Q: What U.S. symbol was first used as a television test pattern? A: A dollar sign.
SHAVING AND THE PRESIDENCY
• Our presidents were clean-shaven for the first half of the 19th century.
• Lincoln famously grew a beard just before taking office in 1860, and except for his successor, Andrew Johnson, who was cleanshaven, and Grover Cleveland, who had only a mustache, beards held sway for the rest of the century.
• For the record, Rutherford Hayes (1877-81) had the longest beard, and the last bearded president was Benjamin Harrison (1889-1892). (The public health experts at the turn of the century believed that beards carried germs into the home.)
FEAR OF SHAVING
New York Times in 1879 under the headline “Barbers Terrorize Public,” which begins:
“The records of our insane asylums show the fearful effects wrought by the conversation of barbers. No less than 78 percent of the insane patients in public institutions in this state were in the habit of being shaved by barbers before they became insane. If this does not mean that to be shaved by a barber is to incur the risk of being talked into madness, statistics have no meaning.”
HAIR FACTS
According to the Portland Oregonian:
• “Human beings have three times more body hair than chimpanzees.”
• “Men’s whiskers grow 5 to 6 inches a year.”
• “The average guy devotes 2,965 hours over his lifetime to standing in front of a mirror and shaving—the equivalent of four months.”
• In the matter of total facial-hair follicles, “people from Europe and the Middle East are hairiest, Asians the least hairy and Africans fall somewhere in between.”
Taxi drivers and chauffeurs are more likely to be murdered on the job than anyone else.
NAME YOUR POISON
Here are the stories of how two popular alcoholic drinks got their names.
DRAMBUIE
Originally the personal liqueur of Prince Charles Edward (history’s “Bonnie Prince Charlie”), who tried to overthrow King George II (1727-1760) in 1745. Charles’s Scottish troops made it to within 80 miles of London, but they were ultimately beaten back and Charles was driven into hiding. In 1760 a member of the Mackinnon clan helped the prince escape to France. Charles was so grateful that he presented the man with the secret formula for his personal liqueur, which he called an dram budheach—which is Gaelic for “the drink that satisfies.” The Mackinnons kept the drink to themselves for nearly a century and a half, but in 1906 Malcolm Mackinnon began selling it to the public under the shortened name Drambuie.
Historical Note: The recipe for Drambuie remains a family secret as closely held as the recipe for Coca-Cola—only a handful of Mackinnons know the recipe; to this day they mix the secret formula themselves.
CHAMPAGNE
Accidentally invented by Dom Perignon, a 17th-century monk in the Champagne region of France. Technically speaking, he didn’t invent champagne—he invented corks, which he stuffed into the bottles of wine produced at his abbey in place of traditional cloth rag stoppers.
The cloth allowed carbon dioxide that formed during fermentation to escape, but the corks didn’t—they were airtight and caused bubbles to form in the wine. Amazingly, Dom Perignon thought the bubbles were a sign of poor quality—and devoted his entire life to removing them, but he never succeeded.
Louis XIV took such a liking to champagne that he began drinking it exclusively. Thanks to his patronage, by the 1700s champagne was a staple of French cuisine.
Istanbul, which sits half in Europe and half in Asia, is the only city on two continents.
WHO HELPED HITLER?
Remember those movies about World War II, when everyone in America pitched in together to fight the Nazis? Well, here’s some more amazing info from It’s a Conspiracy!, by The National Insecurity Council.
While most Americans were appalled by the Nazis and the rearming of Germany in the 1930s, some of America’s most powerful corporations were more concerned about making a buck from their German investments. Here are some examples of how U.S. industrialists supported Hitler and Nazi Germany.
GENERAL MOTORS
The Nazi connection: GM, which was controlled by the DuPont family during the 1940s, owned 80% of the stock of Opel AG, which made 30% of Germany’s passenger cars.
Helping Hitler: When Hitler’s panzer divisions rolled into France and Eastern Europe, they were riding in Opel trucks and other equipment. Opel earned GM a hefty $36 million in the ten years before war broke out, but because Hitler prohibited the export of capital, GM reinvested the profits in other German companies. At least $20 million was invested in companies owned or controlled by Nazi officials.
THE CURTISS-WRIGHT AVIATION COMPANY
The Nazi connection: Employees of Curtiss-Wright taught dive-bombing to Hitler’s Luftwaffe.
Helping Hitler: When Hitler’s bombers terrorized Europe, they were using American bombing techniques. The U.S. Navy invented dive-bombing several years before Hitler came to power, but managed to keep it a secret from the rest of the world by expressly prohibiting U.S. aircraft manufacturers from mentioning the technique to other countries. However, in 1934, Curtiss-Wright, hoping to increase airplane sales to Nazi Germany, found a way around the restriction: instead of telling the Nazis about dive-bombing, it demonstrated the technique in air shows. A U.S. Senate investigation concluded, “It is apparent that American aviation companies did their part to assist Germany’s air armament.”
Playboy’s Playmate of the Month was originally called the “Sweetheart of the Month.”
STANDARD OIL
The Nazi connection: The oil giant developed and financed Germany’s synthetic fuel program in partnership with the German chemical giant I.G. Farben.
Helping Hitler: As late as 1934, Germany was forced to import as much as 85 percent of its petroleum from abroad. This meant that a worldwide fuel embargo could stop Hitler’s army overnight. To get around this threat, Nazi Germany began converting domestic coal into synthetic fuel using processes developed jointly by Standard Oil and I.G. Farben.
• Standard taught I.G. Farben how to make tetraethyl-lead and add it to gasoline to make leaded gasoline. This information was priceless; leaded gas was essential for modern mechanized warfare. An I.G. Farben memo stated, “Since the beginning of the war we have been in a position to produce lead tetraethyl solely because, a short time before the outbreak of the war, the Americans established plants for us and supplied us with all available experience.”
• A congressional investigation conducted after World War II found evidence that Standard Oil had conspired with I.G. Farben to block American research into synthetic rubber, in exchange for a promise that I.G. Farben would give Standard Oil a monopoly on its rubber-synthesizing process. The investigation concluded that “Standard fully accomplished I.G.’s purpose of preventing the United States production by dissuading American rubber companies from undertaking independent research in developing synthetic rubber processes.”
HENRY FORD, founder of the Ford Motor Company
The Nazi connection: Ford was a big donor to the Nazi party.
Helping Hitler: Ford allegedly bankrolled Hitler in the early 1920s, at a time when the party had few other sources of income. In fact, the party might have perished without Ford’s sponsorship. Hitler admired Ford enormously. In 1922, the New York Times reported, “The wall beside his desk in Hitler’s private office is decorated with a large picture of Henry Ford.” Ford never denied that he had bankrolled the Führer. In fact, Hitler presented him with Nazi Germany’s highest decoration for foreigners, the Grand Cross of the German Eagle.
Dream date: Anteaters can stick their tongues out at a rate of 160 times a minute.
CHASE NATIONAL BANK (later Chase Manhattan Bank)
The Nazi connection: Chase operated branches in Nazi-occupied Paris and handled accounts for the German embassy as well as for German businesses operating in France.
• Even after America entered the war, “the Chase Bank in Paris was the focus of substantial financing of the Nazi embassy’s activities, with the full knowledge of [Chase headquarters in] New York. To assure the Germans of its loyalty to the Nazi cause...the Vichy branch of Chase at Chateauneuf-sur-Cher were strenuous in enforcing restrictions against Jewish property, even going so far as to refuse to release funds belonging to Jews because they anticipated a Nazi decree with retroactive provisions prohibiting such a release.”
INTERNATIONAL TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH
The Nazi connection: IT&T owned substantial amounts of stock in several German armaments companies, including a 28% stake in Focke-Wolf, which built fighter aircraft for the German army.
Helping Hitler: Unlike General Motors, IT&T was permitted to repatriate the profits it made in Germany, but it chose not to. Instead, the profits were reinvested in the German armaments industry. According to Wall Street and the Rise of Hitler: “IT&T’s purchase of a substantial interest in Focke-Wolf meant that IT&T was producing German planes used to kill Americans and their allies—and it made excellent profits out of the enterprise.”
• The relationship with the Nazis continued even after the U.S. entered the war. According to Trading with the Enemy, the German army, navy, and air force hired IT&T to make “switchboards, telephones, alarm gongs, buoys, air raid warning devices, radar equipment, and 30,000 fuses per month for artillery shells used to kill British and American troops” after the bombing of Pearl Harbor. “In addition, IT&T supplied ingredients for the rocket bombs that fell on London...high frequency radio equipment, and fortification and field communication sets. Without this supply of crucial materials, it would have been impossible for the German air force to kill American and British troops.”
Dwight D. Eisenhower wore two watches on his left arm and one on his right. (Even to bed.)
ELVIS: TOP GUN
Like many Americans, some of Elvis’s favorite toys were his guns. And when he wasn’t shooting, he liked to pretend he was a karate champ. Some details:
SHOT OFF THE CAN
You never knew when Elvis might get the urge to engage in a little shooting practice, so it paid to be on guard at all times.
On one memorable night, Elvis and some friends were relaxing in the Imperial Suite on the 30th floor of the Las Vegas Hilton after his show. “The very elegant Linda Thompson [Elvis’s girlfriend] was sitting in the well-appointed and luxurious bathroom,” writes Steve Dunleavy in Elvis: What Happened?, “when her reverie was rudely interrupted by a resounding blast. At the same time, a tiny rip appeared in the toilet paper on her right side [and] the mirror on the closet door splintered into shards of glass.”
“I think Elvis was trying to hit a light holder on the opposite wall,” explains Sonny West, Elvis’s bodyguard. “Well, he’s a lousy shot and he missed. The damn bullet went straight through the wall and missed Linda by inches. If she had been standing up next to the toilet paper holder, it would have gone right through her leg. If it had changed course or bounced off something, it could have killer her, man.”
PLAYING IT SAFE
Elvis had hundreds of guns, and he liked to keep them loaded at all times. But he always left the first bullet chamber empty. “It is a habit he got from me,” says Sonny West. “I had a friend who dropped his gun. It landed on the hammer...fired and hit him right through the heart, killing him instantly.”
But Elvis had another reason. “Elvis knew what a real bad temper he had,” says Sonny. “When he flashed, anything could happen. If he pulled the trigger in a rage, it would come up blank and give him just enough time to realize what on earth he was doing.”
It paid off. One evening when the Elvis entourage was at the movies (Elvis rented the entire movie theater and brought his friends with him), Elvis went to the men’s room and stayed there for a while. One of the group—a visitor who wasn’t part of the regular “Memphis mafia”—started joking around, pounding on the bathroom door. West recalls:
In one study, kids who’d been breast-fed scored eight IQ points higher than formula-fed kids.
“Elvis yells back ‘Okay, man, okay.’
“But this guy just kept banging on the door....Apparently Elvis flashed. ‘Goddammit!’ he yelled as he charged out the door. Then he screamed, ‘Who do you think you are, you m—f—r?,’ whipped out his gun, pointed it right at the guy and pulled the trigger. Jesus, thank God, he didn’t have a bullet in that chamber; otherwise, he would have blown the man’s head clean off his shoulders.”
CHOP! CHOP!
Elvis was fascinated with karate. He dreamed of making his own karate movie, starring himself as the evil karate master, and liked to drop in at various karate studios to shoot the breeze and work out.
Dave Hebler, a seventh-degree black-belt, remembers their first sparring session in Elvis: What Happened?:
“He came in with his usual entourage and shook hands all around. Then he wanted to show-off some moves. Within seconds...it was obvious to me that one, Elvis didn’t know half as much about karate as he thought he did; and two, he hardly knew where he was.
“He was moving very sluggishly and lurching around like a man who’d had far too much to drink....I mean he was actually tripping over and damn near falling on his butt.
“While I couldn’t make him look like an expert, I tried to react to his moves in such a way that he wouldn’t look half as bad as he could have.” Hebler became a regular member of Elvis’s entourage.
GOOD ADVICE
“Keep your temper. Do not quarrel with an angry person, but give him a soft answer. It is commanded by the Holy Writ, and, furthermore, it makes him madder than anything else you could say.”
—Anonymous
Uh-oh: 10% of U.S. high school students think the telephone was invented in 1950.
HERE’S JAY
Thoughts from comedian Jay Leno, host of the “Tonight Show.”
On the TV show “Thirtysomething”: “First I see the wife and she’s whining, ‘What about my needs?’ Then they cut to the husband and he’s whining ‘What about my needs?’ And I’m sitting here saying, ‘What about my needs?’ I wanted to be entertained. Can’t you blow up a car or something?”
“It is said that life begins when the fetus can exist apart from its mother. By this definition, many people in Hollywood are legally dead.”
“National Condom Week is coming soon. Hey, there’s a parade you won’t want to miss.”
“You’re not famous until my mother has heard of you.”
“On President’s Day you stay home and you don’t do anything. Sounds like Vice Presidents Day!”
“Wouldn’t it be funny if there was nothing wrong with the [Hubble] telescope at all? It is just that the whole universe was fuzzy.”
“A new report from the government says raw eggs may have salmonella and may be unsafe. In fact, the latest government theory says it wasn’t the fall that killed Humpty Dumpty—he was dead before he hit the ground.”
“The Supreme Court has ruled they cannot have a Nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.”
“Here’s an amazing story. A man in Orlando, Florida, was hit by eight cars in a row and only one stopped. The first seven drivers thought he was a lawyer. The eighth was a lawyer.”
“New Year’s Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.”
“I looked up the word ‘politics’ in the dictionary and it’s actually a combination of two words; ‘poli,’ which means many, and ‘tics,’ which means bloodsuckers.”
Good news for Heinz: 92% of U.S. household refrigerators contain at least one bottle of ketchup.
TIPS FOR TEENS
Teenage girls need all the advice they can get...so here’s more priceless advice from a 1950s teen self-help book.
BLUE-RIBBON BABY-SITTING
Remember, mothers have a remarkable way of comparing notes on sitters. If you are serious about earning a few dollars, shape up!
A baby-sitting job is no time for watching TV programs not permitted at home. Act as if this is business. You are being paid. Arrange a definite time for sitting, and inform your family when they may expect you home.
Arrive on time, or a few minutes early to check facts before parents depart. Be sure you have a telephone number where parents, or a responsible adult, may be reached in an emergency.
Bring a book, your homework or knitting. Don’t arm yourself with a long list of telephone numbers for a four-hour gab session. Don’t treat your employer’s refrigerator as a free raid on the local drive-in. Don’t glue your nose to TV and overlook sleeping children. Check them every half hour.
Before bed, little ones often need a bottle. No cause for panic. The wiggles, small cries and faces are baby ways of saying, “Where’s my nightcap?” Be prepared a few minutes before feeding time to avoid a long hungry roar.
Once the children are bedded down, stay fairly near the telephone. Light sleepers are frequently awakened by its ring.
Should the phone ring, answer as your employer directed. Be sure to write down messages. Never say, “This is Ann. The family is out, and I am baby-sitting with the children” to a stranger. Sad but true, this occasionally leads to harm to you or the children.
The Blue Ribbon Baby-Sitter is dependable and completely aware of her responsibility for others. Expect to be out of a job if you eat four hot dogs, two bottles of chilled cola, three packs of snacks, run up the phone bill with unnecessary calls to friends, or permit boy or girl friends to join you without permission!
Uncle John’s Legendary Lost Bathroom Reader Page 71
