“I don’t want to sleep,” she said with a gaze that he hoped meant she’d soon say she loved him, too. He wanted to kiss her so badly, but it was the man on the other end of the phone who really had his heart pounding.
He walked quickly toward the door, then partially closed it behind him. In the living room, he moved to the far end of the sofa before he brought the phone back to his ear. He whispered, “How can I help you, Mr. Ruffin?”
“I’ll get right to the point,” the agent said. “I understand you’re the”—there was a pause and then the ruffling sound of paper—“father of Jacqueline Bush?”
Brian nodded and then remembered that the man was three thousand miles away. “Yes, her biological father.” He kept his voice low.
“Well, I’m sorry to tell you this . . . the minor, Jacqueline Bush, is missing.” The words took Brian’s breath away, but he didn’t have any time to recover before he was asked, “Were you aware of this?”
“No,” he said, louder than he wanted to. Then softer, “No.” Glancing over his shoulder, he asked, “What do you mean, she’s missing?”
The agent told Brian about the trip to the mall, then he began to ask questions: When was the last time he saw his daughter? What was his relationship with her, and with Hosea and Jasmine? And did he know of anyone who would want to hurt the child? But it was the last question that made Brian raise his voice a bit.
The agent asked, “The mother, Jasmine Bush, do you think she’s involved?”
“With her daughter being kidnapped? No!” And then he lowered his voice once more. “Definitely not.”
“Okay, Doctor Lewis. Well, that’s all the questions I have for you right now.”
Now he had questions of his own. “So what’s being done to find her?” He was surprised at the emotion in his voice.
“Everything we can. The detectives from New York may be in touch with you. They may have a few more questions.”
“Yes, yes, of course. Anything I can do.” He assured the agent that he would be available. Finally, he clicked off the phone, shaking.
The FBI! Well, obviously, he wasn’t any kind of suspect or else they would’ve shown up at his door. But still . . . he took a deep breath.
Jacqueline is missing!
The touch of her hands on his shoulders made Brian jump inches into the air.
“Sorry,” Alexis said, moving from behind him. “I didn’t mean to scare—”
He held up his hands. “No, I’m sorry.”
She came around to the front of the couch, and his eyes began at the tips of her pumpkin-colored toes and slowly rose. He paused at her calves and remembered the way her legs had been wrapped around him last night. Right above her knees, the cloth began—one of his starched white shirts that covered her but somehow made her look as sexy as when she was nude.
But though all he wanted to do was take her into his arms, he couldn’t. He couldn’t touch her at all, not with the news he’d just heard. Because if he touched her, he would tell her. And if he told her, he’d lose her. He was sure that the mention of Jasmine’s name, even in the middle of this, would drive Alexis far away.
“Are you okay?” she asked before she sat next to him.
He nodded. “I’m fine.” My second lie.
She hesitated for a moment before she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his ear. “You know, I was thinking,” she said between nibbles, “you’re right. Let’s stay in bed today.”
Brian closed his eyes. He was in the moment, the one that he’d been praying for, waiting for. And as slowly as it had come, it was quickly slipping away.
He faced his ex-wife and forced his lips to spread. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart, but I can’t.”
She leaned back. “Ooookay . . .”
“I just found out . . .” He paused and prepared lie number three. “I have to go into the office.” He watched the suspicion rise behind Alexis’s eyes, and he wanted to hold her, assure her. But his hands stayed in his lap. After too many silent moments, he said, “Let’s make plans . . . to get together . . . later . . . maybe.”
“Ooookay,” she said again, jumping up from the sofa.
Moments later, he heard her inside the bedroom, moving quickly, trying to make a fast getaway.
“Please, God,” he said under his breath, though he didn’t know if he was praying for Alexis or Jacqueline.
It didn’t take Alexis even five minutes to dress and return to the living room looking the way she had when she’d come into his apartment. From the clothes she wore to the expression on her face, she was back to the woman who’d walked in last night. She was brewing with hurt and anger.
His heart ached already.
He walked her to the door and kissed her before he opened it. Said, “I’ll call you later,” but he didn’t answer the questions that were in her eyes. When she stepped outside, he hated that he felt relieved. He hated that he didn’t wait for her to get on the elevator before he closed the door. But he needed to be alone.
He trudged back to the bedroom and lay in the same space where they’d made beautiful love. But his thoughts were not on Alexis.
There were so many questions; he needed so many answers. But there was one thing that he did know—he had to help his daughter.
It didn’t make a lot of sense to him—the way he wanted to do something. It wasn’t like he had a relationship with Jacqueline . . . she had no idea who he was.
“She’s my daughter,” he said, as if he was in a debate with himself.
For long minutes he thought about what he had to do. He thought about how this decision would affect the rest of his life. It was the latter thoughts that sickened him; that made his head throb, his stomach rumble; and that gave him the biggest pain in his heart.
Still, he had to do this. Even though he knew that it was going to cost him.
Thirty-one
ALEXIS HAD A SINKING FEELING. It had begun the moment she’d seen Brian’s face when he’d answered the phone. It continued even now, hours later. If it didn’t stop, it would drag her heart back into the abyss she had just climbed out of.
How had this happened again?
She was back in this place—the dark side of Brian, with his secrets and his lies.
Though it wasn’t like he had actually told her a lie. He hadn’t told her anything. But he definitely had a secret.
She slammed the budget report onto her desk. “This is what I get for going backward,” she said.
The thought that she’d gotten caught up this way with Brian sickened her. It was ridiculous to think that she and Brian could do this again, and even more ridiculous to believe that Brian had changed. He just came with secrets. And lies. And plenty of drama.
Springing up, she stepped to the window, the events of the last hours as clear as the glass in front of her.
Most of their time together had been beyond wonderful. The way he’d taken her to that fantastic, familiar place as they made love. The way he’d held her all through the night. The way he’d whispered promises of undying love and complete truth when he thought she was asleep. She’d fallen for it all.
Then.
This morning.
The phone rang.
Alexis thought about each moment again, trying to catch a clue as to what had happened. Who was that call from? What had been said that wiped away every effort Brian had made over the weeks, the months?
She had no idea why she was asking herself that. She knew who it was—a woman. It was always a woman. And truth—she was almost sure what that call had been about. Something she’d feared since she’d found out about Jasmine and Jacqueline. This was another woman stepping up, telling Brian that he had fathered her child.
She sighed, acknowledging the fear. There had to be more children lurking out there. There had to be. With the hundreds of women he’d slept with, he couldn’t have been lucky enough to father only one.
She shook her head. She’d been crazy to think that she could handl
e this. She wasn’t woman enough. Or maybe she was too much of a woman.
The ringing phone interrupted her confusion, and she took two giant steps and grabbed the receiver.
“Hello,” she answered, mad at herself for being so eager.
“Hey, I just wanted to make sure that you’re okay. You didn’t call last night.”
At the sound of Kyla’s voice, Alexis shrank into her chair; her hope that it would be Brian professing his love for her was gone. “I’m sorry,” she said. “Last night . . . I . . . just fell right into bed,” she said, leaving out the part that it was Brian’s bed she’d fallen into.
“Really?” Kyla sounded disappointed. “I thought . . . now, don’t get mad at me, Alex, but I thought you’d gone to Brian. At least, that’s what I was hoping.” She paused when Alexis didn’t respond. Then continued, “I know you were upset about his showing up with that girl, but you’ve got to know that he was just trying to make you jealous. Jefferson told me that he’d told Brian . . .”
Alexis massaged her closed eyes and wondered if she should tell Kyla that she’d been a fool, that she’d slept with Brian and he’d gone right back to his lying, cheating ways.
“Are you listening to me?” Kyla asked.
“Yeah, I’m just . . . tired. Still not feeling that great.”
“You know, there’s a mean flu going around.”
“Yeah, that’s what it is—the flu,” Alexis said, feeling more of an urge now to tell her friend. She had to tell someone about the hurt that had come back to her heart. Pressing the phone closer to her ear, Alexis said, “Something did happen last night—”
Then her office door opened. And Brian walked in.
They stared at each other for a moment before Alexis simply said, “Gotta go, Kyla.” She added, “Business,” so that Kyla wouldn’t call her back.
Even after she hung up, Alexis didn’t move. She stayed in place, studying Brian.
The look on his face forced her to ask, “What’s wrong?”
There was nothing close to a swagger in his steps as he moved slowly toward her. Taking her hand, he pulled her up from the chair and into his arms.
Alexis went along with him. She stayed within his embrace, feeling that their time for holding each other like this was coming to an end. That was why she didn’t pull back right away.
But when he did, his voice was soft. “I’m sorry about . . . this morning. It was just . . . I got . . .”
“That call,” she finished for him.
He nodded. “I didn’t want to tell you, but I promised myself, there would be no more lies, no more secrets between us.”
She breathed, a bit relieved, though she was still nervous about what he had to say.
“The call,” Brian continued, “was from New York. The FBI.”
Her deepening frown made him tell the story quickly. She could feel the changing expressions on her face—from shock to horror and then suddenly to suspicion. When he finished, she asked, “Brian, you don’t think . . .” She paused, not even able to imagine what she was about to say. But this was Jasmine’s daughter, after all. So she asked, “You don’t think Jasmine had anything to do with this, do you?”
Now it was his expression that metamorphosed from confusion to shock and then to something Alexis couldn’t decipher—disappointment, maybe.
He frowned. “No! She didn’t . . . how could you . . . why would you even think that?”
She shook her head, not wanting to go through the long list of reasons, beginning with Jasmine’s being a liar and a cheat. She held up her hands. “I’m sorry.” She paused and directed the conversation back to the child. “How long has Jacqueline been missing?”
“Since Friday.”
“Wow!” Alexis tried to imagine what that would be like, not having your child for four days. In that moment, she felt compassion for her enemy.
He said, “I’m just afraid the longer . . .” He stopped, but in her mind Alexis finished the sentence for him.
The longer she’s gone, the less of a chance of her coming home.
She turned toward the couch. “So what are they doing to find her?”
Brian shrugged as he lowered himself next to her. He sat close, so close that their knees touched. She wanted to back away but didn’t.
“I don’t know exactly,” Brian said. “I didn’t get to ask a lot of questions.”
The sadness in his voice made her take his hand. “I wish you had told me this morning.”
He looked down to where their fingers were entwined. Kept his gaze there as he said, “I wanted to, but I was shocked. I needed some time to think it through.” He looked up and into her eyes. “And truthfully, I was afraid. Not just for Jacquie. I was thinking about us.”
She frowned.
“Alex, I don’t know. I don’t understand the draw. I don’t have any kind of a relationship with her, but”—he sucked in air—“I have to go. To New York. I have to see what I can do.”
It took Alexis a moment to understand what he had said, what he meant. Then, slowly, she slipped her hand away from his and inched away, putting space between them. She found the right words to say. “Of course. You have to go. Definitely.” A big breath before the finale. “She’s your daughter.”
His eyes searched her face as if he wanted to see if her words were the truth. “I don’t know what I can do,” Brian explained. “But . . .”
She nodded and inhaled before she asked, “Have you . . . spoken to . . . Jasmine?”
He shook his head. “No, I didn’t call her or Hosea,” he said, as if he wanted to remind Alexis that Jasmine had a husband. “I’m not even sure if I’ll contact them when I get to New York. I’m not sure what I’ll do. It’s not like I think I’ll really be able to help.” He paused. “I just have to be there,” he said, before he took Alexis’s hand back into his. “I’ll be gone for only a couple of days, Alex. I’ll go, find out what’s happening. And really, prayerfully, maybe she’ll be home before my plane even lands in New York.”
“That would be wonderful,” she said, even though she drew away from him again.
He watched her slide across the couch. She’d moved only inches, but it felt like miles. “I don’t want to lose you again, Alexis.”
She stood, walked to the window, putting even more distance between them.
He said, “Can you . . . can we just put what we started on hold until I come back?”
It took an effort to face him, but she did. She knew that there was only one word he wanted to hear, but she didn’t have “yes” anywhere inside of her. What she did have was, “You shouldn’t even be thinking about us right now. Just go to New York.” She lowered her eyes; she had to before she added, “Go to Jasmine.”
Time moved on, and when she lifted her eyes, they were already filled with tears. Brian moved across the office toward her, slowly, as if he knew he had to savor these last moments. He held her, and she hugged him back, knowing this time would be their last.
She closed her eyes when he kissed her forehead. Nodded when he said, “I’ll call you,” and just stayed in place, even minutes after he’d left her alone.
At least, this time, there would be no temptation to follow him. No risk of falling into bed again. No chance of rekindling their love. Because if Jasmine was in his life, in any capacity, there was no room for her.
This time, Alexis was sure. This time, it was over.
Thirty-two
NEW YORK, NEW YORK
DECEMBER 2009
IT WAS THE SAME DREAM.
Jasmine snuggled deeper into her pillow as the blurred edges of the vision faded and the image became clear.
Brian.
At first, she saw only his face, wearing the smile that had lured her all those years ago. Slowly, he stepped closer, and as he did, she could see more: his neck, his chest, and, finally, his hand holding on to their daughter.
“Here she is, Jasmine,” he said. “I brought our little girl home.”
&nbs
p; She ran in slow motion, her arms propelling her forward until she reached them. First, she grabbed Jacqueline. Lifted her and swung her around before she drowned her in kisses. And then, she turned to Brian. “Thank you,” she whispered, before their lips met in a soft and gentle bond. The kiss of everlasting lovers.
Her moan was long and deep, and in her sleep, Jasmine stretched. Her eyes fluttered, then slowly opened. And the first thing she saw was the picture of Jacqueline. She’d moved her school photo from the living room into the bedroom.
It had been a dream, the same one she’d had over and over for the last forty-eight hours, ever since Detective Cohen had told them about Brian.
She’d been so sure when the detective had said Brian’s name that Jacqueline was safe. But when she’d asked, “When can I see my daughter?” the detective had shaken his head and held up his hands.
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Bush, but according to the agents, Doctor Lewis doesn’t know where your daughter is.”
It felt like she’d been punched in the gut, the way the hope (that had been there for only a moment) was sucked right out of her. She’d collapsed, feeling like she’d lost Jacqueline all over again.
Then things got worse. The next day, Dale told them that while Hosea had passed the polygraph, Jasmine’s results were not as clear.
“It’s a bit confusing,” Dale had said, his eyebrows bunched together. “They found deception in even your baseline questions. But like I said, these things are not one hundred percent.”
“So what does that mean?” Hosea had asked.
“Of course they’re out there full force looking for Jacquie, but since Jasmine can’t be ruled out, they’ll probably have more questions for the two of you.”
He spoke to both of them, but Jasmine knew this nightmare was all about her. How could the polygraph not show her complete innocence? It felt like the world was spinning against her; nothing was the way it was supposed to be.
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