Before I could do anything, I needed to sort out the hollow ache in my stomach and inject some caffeine into my system. I’d be able to think more clearly then. There was already some lukewarm coffee in the pot, which made me think Harvey hadn’t left the apartment too long ago—so I emptied that out and put on some fresh. Then I opened his refrigerator and stared at the contents. I’d had my meals brought to me since I’d first woken up, and now the idea of preparing my own breakfast felt ridiculously daunting. Part of me was tempted to cook the contents of the fridge, while the other part was nervous about making toast.
“Stop being such a fucking pussy,” I muttered to myself. I didn’t like feeling like this—as though I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. I got the impression I was a man who knew exactly what he liked, and yet now I didn’t even know if I preferred the peanut butter or jelly on my toast. It was disconcerting, not knowing the simplest facts about myself, and it made me feel as though I hovered on the edge of madness. Trying to remember things was even worse, reaching back in my head, fruitlessly searching for things that remained just out of reach.
With a yell of anger, I smashed my fists down on the kitchen counter. The rage was always there, barely concealed beneath the surface. Was this what I was always like, or was this a result of my accident and loss of memory?
I ended up eating toast—I preferred the peanut butter on its own—and gulped down the coffee. I needed more clothes, so took both the credit card and my license with me, and let myself out of Harvey’s apartment. I told myself I was going shopping, but I knew I was heading back to the place where I’d seen the woman.
Her face, her body was imprinted on my mind, but I didn’t think it was a memory. I’d just ingrained the few seconds I’d spent in her company on my brain.
I flexed my hand. My fingers had been around her throat. The thought sent a thrill through me, condensing in my balls, my dick responding. It was the first time I’d really thought about fucking since I’d woken up, and I liked how it made me feel.
I longed for this woman I couldn’t remember, somehow felt her absence like someone had removed an organ and I was hollow inside. All I could think about was finding her again, as though she would solve the frustration and anger I felt at myself.
I walked the couple of blocks back to the area where she’d stopped me. I found the exact same spot and stood there, looking around, trying to figure out what reason she’d had for being there. There were several office blocks in the area, combined with a number of residential apartment blocks as well. Interspersing these were a coffee shop, a small convenience store, a barber shop, and several restaurants. People hustled around me, everyone busy and on the move, pushing past as I stood in one spot trying to figure out where to start. Did she work around here? Live around here? Yet the way she’d acted hadn’t been someone comfortable in their environment. She’d had a slightly wild look to her eyes, had glanced over her shoulder as though frightened someone was after her. A man had shouted, and she’d made her excuses and left. So if she didn’t live or work in the area, what other reason could she have had for being here? Perhaps she’d been meeting someone? If so, the most likely choice would have been one of the restaurants or the coffee shop.
I wished I had a photograph of her to carry around and show people, ask them if they’d seen or knew her. Instead, I would just have to use my description of her. She was striking in appearance, and I felt sure someone would remember seeing her.
Deciding to try the coffee shop first, I pushed open the door and stepped inside. People were lined up at the counter, waiting to order takeout, and so I joined them and impatiently waited my turn. When it arrived, the young barista asked me for my order.
“Actually, I’m not after coffee,” I said. “Were you working here yesterday afternoon, at about three o’clock?”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “Are you a cop or something? You don’t look like a cop.”
I laughed, the sound cold. “No, I’m definitely not a cop. So, were you working then?”
“Yeah, I was.”
“Good. I’m looking for a woman who was in the area yesterday. She’s about five feet eight, with long, straight black hair, and almond shaped brown eyes. She’s very beautiful, striking, even. Did you see her here?”
Her lips twisted as she thought, but then shook her head. “Nah, sorry. It’s not ringing any bells.”
I’d have been lucky to get a hit on my first try. I left the coffee shop and went to the store next door, and repeated the process. Then did the same to the Italian restaurant down the road,
The staff in the Italian restaurant were less friendly than the coffee shop.
“Who’s asking?” the owner—a man in his forties wearing an expensive suit which felt out of place in the small restaurant—snapped at me.
“Just a friend,” I replied, keeping my cool.
He jerked his chin at me. “If you’re a friend, shouldn’t you know where she is? What you going around asking me for?”
I could tell I wasn’t going to get anywhere.
“Forget I asked,” I said, backing out of the place.
Fuck. Did the owner of the restaurant know something? I couldn’t be sure. Perhaps he just didn’t like having strangers asking questions.
Feeling like I was wasting my time, I walked past the barbers, figuring it was unlikely she’d been getting a shave, and a short back and sides, and stopped outside of a hotdog place. Would she eat somewhere like this? I didn’t know, but I figured it was worth a shot. I waited my turn at the counter and then asked the same questions of the guy serving that I’d asked of the girl in the coffee shop.
A slight frown marked the young man’s brow, but instead of shaking his head, he nodded. “You know what, that description does ring a bell. She was here yesterday, right, with two mean-looking guys. They looked like a couple of bodyguards. I remember them because they ordered and then sat over there.” He nodded to the stools up against the counter, which looked out of the window and onto the street. “They were just sitting there, and all of a sudden they both leapt up, leaving their food, and raced out onto the street. They came back a few minutes later with the girl you described.”
Anger rose inside of me at the idea of her possibly being hurt by two men.
“Was she all right?”
The young man shrugged. “She seemed to be. Maybe a little shocked, but she sat and ate her hotdog with the two men. Drank some coffee, too, if I remember right.”
“Can you think of anything else? Anything that might let me find her?”
He frowned again. “Is she in some kind of trouble?”
“Yeah, I think she might be.”
“Shouldn’t you call the cops?”
“No,” I said. “No cops. Hey, can you remember what she ate?”
“Yeah, they all had our simple dog—spicy brown mustard and sauerkraut.”
“I’ll take one of them,” I said. “Sorry, I’ve only got my card.”
“No problem.”
I tapped my card to pay, thankful I didn’t need to remember a PIN. I sat in the same spot the server had told me Verity had sat in the previous day. I took a bite of my hotdog, not because I was hungry, but because I wanted to experience the same taste she had in the same place, standing in her shoes and wondering where I could find her.
Chapter Thirteen
V
I woke to the sensation of choking, of the air in my lungs burning. For a moment, I didn’t understand what was happening, still caught between that time between wake and sleep, but then I realized hands were around my throat and I couldn’t breathe.
My eyelids sprang open and I found myself looking directly up into Tony’s face. His eyes were cold, emotionless, and the sight of them frightened me as much as the not being able to breathe. I grabbed at his wrists, trying to pry them off me, but he was stronger than he looked and his hands didn’t budge.
Panic filled me, and I resorted to battering against his arms and shoul
ders with my fists, flailing uselessly. I knew there was some kind of technique I could use, but my panicked, oxygen starved mind refused to process anything practical. All it kept screaming was ‘breathe, breathe, breathe,’ but I couldn’t. My lungs burned like they were on fire, such excruciating pain.
Just when I thought I couldn’t take it any longer, the hands released from around my throat.
I sucked in a painful gulp of air, making a horrible wheezing noise. Working purely on instinct, I scrambled away, so my back slammed up against the headboard of the bed. I only wanted to put as much distance between myself and Tony as possible. My hands found my throat, and already I could tell I’d have bruises. I’d have to wear a neck scarf when I went to court.
Assuming I lived that long.
I couldn’t speak. I wanted to yell at him, ask him what the fuck he was doing, but it took all of my concentration to hold back on the pain in my throat and lungs, and not lose it completely.
Tony stood at the side of the bed, looking down at me. I saw no expression in his eyes. I remembered what X had told me about him—how he got his name from tearing people’s faces apart with his teeth. X had said Tony had gotten control of the psychopath inside him, but the way he was looking at me right now, it seemed the psychopath was awake and raring to go.
I managed to squeak. “What the fuck?”
“I hear you decided to take yourself on a little walk alone yesterday.”
Shit, one of the men had blabbed. I was so sure they’d keep their mouths shut—knowing they’d get into trouble for allowing me out of their sight.
“Who told you?” I rasped. “Paulie or Warren?”
“Neither of them,” he replied. “Though they’ll be getting their punishment, too, don’t you worry. I happen to have friends on the street where you took your little walk, and they said they saw my guys grab you and drag you back with them.”
Shit. My stomach twisted. Who had seen us? Did that mean they’d also seen X, or had I not been spotted until after I’d walked away from him?
Did Tony know X was still alive?
I became aware of the rectangle of card still stuck down the side of my bra, and my heartrate increased once more. Did he know I had the business card? Would he search me and find it? I couldn’t imagine what my punishment for that would be. Tony hadn’t laid a finger on me since we’d gotten here, but I assumed that was because I’d toed the line and done everything he’d asked. My moment of madness had only happened because I’d spotted X.
My initial panic began to fade, and was gradually replaced with a slow boiling anger.
“If you lay a finger on me again, I swear I won’t go to trial.”
He laughed. “Do you actually think those pathetic threats will work on me? You have far more to lose in this situation than I do. If you don’t go to trial, your father walks free. I’ll have no reason to protect you anymore, and your father will have you killed.”
I motioned to my throat. “You think this is protecting me?”
“It is if it makes you think next time before you try running away from my men. Where were you going, anyway?”
“I already told Paulie and Warren. I wasn’t running anywhere. I just needed some air. I’d gotten sick during my interview and I had a headache. All I wanted was to be able to walk up and down the street without feeling like I had someone on my tail. Do you have any idea how claustrophobic it feels to have people constantly watching you?”
He gave me a snide glance. “Oh, boo-hoo,” he mocked. “You felt claustrophobic. Big deal. Better to feel claustrophobic than be dead.”
“I wasn’t going to be killed just by walking down the street. Seems to me I’m in more danger here.”
“No, sweetheart. You’re not, and do you know why?” He didn’t give me the chance to answer. “Because what I did to you just then was a warning. Your father’s men, however, won’t bother to give you a warning. They will drive by, lean out the window with a weapon, and put enough bullets in your body to make sure you won’t be turning up in court. Got it?
The most frustrating thing was that he was right. Not that I had any intention of thanking him for his ‘lesson.’ My throat felt like I’d swallowed razor blades, and every time I coughed, I groaned and wrapped my hand around the outside of my neck as though it could somehow make me feel better.
My hatred for Tony solidified in my gut like a rotten piece of meat, festering and poisoning my blood. I didn’t let people treat me like this, and I wouldn’t let him get away with it. I didn’t know what I would do yet, but already my mind was turning over options. I just needed to get past the trial, but then what? Find X and run with Nicole? Tony would no longer have a reason to protect me, and I knew too much for him to let me go. I had the horrible feeling this was going to end up in a kill or be killed situation, and Tony had a hell of a lot more backup than I did. I didn’t even have my own gun.
He had me in a corner, and there was nothing I could do about it.
Except find X.
Tony turned and left the room, leaving me to nurse my poor throat. I wouldn’t let him get away with this.
I used the bathroom to check my injuries. Finger marks patterned my skin in distinct bruises around my neck. I leaned over the sink and took sips of cool water from the faucet. Anger simmered inside me, but I felt so helpless. I didn’t like that Tony had me trapped.
The bedroom door opened and I froze, half expecting him to be back again. When I heard a female voice singing, I realized it was Nicole. She caught sight of me, peeping around the side of the doorframe.
“What on earth are you doing?” she asked.
“Recovering,” I managed to say.
She frowned. “From what?”
I stepped farther into the room so she could see my throat. “From Tony. I woke up and his hands were around my neck, strangling me.”
Her nose wrinkled. “He wouldn’t do that.”
My mouth dropped open. “Are you kidding me right now? You think I did this to myself?”
“I don’t know what you’ve been up to, but I know you’ve been trying to turn me against Tony this whole time. He’s the only one who’s ever helped us, and you keep trying to make him into the bad guy.”
“Tony is using us, Nickie. It’s the only reason he’s helping. You think he came and got you because he wants to be some kind of father figure to you? He’s only doing this to use us against our dad. You must realize that. People like him and our father don’t do anything out of the goodness of their hearts.”
Her lips thinned, her nostrils flaring. “You’re wrong. Tony is helping us. Why else would he make sure I’m still getting to finish school? He could just have us locked up somewhere, but he doesn’t.”
“I haven’t figured that part out yet,” I said, “but we are as good as locked up. We’re not allowed to go anywhere without his men on our asses, watching everything we do.”
“That’s for our own safety, remember.”
“That may be, but how do you explain this?” I gestured to the bruises already forming on my neck, dark purple smudges against my skin.
She shook her head. “You must have done or said something to upset him.”
I stared at her. “Seriously, Nickie, sometimes I wonder how we can even be related. Even if I had said the most horrible things to him, he still shouldn’t have done this to me. But as it was, I was asleep when he started strangling me. It was only because I couldn’t breathe that I woke up and found his hands around my neck.”
She shrugged. “Well, that’s your story.”
Why was she being so obtuse? Did she not want to see what was right in front of her because she felt guilty she’d brought Tony into our lives? I’d never known my sister to feel bad about anything she’d done—everything had always been my fault—but she couldn’t ignore what Tony had done to me.
“Nickie,” I tried for the final time. “I’m worried about what’s going to happen after the trial. This is just the start of it, a hint
at what Tony is capable of. Perhaps he has more planned for you than me, but I think he’ll kill me just as soon as he gets what he wants from me. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
“It would mean something if I thought it was true.”
“So how do you explain this?”
“I’m not saying Tony didn’t do that, I’m saying that you probably did something to deserve it.”
I stared at my sister, barely recognizing her. Who was this person? She was my flesh and blood, and we’d been through a lot together, but was she really saying I deserved to have Tony strangle me? I knew she blamed me for the way our mother died, believed I could somehow have done something different and saved our mother’s life, but I never thought she would actually want to see me hurt.
I couldn’t speak to her anymore. I couldn’t even look at her. I suddenly felt utterly alone, and all I wanted more than anything was to find X.
I would take whatever risk I had to. Yes, I wanted my sister to be safe, but was I willing to sacrifice everything for her when she gave me nothing in return? She’d thrown Tony into my life because she’d wanted to be back in New York, and I was expected to do whatever she wanted without complaint.
I’d had enough.
I had to do what I had to do.
Chapter Fourteen
V
Sitting up slowly in bed, I glanced across to the single bed on the other side of the room. The shape of my sister lay below the blankets, and I held my breath to make sure her breathing was slow and regular. I didn’t want her to wake and start questioning what I was doing.
Business in Tony’s house appeared to be a twenty-four-hour, seven-day-a-week operation. I needed to get to a telephone or computer to try to contact the number or email address on the card the man who’d been with X had given me. I knew I should be focusing on the trial right now, but I couldn’t get X out of my head. Besides, my desire to find him wasn’t only because I cared about him. I also knew my time was running out. As soon as I stepped into the courtroom, and the guilty verdict was read, Tony would have no more use for me. Either he’d have me killed himself, or he’d toss me out and let my father’s men on the outside do the job for him.
Warped (The Mercenary Series Book 2) Page 6
