Ashni sighed and ran her hand through her hair.
She should be focused on Amal and Majeed. They were up to something dangerous. She couldn’t be bothered with worrying about it. She wanted to blame it on the fact that Amal was always up to something dangerous and just too incompetent to put something together. She knew that wasn’t why she didn’t dwell on it.
Her mind was stuck on Nakia. The shopping trip seemed to go well. Nakia wasn’t just out of her room, but was out of the palace, so she had to be feeling better. Ashni would give her the rest of the day and then try again tomorrow. Maybe she’d be open to listening and talking then. She wasn’t sure how Nakia would react if they did talk.
Rubbing her palms together, Ashni’s mind couldn’t wrap around not knowing something. She was good at predicting, reading situations, and acting accordingly. Nakia threw off her usual instincts.
“What if she doesn’t understand?” Ashni tried not to think about that, but it was possible.
Nakia wasn’t from a culture where people loved people regardless of gender. Ashni didn’t understand, but she was aware of it, and she could respect it since it was connected to Nakia. She wasn’t sure i
f Nakia was capable of returning the favor. Nakia didn’t have the vast experience with other people and cultures like she did to know that different didn’t have to mean wrong.
“But, my hellcat might surprise me yet,” Ashni said. Nakia was full of surprises, after all. Besides, her behavior hadn’t followed her cultural norms. “But, does she realize that?”
She doubted Nakia noticed how much she didn’t follow her own beliefs. After all, if she really thought society knew best, Nakia wouldn’t be a hellcat. She would be demure and defer to authority, defer to men. Nakia probably didn’t know what the word ‘demure’ meant.
***
Nakia crawled into bed and sighed as her head hit the pillow. She was tired from walking around in the hot desert sun. The comfort of her bed was even better than the soothing bath she had earlier with the luxurious scented oils used to moisturize her skin and relax her. She barely closed her eyes before she was haunted by visions that had been with her for days. Flashes of sandy blond hair, alluring, cat-like golden eyes, and an almost devilish smile caused jolts through her body. She had to press her legs together for a moment, but got little relief from that action. It passed, as it always did. But, this time, it came back after she fell asleep.
Sound accompanied the second set of dreams. She heard moaning, maybe even purring, definitely cooing. The noise danced down her nerves. She didn’t know what to think of it, especially when she woke with a moan spilling from her lips. Her body was burning, but in a good way. She sat up, took a deep breath, and tried to shake it off.
“It was wrong, it was wrong, it was wrong,” she chanted until she calmed down. She needed to make sure she understood that. Once her heartbeat returned to normal and her skin cooled down, she settled on her pillow again.
She took a deep breath and rubbed her face. She doubted she’d get used to the dreams. She didn’t want to get used to the dreams, especially since they seemed to change each time she had them. The dreams didn’t really change, but her reactions to them changed. It was wrong, even if her mind and body seemed to be trying to convince her otherwise. She managed to fall asleep a third time and hoped it’d be for the rest of the night.
The next morning, Nakia sat down for breakfast and waited for Bashira. If patterns held, Bashira would show up before she was done. Before she had a chance to start eating, there was a knock at the door and then a servant stood before her.
“You have a visitor,” the servant said.
“Let Lady Bashira in.”
The servant shook her head. “My Lady, it is not Lady Bashira.”
A stone sank into Nakia’s stomach. “Not Lady Bashira? Then who?”
“The Queen, my Lady. Should I send her away?”
Nakia froze and her heart thumped heavy in her chest. Should I send the Queen away? She knew if she decided not to see her, the Queen would respect her wishes and leave. The Queen had done that since the incident. Maybe it was time to face the Queen and hear her out. Maybe it would help her move on.
Move on? I have moved on. Well, she felt like she had moved on when she was awake. She could interact with people again. She had gone out and hadn’t flinched over anything. In fact, she hadn’t looked at anyone outside with a suspicious gaze. She no longer moved away from the servants when they approached her. She allowed one servant to help bathe her. This was progress, right? She didn’t need any help from the Queen to get herself together. She was together.
“You can send her in,” Nakia said. The Queen needed to see she hadn’t won. She hadn’t broken Nakia.
The servant nodded and rushed off. Nakia took a deep breath and ate some eggs, hoping to settle her stomach and give herself some strength for what she was about to endure. She regretted it as soon as the Queen stepped into view. She smelled the Queen’s scent and her stomach flipped. She almost threw up, feeling the burn in her throat, but she managed to avoid it. Be strong. She can’t hurt you.
“Princess,” the Queen’s voice was low, but not small. Her eyes were on the floor and she bowed ever so slightly.
“Highness,” Nakia said. “Please, sit.” She motioned to the pillow across from her.
“Thank you.” The Queen sat down. Her eyes remained on the floor and she wiped her palms on her knees.
“So, you barbarians do have some manners.” Nakia didn’t mean to sound as playful as she did. “You wanted to talk.” She put some bite in her tone. She didn’t want the Queen to believe everything was fine between them because it wasn’t. It might never be again.
Sighing, the Queen rubbed her palms together and took a deep breath before she looked up. Her amber eyes glistened. She swallowed before she managed to speak. “I need you to know…to understand…what you think happened isn’t exactly what happened.”
Nakia’s insides twisted and her jaw clenched. “Well, I think we both know I wouldn’t do something like that on my own.” What happened was wrong, disgusting, and could get her killed. Nakia would never do something so stupid on her own.
The Queen licked her lips. “No, of course not. I know where you’re from this isn’t done, isn’t considered proper. You probably didn’t even think something like this is possible.”
“And yet, here, it’s something done.”
“Well, here, and all over the Empire and in other cultures. We find it acceptable to love whom you love. People are people. Gender doesn’t matter. The same thing that allows us to love a person no matter the gender is also the same thing that allows people to feel confident in following me regardless of my gender.”
Nakia nodded, even though none of it made sense. She had observed the lack of gender roles around the palace. She hadn’t looked when she was in the marketplace. Was the entire Roshan Empire really like that? It was so backwards, so it was hard to imagine the entire Empire was this way.
“That doesn’t explain what you did to me,” Nakia said through a tense jaw.
Sighing, the Queen scratched the back of her head. “No, it doesn’t. I didn’t do what you think I did.”
Nakia glowered at the Queen. “Oh, so you didn’t have your way with me? Force yourself on me? At least take responsibility for it.” She slapped at the table, rattling the dishes. She was tempted to slap the Queen, but at best the Queen would avoid it and at worst the Queen might kill her.
The Queen flinched and clenched her knees briefly. She looked Nakia in the eye. “I know what I did. I had my way with you while you were drunk and, for that, I apologize. While you didn’t object at the time, I should’ve known better. It was wrong to take you in that state. But, I didn’t force myself onto you.”
Nakia blinked. “This is your apology? ‘It was wrong to take me in that state?’” Nakia jumped to her feet, narrowing her eyes. “You think I’m just some toy here for you to play with.” It was more and more tempting to hit the Queen.
The Queen was on her feet, too. “That isn’t what this is about.”
“Isn’t it?” Nakia screamed as tears gathered in her eyes. No, don’t cry in front of her. Don’t let her know you’re hurt because you’re not hurt. You’re over the pain and now you’re angry. Her tears didn’t seem to know that. “I’m just some toy, some pawn. You’re no better than my father!”
Before Nakia realized it, the Queen was in her face. She didn’t have time to process what it meant as the Queen took her into her arms. It took more than a few seconds to figure out that the Queen embraced her. Nakia struggled to get away. Unable to do so, she began sobbing. The Queen held her tighter, which only made her weep more.
“How could you do this to me?” Nakia wailed, tiny fist slamming against the Queen’s abdomen. “I thought you cared.”
The Queen inhaled sharply. “I do. Kitten, you are precious to me.”
“You don’t do that to someone precious. You don’t.”
“I didn’t do what you think I did, kitten. We were both drunk and I know it’s not a good excuse, but you smelled so sweet. I couldn’t resist and when you…you were so open with me. You nev
er…you never said stop,” the Queen whispered.
Nakia just cried on. She couldn’t stop, no matter how much she wished to. She shouldn’t be crying on the Queen. She should be furious and she should give the Queen the cold shoulder, but she couldn’t bring herself to do so. So, she just cried more.
***
Ashni looked at Nakia as she wept, her tears soaking Ashni’s teal, silk shirt. Ashni didn’t care about her clothing. She wanted to make Nakia feel better, to understand she hadn’t meant to hurt her. I didn’t mean to hurt her. For some reason, this was a revelation, but it was also a club to her head. Regardless of what she meant to do, what she had done was reduce this amazing and strong creature before her into a bawling mess. Maybe she was a monster.
Cradling Nakia in her arms, Ashni held her close and settled onto the nearest seat. Nakia buried her face in Ashni’s collarbone. Ashni brushed some of Nakia’s silky, black hair out of her face and caressed her cheek.
At the moment, it felt like everything was wrong with her. Each of Nakia’s sobs cut through her like a serrated blade and took a piece of her that she doubted she’d ever get back. Maybe she didn’t deserve it back. She clutched Nakia a little tighter each time a sob escaped her. Ashni needed to be careful or she’d crush the princess, but she couldn’t let Nakia go. After long minutes, the sound of Nakia’s weeping tapered off.
“Kitten, I’m so sorry,” Ashni said, knowing how inadequate the words were. She could never make up for what she did and she understood that now. Damn it. How could I mess things up this much?
Nakia only shook her head. Her face was red and puffy. She probably wouldn’t be able to say anything for a little while. Ashni checked the breakfast tray and located a teapot. She had to motion for a servant to pour the tea, as her hands were full, but she managed to grab the cup.
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